This Love Came Back to Me
Six months after Donna’s left New York, Harvey shows up at her door.
A/N I was listening to This Love by Taylor Swift and I was having darvey feels and this happened ?? Idk how I feel about it tbh but I neglected studying for my midterms next week to write this so it’s getting posted.
That’s how long it had been since Donna walked away.
From Specter Litt. From New York. From Harvey.
From her whole goddamn life.
She kissed him and he couldn’t forgive her and she couldn’t stand the silence and bitter glares and the anger so she left.
And he didn’t come after her.
She wished she could have said that she was surprised.
But all she felt from the moment she walked out of her apartment to when she got on the plane to when she landed in Chicago and those first few days after was disappointment.
Grating disappointment mixed with sadness and ire of her own but never surprise.
Donna had known he wouldn’t choose her.
So she did what she should have done years ago and put herself first.
She let him go.
To proclaim that she didn’t miss him would be a lie and Donna had lied to herself long enough. However it was just something she had to live with. She would never do anything about it.
She tried to do something once and it blew up in her face.
Thus, Donna Paulsen fell into a life without Harvey Specter, embracing her new routine and environment as best as she could.
After all, there were worse places to be than working for Jessica Pearson.
The older woman had her own opinions regarding Harvey and by extent her but she never voiced any of them out loud. Except for the rare occasion where she and Donna would drink a little too much wine and Jessica would mutter about how he’s a goddamn idiot.
Donna didn’t disagree.
But he was happy and Donna had always meant it when she said that was all she wanted for him.
Even if it came at the expense of her own happiness, even if it hurt like hell, he was happy.
And this was the reason why the last person Donna ever expected to see at her door after midnight was Harvey himself.
She blinked, taking in the man she hadn’t laid eyes on in so long.
A part of her idly wondered if she was dreaming. After all, it wouldn’t be the first time.
“Donna,” he said, those two syllables falling from his lips in the way they always had.
The way that made her knees weak because no one else ever said her name like that.
The way that used to wrap her in hope because he never said anyone else’s name like that.
It was then she knew that she was awake.
“Harvey,” she breathed, trying to gather her thoughts but her mind was racing at full force. “What are you doing here? Is everything okay?”
His tie was loosened around his neck and his hair looked as if he had run his hands through it one too many times and panic began building in her as she automatically envisioned everything that could be wrong.
“No. I mean yes. Yes everything is fine. I just…needed to see you.”
He was struggling to string a damn sentence together and Donna’s wariness only increased because Harvey was hardly ever at a loss for words.
“Why?” she asked, echoing a word from another century.
“Why did you kiss me?” he had questioned, eyes blazing.
“I told you. I had to know,” she repeated.
“How I feel about you!”
Tears brimmed in her eyes as she exploded, while a breeze caressed their skin where they stood on the rooftop as if in an attempt to put out the fire.
“And how do you feel?” he had asked softly.
“I love you.”
Three words that were supposed to mean everything.
For her, it was nothing more than a death sentence.
She shook her head because he didn’t have the right to say her name like that anymore before brushing past him because she couldn’t do this.
“Wait,” he had said, reaching out to grab her wrist.
Her heart was in her hand as she turned around and met his gaze.
A thousand different emotions warred in his eyes. Like a fool, she searched to see if she could find love among them.
“I’m sorry,” he told her, his voice barely a whisper. “But I can’t…you know I can’t forgive you for this.”
In an instant, something in her snapped.
Pulling away from his grip, she took a step back.
“Well I’m not asking you to. Contrary to what you believe the world doesn’t revolve around Harvey Specter. This isn’t about you.”
His expression hardened at her statement.
“Then what the hell is it about?”
“Me! And the fact that for the second time in over a decade I put myself first to try and figure out my own feelings!”
“You put yourself first by kissing someone who has a girlfriend.”
Donna took a deep breath before she spoke again, dislodging the knife he had just planted in her chest.
“You don’t get to put all of the blame on me Harvey. You kissed me back.”
She watched as he was rendered speechless because he couldn’t deny it but he couldn’t accept it either.
He didn’t have a damn thing to say.
And this time when Donna turned her back to him, he let her leave.
Now, she watched as he appeared to struggle to find his tongue.
“I made a mistake,” he finally said.
“About what?” she questioned, hating herself for the way her heart skipped.
The entire world stopped spinning at his declaration.
“What are you saying?” she whispered.
“I’m saying I love you,” he said quietly. “I’m in love with you. I always have been.”
Just like that, the floor gave way from beneath her feet and she was falling again.
Maybe she never stopped.
Time and space were suspended as they both stood there staring at each other, waiting for something to happen.
They had been waiting for years.
“Why now?” she asked, unable to keep the fear out of her voice.
She couldn’t be sure that this moment wouldn’t completely disappear.
She couldn’t be sure that this was real.
“What changed?” Donna added.
“Nothing,” Harvey sighed and she noticed how tired he looked.
Her heart cracked at the bags under his eyes and the creases on his forehead.
She knew she didn’t look much better herself.
“I’ve been miserable for the past six months,” he continued. “And then today…well today was our anniversary.”
The corner of his mouth quirked up in a sort of half smile and Donna’s chest seized.
“I thought you’d forget,” she said softly.
“Never,” he replied, his eyes wide as if such a thought was absurd.
“I’ve just been thinking about you all day,” he admitted after a while. “About us. And all of the regret that I have when it comes to us. And I don’t want to feel that anymore.”
A lump immediately formed in Donna’s throat because that was the reason why she had kissed him all those months ago.
Now it was the reason he came for her.
It was possible that the universe wasn’t as cruel as she thought. That perhaps fate did have something more in store for them.
“Besides Mike told me I needed to get my shit together,” Harvey mumbled and she snorted.
“Well he’s not wrong,” she quipped.
A grin appeared on his features and Donna automatically mirrored his expression because god she had missed that.
“I booked the first flight I could get. Then I tracked down Jessica, interrupting her in the middle of a date with Jeff which she’s very pissed about by the way, just to get your address and well…here I am.”
“I didn’t think you would ever show up at all,” Donna stated.
Guilt flitted over his face because he knew that was on him. He had broken her heart far too many times and planted the seed of doubt in her brain over and over again.
“I’m sorry that it took so long,” he said lowly. “I’m sorry I blamed you after you kissed me. I’m sorry I didn’t fight for you when you left. I’m sorry for every shitty thing I said to you because you didn’t deserve any of it. God Donna I’m sorry for the past thirteen years.”
“Hey,” she interrupted tenderly. “We had some damn good times together. You don’t have to apologize for the entire time that we’ve known each other.”
“We did have some good times,” he smiled softly, his eyes just barely lighting up.
She wanted to get lost in them.
“I know it’s been a long time,” Harvey said, his expression becoming serious. “And I understand if things have changed for you-”
“Harvey,” Donna cut him off because she couldn’t stand the anxiety that radiated off him. “My feelings for you haven’t changed.”
He visibly let out a breath as relief washed over him.
“I love you,” she declared, every syllable coated in pure affection.
Three words that meant everything.
“I love you,” Harvey repeated, his voice rough with emotion and all of a sudden her arms were around his neck and his were wrapped around her waist as they collided into one another.
They were two storms meeting in the dead of night, a force of nature that shook the earth because they were done with being careful.
All of the stars looked down at the man and woman who had finally found their way to each other while every other moment simply ceased to exist because they knew they would never be as significant as this.
This was what destiny had been waiting for. This had been written in stone since the beginning of time.
Donna frantically pulled Harvey inside before shutting the door, her lips never leaving his. Before she knew it, they had made their way into her bedroom and tumbled clumsily onto her bed.
A giggle escaped her throat and Harvey gazed at her in wonder.
“I can’t believe this is happening,” he muttered, voicing her own thoughts.
“Me neither,” she whispered.
All of her dreams were coming true. Except reality tasted so much sweeter.
“I’m never letting you go again.”
Fireworks exploded within her at his promise.
“Good,” she replied, knowing without a doubt that he meant every word.
His mouth met hers again and this time he kissed her at a slower pace, as if they had all the time in the world and they did.
He took his time in removing her clothes, laughing softly at her impatience as she glared at him. His fingertips on her bare skin burned and she wanted nothing more than to be reduced to ashes. His lips scorched her neck and her fingernails dug into his back as she pulled him closer and closer, burying herself into everything he was.
Donna and Harvey were the only two people to exist that night, with the moonlight shining through the window just for them as they unraveled in each other’s arms.
A feeling of unadulterated content pooled in Donna’s stomach as she rested her head against Harvey’s chest, her eyes beginning to fall shut as she listened to the steady beating of his heart.
He came back to her.
They were alive again.
She finally found something more.