(get your head out of the gutter)

miss-bubles  asked:

I need yout to picture this: Cadet era (AOS) bones is super confused about who this chirpy 13 yr old irish kid that sings too much is, and why his presence has suddenly turned his purpetually immature room mate into not mearly a mature adult but some ind of paternal figure, 'Cause he sure as hell isn't getting any answers from Jim. that is all

I feel like Bones probably came home late from a hospital shift and walked in on them sharing a bed, because Jim and Kevin would absolutely feel safer sleeping next to each, and Bones would be like, “Jim, you’re not fucking serious, he looks 12.”

“He’s 13, and gross, Bones, get your head out of the gutter. He’s my family. Like you’ve never shared a bed with Joanna before.”

“She’s my daughter.”

“Kevin’s one of my kids.”

Usually it’s Cardassian culture that I’m wondering about. But actually this has to do with some Ferengi culture/anatomy type headcanons. :D Yay.

I saw someone once comment something like ‘what is the evolutionary benefit of having your eyebrows attached to your ears?’ or something very close to that. But actually I think there is one. So these are my hc’s about that and a couple other things.

It’s all because of the rain. There are a zillion words for rain on Ferenginar. It is a very wet place. Naturally Ferengi would adapt to this environment.

The blue is rain! Ferengi heads, foreheads, and brows, are a gutter/umbrella system. The rain gets collected and drips down over the back of the ears… which keeps all that water out of their eyes. Tada! No water in the eyes is a big deal.

Next–the hat. Also a rain thing.

No rain running down the back of your neck or into your collar. This is why almost every male Ferengi we see wears one of these. It’s just practical. 

Quark chooses not to wear one because he’s on an environmentally controlled station and obviously does not need it. Rom keeps wearing his even though he doesn’t need it on the station because it is a link to home, and home is where Moogie is, and Rom is a Moogie’s boy. 

The last rain related headcanon thing is just about clothing. My headcanon is that Ferengi clothing (or at least the good kind) is made from water resistant material. Otherwise everyone would be constantly wet, wearing sour smelling clothing, and it would all mildew and be gross. Icky clothing is icky and bad for business.

I’m with you guys on saying the fact that both Keith and Lance are shirtless suggests a ton of things like hmmm pool scene or maybe something else 😏😏? Nah mate it’s prob gonna be something like Keith and Lance were both taking a shower at the same time (different showers ppl get your head out the gutter) and then all the hot water gets used up and Lance gets out and tried to #fight Keith for using it all while Keith just defensively says “uhhhh no YOU did” and then right before the fight escalates, Allura calls all the Paladins to their places

Imagine Dean getting distracted by you on a hunt...

Whilst Sam and Dean were busy bickering, you dragged the garden table up to underneath the window. It seemed simple, enough to scramble in if you could just get level with it. Hoisting a leg up, you pulled yourself onto the table and with a bit of a huff you stood up and dusted yourself off.

“What are you doing?” Sam said, suddenly noticing your precarious position.

“I’m getting us in-”

“I should’ve bought a few dollar bills,” Dean grinned, cutting you off.

“W-What?” You said, confused as to what he meant but on seeing Sam’s bitch face it suddenly sunk in just as Dean elaborated.

“Well last time I saw someone with an ass like yours stood on a table, they were giving me a dance.”

“Seriously? Head out of the gutter, Dean,” You snapped, “Can we focus?”

He pulled a face and let out a sigh, “But-… Fine.”

@super-the-natural

You grinned up at Dally as you entered the house; you had spent the day at Buck’s, hustling some Soc’s at pool. During the day you had easily made $500. Soc’s bet big, they had the money to spare.

“Look whose back!” Two-Bit grinned, wagging his eyebrows at you both suggestively. “Where did you two go?”

“Oh Two-Bit, get your mind out of the gutter.” You muttered, slapping him lightly upside the head. “We were at Buck’s.”

“Hey, Y/N, I gotta scram, let’s do this again sometime” Dally winked, a cheeky smile on his face as he left the house.

You walked into the kitchen, putting on your apron so you could get dinner started. You looked up as the front door slammed open.

“Ponyboy, is that you sweetheart?” Sodapop and Darry weren’t due back for another hour or so.

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Imagine Idubbbz

You walk out of the parking garage entrance and down the sidewalk swiftly wanting to get out of that dark place, you’d seen too many scary movies.

“oh shit…!” you hear, you turn a bit to look up but before you can you feel something extremely heavy hit you right on your head. there’s a flash of white light, and you feel the cement scratch at your elbows as you fall backwards. your wrist is stinging with pain, but you cant really move. you open your eyes, but you cant focus either, your vision is coming in and out. you see something shiny and black to your right rolling into the gutter, is that…?

“oh fuck me… are you okay? I’m so sorry” you hear, you open your eyes and look up, the sun is shining too bright to keep your eyes open for long

“am i hallucinating or was i just struck by a flying black dildo?” you mumble, there’s a scoff and some laughter, then a thud.

“ow!” a second voice says.

“I’m really sorry, i was filming something… it doesn’t matter. can you stand?” the voice asks. you open your eyes and try to sit up, you manage it and outstretch your leg, bending one to try to stand. you stumble and fall back down against the wall of the parking garage.

“that things really heavy maybe we should call an ambulance” the second voice says.

“no fucking way, do you know how much those things cost?” you say, placing your hand over your head and opening one eye to look up. there’s two guys standing in front of you. one looks worried and one looks bored.

“he’s right you might have a concussion” the wavy haired one says. hes tall, and he looks kinda lanky, but he has broad shoulders and strong arms. you lift your hand and wince, there’s definitely something wrong with it.

“fuck… “ you say not wanting to touch it you look back up and squint through the sun, 

“what kind of fucked up porn were you two shooting up there?” you ask, and how did that monster of a thing fit anywhere?

“w-w-we weren’t shooting porn!” the second guy says, the other one just laughs. you shrug, and look at the palm of your hands. there’s blood, and rocks, and all sorts of lovely things to look at.

“ugh… “ you groan, its gross to look at. 

“you need some help up?” the wavy haired one asks, you nod and he outstretches a hand to help you, you give him the not-bloody-and-wounded hand and he helps you up effortlessly

“so just to be clear, I’m not hallucinating the giant black dildo?” you say, he smiles a crooked, perfect teeth smile.

“no, you’re not hallucinating the dildo” the guy says through a smile.

Lollipop, Lollipop

A low gutter all sigh filled the silence of the room. You were currently lost in one of your favorite novels while Josh was lost in your eyes. Twirling your tongue around the blow pop in your mouth, Josh whimpered again. “What?”

He shook his head and returned to your body, rubbing your legs softly, trailing his calloused hands up and down them.  Rolling you eyes, you went back to your novel, flipping the page and pulling your blow pop out to take a lick. Another moan. “Josh?” You were starting to get annoyed at his petty, childish whines.

“Yes Y/N?” His eyes were locked in on your lips around the candy.

“What’s wrong?”

Josh grit his teeth feeling his length stiffen slightly. “Nothing.”

You scoffed and went back to your book, taking another lick. “Oh for fucks sake.” He sighed grabbing the book from your hand and tossing it to the table.

“Hey!” You yelled reaching for the book, only to have you hand taken by Josh’s.

“Hey! Look at what you do to me.” He pointed to the tent in his sweats. “You and that damn lollipop.” He accused.

You laughed softly and crawled down onto the floor. “You should have just asked darling.” Peeling his sweats down from his hips you were met with his erect length springing out. Josh had a habit of going commando around you for this reason exactly.

Licking your lips, you held his member in your little hands. You gave him a soft squeeze and a slight tug as you kissed up and down his cock, nibbling here and there. “Oh.” Josh moaned his red head falling back with pleasure, his dark eyelashes fluttering closed. “Baby girl, you’re magical.”

Blushing with praise, you kissed the tip softly moving one hand up to start teasing his balls. His body shuddered in eager anticipation. Your lips stretched over him, starting to suck softly. The tip was salty with precum causing you to speed up. He twitched inside your mouth as you bobbed up and down, your hands rubbing his thighs softly.  One of his hands tugged on your hair, knoting in it. “Baby” he warned feeling himself twitch again, this time releasing into you. You swallowed his cum, shuddering at the salty taste.

“You still taste salty.” You say licking your lips. “But I like it.”

He he pulled you up to his lips. “And you taste sweet. I love it.”

-The Third Wheel 

Oh hello

Request: “Hello! I absolutely love the stories on this blog! Would it be possible for you guys to write something where the reader has a habit of walking around in their underwear while at home but one day Barry (like maybe it’s their one month anniversary or something?) comes over to try and surprise the reader and walks in to see her in her underwear? He gets all flustered and stuff but maybe that is when they finally take their relationship to the next level? You don’t have to, I just thought I’d ask.” 

Ship: Barry Allen x Fem!Reader

Warnings: A wee bit of smut, sass, sarcasm, swearing, shyness, fluff, etc. 

Your P.O.V

I’ve had a long, shitty week. All I wanted to do was relax and not deal with anyone… well other than Barry. I wouldn’t have to deal with him.. in fact I could do him? OH MY GOD (Y/n) GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF THE GUTTERS! I shake my head, giggling to myself. Since I was the only one home, I put on my usual bra with a t-shirt and some comfy lace panties. I played through my normal routine, eat, workout, catch up on Netflix series and eat some more. It was phenomenal. The only thing I was missing was Barry. I wasn’t sure what he was up to today. Probably saving the city. I rummaged through my kitchen cabinets, looking for a cereal bowl, when all of a sudden, I paused, deep in thought. I was missing something? What was it? Oh well.. probably nothing. 

I pored some cereal and milk into my bowl and began chowing down as I caught up with my latest Netflix addiction. After finishing my food, I curled up on the couch, mesmerized by the recent events in the show. 

Barry’s P.O.V

I had the whole day planned out. From one moment to the next, it was all organized. It was (Y/n) and I’s anniversary and I wanted to treat her like the queen she was. I planned on going to her house and then a movie and then dinner. Just the two of us. We haven’t been able to hang in ages. I’ve been excruciatingly busy with the C.C.P.D and Flash activity. (Y/n)’s been helping out as much as she could and it’s been very much appreciated. Even if it were for a short period of time, I loved being with her. She made me laugh and smile like no one else. I loved her, and I want her to know how much I love her. I run past Joe, grinning. His brows furrowed. “You okay Barry?” I nod, too giddy. “It’s (Y/n) and I’s anniversary.” He smiled. I continued. “So should I wear my usual or should I go a little fancier?” He rolled his eyes. “Go with the casual. You don’t want to freak her out about going to some hot shot restaurants. She’s not that kind of girl and you know it.” 

I nod, immediately changing into my casual, but classy attire. I grabbed the flowers and chocolate I’d bought her a little while ago. “Thanks Joe! Wish me luck!” He shakes his head, before yelling. “Good luck Barry!” I bolted over to her house. Heart in my throat. For some odd reason, I was really nervous. 

Your P.O.V

I shuffled up out of the blankets and waltzed over to the kitchen to get another snack. I plugged my phone into my speaker and clicked on Pandora. Like That By: Jack and Jack came on. I swung my hips and jumped up n’ down. I sang the lyrics, perfectly in tune (btw). I moved my hips seductively as I walked back to grab something from the couch. All of a sudden, I heard a low, croak. “(Y/n)…” I turned to see Barry, redder than a tomato. I saunter over to my music player, turning it down. “Hey, I didn’t realize you were coming over?” He watches my movements, completely and utterly speechless. While his eyes were glued to my bare legs. I smirked to myself, speaking in a seductive tone. “You okay, Barry? You don’t look to well?” He stepped back, hitting the door. 

He stuttered. “Yeah, I’m fine. Totally-” He gazed down at my legs again, his breath hitching. “Yeah, I’m good.” I walked forward, hips swaying. “Are you sure?” He nods, body pressed fully up against the door. “Yeah- totally-” He averted my strong gaze, staring at the ceiling. I placed my hand gently on his face. “Are those flowers and chocolates for me?” He barely nodded. “Yeah they’re for our anniversary.-” He said still looking at the ceiling. “Ya know, you have a really nice ceiling. Really great quality-” I rolled my eyes, giggling. “Barry, if you’re that uncomfortable with my body, than all you had to do was say so.” I turn around, waltzing back to my room. Before I even enter my kitchen, he shouts. “NO!” I turn around, brows arched up.  I pretzel my arms together. “Than what do you want Barry?” I take a step forward, pressing my boobs together. “It is our anniversary of course. You got me something..I could-” I bat my eye lashes. “return the favor some how?” I lean close to his ear. “What do you want to do Allen. Your call.” His breath hitches. 

I take a step closer, our bodies almost touching. “If you’re uncomfortable, tell me. But if you want me..take me.” All of a sudden, his eyes changed. There was no longer this fluffy, cute Barry anymore. His eyes were dark and full of lust. It was nothing I’ve ever seen before.. and I loved it. His eyes scanned my body up and down, numerous times. It was almost like he was enjoying every bit of me. 

I turn around, swiveling my hips and walked away from him. All of a sudden, I was picked up and placed roughly on the counter top. He began ravenously kissing my neck. I couldn’t help but moan. His large, muscular hands gripped tightly on my hips. His right hand moved up and down my back, sensually. My hands found its way to his brunette locks. I tugged and gripped his soft hair. Automatically, my leg lifted up and wrapped around his torso, pulling him closer to me.

Originally posted by hopeless-hugger

When our lips separated, I began to devour his neck. Immediately, his low gruff, moans filled my apartment. My nails dug into his back, pulling him closer and closer to me. His body shook with pleasure. “I guess I should probably cancel our reservations.” I stopped kissing him, batting my eye lashes, innocently. “Would you rather go to the restaurant?” He moaned. “Hell no.” He lifted me up off the counter and carried me to the bedroom. He set me down roughly. Our lips crashed together and moved in a sensual, rhythmic motion. I switched position; him on the bottom and me on the top. “You have too many clothes. Shall we get rid of them?” He gasped. “God yes.” 

I began to kiss down his neck, slowly removing his shirt. I grabbed his tie and pulled him up to my face. Our lips, collided. He smiled as I pushed him back down on the bed. Each second we were with each other, things became more and more intense. The passion and sexual drive radiated off our bodies. One by one, I began stripping the clothes from his body. Finally, he only wore his shirt and pants. I couldn’t help but glance at his growing member. When our eyes connected, he launched up. Pulling our lips together. He chewed down on my neck, making me gasp and moan in pleasure. “God..Barry..Uhh.” He smirked with each kiss. I pushed him back down on the bed. Wrapping my hand around each of his wrists to keep him down. He looked up at me, pleading. “(Y/n).. Please.. I need you..” I smirk. I had such a profound affect on him. I hovered over his body. “You already got me an anniversary gift. Now it’s time for me to give you yours.” His eyes lit up. I began placing gentle kisses on him as I travel down. I tore of his shirt, and kissed his torso. He gasped. “Uhh… (Y/n)!” 

He clutched the sheets that lay under him. I began unbuckling his pants. His eyes watched me the whole time. His gaze devoured each movement I made. He pulled my face back up to his. Our lips colliding once more. All of a sudden, I heard a loud beeping come from my phone. I groaned getting off of him to pick it up. As soon as I held it up to my ear, Barry flashed over to me; turning it off. I gawk. “Hey!” He smirked, lifting me up, placing me roughly on top of the counter. His voice was low, ruff and demanding. “Oh I’m not done with you yet.” My brows furrowed. Oh boy…

(I hope you liked it!) 

More doodles. Exam tmrw so yeah ahahha. 

Have some cuddly Marichat (and get your head out of the gutter) and more LadyNoir and Adrienette :3 (Maybe I’ll color one of them, we’ll see). I’ve been trying find better ways of drawing these precious children k?

GOOD TO HAVE INTERNET BACK. 

Ahri, I understand that you don’t mind taking baths with a man, and I personally don’t mind sharing it with you…

But please, next time just ask for some cake or something…


OOC: Merry snowdown/christmas Ahri! This is for being the first person who notice me on Tumblr, and because your a cool banana…

Also, to anybody asking where her tails are, they’re underwater obviously (gosh, use your imagination)…

Preferences:

Tormund Giantsbane Preferences:

First Kiss – Tormund would not be graceful about it. From the moment he first laid eyes on you he would want nothing more than to kiss you. One day when he sees you training with your bow/sword, he would just march over to you, grab the back of your head and kiss you right then and there in front of the entire Wildling Camp. Risking, of course, anything from a slap and a curse word to the loss of his privates.

First Time – Tormund would try to talk a big game, saying his “pecker” is bigger than you’ve ever dreamt of or seen. But when it came down to it, he would be shy and a little self-conscious. Despite his size (his height not his penis! Get your head out of the gutter! *tsk* *tsk*), he is gentle and doesn’t force anything from you or rush you into doing something you’re not comfortable with. When it’s over he would make some kind of joke like, “That was much better than that bear I fucked.” Earning a fond eye roll and laugh from you.

Finding Out Someone Hurt You – If someone hurt you, on accident, Tormund would glare and threaten but that would be it. He would eventually let it go. If someone hurt you on purpose, no King/Lord/Knight of the Seven Kingdoms could protect your attacker. Tormund would flay him alive if he had the chance, repaying the man/woman who dared put their hands on the love of Tormund’s life.

Finding Out You’re Pregnant – Tormund would be very happy about it but also very worried. Happy because he has always wanted to be a Father, and the fact he can share the duty of parenthood with you would excite him. Worried because the rate of death amongst children below three years of age is very high in North of the wall, and he can’t imagine having to watch you grieve for a child. Worried, also, because he would never believe your body is big enough to hold his child who could have his strength and height.

Amy Shark - Adore

I’m just gonna stand with my bag hanging off my left arm
I’m just gonna walk home kicking stones at parked cars
But I had a great night ‘cause you kept rubbing against my arm
I’m just gonna stand with my bag hanging off my left arm

Get me a drink I get drunk off one sip 
Just so I can adore you
I want the entire street out of town 
Just so I can be alone with you
Now go when you’re ready
My head’s g
etting heavy
Pressed against your arm
I adore you

All off my money is spent on these nights just so we can hang out
Spacing in and out of these dresses I wanna be found
By you, found by you

I kick the gutter in tight shorts, basketball courts
Watch me, watch him talk to girls
I’m known as a right hand slugger
Anybody else wanna touch my lover

This song is about having a crush on someone, and I relate to every single line.

Curious

“No, see, you’ve got to take it nice and slow,” Garrus calmly explained, pausing from making painstaking, minuscule adjustments to his shields for emphasis. “Really pay attention. Watch how they move, how they breathe. Take your time.”

Kaidan shook his head, a smirk gracing his features as he disassembled his pistol for a good cleaning. “Gonna have to disagree with you there, Garrus. I think it’s best to go hard and fast.”

“Hmm…” the turian responded thoughtfully, carefully evaluating his companion. Eventually, he turned his attention back to his shields, making subtle tweaks that no one else would ever notice. “I’ll be honest. I didn’t think you were that type. You’re usually so observant and detail oriented with the things you do. I’m a little surprised that you would prefer things so… messy and rough.”

Laughter escaped Kaidan as he slid each component of the weapon apart with practiced ease and grace. He was unknowingly demonstrating the very precision and attention that Garrus had just been describing. “Apparently you don’t know me as well as you think you do. I’m meticulous in some aspects of my life, I suppose, but not all. With this, I find it’s better to use power over finesse.”

“You don’t care if it’s painful for them?” The turian seemed a little shocked at his admission.

“Why would I?” Kaidan’s gaze was fixed on the process of cleaning, heedless to the flaring mandibles of his friend.

“A little needlessly aggressive, isn’t it?”

“I don’t think so,” Kaidan smoothly answered. “I happen to think that if I’m on them already, then they probably deserve it.”

“Wow.” Garrus said as he sat back, finally leaving the controls for his shields and closing his omni tool. “And here I was thinking you were a nice guy, Alenko.”

“I am a nice guy.” Kaidan replied flatly.

“Maybe this is just a human thing. Do all of you like things so… extreme?” The turian seemed genuinely fascinated by the prospect.

“I’d say it’s more common than not. Especially with males. Maybe not so much with women.” The smirk never left his lips at this strange albeit amusing conversation. “Is this really such a big deal? Why does it matter how I handle my business?”

“I’m learning a lot about you, that’s all.” Garrus crossed his arms over his chest as he watched the meticulous human clean and reassemble the weapon.

“Well, doesn’t the slow, ridiculously perceptive method get a little… I don’t know… old after a while?” His eyes flitted to the turian for a moment before returning to what he was doing.

“It’s a lot of work, to be sure. But I always get the job done,” Garrus responded, drawing out the syllables and placing special emphasis where he needed it.

“Are you saying I don’t?” Kaidan feigned offense at the suggestion.

“I wouldn’t know. I’ve never been the target of your animalistic behavior.”

“Hey!”

Garrus chuckled. “And Shepard is okay with all this?”

Kaidan placed the now clean and fully assembled pistol aside. He leaned forward, placing his elbows on his knees and studying the turian’s typically unreadable features. “She’s never complained, if that’s what you mean.”

Garrus held his hands up in a submissive posture and chuckled lightly. “Okay, okay, none of my business. I just thought you’d be above such a primal display.”

“For crying out loud, Garrus,” Kaidan said as he straightened up and shook his head. “Just because I turned down your hand-me-down sniper rifle doesn’t mean I’m going to let you just badmouth my fighting style.”

The turian picked up the weapon in question and held it reverently, his mandibles fluttering with amusement. “Are you sure? It’s freshly calibrated and has quite the kill count.”

“I’m sure. I’ll stick with my biotics and close range combat, thanks.” Kaidan’s eyes sparkled with amusement. “But thanks anyway. I appreciate the thought.”

“Suit yourself.”

anonymous asked:

What's the big deal with sex?

“What, you mean besides it being literally all mortals think about? Eating, sleeping, jumping each other and stabbing people in the back. That pretty much sums ‘em up, doesn’t it?” 

“Look, I know you’re all fascinated by the stories of Gods getting some from their worshipers or their bitches whenever they could, but here in what I like to call the real world - it doesn’t work like that. It’s not something I usually bothered with, so excuse me if I get a little testy when it’s just about shoved in my face. …And no, that’s not meant to sound like somethin’ else. Get your goddamn heads out of the gutter, and stop tryin’ to drag me into it along with ya.”

Lazy Saturday ~ Choi Youngjae

Originally posted by markjin

This is one of the fluffiest things I’ve ever written and it makes me want to implode. Why do I choose to do this to myself? YOUNGJAE IS THE CUTEST LIL BEAN EVER AND HE NEEDS MORE THINGS WRITTEN ABOUT HIM.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

     It was a warm Saturday morning and you were happily cuddling with your boyfriend Youngjae. Between the two of you, you decided that today would be a day of relaxation. Neither of you wanted to do much and just enjoying each others company sounded perfect.

     "Youngjae?“ You mumbled, snuggling farther into his chest. His grip around you tightened slightly as he kissed the top of your head. "Yeah babe?”

     "Do you want to get a shower?“ You asked, hoping he would accept your offer. He looked at you with a questioning look and cocked an eyebrow. You chuckled and hit him playfully in the chest. "I mean an actual shower. Get your mind out of the gutter.”

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