I want
to walk
back in time,
and see what
my old self
thinks as
she watches
me from
a different
in an
older memory
of mine,
I hope
she will still
be proud
even if I failed
and disappointed
her sometimes.
—  ma.c.a // Older Version
I made a promise,” he said.
“I made a promise to love her, forever, and lord knows I’m going too, because I mean what the hell is the point of love if you’re just going to throw it away when it gets hard? I’d rather spend every single day arguing and disagreeing with her until my last breath as long as that meant I still got to wake up to those coffee brown eyes because I swear to god looking at her made my mornings a whole lot more enjoyable. I want her, I want all of her, forever, no matter what.
—  Coffee brown eyes
Excerpt of a book I’ll never write

“But you DO have friends, what about _____?”

No, I have acquaintances. I have people I sometimes hang out with for a few hours and leave. I have people I share my homework answers with. I have people who talk to me about their day and how their week is going. Friends to me are people you’ll spend 4am nights with, people who share their darkest pasts and beliefs and dreams. Friends are the ones who make you feel comfortable enough to open your mind and heart to, they’re the ones who make you feel vulnerable in the best ways. And they do they same for you. It’s hard for me to make friends because most of the people I meet seem so one-dimensional. They’ll talk about fake and materialistic things all the time, but I’m so tired of talking about drama and the weather. I want a group of friends who I can be my genuine self with, but those people are either in a new chapter of their life or far away.


After Figgis has been vanquished (Gina’s words), Terry books the whole Squad in at some average motel overnight with the wad of cash Captain Holt borrowed from his neighbor Ruth. They’re all exhausted, sweaty, bruised up, and in desperate need of sleeping for 48 hours straight. Holt’s leg has been bandaged and hes finally able to lie down, Hitchcock and Scully go looking for food and find them all a bucket of ice, there’s probably a delightful thunderstorm raging outside – the works.

So Jake and Amy are finally Alone in their motel room, peeling off their sweaty clothing, Jake flopping facedown onto the lumpy mattress. He curls onto his side and Amy joins him, and on instinct he reaches his arms out and pulls her to him, curling around her in a hug. They’re still on top of the sheets. They haven’t properly kissed yet, and even their earlier hug was cut short, and now Jake buries his face in Amy’s neck and winds his arms around her, breathing deeply in synch with her as she does the same.

There’s a loud bump outside their room door.

And then, whispered:


“Charles! Shhh! They’ll hear!”

“Both of you dumb dumbs shut up or I’ll lose this bet.”

(At a much louder pitch)

“WHAT are you all DOIN’ out here?!”

“Sarge!! Shhhh!”

“Charles bet that Jake and Amy were gonna share a tender reunion kiss and Gina had to prove him wrong.”

“Diaz, you /snitch/”

“Everyone, shhh, I think I can see through the door jamb!”

“Shut /up/, Charles”

“This is a HUGE INVASION of their PRIVACY!”

“Yeah, but I’m gonna win this bet”

“Uuuuungh, Rosaaaa”

A pause.

“What did Diaz bet?”

“That they’d fall asleep on the mattress hugging like losers.”

Jake, whose nose is almost touching Amys, looks at her drooping eyelids; they burst into giggles.

And … fall asleep on the mattress hugging like losers.

(The tender reunion kiss happens around seven am the next morning whilst everyone is still asleep, in the filtered sunlight coming through the blinds. So does Gina’s “bangin’ life-affirming sex” concept, which she declares loudly in the car was Completely Correct and Valid.

Rosa takes great satisfaction in collecting her winnings.)