(canadien)

Hockey Penalties and other phrases

  • Too many men = too much man.
  • Icing = skate too slow, team too tired
  • “Play is under review” = 4 blind men didn’t see the play and now will spend 15 minutes trying to revive their eyesight.
  • Off-sides = skate too fast, no goal for you, dumb af
  • High sticking = stick to yourself, no one wants your stick in their face.
  • Goaltender Interference = no idea, such bullshit.
  • Roughing = too touch, much bad touch
  • Game Misconduct = very bad touch
  • Fighting = slight scuffle, mostly hugs.
NHL regular season 2016-17

Arizona Coyotes & Buffalo Sabres

Boston Bruins

Chicago Blackhawks

Colorado Avalanche

Columbus Blue Jackets

Dallas Stars

Edmonton Oilers

Florida Panthers

Montreal Canadiens

Philadelphia Flyers

Pittsburgh Penguins

San Jose Sharks

Toronto Maple Leafs

Vancouver Canucks

Washington Capitals

Winnipeg Jets

Hockey Phrase Definitions

  • Assist = I gotchu boo, have a goal
  • Blew a tire = ice much slippery
  • Boarding = wall for safe, not for face.
  • Breakaway = quick like a bunny
  • Chirping = much insult
  • Crashing the net = up close and personal, goalie edition
  • Delay of game = dumb
  • Dropping the gloves = gloves off, better for hugs
  • Empty net goal = participation award
  • Flow = to the fella over there with the hella good hair
  • Goaltender = marshmellow optimus prime
  • Holding = now is not the time for hug
  • Icing = belongs on cakes, not in sports
  • Jock strap = under the butt nut hut
  • Line brawl = much hugs
  • One timer = couldn’t do that again if I tried
  • Own goal = woo goal for the other team
  • Penalty box = pout place
  • Referee = not Denis Widemans friend 🐸🍵
  • Spearing = hockey players are not hot dogs

playoff hockey? did you mean:

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!??!!!!!!!?!!!!!!!!!??????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?!

THOUGHTS OF A HOCKEY FAN

1.) “Why’d they blow the play dead?”

2.) “How is that even a penalty?”

3.) “What is ‘goaltender interference’?”

4.) “How the shit is that goaltender interference?”

5.) “That was the weakest penalty call I’ve ever seen.”

6.) “What the fuck are you even doing ref?”

7.) “ThAt’S nOt A pEnAlTy YoU bLiNd FuCk.”

8.) “Shut up Pierre.”

9.) “I hate every single one of these players, why are you even in the NHL.”

10.) “I can’t actually believe I’m watching beer league players.”

11.) “Wait…. When did he get traded? Who even are these people.”

12.) “I hate hockey and the players hate me.”

13.) “Oh there’s gonna be a figh–false alarm, they just hugged.”

14.) “Our goalie is going to kill every single one of his teammates and I might actually help.”

15.) “What the actual hell is our coach even doing? Can he be fired pls.”

Bonus: “I miss hockey.”

3

Subban on his teammates giving him a solo lap of the ice before warmups started: “I wasn’t expecting that, but right before we went out, the guys had their sticks up like creating a gauntlet down the hallway - then they got the PK chant going and I had to fly right out! I think the last time I did that was either my first game as rookie or something like that. I got to be honest with you, I’ve got a great bunch of teammates … the way they handled everything the past couple of days … it’s a good group of men in there.”

“alright kid, time to pick a number. what do you want?”

“hm, i don’t know. i’m a goalie, though”

“a goalie, you say?”

“you’re getting 31″

If only there was an international event that NHL players wanted to go to.

Originally posted by nansgifs

Carey Price has never won the Stanley Cup yet he’s considered a goalie god. Henrik Lundqvist hasn’t won one either yet he’s called “King Henrik”. Their skills destroyed the notion that you have to win a cup to be an amazing goalie.

Same thing goes with Alex Ovechkin. His skills and talent should not be defined by how many cups he hasn’t won. He is one of the best active players in the league no matter what, cup wins or no cup wins. It shouldn’t be a contest.

Skill and talent makes a great hockey player, not championship wins. Winning the Stanley Cup is a team effort, not individual.