(ELF HI.)

3

Ok so like.

The Grey Warden “tabard” is a full body scale-mail “shirt” fastened at Mordred’s either sides. Under that he wears something like Blackwall’s aketon but thinner, because he doesn’t expect to wear full plate armor + the tabard is already backed by dyed-blue leather, so the chafing isn’t so bad.

Cape n shit afterwards. On his belt are pouches for spell ingredients (some of his magic need them; he learned the “wilder ways” from Chasind shamans and Dalish mages), vials upon vials of mana potions, a number of other things, and the sword. Shield he doesn’t lug around while traveling. Mordred actually uses a longsword that lets him either two-hand or one-hand effectively, and he’s agile enough to parry/evade foes rather than just turtle his way through assaults. It’s not until Inquisition that he picks up a shield again.

He’d look like bona fide Grey Warden traveling if it hadn’t been for the BIG FUCKING CAPE that’s ROYAL BLUE (an expensive dye to find and also even more expensive to buy that much dye to make that much cape; Leliana’s budget thanked Mordred for being small), GLITTERING from all the enchantments he sewed into it…

anonymous asked:

omg! the haldir one made my night!!! omg!!! jajajajajaja! you are blessed with an amazing talent!!! i was wonder how that work with Lord Elrond? you know the smutty thoughts? or how he will react seen that another elf its flirting with his crush or s/o? please dont stop writting! your amazing, tnks.

-Now, Lord Erond is older than Haldir and much better at controlling his thoughts. He just wouldn’t think of something like that in public. In private is where he’s more likely to indulge in something like that. 

-I think that he would tell you what you’re doing that’s turning him on so immensely and act upon it lol 

-I’m sorry, I just don’t see Lord Elrond succumbing to something that immature because he’s quite ancient. He would probably just tell you and if it did drift that far in public, he’d reign his thoughts back in and focus on something different. 

-Admin Blueberry

Mark Me Down as Scared and Horny

Context: My character has a powerful necklace that they keep hidden under their shirt and several scarves. I’d tell you what it does, but my party members might read this. It was warm and muggy one day and everyone began shedding their outer layers (except for the orc brawler, who is only ever wearing pants). I take off two of my three scarves, but leave the last.

Dwarf (NPC): This might seem like a weird question, but… Why are you always wearing those scarves?

Me: I just like scarves.

Me: *total bluff check = 23*

Dwarf: That’s alright. I just don’t want you to overheat.

Orc: Yeah. You’re going to roast.

Me: Perhaps.

Orc: You’re okay with that? Is your scarf obsession really worth it?

Me: I’m sentimental.

Orc: Seriously, what the fuck.

Elf: Just leave him alone! He’s a sensitive young man!

Orc (heavy sarcasm): Well, excuse me if I don’t shed a tear.

Elf: Besides, even if it is something, we’re all allowed to have secrets.

Me (ooc): He gives you a thankful smile.

DM: Which begs the question: What is he hiding from you?

Orc (whispering to the Elf): I just don’t trust him! There’s something sketchy about him.

*everyone succeeds their perception of that exchange but me*

Me (accidentally interrupting): Look. You have every right to travel in the nude, but some of us value our modesty.

Orc (ooc): I want to roll to intimidate.

DM: The massive half orc takes a step towards you and glares down.

Elf (ooc): With his muscular bare chest. Naked by your standards. Nipples fully erect.

*everyone at the table loses it*

Me (ooc): You know what? I’m not even going to roll. I’m intimidated.

DM: He almost makes you question your sexuality.

Sis (ooc): ROLL TO SEDUCE.

Me (ooc): LENA, NO.

Orc: *actually fucking rolls = 15*

DM: You’re not sure if you’re scared or aroused.

Like 3 people in unison: Both.

SO

In DA2, Fenris says ‘elves cant grow beards’, and since you cant PUT a beard on an elf in character creation, that seems to be true

and in DA3, someone comments (blackwall?) that ‘ive never seen an elf with a beard’ and Solas laughs and says ‘you must not have met many elves’

Solas has apparently been awake for only about a year, right? And he has avoided people, so he probably hasn’t seen THAT many elves in this time, right?

Also

Fenris has LONG ears, pointed sort of downish/flattish and this AGGRESSIVELY elfy profile and HUGE eyes

Merril has all those same features too! huge eyes, (less extreme but still) elfy profile, long flattish/downish ears.

So im thinking

Solas

Originally posted by roramitchell

Originally posted by ar-lath-spn

Upturned, rounder ears

small eyes

VASTLY different profile

A little taller than most elves we meet??

The ability to grow a beard, apparently????

So

Are we thinking that elves have kind of…. not ‘evolved’, but… since they have been second (or third) class citizens, living in alienages almost exclusively and very small, exclusive clans… are they like… super inbred?

In Game One, City Elf Warden is about to get married to a guy she’s never met, from an entirely different city, and people comment that this is an UNUSUALLY good deal. There is a lady that yells at you saying that she is married to a shitty guy from town and pretty much the warden only go a good match because her dad is friends with the Elder Elf.

so like… either this tradition has sprung up SPECIFICALLY to try to lessen the inbreeding, OR it has always been around and you are marrying people exclusively based on money, without much notice to who are too close to be breeding.

and we’ve seen three dalish clans in these games and only in game one does it look to be more than 20 people, i mean… where is the pool they are choosing from. There are very few dalish clans around, clearly, and they only meet up for special events, no one is keeping track of anything.

a BIG part of solas’ entire character in the game is to tell you that he, an ancient elf, from when elves were immortal and powerful, HATES new elves, doesnt see them as ‘real’ elves, doesnt view them as people with agency, doesnt even view them as the same species

SO LIKE

just

e flier attributes just got more and more intense over time, which made humans more and more hateful to them

Edit: a few people have said this is victim blaming, it isnt intended that way. The last line is intended as ‘circumstance has unfairly made things worse for them’ not remotely ‘these idiot elves brought this on themselves’. this post is me LIKING elves and wondering if solas is hating on modern day elves for their looks rather than for their loss of culture. they have big eyes, a slight change in the shape of the ears, and are shorter, this isnt like… extreme. Its not a weird thing to happen after 2000 years when humans dwarves and elves are all physically able to have kids.

Edit 2: Lots of people have said that elves could have beards in game 1, and that the writers said solas’ line in game 3 is noncanon and that elves cant grow beards, so i guess anything physical about elves is inconsistent and reading anythign into anything is just headcanons and not worth attaching any significance to, which is fair

We were a new party to D&D, only our DM had really played before. One of our first encounters was with a guy on the road, whose caravan’s wheel was broken. We made the decision to try and help him.
It was… a rather poor idea.
Me, a half-elf rogue: I observe the broken wheel to see what’s wrong.
DM: Okay. You notice that the axel is bent, and the bolt is broken. There’s nothing wrong with the wheel itself.
Me: Could we heat the metal to weld it back together?
DM: That would probably work.
A friend, playing a Dragonborn: *breaths fire*
DM: The metal is red hot.
Me: Okay, that’s fine-
Dragonborn: *breaths fire again*
DM: The caravan catches on fire.
Me: SHIT. Get everything of value from the caravan before it’s completely engulfed.
DM: There’s nothing in it except cloth, mostly.
Caravan: *burns*
Man: *cries*
Me: I hit him over the head to knock him out, preventing the last thirty minutes of his memory from consolidating.
DM: That was a bit extreme.
Me: He saw our faces. No one can know.
Another friend, an elf: Let’s steal his stuff.
So we went from trying to be good samaritans, to accidentally burning a man’s livelihood and then taking all his gold.
Things spiralled out of control really, really quickly.

.... And your intelligence score is 15?

I’m currently one of the 6 DMs in a 36 player mega-campaign, following (loosely) the Tyranny of Dragons campaign world. The players have mostly split up into about four parties, which are each following their own trail to track down the cult. Three of them are off doing their own thing, but one of them is in the city of Elturel and has decided to split up in order to cover more ground. Thankfully, we have enough DMs to cover them.

Then, a Dwarf Wizard decides to wander off, and I, as the last DM without a group at the moment, am sent to cover him.

For brief context, our version of Elturel has a tower beneath the town’s massive orb of undead-killing light, a temple of Sune. Her symbol is a candle, it now looks like a giant candle, all good. So, the dwarf decides to go there. 

PC: I’m going to head to the tower, all the way to the top.

Me: Cool, well, you get most of the way up, but there’s no obvious access to the roof. 

He then snags a nearby cleric and begins to ask him about the orb of light.

PC: “So, what’s causing that light?

NPC: “The Holy Light of Sune, it is light born from her magic.”

PC: “Yes, but where is it coming from?”

NPC: “… Her magic.”

PC: “But what’s in the middle?”

NPC: “Nothing is in the middle.”

PC: “Can I go up and take a look?’

NPC: "No, you can not study, prod, or examine our holy site to sate your own curiosity, you damned irreverent mage.”

PC: “So, can you tell me what’s casting the light?”

To save quite a bit of headache, he eventually had it explained to him in dead simple terms that there was just a floating ball of light, there was no crystal or sun or whatever, it was much like the light spell he himself could cast. The cleric walked away very annoyed. Being a dwarf character, he then got interested in the stone of the tower.

PC: “What’s the stone?”

Me: It’s something you’ve never seen. Smooth, joinless, white, almost like wax or bone.

PC: “But I have stone-cunning, and-”

Me: Yes, I know. You don’t recognize this. It’s definitely not local stone, and it might be unnatural.

Eventually, he also managed to get that it was made by magic, when another cleric repeated the story of the tower he had been told earlier. Kelemvor and Sune made the place together, so the Candle was brought into being by Sune, and lit by the pair, creating a light that destroyed undead. I thought he would be satisfied by this answer. I was incorrect.

PC: I want to cast identify on the tower!

Me: Roll intelligence. *Rolls* That would probably piss them off, given they told you flat out not to fuck with this place. 

PC: “Right, I’m going to hide somewhere against a wall then cast Identify on it!”

Me: “Roll Perception to find a place and Stealth to hide there.”

PC: *Rolls* *Nat 20 and Un-natural 20 on Stealth*

Me: “… Alright, so, you hide under a table with a large tablecloth in part of the library. When you cast Identify, you are suddenly near-blinded by an incredible white glow coming from every direction. The outline of a winged, angelic figure is all you can make out, which speaks to you in a thunderous voice in a language you do not know. The gist is there, however. "Do a stop it.”

PC: I cast Detect Thoughts on it!

Me: … I’m sorry, what?

PC: What is it thinking?

To summarize: This clown, a third level wizard, proceeded to cast Detect Thoughts on an unprepared-for-that-level-of-dumbfuckery Solar. A CR: 21 Angel of a major god. Due to how the spell worked, there was nothing actually stopping him from hearing the thoughts. The end result was being dropped to 1 HP, at 5 Levels of Exhaustion, and he was Blinded, Deafened, Stunned and Unconcious for nearly 18 hours after. He was only awoken when a priest happened to make the perception check to stumble across him, after his party had come and gone looking for him. He comes to, surrounded by a lot of clerics and several paladins, all of whom look quite pissed. 

Paladin: “What in the goddess’s name are you doing under there?”

He looks around blearily, and decides to repeat the words the Solar said to him. There’s a pause, and then an old elf pushes his way to the front. 

NPC: “Where did you hear that?”

PC: “The god told me that after I cast identify on the tower.”

NPC: “… That means, in Celestial, "Meddle not in affairs beyond your Ken, upstart mortal.” I’m sorry, you were doing WHAT to our tower?“ 

He then proceeded to explain what he had been doing. 

Long story short, he is now considered a Heretic and Defiler by the temple, was thrown out the front doors, and several of the game’s clerics are considering challenging him to duels of honor for his sheer ineptitude. Meanwhile, the rest of the party managed to accomplish the mission they were in town for.

What he had been doing had nothing in any way to do with their job.  

Elfcup and Dwarfstrid  (ノ◕ヮ◕)ノ*:・゚✧