Craig Tucker was not religious in any sense of the term, but money was money, and Eric Cartman was convincing. Becoming a cheesy sideshow of a falsified church was not his idea of a good time, but a wild encounter he’d never have expected might turn that around.
Hey guys so uhhh I definitely wrote this. Imp Tweek x Youth Pastor Craig has kind of exploded and I wanted to join in on the fun but since drawing isn’t really my thing, I figured writing would have to do. I actually like this one despite it being cracky so hopefully you guys do too! Link to AO3 here! Here’s some uhh, yeah. Some of this. Special thanks to Phone Destroyer for gifting us these ridiculous AUs.
Note: alternatively titled ‘The Gayte To Hell.’ I loved myself too much to actually go through with it, sorry.
Performing fake exorcisms and reading off the same script twice a week in a rotation of four major themes was not how Craig expected his adolescence to go. Surely, he thought, there would be one or two summer flings which would end in melodramatic heartbreak, and a few obsessions to cycle through in ridiculous phases he’d insist were not phases. Yet here he was, stuck in the sweltering heat of a church’s atrium, fanning himself with a promotional pamphlet and doodling in his notebook that was supposed to be filled with notes. It wasn’t; it was filled with more doodles.
“And Butters, I want to hear those bells next time, got it? The bells are important. Everyone loves the bells!”
“U-uh, yes Eric, sir,” Butters stuttered, and Craig huffed as he rolled his eyes. He could have been getting drunk at Clyde’s right now. He could have been stuffed in a closet with someone hot right now. He could have been losing his virginity right now. Those were fantasies, though, and right now, Craig liked money, and he liked cheating people out of said money. Cartman’s undeniably for-profit church fit that bill, and so here he stayed, seventeen and devoted to a God he did not believe in.
i don’t see how anyone is surprised that marlene killed yvonne so spoby could happen. it was pretty fucking obvious that she wasn’t going to stick around from the start. it’s rushed, it’s shitty writing, it’s problematic as hell, and yvonne and spoby both deserved a far better resolution.
But come on, this is the writing team that decided romance was having caleb and spencer fall in love for half a season only for caleb to cheat on her with hanna and then claim he’s loved hanna all along, who are still romanticizing a teacher/student relationship that, even looking past all it’s other transgressions, continues to be boring af, who think the best way to put emily and alison together, the slowburn ship to end all slowburn ships who would have had no trouble being brought together naturally, is to introduce two other girls for emily and then inject emily’s eggs into alison in a complete and utter violation of both girls bodies.
like, did you expect better from the writers? really? if you didn’t see this coming i don’t know what to tell you.
hello gin!!! your newest update for 'price of a soul' is amazing! can i ask you to talk about all this symbolism in the comic (and also why do you love to hurt us so much with it)
THIS QUESTION MAKES ME SO HAPPY I’M SCREAMING THANK YOU FOR YOUR INTEREST ANON (actually thank you everyone for your kind asks about TPOAS… THEY ARE THE FIRE IN MY VEINS THANK YOU)
I think the most important thing I wanted to work on this comic is how it is told from Tamashi’s eyes. That’s how I decided to build the characters through the story, for example, what Tamashi sees most is Allen’s face, honest, straightforward, kind, sweet, smiling, always open and welcoming:
Whereas he doesn’t see Kanda’s face, Kanda is always turned to him. And when he does, it’s from an low angle:
I had fun thinking it would be important that we, as Tamashi, know of Kanda what he does: Kanda is the father he doesn’t know anything of. Intimidating, scary, tall, unreachable, always with his back turned on him. (With his back turned to him, but I guess you wouldn’t offer your back to an enemy). I aim to, gradually, expose Kanda’s features as Tamashi grows confident, making him look more human and less of a jerk than what he does now (๑•̀ㅂ•́)و✧
Also have you noticed how everyone bends forward to talk to Tamashi? Or squats down to be at his level? So Tamashi can stare directly at them. It’s a very simple gesture but it’s one that says I’m reducing my world to your perspective because you are as important, which Kanda never does.
The first time I read DGM i had to go through the Alma arc three times to made sure I fully understood Kanda (I keep thinking there are hints of his personality I keep missing, as I do with Allen… DGM is such an amazing artwork) so when I thought of him for this story I wanted to be very careful building the conceptualism around a character that has never forgiven himself and doesn’t want redemption. Can you imagine, you spend your life trying to fulfill a promise of love and then you find out -because you slipped once, only once, you are as human as the rest even if it might not seem so-, that you have a kid you never intended on having, even less with someone you’ll never love maybe not even remember, who kinda looks like Alma when they were kids, who is called Tamashi, who, surprise, is there to bite him in his ass. Tamashi is the perspective of a future Kanda never allowed himself to have and now he’s forced to deal with it (ﾉ≧∀≦)ﾉ Good thing Allen is here to be the bridge between present Kanda and past Kanda, Allen you angel (//▽//)ゞ So, basically, what we see of Kanda is an unforgiving Kanda, intimidating, pretending to not mind when he so clearly does (in the last update with Tamashi sleeping outside of Kanda’s room he spends there looking at the boy how long? Five minutes? Ten? He didn’t awoke Tamashi either, just lets him be. He’s trying to make his way out of this without a fuss but OH YOU WON’T BE SO LUCKY KANDA The denial Is Strong).
Oh! Also I was very careful with colors and including some… … … … little details (୨୧ ❛ᴗ❛)✧
Both panels with the flowers are very important…! they are different types of flowers in different palettes… Allen’s one are somewhat fresh and rainy, so springy, whereas Kanda’s seem to be floating on an abandoned place… Pretty, but isolated (•̀௰•́ ) This is funny because oH WELL SPOILER I GUESS / CRASHES THROUGH THE WINDOW AND FLIES INTO THE SUN
Do you have any thoughts on the current 'left over' crew of Ryan, Jack, and Jeremy (& Matt because I love him)? Any FAHC headcanons for their particularly biting, competitive, yet kind dynamic?
So Geoff’s got some business outside Los Santos, no more than a couple of weeks worth but it really can’t be avoided any longer. He’s taking Gavin, wants him to work a little networking magic, and for muscle they’ve got Michael - if Geoff’s taking half the crew with him he might as well make it the pair most likely to cause a ruckus when left to their own devices. Between Jack and Lindsay those left behind couldn’t be in better hands, and with Ryan and Jeremy to throw their weight around and the whole of the support crew in action it didn’t even cross Geoff’s mind that there would be any problems. Honestly, what’s the worst that could happen?
The plan was to kind of lay low, prepare, resupply, tie up loose ends and more or less maintain until the rest of the crew returned. This was a good plan, sensible, except for the fact the fact that certain members of the FAHC find it wildly impossible to lay low. Members who walk around in garish Hawaiian shirts, or unmistakable rubber skulls, or the overwhelmingly nauseating combination of purple and orange, for example.
Jack, Ryan and Jeremy take about two days of calm before they start poking at hornet’s nests, not quite ready to flat out ignore Geoff’s requests and pick up a big job themselves but perfectly willing to more or less dare anyone else to come after them, to start something just to keep them entertained.
There is an at first unspoken, later explicitly sworn to agreement that no matter what was happening, any time Geoff called to check in they all said it was fine. Great in fact, the absolute best, no need to rush home, no need to come home at all. Everything’s fine, no that’s absolutely not the sound of screaming, must be on your end boss.
Jack and Ryan are the best of friends right up until the moment that they hate each other’s guts and want nothing more than to cause each other suffering. Jack has truely mastered the art of antagonising Ryan, can drive him right into true rage; snappish and rude and so far from the clinically methodical temper of the Vagabond, though she does her best to confine her needling to moments when they’re not working. In return Ryan can press Jack’s every button and has no qualms about doing it right in the middle of job, crankily ignoring Jack’s suggestions even to his own detriment purely out of spite, leaving Jack shouting increasingly panicked commands over the comms while Ryan intentionally picks out a longer, more dangerous path; the king of cutting off his nose to spite his face.
Jeremy brings home a dog. It’s hardly the first animal he’s brought back to the penthouse, hell Gavin smuggle’s cats in all the time, but it is the first time he’s done it when there was no one around to stop him. The dog’s a menace, big and dumb and entirely untrained but between Jack, Ryan and Jeremy no one’s got the heart to get rid of it. Three of the most dangerous people in the city spend half a week rushing around trying to accommodate the every need of a giant mutt, and another half hopelessly moping when the support crew steps in and whisks the dog off to find a more suitable home.
In the absence of any large-scale jobs to manage they resort to more base forms of entertainment. There are car races and boat races and jet races, there are dares and bets and odd experiments. There’s a poker tournament that had to be called off when the rampant cheating and angry threats got a bit too real, and an entire incident of public indecency that everyone swears to never speak of again.
While it’s normally a job for one or two members of support, when the usual weapon resupply rolls around and nothing else is happening the entire crew decides to go together like a sick parody of a family excursion. They more or less traumatise the arms dealer while collecting all the usual bits and pieces, then a laughing Jack promises everyone one special toy for good behaviour; most go for new guns or special bullets but Ryan picks out a pair of wickedly curved knives, Jeremy clutches an enormous grenade launcher, Matt find’s a ridiculously impractical axe, Trevor’s got some terrifying looking metal trap and Jack and Lindsay buy matching cat-printed knuckle dusters.
Bored without the other Lads to play with Jeremy takes Matt and Trevor out on a job with him, a bit of simple information extraction; catch a guy, knock him about, don’t even have to kill him afterwards so long as he sings. It couldn’t have been easier. It does not go well. Trevor disappears almost as soon as they begin, peeling off into the darkness of the warehouse so quietly Jeremy’s talking to himself for a solid minute before Matt points it out. A shakey start indeed, and things don’t improve; unlike doubling down on the bad cop act with Michael, or even bouncing terror around with Gavin, trying to conduct an interrogation with Matt as his backup is more a comedy of errors than anything else. While he does eventually talk, their victim spends far more time laughing in disbelief than he does actually fearing them, though in the end he pays for it. When Jeremy turns his back to sort out Matt almost chopping his own hand off with the damn axe he’d insisted on bringing along Trevor slinks back out and slits the man’s throat, messy and unnecessary, with far too much quiet self-satisfaction to be anything but entirely unsettling.
By the time Geoff, Michael and Gavin roll back into town its to find the FAHC engaged in an all out war against a neighbouring gang. To the home-team’s defence, the gang had already been on the Fake’s shit list, and after catching wind that they’d been torturing civilians and peddling to kids what else could they do really? The fact that the Fake’s discovered all the awful ins and outs only after invading the other crew’s territory was circumstantial at best.