'you... you're an idiot'

business email glossary
  • thanks in advance: get this done by the time i press "send"
  • thanks for your interest: why'd you have to bring this up
  • would you be so kind: fucking do it
  • best: i have never physically met you
  • all best: this conversation is over
  • all my best: i wish you would die
  • happy to help: this is the easiest thing in my inbox
  • i hope this helps: i've done all i'm willing to do
  • i did a bit of research: i googled it, because you're too lazy to
  • sorry to chase: answer my email
  • so sorry to chase: answer my FUCKING email
  • i am really sorry for being a pest but: i am LIVID that you are ignoring me
  • please contact my colleague: this isn't my problem
  • i'm copying in my colleague: this isn't my problem and i am thrilled about it
  • i'll check and get back to you: i might forget to
  • i'll let you know when i hear anything: i will forget to
  • can you check back with me in a week?: i'm hoping you will forget to
  • per our earlier conversation: i just yelled at you on the phone
  • great to chat just now: you just yelled at me on the phone
  • thanks!: i'm not mad at you
  • thanks!!: please don't be mad at me
  • thanks!!!: i'm crying at my desk
  • please advise: this might be your fault
  • kindly advise: this is entirely your fault
  • mind if i swing by?: i'm already in the elevator
  • can you confirm for me: you told me before and i deleted the email
  • sorry if that was unclear: i think you're an idiot
  • let me know if you need anything else: please never contact me again
theatre people as john mulaney quotes
  • Actors: You have the moral backbone of a chocolate eclair.
  • Director: In terms of, like, instant relief, canceling plans is like heroin.
  • Sound techs: The more you do stuff, the better you get at dealing with how you still fail at it a lot of the time.
  • Light techs: No one knows what you're talking about, you idiot!
  • Stage manager: You ever have those days where something happens and you're like... whatever, this may as well happen?
  • Assistant stage manager: I like when things are crazy. Something good comes out of exhaustion.
  • Stage crew: I am very small, and I have no money. You can imagine the kind of stress I'm under.
  • Set builders: This is an on-fire garbage can. ...Could be a nursery.
  • Props department: Because it's the one thing you can't replace.
  • Costume department: Hi, I'm very gay, and I'd like a few dollars.
  • Makeup people: I don't look older. I just look worse.
  • Publicity team: You know how you lie to your parents?
  • Budget board: Eat ass, suck a dick, and sell drugs.
  • Audience: I'm really sorry about last night, it's just that I'm mean and loud.
The Foxes as things my roommates have said
  • Renee: (when asked if she could beat us in a fight) Well I didn't want to brag but I could destroy all of you.
  • Kevin: I have training in the morning but that's for sober me to worry about.
  • Andrew: I only like two things in life: being gay and getting into fights. And I just got done being gay.
  • Aaron: I'm going to the library. If you see me there, please pretend you didn't.
  • Nicky: oh man you're heterosexual? what a shame. what a fucking shame.
  • Dan: My mom was artificially inseminated. I didn't need a man to be born and I don't need one now.
  • Matt: You guys are my friends and I love you but you're fucking idiots.
  • Neil: I'm starting to realize I didn't have a happy childhood. Should I, like, see a therapist or something?
  • Allison: I'd invite you to thanksgiving at my family's summer home in Vermont but I can't let you see me and my family wear matching polo shirts and khakis
  • Bonus from my RA:
  • David: I want you all to consider me a friend! But also remember that I can get you kicked out so don't pull any shit.
  • Abby: No need to call 911. I have some bandaids in my room and also some vodka but don't tell anyone about that.
  • Bee: You can talk to me at any time, day or night. But I know you won't, you emotionally stunted bastards.
10

Bokuto Kōtarō || The Owl Ace !
Happy belated Birthday to my dear shithead Jo ♡

  • Naruto: So, like, ever since Hinata confessed to me, people have been like- ya know
  • Sasuke: Hn
  • Naruto: And I'm just- I don't, like, I can't- ya know
  • Naruto: But I should, right? There's no reason I shouldn't, uh, ya kn-
  • Sasuke: Dobe, if you say "ya know" one more time
  • Naruto: I can't help it, I'm just so, so, ya know!
  • Sasuke: Why are you talking to me about this, idiot?
  • Naruto: You're the only one who hasn't said anything, ya know. Sakura-chan, Kakashi, Ino, Iruka, even Kiba have been on my case non-stop.
  • Sasuke: It's your life. Your choice. Do what you want. It makes no difference to me.
  • Naruto: But, but Sasuke, I'm just so... Ya know.
  • Sasuke: Fine, usuratonkachi. We'll talk.
  • Sasuke: Do you think she's pretty?
  • Naruto: Eto... *squints* I guess so.
  • Naruto: Actually, now that you mention it, Hinata's kind of a looker, huh
  • Naruto: But she's still not as pretty as- *glances over* Uh, other people.
  • Sasuke: Like who? Sakura?
  • Naruto: Yeah, Sakura-chan and... Someone else
  • Sasuke: ...
  • Sasuke: So the problem is that you have feelings for another person
  • Naruto: *blushes* Um... I guess, but I doubt you- I mean, this other person will ever, ya know, feel the same way, so I should just
  • Sasuke: Have you said anything?
  • Naruto: Well, no
  • Naruto: But after everything that happened, you- I mean, this person should get it by now, and if y- they don't, that probably means it's one-sided. Right?
  • Sasuke: Maybe
  • Naruto: Oh
  • Sasuke: Unless I -I mean, this 'other person' was thinking the same way as you
  • Naruto: Really? You Were?
  • Sasuke: Were what? I'm talking about this mysterious 'other person' who's apparently prettier than Hyuuga Hinata, which is -mmmphmm!
  • Sasuke: What was that, you moron?
  • Naruto: It's called a kiss, teme.
  • Naruto: Something two people do when they like each other.
  • Sasuke: ...
  • Sasuke: I'm not familiar with the concept.
  • Sasuke: Maybe you should show me again.
3

“He looked more alive in death”
⇨ Happy birthday dear old kimberly ✲゚*

anonymous asked:

You idiotic fuck. You just poisoned yourself. You're so stupid and it's probably going to kill you now.

Cool theory, but western hemlock is a coniferous tree that grows to be several stories tall. Poison hemlock is a flowering herb related to carrots. They’re not related.

one of the purest moments from any form of media ever
  • caleb: how could you not notice that?
  • adam: i don't know, i wasn't paying attention i guess
  • caleb, laughing: you are so bad at this
  • adam: sorry, i'm just distracted
  • caleb, still laughing: adam, we're in a park, and there's barely anyone around, what are you distracted by, the pigeons?!
  • adam:
  • caleb: oh no, stop, i'm sorry, i didn't mean to make you feel embarrassed. pigeons are...cool?
  • adam, laughing: god, you're such an idiot sometimes. i... was distracted by you.
  • caleb: what? why? i've been sitting here doing nothing. i mean, look at me!
  • adam: i am! that's the point!
To Be Honest - Be honest with me
  • ♥ - I like you
  • ✘ - I don't like you but I like what you post
  • ✿- You're beautiful
  • ∞ - You're interesting
  • ♒ - You remind me of someone
  • ★- You have good taste
  • ϟ - You're an idiot
  • ❥ - I'm falling for you
  • ♪ - I want to get to know you
  • ❂ - I want you to notice me
  • ⌘ - I would date you
  • ▶ - I hate you
  • ◉ - I'm jealous of you
  • # - I stalk you
  • & - I like it when I see you on my dash
  • * - You're annoying
  • ^ - You're rude
  • @ - Let's be friends
  • % - I don't regret following you
  • ! - I care for you
  • $- I don't care for you but I care about your money
  • ~ - I miss you
  • ♛ - I admire you
  • Σ - You inspire me
  • ✈ - Let's get married
  • ✄ - I wouldn't want to mess with you
  • ✔ - You're smart
  • ● - You're funny
  • ■ - You're a strong person
  • ☂ - You're weak
  • ÷ - You're intimidating
  • ∱ - I want to talk to you but I'm too shy
  • ᵆ - you're my partner in crime
  • ≃ - I'm your fan
  • ⊰ - I love your blog

Rob, I know you’re hurting babe, but how exactly do you think passing on a message in prison would help?

Guard: Dingle, your husband says he loves you. He’s sorry if he made things difficult for you. He misses you and he’s thinking of you constantly, especially when he’s alone in bed at night, crying into your pillow. He says I have to wait for a response and it needs to be in complete sentences so he knows you’re okay. And you have to use your safeword, so he knows it’s you.