“I’m tired of the bullshit. This relationship is so fucking stupid. It is the same thing over and over, over and over, over and over.”
We dated for a month. He fought with me because I got preoccupied with trying o clothes that I forgot to send him selfies in all of the outfits. He told me to ignore him for the day then I was at lunch and got that text. I had sat there crying in the middle of the restaurant. The first few weeks of the relationship were good but as the days dragged along he had revealed more about his true self. He had wanted me to change so much of myself to please him and keep him happy. Such as: deleting instagram pictures he deemed too flashy, cutting ties with all my guy friends, telling him every 5 minutes what I was doing, sending him screenshots of all recent conversations and explaining who each person was in relation to me. telling him if I was blocking someone and why. Most of the time he would start fights with me and would accuse me of cheating, telling me he was going to kill himself because I made him miserable. He was always flirting with other girls on social media in front of my eyes but if I said anything he would get angry and accuse me of being insecure and to not worry.He called me childish and said I couldn’t handle being an adult and I needed to grow up but I was the one acting like his mother when I set up bed times for him and called to wake him up, I had to remind him to mail his high school transcripts to the college and making sure he was going to show up for placement tests. every time he told me he was going to kill himself I had stayed up constantly trying to get a hold of him but always ended up pouring my heart into his voicemail and telling him not to kill himself while I was panicking on the bathroom floor trying to refrain from doing anything harmful to myself but then the next morning it was back to the way it was before the fights. happy and loving. I had told myself that the bad feeling in my stomach that I got talking to him was just butterflies because I had loved him and wanted to be with him for so long. In reality I wanted to be with the him he had presented to me before we started dating. The guy who shared interests with me, would comfort me when i was sad, Who would comment nice things on all of my pictures. I still get sad seeing his posts and seeing his new girlfriend. But if I had stayed the physical abuse would have probably gotten worse then the one time he hit me with a belt or the manipulation would’ve gotten even worse and made me starve myself even more than I had. Now I am trying to focus on me and finding a guy who will treat me with respect who won’t make me change to please his needs. While he was a shitty boyfriend I still care about him and can’ help but to get teary eyed driving past his job and his house and wondering is he is okay and if he is treating his new girl better than he treated me.
Do you see the way Pearl is smiling? The tired lines under her eyes? Pearl is emotionally distressed clearly, and she has good reason to be. She’s still lamenting the loss of her true love, Rose, and still dealing with the fact she has to protect her son. Tied with not being able to go home, dealing with missions and overall problems, Pearl has a lot on her plate.
But once she fused with Garnet most recently, she found that she felt so much stronger. She felt that feeling what Garnet feels made her somewhat stronger too. Sardonyx was the perfect way to feed Pearl’s hope that she is strong in some way.
A lot of people were hating on Pearl after Cry for Help came on, and it made me so pissed. Pearl is obviously not over Rose and is still distraught, possibly even more than the other Gems. She craved fusing with Garnet, her idea of the ‘perfect relationship’, in order to stay strong, to stay intact with herself and her emotions. Pearl literally needed fusion so much that she lied to Garnet in order to get it. Fusing with Garnet is like a drug that she just can’t give up.
Fusing with Garnet is almost as blissful as what sleep after a long day of work for a human would be, and she loves every part of it. Pearl is literally depending on Garnet to make her strong.
After the events of Friend Ship, she knows that she isn’t the only one with flaws; Garnet herself admits that she isn’t perfect, and that Pearl fusing with her isn’t going to change anything. She has to be her own gem, and make her own destiny, with or without Garnet. Pearl understands that she needs to be strong with relying on others completely, and especially not through fusion.
Garnet understands that Pearl isn’t perfect, and that her emotions sometimes get the better of her. So why is it so hard for 80 percent of the fandom to understand?