Do you have a middle name?
my middle name is “Joe meets Patrick and he’s like, “Yo. I know about music.” And Patrick’s like, “Yo. i know more about music.” “That’s impossible. D'you wanna start a band?” And Patrick’s like, “…Yeah, that’s cool.” And then he’s like, “Yo, this is a book store, it’s not a music store!” And then, they met at Patrick’s house. So Patrick’s wearing shorts, and socks, and a hat. Patrick is playing drums for some fuckin’ reason. And Pete’s there, for some reason. They start playin’ music together. They’re like “Oh, let’s play some fuckin’ covers from some other bands.” It was like Green Day… and fuckin’ Misfits… and fuckin’ Ramones… Pete said to Joe, “Yo, we gotta change this shit up.” “Yo. We played all these bands, let’s play shit from Fall Out Boy.” And so Pete and Patrick are like “Yo, that’s dope. But we need a fuckin’ drummer!” Because Patrick’s playin’ drums and he’s a singer! And Patrick’s like, “Yo, I got a soul voice.” And they’re like, “Wait, how do you have a soul voice?” And he’s like, “Yo, watch this: YEeeEeeEeeEeeEeeEeeEeeEeeEeeEeeEeeEaAAAAHHH!” And they’re like, “Oh my god, that sounds like soul!” So they put it in a song, and it was like, “WHERE IS YOUR BOY TONIIIIIIIIIGHT?!” And then they’re like, “Yo, that’s fuckin’ perfect. This is Fall Out Boy.” And they made records like Evening Out with Your Ex-Girlfriend. Evening Out with Your Ex-Girlfriend, everybody loves it. …With your ex-girlfriend. It’s called Evening Out With Your Ex-Girlfriend. It’s called Eating Out Your Girlfriend, and it’s real and it doesn’t matter. And Pete talked to Patrick and Joe and he was like “Yo, what the FUUUCK! Yo, this is gonna be fuckin’ doooope!” So they made a record, and it was called Take This to Your Grave. They made it without a drummer! And they had like three, four drummers come in. The four drummers they had come in were like, Josh Freese… Neil Peart, the dude from Toto… The fourth one was like the guy from like Papa Roach or something. And they’re like, “Yo, we need Andy Hurley. Andy Hurley. Take This to Your Grave. Fuckin’ record it.” And he did it, and he killed it, and he was like bigadigalulululululuPSSHHH! Killin’ the skins! Tappin’ the skins, tappin’ the rim. Playin’ the shit. Killin’ these bitches. Wrappin’ it out. (You’re getting a fucking tattoo right now! What the fuck is going on?!) “We should get signed to Fueled by Ramen. Cause these guys know what the fuck is goin’ on.” They were like, “Yo. If you can make our scene any bigger than it is, which is not fuckin’ hard. We will sign you guys.” He was like, “Yo! We got this record that’s fuckin’ dope, dude!” It’s called, Take This to Your Grave. And it’s called From Under the Cork Tree, it’s gonna be fucking huge. And then Patrick’s like, “I gotta keep it real, I gotta keep it artistic, these are three songs that are gonna make the album, it’s called – *burp* – It’s called Thanks for the Memories, Twenty Dollar Nose Bleed, and Sugar We’re Goin’ Down.” And they made this record that was fucking dope and it fucking hit on the charts, like one, two, three! Three two one! Three four five six seven eight nine teeen! Ten to one! From Under the Cork Tree sold like, four million records. … Ten million records! …Fifteen million records! And Brendon Urie had nothing to do with the entire record! And Patrick is like, “That’s GOooOooOooOooOooOooOd!” Pete was like, “Yo, FUCK YOU! I can do whatever I want!” Joe was like, “…yeah, it’s cool man, whatever. I don’t give a shit.” And then Andy was b , “….eh.. cool.” And Pete was like, “Makeup is fuckin’ great for a guy. Because, it makes a guy look beautiful. Which a lotta times, a guy is not beautiful. And I wanna change that. I wanna make sure that everybody thinks that guys are beautiful.” *cut to Brendon spitting for 30 seconds* (shutthefuck– oh, fuck.. alright, alright.) Pete was like, “Oh my god, I’m so embarassed about this dick pic!” And then I saw the dick pic and I was like, “Eh, it’s not bad.” It’s not a bad dick. Let’s be real. We made Rolling Stone one issue before Fall Out Boy. And Fall Out Boy made the issue right after us. They were so pissed! They were like, “Yo, fuck you guys!” They’re like, “YO! Panic has the fucking cover of Rolling Stone? Yo, FUCK these dudes! We’re gonna go fucking miles above! We’re gonna hit every fuckin’ continent there is known to man!” But they didn’t! Because they missed a second of time. Apparently. They were like, “Oh, shit, we got every continent!” But they didn’t actually hit it. Dude, Pete was like, “what the FUCK?!” Oh, you didn’t make the continent.. It’s like fuck you! So, From Under the Cork Tree Happens, we fuckin’ have three, four years of awesomeness… Like, people are cumming on themselves, causeit’s so big. *people talking in the background, Brendon spills/pours beer on himself* Alright. So, Fall Out Boy was like, So Patrick’s like, “Yo, we’re gonna name this record from uru-From Under the Cork Tree and from inity-isf- *laugh* From Infinity on High. Pete was like, "Yo. Folie A Deux means the theatric of two. Oh, sorry, I’m sorry. Fall Out Boy was like, "Yo, we gotta take a break.” Meaning, Pete was like, “Yo. We gotta take a break, bruh.” And Patrick’s like, “I need time for my music. OOHH!” And Joe’s like, “Yo. I need time to find the fuckin’ art, dude. I gotta find some fuckin’ meau-metal.” And Andy’s like, “I’m just gonna play with some fuckin’ metal bands.” And they’re like, “Alright. This break’s been like three years long. Two years long. Three years long.” Three and a half..? “We gotta fuckin’ come back, man. We gotta come back strong. (You took my beer away! What the fuck? *someone in the back: you poured it all over yourself! you poured it on yourself, man.*) "We gotta make this shit legit, it’s gonna be fuckin’ dope. It’s gonna go fuckin’ sky high. We’re gonna make a fuckin’ record that sails the skies. We’re gonna call this record… Save Rock and Roll.” So they made Alone Together, Light ‘Em Up, Alone Together, Phoenix. And everybody’s like, “What the fuck? You’re workin’ with this guy who fuckin’ recorded Avril Lavigne and Pink..” (There’s p- what the fuck is on my shirt, did I puke on myself? *people in the background telling him he poured beer on himself* oh, god..) Pete was like, “Yo, we’re gonna end up on a tour with Panic! at the Disco and Twenty Pilots.” And that’s all. That’s all that matters. And that’s just how the fuckin’ story goes.”