'parenting'

The belief that children must be punished to learn better behaviors is illogical. Children learn to roll, crawl, walk, talk, read, and other complex behaviors without a need for punishment. Why, then, wouldn’t the same gentle guidance, support, and awareness of developmental capabilities that parents employ to help their little ones learn those complex skills also work to help them learn to pet the cat gently and draw on paper instead of walls?
—  L. R. Knost

Abusers don’t get to have opinions on judgments on victims. abusers don’t get to decide the value of their victim’s life. abusers don’t get to have an authority over anything abused person thinks or feels or does. abusers don’t have a fucking say in who you are or how much you’re worth.

You will be fourteen when you find a cigarette tucked into the asphalt of your neighbor’s drive way. You will pick it up, run home, and smoke it on your back porch. Your mother will find you, scold you, and tell you that she loves you. That night you watch movies with her until you fall asleep.

You will be sixteen when it becomes a habit. You will smoke everyday on your walk home from school, and on the days that you don’t, it’ll be because you snuck out of class to do so. You develop twitches, such as touching the pads of your fingers to each other, or bouncing your leg. You put up with it when you think of your mother.

You will be seventeen when she finds you with another cigarette in your fingers. She tells you you look just like your father.

You will be eighteen when you hold the chubbiest baby you’ve ever seen. He has the blackest eyes, and the tiniest hands, his hair sticks up in tiny puffs that you fail to slick down with your fingertips, and he bounces on his mother’s lap every time you walk into the room. He is one year old. He is the brightest thing you will ever see. When you pick him up for the first time, he touches his hands to your cheeks and it’s the only thing that will make you smile that whole week.

You are nineteen when you sign up the same child for daycare. There are no more stray cigarettes for you to pick up on sidewalks, there are no more ashtrays, and there are no more creaky floor boards for you to sneak by for a late night smoke, there is just you and this child. You will never pick up another cigarette again.

2

Some old doodles that I did last year uwu since you guys loved this au so much!

Some things to know about this au (aka: the parent trap au) 

  • Lance and his girlfriend had the baby the last year of high school. Lance is the type of guy who wanted to wait for “the one” before having sex, so you can guess how in love he was about her. Sadly, the gf didn’t felt the same and the moment she had the baby she left him with her. 
  • Adriana has ADHD just like her father
  • Lance is studying to become a pediatrician but also he has a part-time job in a store. His parents pay for his studies but he has to pay for his apartment and their everyday need. 
  • He barely has time to spend with Adriana, so here comes cool uncle Hunk to help them out and be Adriana’s baby sitter whenever Lance needs it
  • Keith is Adriana’s favorite teacher, even if she hates math, he always helps her when she is lost (also he has a motorcycle! how cool is that!?)
  • Adriana has the looks of his father but the shape of her eyes are like her mother, she was of asian roots so Adriana has asian shaped eyes. 
  • Lance and Keith knew each other from high school, but they never really talked before
  • Lance has a new girlfriend right now. she’s the first gf he had had since Adriana’s mother left him. Adriana hates her.
  • Normally is Hunk who goes to the parent meetings and to pick Adriana from school. 
  • Adriana really loves his dad, she’s so proud of him and knows he’s doing his best. 
  • Adriana is a very smart girl, her favorite classes are science and PE. She can’t seem to be still though, school is difficult some times when there’s too much written information.
  • In this au Lance, Keith and Hunk are 25y/o while Adriana is 7 
  • Adriana stopped asking about her mother when she was 5y/o, she realized that it hurt her father and she left betrayed by her.

A Reading List for Moms Who Want to Raise Feminist Sons | Brightly

Once I realized that my family would be mostly male (I’m the only double-X here), I oriented myself toward the task of raising good men. But as those boys edge closer to actual manhood — as the 14-year-old’s shoulders get nearly as broad as his dad’s and the 12-year-old starts learning “embarrassing” information about sex and reproduction in his health class — I’m feeling my good-man project needs more specificity. I don’t just want them to be good. They’re already pretty good (kind, curious, mostly respectful, good huggers).

I want them to be feminists. I want them to understand, reflexively, that men and women are equal — not because I say so, but because it feels intuitive to them. Because it’s true.

I started talking about feminist issues with our sons when they were tots, and I basically haven’t stopped. We talk about how women are depicted in commercials and TV shows, how female politicians are sometimes characterized, and how women are often viewed or labeled in terms of their relationship to a man.

We also turn to books, which can do two things in any mom’s quest to raise feminist sons: help you educate yourself on the challenges and issues around feminism, and present your sons with stories of strong and forthright women and girls.