'one was a salted'

You know how people working in retail always have ‘weird customer stories?’

Sam and Dean Winchester are those weird customers.

There are probably whole online forums dedicated to this, now that I think about it. Started as a joke on reddit and then people from all over the country start to chime in.

Two huge guys came in today and bought 20 cartons of Morton’s salt and a box of Hello Kitty bandaids. Nothing else.

Had a similar experience! Two guys come in: one guy buys a ton of salt and like 50 pocket-sized lighters, the other puts a divider between them and buys a single slice of cherry pie from the bakery. They leave together.

Lol same here. Salt and bandaids. Did one of em have long hair? XD

I work at the butcher’s downtown. We had two super buff scary dudes come in asking for any buckets of lamb’s blood we might have “lying around.” Past closing time. I gave it to them but it was freaky as hell.

Omg what’s with the salt conspiracy? But yeah same I work at a Christmas tree farm and sometimes we catch these two guys cutting down trees at night. It’s always the same two guys and they only cut the stumps off. Why.
EDIT: one of them did have long hair actually!!

This is unrelated but I once had a guy in a trench coat physically assault me because we were out of pie. This was AFTER he cracked an egg onto the floor and knocked over everything in sight.

anonymous asked:

How do you even write your dialogues like oh my god they are so witty and in character and fun PLEASE TEACH ME (im kidding ofc well 50% joking but if you have some good advices I would be happy to hear them)

Treat every line as an opportunity for a one-liner or the setup of one. 

Okay I will attempt to offer advice but I make no promises on the usefulness, usability or sense-making of any of this. 

Background: for my first degree I majored in Film, Television and Media Studies and minored in Linguistics. I like words. This actually has nothing to do with anything I’m going to tell you except that I know how to bullshit so keep that in mind when reading this advice. 

  • Play it out in your head (if you can). This may be harder to do depending on how you think. If you can’t do it in your head then do it ‘on paper’ but skip all the framing bits like dialogue tags, character names, any kind of description. The only thing that matters is the dialogue. You’ll get better at making voices more distinct and carrying out banter. I like to do this when I’m stuck in traffic.
  • Practice writing banter or arguments rather than exposition because they’re easier to get into a rhythm with and sometimes carry themselves easily in a direction you’re not expecting but ends up awesome.
  • Write in screenplay or script format for practice. If the entire thing hinges on dialogue you pay a lot more attention to it. If this format is something you hate go back to the first bullet point and do more of that instead.
  • Watch tv shows and movies and pay attention to how people speak instead of what they say. I say shows and movies instead of real life (you can do that too though) because they already have the unnecessary fluff we use in everyday life taken out. You don’t want your characters to talk like ‘real’ people, that would get boring. Cut the fluff. 
  • Study the characters you’re writing and the way they speak. By study I mean read or listen and let your brain do the work while you have fun being entertained. This is the bit that happens to me naturally sorry it’s very ??? in my head. Go back to the first bullet point and do this again for the character.
  • If you have more than two characters in a conversation treat it like they have to take turns. Character A & Character B go back and forth, Character C says something, Character B replies and those two talk and A stays out of it. Juggling lots of characters in a conversation is hard, man. I still have trouble. 
  • Similarly, once you’re at the point that you’re actually writing a scene rather than just witty banter/arguments for the lols, be aware of what your characters are doing and how long the dialogue is dragging out. It can be tempting to keep the dialogue going forever with the witty banter and end up with a ‘talking room’ where characters sit around doing nothing except snipe at each other but it doesn’t really help you move a plot.
  • I have 700 words of batkids sitting around a table sniping at each other about DnD I know this from experience okay. 
  • If you get stuck mid-dialogue but know what comes a few lines later type ‘dkjlfjdlkd’ and move on. You can go back later and figure it out, don’t stop the train. We’re dialogue sharks, we stop swimming we die. 
  • Who cares if it’s in character, write it down, your brain said so. Check it later. That’s what editing is for. You’ll eventually get character voices down and find out your brain is often right about these things. Or justify it for the lols. One of the two. 
  • Dialogue tags and framing dialogue can take a while to get right. Study other people’s writing that you like and see how they do it. No tags just action >= invisible tags like said or asked > he verbed words. Use replacements for said sparingly and try to think about whether they’re physically possible or not. Laughing a word? Not so much. 
  • Show don’t tell works for dialogue too. 
  • ‘Do I really need this comma here?’ Yes. Put it in, move on. You can take it out later if it trips you up on re-reads or when you say it out loud. Also, coming back a few hours/days later for editing helps with flow and ‘can this character actually speak this long without pausing’ type decisions.
  • Disregard everything I just said and do what works for you. 
💙‘ My Jolly Sailor Bold’ Mermaid Love Spell 🌊

a sea witch’s spell for drawing in a lover, or draw one back from leaving often

🌊  gather: pink sea salt, a fishnet stocking, pyrite, lemon peel, sea-water, a jar, a blue and a pink candle, and a coin. 

🌊  play, or sing along to the shanty “my jolly sailor bold

🌊  light the two candles on either side of the jar

🌊  fill the jar with pink sea salt and lemon peel.  

🌊  bury the coin, place the pyrite in the jar. 

My heart is pierced by Cupid, I disdain all glittering gold,
There is nothing that can console me but my jolly sailor bold.

🌊  fill the jar with the seawater, and cover the bottle with the fishnet, tie off. 

🌊  seal the jar with a kiss and the two kinds of wax

reasons for my inevitable downfall:

- Got a solid 2.5 hours of sleep last night

- Got up at 3:30 a.m. to make my flight

- Almost missed my goddamn flight

- Made the flight and then spent nearly ten hours traveling

- Have been awake for almost 18 hours

- Leaving to go Network like an Adult in twenty minutes for god knows how long

In conclusion: I might already be dead.

why do ppl mock The Indie Girl Voice™ so much when The Pop Punk Guy Voice™ is one of the worst and most grating singing styles ever

ok don’t get me wrong the ‘salt and pepper diner’ bit is hysterical, but john mulaney has so many more hilarious stories that no one seems to talk about:

•the party at the house of the teacher that everyone hated

•the dog trainer

•meeting bill clinton

•“hUSH!”

•“-too old to be a duckling, quack, quack!”

•“eat ass, suck a dick, and sell drugs.”

•literally any story involving his parents (especially the black coffee one)

just please, do yourselves a favor, don’t just stop at ‘salt and pepper diner’, listen to all this guy’s stories because they are gold

honestly there are two kinds of people who make history posts on this blue hellsite, and they’re all either

“LISTEN HERE MOTHERFUCKERS LET ME LEARN YOU A THING ABT THE MOST BADASS HUMAN THAT GRACED THIS PATHETIC EARTH WITH THEIR PRESENCE AND WHOM EVERYONE SHOULD ADMIRE BC THEY ARE THE BEST AND MOST HEROIC PERSON TO WHOM WE AS A SOCIETY ARE ETERNALLY INDEBTED: john jay.”

or

“okay so unlike you basic bitches who can’t read, i’ve been doing some actual research so guess what? i, a 20-something in my first year of college, am now the only and leading expert on my chosen topic. yall better listen to me bc i’m right and you’re wrong, you uneducated babies. my interpretation of the source material is now absolute truth and yours is stupid and yall should be happy that i’m even telling you this, you worthless slime people, so fuck off. i despise my audience”

  • *some* people in the fandom: ugh, Yuri on Ice was actually terrible. They didn't explicitly state they were together enough, and the times they did, it could be brushed off as a joke. Not Good representation. They can still hold onto deniability.
  • every media/person who recommends Yuri on Ice: You should watch out this ice skating anime! It's a entertaining show, with beautiful animation, and there is a canonical gay couple which are adorable together! ^^
  • Atsushi: You're late
  • Dazai: A detective is never late, nor is he early, he arrives precisely when he means to!
  • Atsushi:
  • Dazai: I slept through my alarm
7

Poetry: