Another quote collection, all from a single session (amazingly). Same game and group as ADHD Monk and the Vampire in debt to the mob.
Rogue tries to crawl inside a chest
GM (Me): all aboard the idiot boat.
Paladin: You’re all idiots.
ADHD Monk and Rogue abandon party to open a door, while the rest of the party fights skeletons.
Paladin: So its just like… We’re fighting Skeletor now.
Rogue: *Links Masters of the Universe*
Monk: Wait, they made a live action Master of the Universe movie?
Paladin: It wasn’t that good. It was almost as bad as abandoning the party to go open a door.
Monk gets hit by trap.
GM: What have we learned about splitting the party?
Rogue: Hey, we cleared out the traps.
Monk: “Dear Princess Celestia, I DIDN’T LEARN ANYTHING!”
I’m mumbling while a skeleton is attacked
GM: Meanwhile… and suddenly.
Monk: Meanwhile at the legion of Doom!
Observer: You do realize Skeletor is from a different cartoon right?
Rogue getting help for Monk hit by a falling stone trap.
GM: Why didn’t (Monk) come get the healer?
Monk: Because I’m unconscious
GM: But you’re only at half health
Monk: I was hit by a massive stone
Monk: I’M A GOOD ROLE PLAYER!
Monk: I’m opening the door, not even checking for traps
GM: You’re not even checking for traps?
Monk: When has anything bad ever happened?
GM: You JUST got hit by a stone doing this
Monk: I’ll be fine.
GM: *Sigh* Well the door is locked anyways
Monk: Oh… Okay.
Rogue: I could just Rapier it.
Monk: That would be dumb.
I don’t even know this context:
Rogue: If only I had a Crossbow to shoot things from range
Monk: Too bad we don’t have that
Rogue: Totally, we didn’t find that in a chest.
Rogue: Okay Monk, you can kick the Door now. (ooc) I back out of the room
Monk: No you don’t.
Monk: I Boop the door’s snoot
GM: (at Rogue) The door is unaware of your presence, add your sneak attack.
Paladin: We pissed off the GM haven’t we?
Monk: *breaks down door*
GM: You break down the door and see some Shadows
Rogue: I close the door
GM: The door the Monk just broke down?
Rogue: No, the door behind them.
Monk: The GM is hanging themselves
GM (me): (tired, not noticing what I’m saying) I wish I was hanging myself.
Group suddenly remembers an item I gave them.
Monk: Wait, we have cell phones!
Everyone: *Vibrating noises*
Rogue (On Magic “Phone”): Hey, (Sorcerer), we’re by the big statue, come and help us.
Sorcerer: I don’t want to come.
Rogue: Tell the Paladin.
Rogue: I text the Paladin, “Spoopy Ghosts, send help”.
Paladin: After all that? Why?
GM: All of this role-play… AND WE STILL HAVEN’T ROLLED INITIATIVE!
Paladin: My familiar is sick of your shit, and leaves you guys.
Monk: Your Owl cares more about being sick of us than helping us?
Paladin: I’m the chosen one.
Rogue: IT’S A DEMON OWL! YOUR OWL IS EVIL!
Paladin: I’m sick of your shit too.
Rogue: Don’t you remember the good times?
Rogue: See, its effecting your memory!
GM: But wouldn’t it be the reverse? If he could only remember good times with that owl?
Paladin: I can only remember terrible pain this entire campaign.
Paladin: You know what? I’m just gonna become an Anti-Paladin now.
Rogue: YOU WERE THE CHOSEN ONE!
Paladin: I know, right.
Monk: God damn it Anakin.
Rogue: What’s the GM doing?
GM: I’m recording all this for prosperity
Rogue: You get the part about the Demon Owl?
Rogue: Yeah, the Owl is a demonic entity now.
GM: Oh yeah, I got that.
Monk: What are you using to record this?
Monk: Some dedication.
Rogue: (Paladin) just uses his head to opens doors.
Monk: As in, he head-butts doors.