'oh no! i really liked this t shirt!'

Dress (Sugar daddy!Calum smut)

Summary: You wear a dress guaranteed to send Calum up the wall (okay pls I can’t do summaries but it’s sugar daddy and they fuck and ahhHH hot stuff!)

Word Count: 4.8k (SO LONG OH MY GOD)

Warnings: There’s three sections of smut! Yes, three! Also daddy kink and bondage ;)

A/N: Jfc you have no idea how much effort I’ve put into this! I really hope you like it, I think it’s pretty good, if I do say so myself <3

Originally posted by cashtonkinks

For my CEO!5sos blurb night with @felicityash and @pretendtobepunkrock!

Crisp shirts. Sparkling cufflinks. Neat sheets. 

Just some of the many things that spring to mind when you think of him. 

Calum Hood, CEO of Hood Incorporations, hasn’t left your mind ever since you met to discuss a partnership deal. Your father owns a business similar to Calum’s and you, his devoted daughter, handle some of the more day-to-day tasks, including meeting with the extremely attractive business partner.

From the start you knew Calum was different. Maybe it was the elegance in which he operated, the silky smoothness embedded in his voice. 

Or, perhaps, it was the fact that he’d had you spread across his desk within ten minutes of your first encounter. 

Keep reading

“sparring” with Chris Evans would include

Originally posted by ohevansmycaptain

  • “ba-ba-ba-ba banana ba-”
  • “Chris what the hell?!” 
  • “sorry darling, that’s my alarm”
  • him waking up very early to go to the gym
  • asking him to stay with you longer
  • “Can’t, darling, i’ve got a sparring session today”
  • clinging onto him like a koala, refusing to let go
  • giving him the puppy eyes
  • “five more minutes”
  • lying on top of him so that he won’t be able to get up
  • him lifting you like a feather
  • placing a chaste kiss on your lips
  • “10 for the effort, darling”
  • “what if i help you, hum? i know a thing or two about sparring?”
  • “oh really? how?”
  • “i love mortal kombat”
  • him staying at home to “spar with you”
  • you coming out of your room to fight wearing your captain america shirt
  • “i feel the righteousness running in my veins”
  • “darling ple-
  • “holy ground of America is giving me strength to fight”
  • “honey sto-
  •  “oh, say! can you see by the dawn’s early light
  • him cutting you off with a hot kiss
  • “are you ready to fight, my little soldier?”
  • “bring it on, star spangled man with a plan”
  • moving the furniture so that you can train
  • actually being able to tire him out
  • Dodger getting in the way
  • “two against one, that’s not fair!”
  • flooring Chris with team effort
  • sitting on his waist, holding him down
  • “i think you’ve upgraded from soldier to colonel”
  • “oh really, captain?”
  • leaning in to kiss him
  • just when he closes his eyes, you start tickling him
  • his contagious laugh ringing in your ears
  • “haha-oh my-stop plea-haha”
  • “nope, tell me who won?”
  • “i won no-no-haha okay okay you won STOP PLEASE”
  • him going in to kiss you but moving quickly so that he’s on top of you
  • “oh! look at how the tables have turned”
Dating Damon Salvatore would include:

• you both walking around shirtless in the salvatore house
• piggyback rides
• day and night drinking
• SEX EVERYWHERE
• literally everywhere
• y'all are like bunnies, keep on goin at it
• you guys break the bed at some point
• him trying his best to do selfless good for you
• you being adorably annoying to him
• being best friends with Stefan
• *whistles* “Damn, Y/N, you’re looking so hot today”
• “what? I wasn’t hot yesterday?”
• when he messes up, you give him a long talk about being stupid
• “I literally want to slap you and make love to you at the same time”
• stealing his shirts and wearing them
• cooking together
• when the mystic falls gang catches a bad guy, you convince Damon not to torture them
• “ Damon, you’re like, really ugly”
• “oh really? That’s why you were screaming my name last night”
• him making you blush like 24/7
• comforting each other
• road trips
• solving problems together
• adorable Damon when you guys are alone
• strip teases when y'all are feeling kinky
• cute forehead + temple kisses
• never giving up on each other when things go wrong

Sasha: Guys! I can`t do the laundry, I can`t find any wash boards!

Levi: Well improvise because you`re still doing the laundry.

Sasha: Oh wait! I found one.

*pulls Eren`s shirt up*

Sasha: This`ll work.

Eren: Really Sasha?

Sasha: *holds up the clean shirt* Really.

Levi: Sweeps, dusts, scrubs and can be used to do the laundry. You`re like an all-purpose cleaner, I must have you.

Icarus: so there’s a boy, I know - you probably know the story, told a million times but this one’s different, this one is real. so there’s a boy, with the most beautiful eyes - really bright, really really blue, like the sky on the hottest day of the summer, a day so hot you can’t even wear your shirt because it feels like molten wax on your back - so you get the idea yeah? so there’s a boy, brilliant and shining, with brown skin - no wait, bronze skin, yeah bronze, like the soft color of autumn leaves that glisten in the last stray sunlight and his hair, oh god, he wears it short and it’s the softest hair I ever touched - there’s no color to describe it, blond would be too flat, brown too hard - I’d dare to say it’s golden, yeah, golden like the sun when it sets on the horizon just before dawn finally breaks the night. and so, this boy - you’re still with me? this boy, god, he’s like everything, like, I look at him and suddenly I can’t speak, I can’t breath and he’s like an interplanetary magnetic field and I feel myself drawn towards him, like I have no control over my own body as soon as he’s around. I look at him and suddenly my throat dries out and I - I feel lost inside my skin, totally and utterly useless because my bones shift inside of me and my lungs keep collapsing but every time I try to talk to him or try to get close to him my legs are failing, my voice betrays me. my body paralyzed as if I’m falling and my wings are already on bright fire, flapping shreds around me and he smiles and smiles and smiles -

(Icarus: I wish I could just go and ask him if he loves me, but I’m already falling and I fear the impact that will crash my bones)

- Icarus’ Fall | r.m

Seventeen Reaction || Coming Home And Seeing Their Girlfriend Topless In Front Of A Mirror, Holding Her Breasts And She Casually Asks Them If they Think Her Boobs Are uneven

(I apologize if I mix them up, I still have a problem with Wonwoo and Mingyu dammit)

Similar Reactions:

| EXO | BTS |

S.Coups

*Confused and startled by your naked boobage but tries to act cool and collected*
“T… they look good to me…”


Jeonghan

“I need to have a closer look, hold on”


Joshua

*Just stares forgetting what a Bible is for a second*
“They’re perfect”


Jun

“Wait a second, lemme see… Hmmm, yeah, I think that you’re nuts if you think I would notice anything other than the fact that your boobs are out”
*Savage much*


Hoshi

“I really can’t tell, now could you please put your shirt back on…?”


Wonwoo

“… Are you testing me?”


Woozi

“I don’t know! Don’t ask me that!”


DK

“OH MY GOD, I JUST GOT BACK, WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS”


Mingyu

“They look pretty even to me”


The8

“Oh… They’re good from where I stand”


Seungkwan

*Didn’t expect you to just stand there and plainly ask him such a question*
“You can’t be serious. I didn’t know we’re this far into our relationship, I wasn’t ready!”


Vernon

“You really want to know my opinion? They’re both nice and round and that’s just about all I notice”


Dino

“I’m too young to see that”


[MORE SEVENTEEN REACTIONS]

2

Game Aesthetics: Rochelle (Left 4 Dead 2)

Oops……….dick slip. Well Saturday Morning is really staring to pan out for. This is the secound hot young boy dick slip in the same park in a little more than a hour. Oh my Fucking God this guy also has on silky blue shorts and a gray T-shirt just like the last boy Jonas. The only difference is that Jonas was Circumcised and this hot boy is uncircumcised. Wow I get one of each 1 circumcised white boy penis and 1 uncircumcised white boy penis. The second difference is that Jonas had a unintentional dick slip and this boy totally dick sliped me intentionally when I sat down in front of him. Guys meet Kyle he is a 21 year old horny white boy who came to the park this day for two reasons one too jog and to exercise and the other more pressing reasons was to have sex and get off with another man. Kyle saw me as he jogged past me he turned around and totally and very Obviously cruised me as he passed me. I was walking the same Direction that sexy young hot Kyle was jogging. He jogged about 100 more feet passed me then stopped and sat in the grass facing me walking toward him. As I got closer to where Kyle was sitting in the grass next to the sidwalk I obviously slowed down to cruise Kyle as I approached Kyle I stopped within 3 feet of him I looked down at Kyle to break the ice with small talk but before I could get even one word out I looked down at Kyle to say hello and before I could say it Kyle Plulled His big soft Perfect Beautiful Shaved Uncircumcised white boy penis out of the right leg of his silky blue sexy shorts. I was shocked that he just pulled it out without saying a word to me only after seeing me for the first time ever just 5 minutes before as he jobgged past me. Fastest cruise ever in my life and I’ve done alot of cruising in my life. So I look down at him he immediately pulls his incredible uncircumcised penis out I think my jaw dropped down and before I can take a breath he reaches down grabbs his uncircumcised penis and pulls his foreskin back for me to see his incredible sexy big pink head glands Oh My Fucking God this Boy is Moving Fast and right on the public side walk so I said nothing grabbed my crotch and walked over to the woods where I just Fucked Jonas and Kyle instantly stood up wasting no time and followed me side by side to the same exact spot where I just Fucked Jonas not even a hour earlier. We fucked for 2 hours straight it was so fucking hot. Even hotter than sex with jonas an hour earlier and that sex was awesome!!! God Damn I Love These boys. Fucking Hot Dude’s!!! God I love this park!!!

  • Mickey: I can't believe I forgot my phone...Well, I hope Ian liked his birthday present yesterday.
  • Mickey: Oh he called.
  • [You have 17 new messages]
  • [Message 1]
  • Ian: Hey Mick, thanks for the bazinga t-shirt it's... great. I was just calling because I may need a ride later tonight, Carl can't drive, and I ran Lip's Mazda into a ditch after we watched Fast and Furious Five on Netflix together.
  • Lip: You still owe me for that.
  • Ian: Yeah yeah, I got you. Mazdas are really flammable did you know that? I didn't know that. Well, I do now. But anyway, I'll call you later if we need a pick up from the show alright?
  • Fiona: *grunting*
  • Ian: WOO! Fi you're up! PEACE BABE!
  • [End of Message]
  • Mickey: I am not listening to all of these.
  • [Message 17]
  • Ian: Oh my god is he dead?! Why did you put him in the car!?
  • Debbie: Just shut up and keep driving to the hospital!
  • Carl: When are we getting to Chuck E Cheese?
  • Ian: Carl shut up! Mickey, please pick up the phone, we're in so much trouble! The Iggy Azalea show went South, so we decided to make our own but - Oh man, oh man, Pick up your stupid phone! Go to my desk, open the dark drawer and burn everything inside! But hold your breath while you're doing it! Use that stupid t-shirt you got me to help the fire, you gotta do this Mick!
  • Fiona: Truck!
  • The Gallaghers: *screaming*
  • [End of Message]
The Joker x Pregnant Reader 2

Well, it happened and that’s all there is to it. Cross your fingers and hope for the best. At least he didn’t try to kill you…yet.    T__T

Read Part 1 here: http://diyunho.tumblr.com/post/152758968286/the-joker-x-pregnant-reader


“Oh, wow…this is going to be an amazing night,” you manage to utter, letting your body collapse on top of the Joker’s, starting to unbutton his shirt while kissing him.

“Anything I can do to keep my Pumpkin happy,” he snickers, panting with desire. “God, I really missed you”. His blue eyes look for yours and then you both stop for a few seconds, gazing at each other.

“You were gone like, for two days  J, ” you smile, teasing him.

“Yeah, and I missed you. You didn’t miss me?!” he frowns, biting your neck line, making sure to leave a few marks.

“Well…it was so nice and quiet…”you start telling him when you suddenly feel the pinches go down all over your body and he finally violently gropes you, satisfied he made you squeal.

“Why are you misbehaving, hmm?” he growls, pulling down on your skirt.

“You know why, baby” you wink, quickly jumping off him, backing out towards the wall.

“Hey, get back in bed, Kitten!”

“Noooope,” you lick your lips, starting to undress. “You come over here.”

“Ohhh… my naughty little minx. Daddy likes!” he purrs, getting out of the bed and slowly walking towards you, tossing his now unbuttoned shirt on the floor.

Suddenly, you can hear Emma’s cry coming from her room.

The Joker freezes for a moment, panicked, then before you can move, he is very fast in trapping you against the wall. His knee goes in between your legs and his hands on the sides of your head, grinding his silver grill in annoyance.

“You’re not going anywhere!”

“J, she’s crying, probably had a nightmare,” you chuckle, amused he’s behaving like this (again).

“NO, I need you!” He’s pushing himself against you even harder.

“Come on, baby, let me go,” you plead, struggling against his body.

“No, you have to pay attention to ME!”

Crying intensifies.

“I have to go, she won’t stop,” you beg, kissing him softly and trying to look as disappointed as you can.

“You’re mine, I don’t like to share. I saw you first,” he mutters, knowing the battle is already lost.

That doesn’t sound childish at all.

“You’re 39, she’s not even 2. I think you have a better chance of surviving this…yes..?” you try to reason with him and he’s sulking.

He takes a deep breath, pouting:

“Remind me again why we have a kid, Y/N.”

“Because we couldn’t let my beauty, brains, charm, awesomeness and your…amazing cheekbones go to waste.”

“Ha! Funny…” he whispers with a sarcastic tone, finally releasing you from his little trap. “I’ll go get her.”

“Awww, you’re such a good dad, J , “ you mock, watching him walk funny towards the door. “Your sacrifice will be remembered in the years to come.”

“Yeah, whatever!”

*******************

Emma is now in your bed, cuddled on top of the Joker, sucking on her thumb with her eyes closed while he keeps on caressing her hair. You take a picture of the cute moment. Your phone is full of thousands of pics you snap all the time when J is being sweet with her. Considering everything, he’s actually a good parent. At first you watched him like a hawk, of course, but he never tried to hurt her or anything, even if he creates such a fuss over the little things that happen on a daily basis. You swear: sometimes you feel like you have two kids.

******************

Morning time and you fumble around the kitchen while J is watching Emma, reading her a story. You hear him talk so you stop and listen.

“…and while they were trying to escape, boom!!! Huge explosion, blood everywhere,” he claps his hands and she laughs with her little mouse voice.

“B’ood da’y?” (she can’t really say “daddy”, but there are a few times when she manages to say it clearly).

“Yes, lots of it, all over!” She can’t really understand, but he makes her laugh with his dramatic gestures.

“J, what are you telling her?!” you shout from the kitchen.

“Well, Princess, whoever wrote this garbage for kids should be killed. I had to add something to spice it up, it’s atrocious.”

“J, stop telling her stuff like that, she’s just a baby!” you ask, shaking your head in disapproval and going back to rearranging the kitchen.

“Y/N?”
“Yes?”

“It always puzzles me: don’t I look intimidating? Why isn’t Emma afraid of me?”

“ She takes after her mom,” you answer, rolling your eyes at the obvious reason.

“What?!”

“SHE TAKES AFTER HER MOM!” you yell louder, chuckling.

“I heard you the first time, I just thought you won’t have the guts to repeat that.”

“Ha, ha that would be the day!” you puff, opening the fridge.

The Joker tickles Emma, speaking in a low voice:

“See what I have to deal with? Mommy’s feisty, but I love it. When you grow up, don’t be sassy to daddy, ok? I already have one pain in the ass.“ She sits quietly in his lap, trying yet again to peel his J and the star tattoos on his face, thinking they are stickers.  

He didn’t notice you standing in front of the desk now, arms crossed and eyebrows lifted, staring him down. He lifts his eyes and sees the expression on your face:

“Oh, hey Y/N… Dammit, am I sleeping on the couch tonight?”

“You’re getting close, baby” you scoff, going back to your work.

Some time passed and you don’t hear anything anymore. You go to see what’s going on and you see J widely grinning, with a bunch of personalized stickers on his face and your daughter peeling them. (A while ago, he ordered lots of identical stickers with his J and star tattoo so she can enjoy taking them off.) You think it’s adorable and snap another pic.

“You’re such a good girl,” he kisses her forehead, enjoying she’s preoccupied with something so he can take a look at Gotham’s map on his desk. “I always say that to mommy too when I…”

“J, what the hell?! Shut it down!”

He snickers, winking and roaring in your direction.

The knock in the door stops the little rant you were about to give him.

“Cooooome innnn,” the Joker playfully drags the words, squeaking, earning a laugh and a kiss on the cheek from his daughter that he’s absolutely thrilled about.

Frost comes in and Emma becomes so impatient that J has to put her down. She runs to him, grabbing his leg and reaching for him. You notice The Joker doesn’t look happy at all right now and you go and sit in his lap as fast as you can, firmly holding his right hand on your leg and putting his left one around your waist.

“F’ostyyyy, up… up!” He pics her up and she shyly places her tiny arms around his neck, hugging him.

“Hey there, Em,” Frost smiles, holding her tight to his chest.

“That’s my kid…” he mumbles in your ear, getting pissed. He tries to get up but you hold him down.

“Steady, J ” you smile, stroking his green hair, finding it funny he is always so possessive.

“She’s my little Princess, mine!” he moves around in the chair, uncomfortable.

“Yes, baby, everything is yours and yours alone, ok? She likes him and he’s good to her, I told you before there’s no harm in it, “ you kiss his temple while he’s fuming.

“Boss,” Jonny tries to start the conversation but stops when he sees the Joker looking away, averting his eyes on purpose.

“Ummm… Y/N, you’re coming with us tonight, right?”

“Oh, yes, I want those diamonds so bad. It’s said they are huggeee!!” you squirm, happy that you can wear them soon.

***********************

Mister J went into his office to look over the bank’s plans for your raid tonight. He will stay home with Emma but wants to make sure everything will be ok for you. He marks the exits with a black marker, drawing a line over the entry point. Some explosives should do the work. And the diamonds are right…here-marked with an “X”. Music starts blasting in the penthouse and he sighs, annoyed. How is he supposed to concentrate?! He gets up and opens the door, wanting to complain and tell you to turn it down, when what’s going on in the living room stops him. You swing your body to the beat and Emma is in front of you, trying to imitate your moves, looking completely adorable as she tries so hard to follow what you do. You just laugh and look so happy that the Joker catches himself standing in the doorway, a smile forming in the corner of his mouth. He takes out his cell and starts recording you two. If one of these days he gets killed, he wants the cops, the SWAT team or Batsy to find this on him, watch it and know that The Clown Prince of Crime had it all, on his own terms, and didn’t give a damn about what anyone thinks.

*********************

“Achoo!” her little sneeze makes you turn around from your current task: making sure you have everything you need for tonight’s heist. The Joker’s green shirt is full of yogurt which he was feeding her when she sneezed. Emma starts giggling and you follow.

“Really kid? On daddy’s Prada shirt?” he crinkles his nose, looking at the fabric to assess the damage. “And you, Kitten, are setting up a bad example. Why are you laughing?”

“Because it’s FUNNY; I’ll get you another shirt, hold on,” you continue to snicker as you go to the master bedroom.

“I get no respect around here anymore,” he frowns, tilting his head, trying to stay mad but can’t contain his smile hearing his daughter cracking up. She can’t stop giggling.

“Wha’? You’re getting a kick from doing something you’re not supposed to?… That’s my girl, you’re definitely my kid.” He feels such pride building inside his chest. He cups her face, squeezing her cheeks and kissing them all over.

Definitely? Like in there’s any doubt Emma wouldn’t be yours, hmmm?” you narrow your eyes, smacking your lips, not very pleased, tossing the new shirt at him. He hates it when you sneak up on him and you always catch him at the right moment, talking nonsense.“Wanna repeat that to me, MISTER J?” Oops, you’re using Mister J when you’re really pissed and he knows it. But you’ve been so moody lately anyway.

*********************

You’ve put Emma to bed and you are done preparing for the robbery tonight. After everything is done, you go in the living room and sit by him on the couch. He’s watching the news, quiet for the last hour, which is unlike him. You lean your head on his legs, wrapping your arms around his knees.

“What’s wrong, handsome?” you ask while he starts combing your hair with his fingers, paying attention to the TV.

“Do you think Emma’s… ok?” he suddenly starts the conversation.

“Yeah, she’s fine; I just put her to bed.”

“That’s not what I meant” he cuts you off and you know what he’s aiming at. “You know I’m… different and…”

Insane…” you start the sentence.

“Did you just call me insane?!” he pulls your hair and you gasp.

“…ly awesome, let me finish, jeez. That hurt.”

He yanks your hair again, and you punch his abs, not too hard.

“Relax baby, she’s fine. We’re fine, all right? We managed so far, didn’t we?”

He seems distracted and starts caressing your hair again. You suddenly realize it, jumping up so fast you knock down the remote out of his hand.

“J, she’s asleep!”

He gives you a confused glare.

“She’s asleep! Let’s go, me and you!” You pull him up, dragging him after you.

“Ohhhh,” he finally gets it and a huge smirk creeps on his face. “Shit, we wasted some precious minutes.” He stops you and lifts you up, carrying you in the bedroom bridal style.

Operation Mission Impossible was a total success. Hooray! *NO interruptions*

**********************

You tiptoe inside the penthouse, silently closing the door behind you. You hold the huge box in your hands, full of the diamonds you wanted so badly. Now they are yours and it makes you so pleased. Tonight’s heist went incredibly well and you are in a good mood. Where are your sunshines? You go to Emma’s bedroom to find her cuddling with her dad under her pink blanket. An “awww” escapes your lips and you take a picture, the millionth one now. It’s definitely heartwarming. You know who else needs to see this? you think, since you’re in such a happy place for the moment. Batsy. Since you’re not sleepy, you are going to finally do what you’ve planned for a while.

*********************

The Bat notices the sky light lit for him and he rushes to the spot, thinking Gordon has some kind of emergency. There is nobody on the top of the building except something that seems like a photo album surrounded by knives. There is a note on top of it:” For Batsy, from Mrs. J” and the mark of your pink lipstick kissing the paper. Bruce Wayne is intrigued. He opens the photo album and his face changes from one expression to another. What is the meaning of this?! Pics of the Joker and his daughter immortalized in different cute, adorable, mundane, NORMAL moments.

This must be a bad joke and for sure photo shopped, he thinks, mad he wasted his time, but he still takes the album with him. Once back to his Bat Cave, he analyzes every single one of his little presents with all the gadgets he has and surprisingly, they are genuine. Wow, how come? How is it possible that’s the Joker he always chases after?! He seems so…ordinary.

He has to admit you two have a very, very cute little girl. He flips through the pages, choosing his favorite picture where Emma is smiling playing with her dad. He draws horns and a mustache on the Joker’s face, then frames the pic and puts it on one of the shelves. You will probably never get to see it, but there’s a picture of your daughter and partner in crime right inside the Bat Cave.

**************************

You found out the big news today and you can’t wait to share.

J is in his office, planning to crush the Wayne Industry party happening next week. He is filled with excitement and has a few good ideas on how it’s all going to play.

You kick the door open, running in his lap, tossing his papers all over, and before he protests you kiss him deeply, take his hand and put it on your abdomen:

“Twins!”

“…   …  No way… …!” he gasps, speechless for once.“Oh my God, Kitten, really? Really? Like, for reals?” he can’t hide his joy anymore as his hand presses harder on your tummy.

“Yes, baby, for reals” you let out a small scream, excited to the max.

“Wowww, are  you going to be super mean to me since we have twins in there? Double the amount?”

“Most likely,” you giggle, knowing it’s true.

“Oh, goody, I can’t wait, you know I love it when you’re mean to me.”
You lift your shoulders, entertained:

“Whatever rocks your boat, J .”

He keeps on rambling on:

“I so love it when you feel like killing me and I wanna strangle you for it.”

“You’re such an incurable romantic baby,” you moan, getting turn on by his words.

“I know, right? When am I not romantic?”

“Shut up and kiss me,” you demand, biting his ear.

************************

**You are definitely very emotional with this pregnancy.  You just broke one of your nails while loading a gun and started crying instantly.

“What’s wrong, Princess?” J stops loading his own gun, looking at you with concern.

“I.. broke…my ..naaaiiill,” you sniffle, not being able to control your tears, showing him the carnage.

Uh-oh, emergency situation again, the Joker sighs, taking your hand.

“You want me to kiss it so you feel better?”

“I’m not… 5 years old, J,…ok?” you stutter, whimpering, but in the same time nodding yes. He kisses your broken nail and surprisingly it feels better instantly and you stop crying.

“That felt good, thanks,” you smile now, wiping your tears and going back to what you were doing like nothing happened.

Mister J closes his eyes, satisfied he pleased his Pumpkin and avoided catastrophe.

** You have weird cravings.

“Babbyyyy, I want popcorn and pickles, can you go get that for me? Pleaseeeeee” you whine, agitated he’s not moving out of bed yet.

“Kitten, ask Frost. Give him a call, he’s downstairs. I’m beat.”

“I want you to get it. It’s your fault: you knocked me up, you’re responsible!!!” you yelp, starting to cry again.

“Daddy is going, ok? Stop crying, Pumpkin.”

He gets out of bed and stops before he opens the door.

“You better be meaner to me when I come back!”

“OK, I will, I promise,” you say through tears, smiling in the same time.

Men, this is going to be so much fun, J thinks, excited you’ll treat him like trash and he’s going to enjoy it so much. He’s probably the only one around with that kind of kink. Lucky you.

Also read- MASTERLIST:

http://diyunho.tumblr.com/post/153664676321/joker-x-reader-masterlist

Hobi's Thigh Appreciation

@even-if-the-starsandmoon-collide dis is for u

i hope you enjoy bc i have died

damn 

oh shit here comes the shorts

double the goodness

does his shirt really say beep beep and…shorts

damn these shorts

oh fuck me

triple the goodness

no

noo

U KNOW FUCK THESE SHORTS

FUCK IT

FUCK ME INSTEAD

u know

i just wanna

ride

his fucking

 thighs

is that too much to ask

this is like the purest pic i have seen in my entire life

TEHY ARE IN SHORTS

I REPEAT

they are in fuckiNG SHORTS


gifs and pics aren’t mine

8

I mean, like, you’re in my apartment and it’s morning and you slept in my apartment, and now you’re wearing my t-shirt and making coffee and I can’t believe this is happening and everything coming out of my mouth is very cliche.

Please make this a thing!!!

All i really want in live is Jim Chapman doing #inthecloset with Dan and Phil.

Imagine Dan being like: “So these are my 20 black shirts and my one black jeans… and oh yes that is my doge-shirt. Please ignore the pile of animal onesies. I bought them ironically.“

And Phil would talk on and on like: “This is my pickachu and ash pixel shirt, and my triceratops jumper, my fox sweatshirt, 10 plaid shirts, my jellyfish t-shirt, my adventure time hoodie… oh and back there are my heated narwhale slippers.”

And Jim would just awkwardly stand there, not really knowing what to say because their wardrobe is unlike anything he has ever seen and has no logic.

I NEED THIS TO BE REALITY!!!

dating nct jaehyun!!!1!1!

• you guys are super cute
• jaehyun always smiles when he’s w you, not just any smile but he whole, cresent eyes, and the cute, well defined dimples
• he really likes being lowkey w you like
• “hey…,,,, wear a black and white striped shirt tomorrow” “,,,,,ok???”
• the next day
• “omGYALLMATCHING!!!!”
• “oh,,, my,,,, i- we didn’t even realize!!!! haaaa, we’re so perfect for each other”
• he’s awkward in a really non awkward, cute way
• it’s confusing
• it’s like he’s your best friend that happen to be dating and kissing on basis and hugging
• he doesn’t do cheesy things like put your name in his IG bio or anything, but he does make you his profile picture on his social media sites
• there’s some weird shit going on in his lil perv brain
• omg ok when nct u debuted you were like “hoLY- shiT. bABY DO U LOOK GOOD OR DO U LOOK GOOD”
• “i think i look weiRD. LOOK AT MY WEIRD RAMEN LOOKING HAIR”
• he’s super tall so you kinda, cling to him but he doesn’t care he likes it
• k he loves kissing you sm sm sm sm
• he kisses the top of your head a lot tho
• ok first kiss time w jaehyun!!!!
• ok so what happened was you were just chilling on the nct boys’ dorm couch
• and the sm BABy rookiES. were like “noONA. LET’S WATCH A MOVIE” and you were like “daMNBOYS. OK”
• jaemin, the princess himself, chose sleeping beauty.
• and at that very moment jaehyun came in the living room and was like “lol what are u guys doing w my girlfriend” and just plopped down in between you and jaemin and jaemin was like “hyuNG. wyD.”
• so it went like, donghyuk, jeno, jaemin, jaehyun, you and jisung.
• the first 4 boys were like, so INDULGED IN THE MOVIE, BUT you and jisung were like “lol lol lol we saw this like 40 times together already let’s just goof off” and you just kept squishing his cheeks being like “ugh jisung u’re like 3 what are u doing in an entertainment company i should be baby sitting you and be feeding u mushed up bananas”
• and jaehyun looked over at you and you whispered to jaehyun while squishing jisung’s cheeks and you were like “omg look at this literal baby jae”
• and jaehyun smiled bc goodness you’d be the most embarrassing mother to you and jaehyun’s children
• and then jisung fell asleep and you got bored and fell asleep with him while leaning on jaehyun’s shoulder
• AND SUPER CLICHÉ, BUT THE PRINCE GOT INTO THE CASTLE AND WAS ABOUT TO KISS THE PRINCESS AND BEING THE ROMANTIC BABY HE IS, HE TURNED HIS HEAD AND GENTLY KISSED YOU, VERY LIGHTLY, AND THEN TURNED HIS HEAD BACK TOWARDS THE MOVIE
• THEN YOU WOKE UP
• “WHAT HAPPENED” and you screamed
• AND EVERYONE FREAKED OUT AND JISUNG WOKE UP AND HE JUST YELLED “WHAT HAPPENED I’M SO SORRY”
• and the 2000 boys were like “HYUNG WHAT DID YOU DO TO HER” and he was like “whAT- WHY DO YOU ALL BLAME ME I DIDNT DO ANYTHING”
• “WHAT. HYUNG APOLOGIZE”
• “NO I DONT THINK HE DID WHAT I THINK HE DID AND I’M SO CONFUSED I’M SORRY GUYS”
• and so you just hugged jisung and told him to go back to sleep but he was all shaken up
• and jaehyun just “oK. LET ME. JUST. GO TO MY ROOM.”
• but then 2 minutes later he motioned w his hand for you to come into the room
• and all the babies got up and started following you to his room and jaehyun was like “why- NOT ALL OF YOU. JUST HER. YOU GUYS-”
• a unison of “ooohhhhhhhh” from all the boys who go back to the couch
• and you got into the room and he closed the door and you were thinking “crap”
• but he very awkwardly was like “uh so… uh”
• “SORRY I HAD A DREAM AND-”
• “a dream??? uh well, did you, enjoy it?”
• “what?”
• “um” and he kinda, walked closer towards you and you just stayed there and he got crazy close to you and he put one of his hands on your cheek and another one on your hip and put his lips on yours and you hesitantly kissed back and put your arms around his neck and sjdjrjejf
• then he gently took his lips off of yours and smiled and he just kinda laughed and it was so cute honestly
• and you coughed and was like “um, uh, we should, take the boys, out of ice cream or something they…they wanted ice cream”
• and he put his arm around your shoulders and was like “alright”
• and Y'ALL OPENED THE DOOR AND THE FOUR BABY ROOKIES FELL FACE FIRST ON THE FLOOR
• and fast thinker jaemin was like “hA. LOL. STUPiD US. JENO YOUR CONTACTS AREN’T HERE”
• “me-? oh- Oh YEAH MY CONTACT-”
• “jeno, you don’t wear contacts.”
• “I JUST STARTED WEARING THEM, A FEW DAYS AGO AND I DIDNT TELL YOU GUYS BECAUSE-”
• “you guys still gonna buy us ice cream or” cause all donghyuk wanted was some ice cream
• y'all did end up getting ice cream tho bc you love jisung sm, he’s you and jaehyun’s baby and he wanted ice cream
• it was a fun day
• ok when firetruck came out you went nuts
• “you CAN RAP? HOW COME YOU NEVER TO L D M E”
• ok you once found an old predebut video of him having a full on conversation by himself in english in his english class and you sent it to him
• he didn’t reply for like, 12 hours
• he cooks for you and you guys cook together sometimes it’s great
• you wear his sweaters sometimes and it’s so cute he loves it you look so tiny
• jaehyun made you cry once
• LOL JK THIS BOY TREASURES YOU TOO MUCH AND KNOWS WAY TOO MUCH ABOUT YOU TO HURT YOU IN ANYWAY, HE’S ALWAYS CAUTIOUS AND CARES ABOUT YOU
• you guys were best friends first before you guys started dating
• he’s so modest it makes you ejdjfjfk
• ok jaehyun, not to be weird, but he gets boners a lot
• you pretend not to notice sometimes bc “jaehyun come on this happened on stage too you gotta chill man i know you’re growing up and you cant help it and all but-”
• but sometimes you just laugh and give him a small kiss on the cheek and continue doing what you were doing or something bc yoU GUYS AREN’T GONNA DO IT EVERYTIME HIS FRIEND ACTS UP DOWN THERE
• ok but he gets needy he just, hugs you a lot and back hugs you when he NORMALLY REALLY DOESNT, and he kisses you and whispers in your ear and, hM. IT’S TEMPTING BUT YOU’RE A STIFF STONE YOU’RE “you’re cute”
• you guys watch nct life together
• when he sleeps over/when you sleep over it’s so fun you always ask him to sing you to sleep and he does sing and skdkf
• but honestly most of the time y'all are gummy bears, potato chips, video games, dance breaks, and candy till 4am
• lol ok he looks at you, the same way he looks at honey butter chips and oh my goodness it’s the cutest thing
• johnny always messes w jae like “yoUR BAE OR HONEY BUTTER CHIPS JAEHYUN. ANSWER ME. 3, 2, 1. OHHHHH”
• ok jaehyuns lock screen is a picture of you and him together, smiling and laughing at your favorite coffee shop that yuta took when he was with hansol.
• ok so yuta and hansol were stalking you, but the way they put it was “we were not stalking you we were following you to make sure that you were being nice kids and just going on clean, 18 and under age dates.” and while they were behind the bushes, they saw you and him laughing at something and you two looked so cute that yuta snapped a pic and sent it to jaehyun and hansol was like “…wait. YUTA-” and then at that very moment jaehyun and your heads turned and you two made eye contact w hansol and yuta who was awkwardly standing behind the bushes of the coffee shop.
• it was a weird day
• jaehyun’s home screen is a picture of you sleeping, your hair in your face, your mouth kind of open, your cheek squished up from the pillow under your cheek and you hate it but he thinks it’s the cut e s t thing e v e r. it’s his favorite picture of you.
• he loves feeding you and being fed like he’s kinda shy about it but he loVES. IT.
• jaehyun doesn’t really get jealous, i mean, he does like any other guy, but he prefers to talk it out with you and ask you directly rather than keeping his emotions and questions to himself and hurting both himself and you and the relationship.
• he pretends you’re his giant teddy bear
• he likes it when you sit on his lap
• he does aegyo when you’re sad or when he wants something and you’re like “uGHWHAT”
• he loves spooning well, not spooning but, he just likes holding on to you while you’re both laying down
• he loves it when you touch his hair and play with it
• he catches all the bugs and when you’re scared he’s like “iTSOK I GOT YOU”
• when you’re cold, he doesn’t hesitate to take his jacket off and give it to you
• or when you’re like “oh no you’re gonna be cold ill be fine” he just let’s you sit in between his legs and he just drapes around you like a giant blanket
• ok your selfies are so cute it could be super casual where to u’re wearing normal clothes and just smiling or you guys could be wearing weird clothes that look like you’re about to go on stage to perform for lady gaga, sticking your tongues out, they’re all cute, super cute
• you guys say “i love you” when you’re in the mood for it meaning like, you guys would be watching TV then it’d get boring and you guys would just be smiling and really quiet and then he’d say “i love you” really quietly and pat your head.
• he talks in 3 different languages
• “PLEASE TALK IN ONE LANGUAGE JAEHYUN”
• now he’s learning chinese from winwin and kun and his chinese classes so, 4 LANGUAGES. Y A Y.
• you saw jaehyun in a suit, once.
• once was enough.
• “I LIVED IN AMERICA FOR 4 YEARS, THAT’S WHY I’M HERE MAN.”
• “stoooooooop”
• you guys never stop smiling around each other
• you guys, barely fight/argue
• he once took advice from johnny and, “went for it” aka took your head band to wash his face without getting his bags wet.
• “she won’t notice” he said. “she won’t laugh” he said. “SHE WON’T TAKE PICTURES OF YOU AND KEEP THEM FOREVER.” HE SAID

• he lied. johnny lied. and johnny’s the one that told you about the head band thing, allowing you to get the picture in the first place.

YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND HOW HARD THIS WAS I HAD TO START THIS OVER AGAIN LIKE, 6 TIMES WHEN I WAS ¾ DONE BC I KEPT CLICKING THE BACK BUTTON AND SJDJJFKG i feel like this one isn’t as good as the other ones bc i restarted it so many times omg but yES. bias wrecker af jaehyun yes thank u for existing u wonderful human being//giraffe.

meliourn  asked:

36 jimon

36. Before Bed kiss

“Oh my god, I am so tired,” Simon says, flopping down on the bed, “This was like, the longest day of my life.” His head shoots up suddenly, and he looks at Jace with panicked eyes, “I mean, like, the best longest day of my life. It was really long but I loved all of it. I loved its longetivity. Fuck, I’m not making any sense.”

“You really aren’t,” Jace says, smiling fondly at Simon as he takes of his tie and starts unbuttoning his shirt, “Take your clothes off.” Simon wiggles his eyebrows at Jace, “So you can sleep.”

Simon pouts at him, “What, don’t you want ‘holy fuck we just got married’ sex?”

“We already had that,” Jace says, raising an eyebrow at him, “In the bathroom at the reception. Twice.”

Simon giggles, “Yeah, that was good. But like, we have a bed now! A soft, fluffy, luxurious bed with beautiful fluffy pillows and oh my god I am so tired.”

“How about this,” Jace says, crawling into bed and moving forward to remove Simon’s clothes, like it doesn’t look like he’s going to do it himself, “We’re going to sleep now, and then tomorrow when we wake up, we’re going to have the most amazing morning sex ever.”

Simon grins lazily at him, “That sounds like an amazing idea, Mr. Wayland-Lewis. God, I’m never going to get tired of saying that.” He flops down on the bed happily and takes off his pants.

They should probably brush their teeth, but they’re both way too tired to move away from the bed now they’ve finally gotten on it. Jace crawls under the blankets, and Simon follows his example. They lie there, staring at each other with giant smiles on their faces. Suddenly, Simon leans forward and kisses him softly.

“I can do that now,” he tells Jace gleefully, “And you have to accept it because we’re married now.”

“You could already do that before we got married, you idiot,” Jace tells him, awfully fond. “Now, go to sleep.”

“Yeah,” Simon says, nuzzling into the pillow. “Love you, husband.”

Jace is pretty sure he’s never going to stop smiling at this point, “Love you too, husband.”

Not Another Number Part 4

Originally posted by werenskiz

I haven’t slept in over 48hrs. I have driven 600+ miles myself and am still up. Oh yeah and the Maple Leafs lost. Let me know if ya liked this one! -Kt

Links to the others


You awoke to a bed without Auston. I can’t believe this. Did I do something wrong? You thought to yourself. You heard something rearrange from the living room.  Instantly grabbing a blanket at the end of your bed, you wrapped yourself up in preparation of the living room beast.

There, in just a t-shirt and briefs, was your crush from last night holding on to a bowl of cereal.

“Hey,” he spoke up trying to keep all the food from falling out.

“I thought you left?” you exclaimed trying to not sound like a psycho.

“No, I just got really hungry” he spewed while pointing to the cereal with his spoon.

Keep reading

  • MC: I can´t believe I forgot my phone... I hope Elias liked his birthday present yesterday... Oh, he called.
  • (You have 17 messages)
  • MC: WHAT?!
  • (Message 1)
  • Elias: Hey Mc, thanks for the bazinga t-shirt it´s... great. I was just calling because I may need a ride later tonight. Klaus can´t drive, and I ran Joel´s mazda into a ditch after we watched Fast and Furious Five on Netflix.
  • Joel: You still owe me for that.
  • Elias: Yeah yeah, I got you. Mazdas are really flammable did you know that? I didn´t know that. Well, I do now... But anyway, I´ll call you later if we need a pick up from the show alright?
  • Azusa: *Grunts*
  • Luca: Woo! Azusa you´re up! PEACE MC!
  • (End of message)
  • MC: I´m not listening to all of these. *Skips to the final message*
  • (Message 17)
  • Elias: Oh my God is he dead!? Why did you put him on the car!?
  • Klaus: Just shut up and keep driving to the hospital!
  • Randy: When are we getting to Chuck E Cheese?
  • Elias: Randy shut up! MC, please pick up the phone, we´re in so much trouble. The Iggy Azaela show went South, so we decided to make our own but... Oh man, oh man, pick up your stupid phone! Go to my desk, open the dark drawer and burn everything inside! But hold yur breath while you´re doing it. Use that stupid t-shirt you got me to help this fire, you gotta do this MC!
  • Yukiya: Truck...
  • All: *Scream*
  • (End of message)
  • MC: ... He never invites me to his birthday parties...
Christmas with Chan
  • he’s been excited for christmas since halloween ended
  • begging you to go christmas shopping with him because he needs help to buy the members gifts but also he wouldn’t really know what you’d like
  • “just tell me if you see something you like, okay?”
  • tries to be so sneaky with his questions if you’d like something for christmas but would actually be so see through
  • “oh i’d really like that really expensive shirt from this brand…”
  • “ah y/n you can’t be serious! i don’t think santa has that kind of money!”
  • you’d just laugh at his cuteness and tell him that you know he has no idea what to get you
  • “okay, now i got an idea what to get you but, i’ll buy it later”
  • when it’s actually christmas he would love christmas sweets
  • just imagine him buying like 3 bottles of coke and a lot of seasonal treats
  • he would also have like five different christmas jumpers that he’d wear during one day probably
  • would force you to wear one too
  • he would take a lot of pictures with you during christmas (with a polaroid camera)
  • you decorating the tree, you opening your presents, you and him hugging…
  • “Chan please put the camera down for just a second”
  • “But -”
  • and then you’d give him a really big kiss :(
  • he would get so flustered because you usually just shared small little pecks
  • his ears would go red and he’d run to get a santa hat to cover them
  • “I- I think we should go to the dorms to give presents to the members too”
  • later on, after haning out with his members as well
  • he would shuffle closer to you on the sofa and kiss you the same way you kissed him earlier
  • “That was the best present if I’m being honest”

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