'isn't it too early to you show me what is to kill something'

This Isn't GoodBye

a Shawn Mendes Imagine.

A/N: ngl i cried like 752 times while writing this. this isn’t a happy story at all. if y'all want to be even sadder, read this while listening The Portrait and Never an Absolution from Titanic (James Horner) on repeat, i did it and i’m still sobbing rip.
PS: there’s actually no real dialogue so there aren’t my weird inverted commas lol.

mentions of depression, suicide (i tried to be soft with the terms as much as possible).

WordCount: 3,952

It’s been seven months now.
Seven months since she had decided her life wasn’t worth anymore. Seven months and it was as if it was just yesterday. Probably because I can’t still realize.

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anonymous asked:

I remember you saying that one of your favorites hotmess aus was the laundry mat one where the person puts their clothes into the washer and it's full of blood, would you be willing to write it for my birthday today involving Minhyuk? You really don't have to since my birthday isn't that significant but I would just like to see how you'd interpret it for Minhyuk. Murderer, assassin, clumsy college student that ran into the door and got a nosebleed

you’re right, this is absolutely one of my favorites!! 
i wrote it for jun once before, but you know what it’s your birthday and you deserve this au if you want it!!! hope your birthday is stellar!!!~~

  • so it’s like 7 am and you’re at the laundromat because it’s empty, literally no one gets up this early to do chores, so you have the whole place to yourself which is good because tbh laundry can get kind of weird to do with 30 other people watching you fold your underwear
  • and plus you get to put on your headphones and dance around as badly as you want while you wait for your stuff to get washed
  • which is exactly what you do after getting everything in the washer
  • and you don’t notice the other person come in, shirt stained and soaked with blood, obviously disoriented and very v e r y much in pain
  • and you’re just ,,,,,,,,,dancing it the heck away. listening to monsta x because wow they’re really good???? why haven’t they won on music shows yet- anyway
  • this bloody person, who is trying to fish coins out of their pocket to no avail, sees you and is like “h-help,,,,,”
  • but your ears are blocked so you don’t even know he’s there
  • not until you suddenly feel a hand on your shoulder and you freeze in fear and your first instinct is whoever’s hand it belongs to must be a ghost because no one else is here and therefore the only plausible reaction is to punch this ghost
  • which is what you do, you land a swing right into the persons chest and when you do you realize no ghost,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,can have a physical body so holY SHIT YOU JUST HIT SOMEONE
  • and when you turn around you see all the blood and your eyes almost fall out of your head you’re like “DID I DO THAT???”
  • and the bloody boy is in too much pain to answer and you’re like oh no oh no oh no and you quickly put your hand on his back to support him and move him to one of the benches and you’re like “wait here!!!” and you run to find a towel or something to help stop the bleeding but all there is is paper towels from the bathroom??? and you’re like this will have to do
  • and you get a whole wad of the it and run back and try to dab at the blood on this boy’s face and hands and you’re apologizing one hundred times you didn’t know hitting someone in the chest made them bleed so hard
  • but only when the person sort of regains their composure does he manage to give you a really weak smile and he’s like
  • “you,,,,,,didn’t make me bleed. i ,,,,,, got a really bad nosebleed on my morning run,,,,,,,,,and this was the first place i saw,,,,,,,,so,,,,,,,,”
  • and you’re like oH so my punch???? didn’t almost kill you
  • and he’s like no,,,,,,but it did hurt and you’re like sORRY
  • and he’s like “im minhyuk by the way,,,,,,” and you tell him your name too and you’re like “did you want to wash your shirt since it has blood on it??” and he nods and explains that he can’t really walk back into his building like this. his roommates will think he’s crazy
  • and you’re like “here let me wash it as an apology for punching you when you were already,,,,,,,,,,well,,,,,,,you know.”
  •  and he gives a small laugh but says he has some coins it’s fine but you’re like no no i have to do this
  • and you can’t believe it but you’re pulling a bloody shirt out of some cute boys arms in the middle of the morning like what is happening
  • but you get it in the washer and there’s blood everywhere and you’re like yikes
  • but then you see minhyuk is just sitting there. shirtless,,,,,,and you look away quickly when he catches your eye and you try to focus on the washer
  • but minhyuk is like “oh,,,,,by the way were you dancing when i came in?” and you’re like UH,,,,,kinda,,,,,,, but it’s embarrassing so forget it
  • and minhyuk is like “i like to dance too! what song were you listening to?”
  • and you get out your phone and sit back beside him and hand him an earphone and put the song back on
  • and you guys go through your playlist and when you look up it’s kind of silly to see him sitting there with paper towel stuck up his nose to make sure the bleeding doesn’t start again
  • but also your arm brushes against his bare skin and you get goosebumps because right right shirtless,,,,
  • but minhyuk doesn’t even seem to notice,he just scoots closer to you and says that he knows the dances to most of these songs
  • and once your laundry is done and so is minhyuk’s shirt
  • you put everything in the dryer, minhyuk insists on helping but you get shy about him seeing your laundry so you’re like just rest,,,,,,,
  • and minhyuk’s dries faster because it’s one shirt and when he slips it back on he thanks you for helping him out
  • and you’re like no problem!!! sorry for,,,,,,,punching you again but minhyuk just laughs - this time much louder and with more happiness behind it
  • and you notice how cute he looks when he laughs, and how he throws his whole head back like,,,,,,,how adorable
  • and he’s like “it’s ok, im used to it i live with 6 other guys!” and you’re like woah what 
  • and minhyuk nods and he’s like “i want to help you carry your laundry but i have to go because ive been gone for too long, but -”
  • and he motions to your phone and you hand it to him and he puts in his contact and gives it back like “but let’s meet up sometime! maybe we can go play dance dance revolution or something hehe” and you’re like h eY,,,,are you making fun of me
  • and minhyuk is grinning like no no i think your dancing was cute, i wanna see more
  • and you’re like sH,,,,,,,,,but he only nods and is like “text me when you’re free, we can go dancing or get something to eat. ill try not to get a nosebleed.” 
  • and you giggle at his joke as he flashes a peace sign and leaves
  • and you’re standing there with only the sound of the drying machine
  • well until you the woman who runs the place comes by and looks at the blood on the floor and is like “what have you been up to?” and you’re like I CAN EXPLAIN 

anonymous asked:

After reading so much of ur metas about how Ouma isn't evil and is very caring and empathic, I forgot something. Ouma sees the killing game as a, well game right? But I'm not sure why or if that's really true. If anything, due to his hatred against killing, wouldn't he be the one most against seeing the killing game as an actual game? And wasn't it stated that Ouma was the first character to see the killing game as an actual game? Idk why this but that feels important.. or maybe it's not?

This is a really good point to bring up anon, and a great question! If it seems like Ouma’s stance as a whole on the killing game and games in general is a bit contradictory, it’s because… well, it is!

Ouma is a pretty contradictory character overall. Rather than being solely a “good person” or a “bad person,” he’s a well-intentioned person aiming to end the killing game but willing to do extremely morally questionable things in order to do so. He claims he “hates jokes and lies” on several occasions, yet at the same time embraces them and in fact needs “gentle lies” in order to cope with the harshness of reality. Considering that almost the entirety of his design is presented in “blacks” and “whites,” it’s highly ironic that he himself as a character is largely morally grey.

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Comments on child!Hux.

Some responses that I would like to signal-boost, to a post that asserts Hux has always been evil incarnate, and his behavior as a small child in Empire’s End s proof.

@reserve said:

1) I am inherently skeptical of [this post’s] interpretive merits because OP has stated on several occasions that they truly dislike Hux.

2) I am skeptical of anyone who denies the idea that abusive behavior is learned behavior. Children raised by parents who value violence and control over affection and nurturing will most likely suffer some level of maladjustment. [… Children] are not held accountable for their behavior as a predictive measure for their future selves.  

3) This post wildly misses the point that Armitage Hux is terrified of these children, nearly on the verge of tears, and shaking as he makes this command. He clearly hopes to assert some small, self-protective authority and ensure that he’s not about to be murdered by a trained gang of murder orphans. He is wildly outnumbered, and they are much bigger than him. He responds in a way that a) he was likely taught, and b) that seeks to assuage his fear.

4) Hux feels a strange and sinister buzz of excitement because he has never felt powerful before. This feeling is entirely new to him. Again, I’m not saying that it won’t define his future actions, but I am saying that exerting control when you’ve always been stripped of it, and taking pleasure in that, does not a future sadist make. Maybe it was formative, sure, but Hux has been told his entire very short life that he is weak and useless, and that’s canon. And welp, here is he, showing his canonically abusive father that he is not weak, that he is not useless. Just saying.

5) Rae Sloane, a grown woman, and a seriously high ranking imperial official, is afraid of these very same children. Tell me again that they are Hux’s peers.

PS: OP fails to mention that HUX IS FIVE YEARS OLD.

@sleepyowlet said:

I’d like to add that most five year olds have no concept of morality yet. It’s downright silly to expect them to know right from wrong, especially in extreme situations.

Also here we go again with the realistic villains/unrealistic heros thing - Rey and Finn are written with just as horrible backstories, but they are never tarnished. they came out of horrid circumstances as normal, well-adjusted people with functioning moral compasses (that kind of thing doesn’t happen. It just doesn’t; these things need to be taught). The more realistically written villains (Kylo and Hux) look twice as bad in contrast.

It all boils down to the good old portrayal of mentally ill people as monsters.

@illusion9 said:

Those children could kill without batting their eyes, but no one will comment them as “naturally evil” since they certainly  had been taught so. Then a five-year-old  who had been scared into tears by them is judged to be “evil out of his own choice”. Ironic comparison.

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anonymous asked:

Do you still think Jon is playing Dany?

Oh, nonny mouse, you just want to get me in trouble, don’t you?

Short answer: it’s complicated and it doesn’t really matter because of stuff

Long Answer…spoilers under the cut…a lot of spoilers and a lot of answer

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it was a close thing

note: this honestly all started because i was stuck in a TERRIBLE meeting and i started thinking about bitty being sad about jack and i wrote this meta post and then i had to write 5k words to accompany it. i’m fine.

           Bitty had never meant for it to go this far. It had been a crush and he’d had plenty before. He’d had plenty of experience getting over them, too. The thing was…he’d never figured on Jack liking him back. He had no experience whatsoever with this strange brand of casual flirtation, invisible to everyone except for himself.

           Bitty blamed Kent Parson, perhaps a little pettily. The thing was - it hadn’t been a problem before Kent Parson crashed Epikegster, because Bitty had been cocooned in the safety of the knowledge that his crush was straight as an arrow and therefore, would never be interested. The fact that Jack had definitely been making out with Kent Parson in his room before angrily kicking him out not because of the kissing but because Kent was being an asshole was a problem for Bitty.

           It was a problem because it sparked a traitorous little flame of hope in Bitty every time he looked at Jack. It was a problem because it caused Bitty to rewind every moment they’d ever shared and sort through them for signs. It was a problem because it meant Bitty’s crush didn’t have to be unrequited. Bitty was going to burn alive with the knowledge.

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anonymous asked:

I don't see Lotor being like Zuko either. Lotor's own generals even said something along the lines of he does whatever is convenient for him. That could mean using Voltron for his own use and later betraying them. Nothing really screams "he realized what his father is doing is bad and wants to be good!" to me. With Zuko, it's clear he slowly starts to realize that his father isn't worth proving his honor to, that he needs to stray from that path and prove himself a better person. (1/2)

Lotor on the other hand has never tried to follow his father and never said what Zarkon was going was morally wrong. It seems like Lotor is planning something darker than his father is doing, just taking a different approach. Hopefully that made sense. (2/2)

i’m gonna get this tattooed on my ass, anon. but yeah in all seriousness that makes perfect sense and you really put my thoughts into words! 

i’m gonna put my response under a “read more” bc it got super long, oops. also, spoilers!!

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anonymous asked:

Now that you've calmed us with your theories I feel soo confident for destiel to be endgame. Kinda feel like killing cas is also a strategy to lessen the weirdness of them falling in love for non shippers because i feel like cas will end up being all human and then he isn't just posessing a vessel and so on! That's gonna be some long arse hiatus

Hi Anon!

Oh, man, that is such a lovely thing to read, that I offer some calm in the eye of this hellatus storm we’re in. I reiterate: I could be wrong, please don’t trust my impressions implicitly, they are only what my eyes see and my brain computes and omg sometimes I am not right. (mostly I’m right) (omg shut tf up) 

I am SO onboard with you reading them killing Cas as being a tool to lessen the weirdness of them falling in love. I swear to that gorgeous bi God of ours that I have felt for a long time that it made sense to beat on the Destiel drum and actually put them in more pedestrian situations, showing a more everyday sort of relationship unfolding between them - with loads of flirting and tension, obviously - in S13 (hence my semi-truth and keeping them together theory, which did not happen because the season ended in Tink’s beautiful separation theory instead, which is all kinds of good anyway, just not what I was quietly hoping for because I’m an impatient optimist, and Tink is onboard with human!Cas and all that, too, and early in the season, so don’t get me wrong - I just kinda wanted it, like, NOW please). :)

Anyway, what is so GREAT about the possibility of human!Cas early on is exactly what you said: the casual viewer needs time to adjust to the idea of Dean actually being sincerely attracted to Cas - and vice versa (well, Cas has always been a bit more obvious, I think, even to the casual viewer, but…) - so for it to not feel too jarring *shrug* for the casual viewer it will help that Cas is human. Riiiiiight? I think so. 

But more importantly, dudes and dudettes, it’s important for Cas’ arc. And Cas’ arc aids and informs Dean’s arc as well as their joint love story arc. So Cas becoming human and living with the brothers (as he couldn’t in S9 because it would’ve been way too soon, so they found a reason for Dean to have to kick him out of the Bunker and - to my mind - it was a bloody brilliant reason! These writers are cle-ver) and Cas now learning from his “teachers” and truly becoming a hunter in training, integrating him fully into the brothers’ world, this would be a huge development for Cas and would move him down the path of choosing to stay human once he gets the offer of having his grace restored. Tink headcanons this will come from Chuck, and since he’s the only one with that sort of power I’m onboard, but I’m thinking it might well be Jack making the offer. Cas becoming human would do all sorts of good things for his relationship with Dean. Especially, you know, in developing the UST into something textual and undeniably part of the narrative.

And Cas could have his own room. *hearts in my eyes*

And there could be sharing meals together. And more Zeppelin. And driving the Impala. And very long glances. And longing, all the longing. And there could be petty arguments. And there could be a teenaged nephilim to deal with. And to parent. Together. Ok, no, I’m not going to start headcanoning now. This is not the place for headcanon. (isn’t every place a place for–) (you shut your mouth)

Truth is, though, that the only real reason I - or any of us - have to believe that they might bring Cas back as a human is Misha’s comment about what “transformation” Cas will have gone through when he returns. Now, I would like to read this as the type of slip-up foreshadowing that has actually been sanctioned by the Big Bosses (or it’s just Misha wank but whatever) because it feels like they want us to know all will be well and they fucking want the speculation ball to start rolling. Or Misha wants that. Either way, it could all be a load of bollocks. Or he might be transformed into a cricket for all we know! 

Okay. Nope. I do not actually believe they’d have Misha voicing a cricket for all of S13. Not especially because that would be ridiculous, but because Jensen AND Jared are making overtures to Destiel in how they’re talking about S13 at JiBCon and how can that not be significant, I ask you? 

Sorry, you asked me first. Never mind. 

To round off this reply I would just like to say that my hope is, truly, for Cas to be dead for a few episodes because OMGMOTP the glorious grieving!Dean, now that performing!Dean has had his walls shattered, will be a thing of beauty, and then that the miracle will happen and Cas will return and he will be human.

I know people speculate that Jack will walk right down the stairs and resurrect Cas, but I don’t think so. I wanted Cas to be full-feathered and to have been chosen by baby Nephi as Protector in a way that put  Cas at an equal position in power to Dagon - that Cas was the first of baby Nephi’s King’s Guard, the baby Nephi’s Better and Truer version of the Princes of Hell. But nope.

Furthermore: the baby Nephi needed Cas as Protector, but Jack will not

He needs Cas as Guide, but Jack will reject Cas out of hand now because his Angel side has gone dormant and his Devil side will reign supreme and volatile (if I’m right in my specs) in the beginning of S13. He doesn’t need soldier Cas anymore, and furthermore: he does not want Castiel, Angel of the Lord, to fight his battles. So how extremely fitting would it then be for Cas - who represents the baby Nephi’s choice of Humanity and Goodness over Hell and Evil - to step into the shoes of Guide after he’s been brought back a human? It would be bleeding brilliant, is the only way to see it!!

I LOVE this damn show. I LOVE it to BITS.

Oh, this long arse hiatus will be so worth it! Especially with possibly, hopefully crying Dean (according to Jensen!!) starting us off in S13. This hiatus will have been so worth it if they give us that moment! And over the summer: we fanfic. :)

And we thisssss…

Originally posted by jensenmyheart

gentlemanshonor-deactivated2016  asked:

I challenge you: If in so3, if Thompson somehow survives and Peggy Carter visits him in the hospital, what would they say to each other? How would Peggy feel about Thompson almost getting killed because of the file with her (brother's) name?

Okay.  Whew. I’ve been thinking about this for a while, so this is going to be a lot.  Keep in mind that this is pure speculation, and that what I think might happen could change completely by the time we get a season three.  (If we get a season three, ugh.)

We know how 2x10 Hollywood Ending finished up – it’s late July/early August 1947 in Los Angeles, Jason Wilkes is corporeal and working with Howard Stark in Malibu (officially confirmed by the showrunners as a nod to Tony Stark’s Malibu home in the Iron Man films), Peggy Carter and Daniel Sousa have had their *~*~*moment*~*~*, Whitney Frost has lost her *Jean-Ralphio voice* miiiiind, and Jack Thompson is lying on a hotel room floor, bleeding out. It’s all very heartwarming.  (That was only slightly tongue-in-cheek, some of it is truly very heartwarming.)

So let’s postulate here: Jack’s not dead.  Hotel housekeeping finds him real quick, calls an ambulance, he gets taken to the hospital.  Hospital finds his SSR badge on him.  The next step is probably going to be for them to contact the SSR LA office.  Whether or not they have to go through LAPD and/or SSR NY first, I don’t know.  Let’s say they don’t, and the call goes straight to one of Daniel’s agents.  

At this point, where are Peggy and Daniel?  They’ve clearly paused their makeout sesh long enough to discuss things like vacation days.  Are they back to going at it in his office chair?  Have they gone out somewhere?  Did they go back to Danny-boy’s place to… “talk”…?  In any case, they find out about Jack.  Whether or not they’ve gotten more than half a moment to breathe is an entirely different question.  

Jack makes it, though he’s in pretty bad shape, and Peggy and Daniel show up at the hospital, concerned and fuming, because they were on vacation, Jack, dammit, what the hell happened?  First thing out of Jack’s mouth when he comes to is this: “Why the hell am I still alive?  This guy shot me point-blank, he could have done away with me completely.”

Peggy: “Okay, so it was a man.  That narrows it down to approximately half the world’s population.” 

Jack might try to laugh but he can’t actually breathe, so maybe he’ll manage a polite smile?

Things we know from this interview:

Let’s talk about the person who may or may not have killed Jack. Is it someone we know? Are they connected to the Council of Nine?
FAZEKAS: It’s unrelated to the Council of Nine. It is not for the reasons that you’d expect. It’s unrelated to Council of Nine, Zero Matter, any of that.

Purely related to the file?
FAZEKAS: Correct.

This file reveals Peggy’s exploits with the S.O.E. and some kind of massacre. Thompson thought it was too good to be true, ultimately, and it didn’t seem to affect Peggy when he mentioned it. What’s really going on here?
FAZEKAS: You have to pay really close attention to what exactly we showed that was in the file. You see that there was some sort of massacre, and I would say, don’t make assumptions by what you see in that file. We were really specific about what information was given for a reason.

So with that out of the way, let’s say that either Peggy or Daniel is going to say something along the lines of “we had the lab go through your stuff and no one found a damn thing, no fingerprints, no nothing.”

And Jack, though barely coherent, is still meticulous: “Tell me everything that was there.”

Someone’ll rattle off the list of his belongings, and there it’ll be, apparent in its absence: the file.  

Peggy: “Why would anyone want it?  It’s fabricated, a fake.  I was with the SSR by 1944.”

But then there’s what Vernon Masters said to Jack in 2x08:

“Jack - what’s happened and what’s true are two different things.  Now, this is an official document.  That means it’s true, regardless of what happened.”

So Jack’ll say that to them, and Peggy’s eyebrows are going to shoot up a little, because that’s an interesting way to word things.  Very deliberate, and concerning.

My theory (that I know a lot of people share) is that the M. Carter is Michael Carter, who possibly didn’t die in 1940 as the show implied.  So let’s go with that.

Jack’s going to tell them what was in the file, everything we didn’t see, but he did.  

Peggy’s mind is going to start working through the information, which I’m sure is going to be a lot to process (and I wouldn’t be surprised if it has ties to Daniel in some way or another, just because I think the show’s going to need a smooth way to keep him in on the action despite the fact that he’s Chief of SSR LA and so is a little bit detached from all the goings on of Peggy and Jack within SSR NY (and I can’t see the show just setting him up as the “doting boyfriend”)), so I think that, by the time they figure out that M. Carter is Michael, she’s going to be feeling really conflicted.  Upset that Jack Thompson got caught up in all of this, yes, but also angry that there’s been so much secrecy shrouding what happened to Michael, and probably terrified, because this is Agent Carter we’re talking about, and so you know there’s going to be larger things at play than just what M. Carter did in June of 1944.

peepskeep  asked:

How bout Antisepticeye? Mark wants to save Jack, and isn't sure how, but only gets taunted (in any way) by Anti in response

Jack’s sudden and spontaneous trip to L.A was only pretty surprising to Mark. It wasn’t that he wasn’t happy to see Jack because he definitely was. Something about it was just throwing him off, something wasn’t right. Something he couldn’t exactly place a name on. What he knew about Jack was that sometimes Jack worried and Jack especially liked to plan. In the past when Jack was gearing up to come to California for a visit he’d always let Mark know ahead of time, he’d tell Mark all the details, flight time, where he was coming in at, where he’d be staying or if he needed a place. Jack never just showed up at Mark’s door unannounced. Yet there he was bright and early this morning standing on Mark’s doorstep, smiling wide and eyes crinkling with delight.

Mark had let him in, had shushed Chica when she started going ape-shit, barking at Jack in a way she’s never done before. He had offered Jack coffee and breakfast and marveled at the fact that Jack was so suddenly here.

Now, Jack was in the kitchen chatting with Tyler and Mark was texting Felix and Arin and anyone else that he and Jack know, asking if they knew about Jack’s trip. Maybe Jack thought he told Mark. Maybe he meant to, maybe he had and it had slipped Mark’s mind.

Mark slips back into the kitchen and Tyler has excused himself to get things ready for the day because even though Jack is here Mark still has a couple of videos to record. Jack looks at him and smiles from where he’s seated at the table, the toast Mark had made remains untouched on the plate in front of him.

“Did I manage to screw up toast?” Mark asks with a self-deprecating laugh.

Jack’s smile is bigger but strange too, like suddenly all his teeth don’t quite fit right in his mouth.

“No, no. It’s fine…I guess the flight kinda killed my appetite.”

“Okay,” Mark says, “You want something else? Or we could order out?”

Jack shakes his head.

Mark leans against the kitchen counter, “So, I like your new hair color. You went a bit darker?”

Jack touches his hair as if he just remembered he had any at all and nods, “Yeah, darker.”

Mark’s eyebrows inch together and he pushes away from the counter, “Jack, are you alright? You seem a little…” well, Mark doesn’t know what he seems like. He waves his hand back and forth like it’ll be enough of a gesture, enough to convey what he means.

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