'i think i can seduce my way out of this one'

anonymous asked:

pls expand on your ridiculous experiences during one semester at a fake college

okay I got a few asks about this so let me see what I can remember right now. These might not all be in chronological order

- At orientation, they were talking about the reservation near campus and all these pretty sites and this kid in the back of the auditorium goes “So uhh…heard this place might be built over a Native American burial ground?”

- The speaker: “…Let’s not think about that, okay?”

- The freshman were on campus alone for like a week and a half (other than the RA’s) before the other students and I just. The parties. Were out of control. An ambulance was called basically every night.

- I walked into the bathroom the first night there to find a girl literally dying because someone slipped something in her drink and she was having a Very Bad Reaction

- Sting- you know, the singer- ‘s son lived in my residence hall. This boy almost accidentally killed me on three separate occasions (while I was just trying to do my laundry)

- I told my family about this at Thanksgiving. Everyone in the room advised me to seduce him

- I ate breakfast in the dining hall exactly once. I got scrambled eggs. I noticed no one had brought out ketchup with the condiments and politely asked about it. I received glares from at least ten different people. Apparently people there don’t believe in ketchup on eggs.

- There were these two boys in my English class known as “The Lumbard Guys”. They didn’t live in my residence hall, but they would come over almost every night, start a party, and destroy part of the basement.

- At orientation this one kid got mad and set his shoe on fire to prove a point

- Also at orientation like??? My roommate disappeared???? And I never saw her again???

- Listen like…this campus just looked like the perfect setting for a horror film, but none of the people from the area got that. They all thought I was crazy until some comic from Comedy Central did a stand up act and said “Why the hell is this campus so creepy? I feel like I’m gonna leave here with someone else wearing my face!”. I felt way too validated.

- ALL OF MY CLASSES WERE SO FAKE

- My “math” class was actually a disguised home ec. course???? All we had were word problems that were incredibly detailed recipes or instructions on how to fix things. The teacher, who I swear to GOD was actually my Mr-Rogers-Wannabe guidance counselor from high school in disguise, spent more time trying to come up with names and backstories for the models in the text book than actually trying to teach

- I had to take a class called “first year seminar” because neither of my parents went to college. It was supposed to be teaching you about how the school works and stuff but SUPRISE BITCH WE’RE JUST GONNA YELL ABOUT RACISM AND PRIVELGE FOR AN HOUR.

- Literally that’s all we did. Just the whole class bonding over all these struggles we had gone through and getting fired up. Like, it was great, but I also ended up knowing very little about campus and school stuff bc that was the class that was supposed to be teaching me lmao

- My Psych teacher was fucking hysterical for the first few classes but then he just. Vanished. I had to drop the class

- My Fine Arts teacher just. Couldn’t stick to a teaching plan. Her entire wardrobe was scarves. She was very passionate about African masks. She had a flapper haircut. She spoke quietly, but with a marvelously forced tone of voice that I’m certain was her trying to sound impressive and hide a Boston accent. She didn’t seem to understand the year was 2014. She took us into the city to go to the Art Museum and we lost her in there, never to be seen again

- I’m not even kidding

- My “writing” teacher was my absolute fav omfg. She was this long grey haired hippie lady who worked as a nurse for the Grateful Dead and was still stuck there. She may or may not have hooked up with my uncle. I was her favorite student because one day I came in wearing a “HAIR” shirt. She wanted to take the class to England for the sole purpose of going on a Beatles tour

- But like…she did not teach a writing class omfg. She taught a social justice class. All we did was have informed debates about The Issues and listen to music and occasionally watch the Breakfast Club. Every time there was a big paper due on the syllabus, she’d just sit on her desk and go “I mean, I don’t have to cover anything, right? You guys know how to write!” Like I genuinely don’t think she knew what class she was teaching

- There was a boy who sat next to me in that class. He was deaf in one ear and used that as an excuse when he got caught blatantly not paying attention. It worked every time. But I was right next to him. I saw him playing Yu-Gi-Oh on some website on his phone under the table. One time we started talking about model cars and he pre-cummed.

- There was a boy who roamed the campus in a long black trench coat and a weird hat. I never saw his body and started to suspect he might not have one, just the theory of one. He took interest in me because I was the only person in class who ever got his Doctor Who jokes. He’d come up to me at dinner and blast quiz me on various nerd culture before running off and disappearing into the shadows. Just as I was starting to grudgingly accept I was probably going to have to eventually hook up with him for the greater good, I apparently offended him by saying I like Picard more than Kirk. He didn’t stick around to listen to my reasoning. Whenever I saw him after that he would loudly start talking about how great his girlfriend was. Everyone knew he was lying. I wonder if Kirk ever sucked his theoretical dick as well as I would have.

- I gave a football player a shout out on Yik Yak. He really appreciated it, and gave me some fries laced with weed as a thanks. That was such A Night ™ , I watched the Lorax and left the dimension.

- Every time we had dances, this creepy guy named Horace would find me and use my obvious discomfort to make me dance with him. He’d hold my wrists and shove his crotch on mine while vaguely swaying to the beat. I had to escape to the bathroom every few minutes. Finally the security just banned him from the events altogether. I can still see his face clearly in my mind.

- One night, I walked into the bathroom to find a perfect, untouched pizza laying on the floor…but not in a box. Someone literally just took it out of the box and laid it down. I’m still fuming.

- One time I was in the mostly empty library when I smelled something. I walked down the rows of shelves before rounding the corner, and found the President of the college hidden there, sitting on the floor, smoking, a bottle of vodka in his hands. We held eye contact for a solid minute. He slowly shook his head at me. I said “Sir, your house is like…literally across the street.” He shook his head more vigorously. I left the library.

- One night, I heard screaming. I looked out the window to find a girl in a giraffe costume scaling my building. People were throwing water bottles at her. I was concerned. I didn’t know who to talk to for answers.

- I was in line trying to pay for dinner. One of the lunch ladies climbed on top of the ice cream machine and refused to come down. Her friend came over and they started recreating the balcony scene from Romeo and Juliet. Very few people acknowledged it.

- Someone jacked up the soda dispenser so it was only dispensing beer. None of the staff cared enough to fix it.

- I caught my RA in the middle of a drug deal so she gave me a coupon for free ice cream

- Also side note: The soft served ice cream machine on campus was actually a frozen yogurt machine. I had no problem with that, but like, advertise correctly, you know? Nobody else seemed to understand my confusion. Nobody else seemed to understand that froyo and ice cream are two different things. What the hell.

- There were just…so many moths all over the campus. A terrifying amount. When it started getting colder I was like, finally, I won’t be attacked by moths anymore! Only for even more moths to appear. I asked a local about it. “Oh, those are the winter moths!” What the fuck are winter moths? What the fuck, Massachusetts? My friend back home grew convinced that Mothman was in the area. I was inclined to believe her. Sometimes I close my eyes and all I can see are moths everywhere, waiting for the moment to strike.

-  I’ve encountered deer many times in my life. I know how they act around people. But the deer on this campus were just weird. They’d run out at people all the time. One almost shoved me into traffic.

- My roommate gave my phone number out to literally anyone she found who mentioned they liked to read or liked Doctor Who. She was concerned I had no friends. No one ever called.

- I met a small Greek girl in my Fine Arts class. Our first day of talking, she made me climb a mountain with her so she could get to tutoring, even though I had no reason to be in that building. Her roommates kept mysteriously disappearing. She was late to everything. She’d call me randomly to get food at 1 in the morning. She kept somehow breaking phones and tvs and other electronics. When I asked her how they kept breaking, she waved it off with “Oh, I have OCD. You wouldn’t understand”. I have OCD, and I still don’t understand. One time she invited me out with her friends from high school. I waited outside her building for two hours, while the other friends waited in the parking lot for two hours, because we didn’t know how to find each other. She eventually came outside at 10:30 pm. We went to Friendly’s. She made us stop at her house so she could grab something. We pulled up a long, winding driveway and stopped in a parking lot. At the end of the parking lot were stone stairs that lead up to a mansion on a hill. She ran inside and the rest of us stayed in the car, listening to High School Musical and talking about Supernatural. When she came out 40 minutes later we decided to try and prank her. It went wrong. We almost ran over her friend’s sister with the car. They invited me to a pumpkin patch. When I started complaining about my roommate, she asked me to move in with her. I thought about the other three girls who had seemingly gone missing. I politely declined. Six months after I left the school, I received a text from her asking for notes for an exam, and radio silence after that. I can’t find her on facebook. I fear she might have gone missing too.

- One night, as I was standing outside huddled in the cold, a boy came up and offered me a cigarette to help me stay warm. I turned it down, but he stood around talking to me for a few minutes afterwards. I felt absolutely no awkwardness at all. He was a musician from Colorado. He sang a bit of one of his songs. He was dropping out of school to go to California the next week. He told me I had beautiful eyes, but his were the most alive eyes I’ve ever seen so I couldn’t believe the compliment. We talked for about ten minutes and I fell a little bit in love. He had to rush off to a club meeting, but he told me he’d rather keep talking. He gave me the sweetest smile before he left. I didn’t get his last name or number and I never saw him again.

- There was a dance on Halloween. I couldn’t think of a sufficiently slutty yet classy costume, so I just went as Osgood from Doctor Who. When I got there there was a huge crowd, but people quickly grew bored and started leaving. There ended up being six people left (myself included). We stayed because we could see the upset faces of everyone who had planned the event, but actually had one of the most fun nights of my life. We- myself, the girl from across the hall, Trench Coat Boy, his tiny friend who never spoke, and a boy and girl I didn’t know who seemed to be professional dancers- danced nonstop for almost three hours. The strobe lights and poppy music solidified an unspoken bond. I had never and to this day haven’t felt as free as I did that night. The tiny quiet boy’s smile could have lit up a city. It’s etched into my mind. We all left the dance talking about the surreal feeling in the air, as if something had shifted. None of us ever mentioned the dance again. It’s still one of my fondest memories.

- For a solid month, there was someone in a gorilla costume running around campus.

- There was a rash of sexual assaults on campus. A gang of boys kept jumping girls in the woods. The only thing the school board did was give out free rape whistles at lunch one day. I missed that day, making me one of the only students on campus without a whistle. Later that night when I ordered pizza, the delivery guy tried to start up a conversation with me about all the assaults. He blamed the girls. I took back my tip.

- Sometimes the showers just…filled up with black sludge. No one knew why.

- The girls in the room next to me were very bizarre. They always shot me odd looks and whispered to each other constantly. I couldn’t figure out if they were sleeping together or not. They never washed their hands when we were in the bathroom.

- The doors to each dorm were thick and heavy and required effort to push them open. My roommate and I made sure to lock ours every night, and would triple check it. It swung open by itself almost every night. The channels on the tv would change with the remote equidistance away from us. Sometimes I heard humming in the showers when I was the only one in there.

- My roommate…deserves a whole separate post dedicated to her, honestly.

- She would call her mother and have her do her homework for her. She blasted music constantly, and it was either country or hard rap, nothing in between. She sexiled me constantly. I once walked in on anal. She’d meet guys on Tinder, fall in love with them after a couple of days, and then bring them into the school and into our room like it was no big deal. One of them made it clear he was a budding serial killer. She was in a new drama every week. One time someone called her a dilf on Yik Yak. She was firmly convinced her cousin was blonde because her aunt dyed her hair when she was pregnant. She tried her hardest to get me laid by a football player. She was the loudest drunk I’ve ever encountered. Honestly there’s just too much about her for this omfg

- John Zaffis, the famous paranormal researcher, came to the school on my birthday. I went because I’m a loser who’s been watching shows with him since I was a kid, and I was having a bad day so I decided it could be a treat. I sat in the front row. He held an uncomfortable amount of eye contact with me the entire presentation. He was impressed with my questions. He lamented about the fact he’s always cut out of movies or replaced by priests that look like him. He apparently came to the school every year around Halloween to do a ghost tour around the campus for the students. A girl allegedly killed herself in my floor’s bathroom. He apparently always got a lot of activity around the campus. Everyone in the freshman class started wondering if the rumors about the Native American burial ground were true.

- One time in “writing” class the teacher gave us a number and then whatever song came up as that when we put our music on shuffle we had to play for the class. I ended up with “Touch Me” from Spring Awakening. Midway through the song, the teacher from another class came to complain that they could hear everything. My teacher tried to defend that all music has an important message. “Molly, dear, tell her the message in this song!” I looked around the room and at the other teacher. “It’s about sex,” I said quietly. She stormed out of the room while the class started laughing.

- There was this girl that just had the natural ability to make anything boring. I feel bad saying that, because she’s such a sweet girl, and she’s smart, and she’s gorgeous, and she’s talented, but just…every time she says anything, it’s boring. I’m still friends with her on facebook, the talent transcends to writing as well. You could be having a fun, lively conversation and she could say something completely relevant to the point and yet it would still just be boring. It’s a baffling talent, I still don’t understand how she does it.

- There was a boy who’d come into my room. He lusted over my s’mores poptarts. He kept trying to hit the high notes in Broadway songs. He didn’t understand my sense of humor at all, so we both were constantly worried we were offending each other. He cried about Selena Gomez a lot.

- The dining hall only offered horrendous food. I had pasta almost every night because it was the only thing remotely edible. If you wanted good food, you had to go to Late Night, which was between like 10:30 and 1 I think??? They set it up specifically for stoners and people leaving parties. I was frequently the only sober person there. Except for the moths.

- The chief at the pasta place found out I like theater and got like…weirdly passionate about it. He kept telling me about different theater groups in the area and wanted to know if I was in the school musical. He asked me every time I went up for food.

- There was a disproportionate amount of large black birds to trees. It wasn’t hard to figure out why we so rarely saw smaller animals

- When I told my advisor I was thinking about leaving (mostly for financial reasons but also the fake classes were preventing me from getting an education I wanted, you know?), this little old man looked around his office as if checking for people listening in, then put his hand on top of mine, leaned in close, and whispered “Oh, you sweet little girl. Run as fast as you can.”

There’s definitely more but listen. This school was weird and fake and vaguely surreal and off-kilter. I am fully afraid that one day, years from now, I’m going to be driving through the back roads and pass the place where the campus should be, only I won’t find anything there at all, and won’t be able to find any trace of it ever existing. I won’t be able to find any record of it. I won’t be able to find a record of any of the people. Every time I think about this place I just get a weird feeling, like I somehow managed to escape the Twilight Zone but left a part of me behind in the process. Be careful when applying to college, kids.

anonymous asked:

heres a prompt if u were interested: neil being oblivious when flirted with constantly while andrew doing nothing, passing by, twirling his racquet is enough to get neil's attention (the rest of the foxes smirk)

“You’re all zoned out,” Matt says in her ear. Dan tips him immediately backwards with a hand to the chest.

“Shush,” she tells him, gritted through the straw she’s worrying between her teeth. She ran out of the watered-down pepsi they’re serving in battered plastic jugs a half hour ago.

“Dan.”

“Shush,” she insists, pressing two fingers to his mouth. She’s watching Neil trying to fill his water cup over at the far side of the banquet hall. He’s hovering in that way he does, like a shark who hasn’t figured out if something’s food yet.

There’s this sweet brown-eyed boy trying to talk to him, possibly the only male cheerleader in the room, certainly the least in the loop about Exy gossip. Dan watches him touch Neil’s arm and Neil jerks backwards into the table, toppling an entire icy water jug so it slops onto the floor and seeps through the tablecloth to the dark wood underneath.

Heads pop up, the boy falls all over himself to pour Neil a new glass, and Neil wanders off, bored.

Dan has noticed that people really want Neil to have a heart of gold. They like the news stories and they want them for themselves. They want the seams showing on his face and the tragedy in his back pocket, and they want to show everyone how accepting they are for finding his scars sexy. 

All they really want is his trim waist and his pretty eyes and his vice-cap badge and the way he shoves cameras away and has more history than any twenty-year-old has any business having.

Dan’s seen it all before. The way people like the character you’re playing so much that they want to take you home and open you up and see how deep it goes.

Neil’s worse at knowing when it’s happening. Dan’s a professional. She can see the way their eyes follow him because at least a dozen are always following her too, especially in places like this banquet. They look at Neil, or Dan, and a little part of them expects a show.

She watches Neil walk towards them with his eyes pouring over the room like liquid and finding every crevice, every exit. She looks at Matt.

“He’s doing that thing where he’s making a spectacle but he thinks he’s being very subtle.”

“That’s his whole shtick. I’m fond of it, now.” Matt grins.

“Do you think he actually noticed he was being hit on?”

Matt hums, watching Neil wind through the tables back to the fox—trojan extravaganza at theirs. “I doubt he knows anything about that boy other than the fact that he was in front of him for a bit.”

Keep reading

I have some opinions/thoughts that I’d really love to get off my chest even if other people think I’m completely wrong.

Gaston did not deserve to die, Gaston was hardly a bad person, Gaston was basically forced into being the villian of this story.

[I’m referring to the 2017 remake of BATB rather than the original animation.]

Let’s point out some difference between the 1991 Gaston and 2017 Gaston
-2017 Gaston was not a misogynist
-did not abuse Lefou
-even verbally
-Like for fucksakes, the friendship between Lefou and Gaston was so genuine. I’m frequently seeing these things around Gafou is an abusive ship, buts it’s really not? He tells Lefou ‘thank you’ says ‘you’re the best Lefou’ sincerely asks ‘how has no woman snatched you up?’, messes around with Lefou like buds (wrestling bite marks, picking him up to demonstrate strength, gets on the table and dances with him), let’s Lefou calm him down and boop his nose, and not once does he insult or hurt even when it seemed like he would (after Lefou wrapped his arms around him, or when he couldn’t spell his name, when he said ‘who needs her when you’ve got us’, etc). They’re sincerely good, close friends, but don’t worry I’m not ignoring all the shitty things Gaston did to Lefou I will get to that in a second.
-I said he’s not a misogynist, right? Cause that’s important. Big step away from the OG.
-Doesn’t insult Belle for reading
-Instead he feigns interest in the book because he knows it’s her interest
-even brings her flowers, whataguy
-Has manners (“excuse me, please let me through” going through the crowd, didn’t push everyone out of his way)
-Goes to her rescue when the town’s people are being mean (sure this is because he wanted to be the hero to seduce her, but seriously he was one of the few people who didn’t harass or bully Belle for being different)
-Doesn’t call Maurice crazy and instead offers his help to soothe the men (again, seduction, but seriously he’s still being polite and helping the underdog unlike the OG)

I’ll probably think of more things to add to this Gaston-wasnt-an-asshole list but I think this basically gets the point across that, well, Gaston wasn’t an asshole. He was immensely vain, yes, but that doesn’t mean he was a bad person.
Cus ya know who else started out incredibly vain but still managed to be the fucking prince in this story?
Yep, the Beast/Adam of course.

Time to do some comparing of the prince and the villian because spoiler alert, they basically parallel each other.

I’ll begin this part with Belle’s comment of, “No one can change THAT much, Gaston”
Ahem

LITERALLY SHUT THE FUCK UP ARE YOU SERIOUS
This line pissed me off immensely, because that’s literally Adam’s entire character arc, changing himself completely, literally and figuratively.

Like I’m sorry you wanna do a repeat of the song “Something there” aka the song where the lyrics are basically “he was an asshole brute who I hated but now he’s c h a n g e d”
Literally so pissed off at that all.

But as I was saying, Gaston basically mirrors Adam’s arc, meaning to say they’re practically the same character things going on but sorta reversed.

Like okay
-Upon first meeting Belle, the Beast locks her father then her in a tower and is a huge dick but then they bond over books and he gives her flowers and he’s nice to her.
-Upon first interacting with Belle, Gaston is nice to her, gives her flowers, tries to bond over books, but then he’s a huge dick and locks her father and then her in a cart.

Do you see what I did there? Literally the same actions, but backwards.

Let’s do some more comparing.
-They both have terrible, terrible tempers.
But you know what? The Beasts is definitely a lot worse than Gaston’s.

Let’s review how both Gaston and Adam dealt with Belle’s dinner rejection
-Beast: literally motherfucking demands she has dinner with him, bangs his paws on the door, scrEAMS at her, and then announces she can starve if she won’t eat with him
-Gaston: [not direct quotes, can’t remember exact words but basically what he says] “oh, busy?” nope “okay, then some other time?” boom that’s that. Yeah he still is persistent on winning her over even after this rejection but the man handled it a lot better then Adam (and he brought flowers for her dinner table).

I’m about to move on from Adam and start talking about how Gaston treated Lefou in a sec, but I would just really really really like to put some emphasis on the fact that both Adam and Gaston were incredibly narcissistic men. The amount of self pride and conceded they have is in the beginning is completely parallel and it leads to both of their unfortunate fates. The point in this, is Gaston is not a bad guy just because he loves himself a bit much, just as the Beast was not a bad guy for loving himself too much. Like, the way Adam turns down Agatha for being ugly seems exactly like something Gaston would do, so why does the movie end with Gaston dying while the Beast learns his lesson and gets his happily ever after?
Because, the OG Gaston was truly an asshole who deserved to die and this 2017 remake of course had to stay true to the story. Even though this Gaston really wasn’t a true villian and didn’t deserve to die – rather he deserves a redemption arc just as Adam was given – he died anyway because that’s how the story goes.

Anyway, I’ll get on with this and bring back Lefou.

Some of you have probably been reading this while thinking “But Marley [das my name], Gaston was a shitty person, he wasn’t a good friend to Lefou at all because he manipulated him, let him get punched in the face, didn’t protect him at all, and threatened to lock him up. Plus, he was only into Belle because she’s pretty.”

Alright alright alright: Lefou.
He’s an exceedingly important character as he gives us insight to Gaston’s character.
Two crucial things he reveals about Gaston … .

-Gaston has anger issues. My father has anger issues, and so do I, and we both are on meds for it. Let me say, having anger management problems and getting angry are very different things. It’s just like he having anxiety and getting nervous are very different things. I think most of you can probably relate or understand anxiety more then anger issues, so just put yourself in Gaston’s shoes with that in mind. Anyway, back to Lefou. He shows us that Gaston has anger issues when he rushes to Gaston’s aid by saying “deep breathes” and then “think about the war”. He tells us that Gaston has coping mechanisms for when he gets like this. Does it matter if Gaston has anger problems? Does it make him less of a dick? Like, seriously Marley, does this information really make up for any of the things he did? Yes, yes it does matter. It’s like when you/someone your love is having an anxiety attack, or when you fall into a depressive episode, or when a loved one acts out of PTSD [which Gaston could totally completely have], or when someone with schizophrenia or delusions starts having episodes, it’s basically exactly like whenever anyone’s mental illness starts to act up. You don’t feel like yourself and you don’t so things you would normally​ do. This is definitely the case for Gaston; he acts out of character when he gets angry like this. And that’s my second point that Lefou proves in this movie.

-Gaston is not being himself when he starts doing all that terrible shit that leads him to his demise. Lefou makes it fairly obvious that that is not how Gaston usually acts. He does this in numerous ways which I will quickly try to summarize and go through:
1) Questions Gaston. Obviously if Gaston often tied up old men to trees or in general left people to die, Lefou would have just went with it instead of going “are you sure?”
2) doesn’t immediately lie to save Gaston’s ass. Again, if Gaston frequently had Lefou lie for him, then it would have came to Lefou like second nature and he wouldn’t have hesitated.
3) Once more, questioning Gaston. The scene I’m about to refer to is when Gaston locks Belle and her father in the carriage. Lefou grabs Gaston’s arm and goes to question him again, but before he can Gaston threatens to lock him up as well. Dick move on Gastons end, no? But this isn’t something he would normally do or say to Lefou, for if it was Lefou wouldn’t have bothered speaking up because he would have known what Gaston’s reaction would be. Instead, Lefou is used to being able to talk sense into Gaston and reason with him (refer back to nose boop scene).
4) Running to Gaston’s side for protection during the fight [castle scene]. Lefou is probably used to having Gaston protect him during fights (war time) and obviously didn’t expect Gaston to throw him to the enemy. Like, yous guys heard him shriek Gaston’s name before the piano fell on him, right? He was obviously expecting Gaston to rescue him. Even after he’s trapped under the piano, he still reaches and calls out for Gaston. The way Gaston is acting is not the Gaston he knows.
5?) “I was on Gaston’s side, but we are so in a bad place right now” [however he says it you know the line I’m referring to]. Aight I think this is the one line that really captures the point I’m trying to make. Lefou has switched sides because Gaston is being a major douchebag and Lefou’s not having it. Lefou doesn’t put up with being treated like shit [MrsPotts saying he deserves better and Lefou agreeing]. So o b v i o u s l y Lefou is not used to Gaston being so cruel and angry. If Gaston treated Lefou like this all the time, then Lefou wouldn’t be by his side [because he left his side once he started acting like this]. Lefou knows how he should be treated, and how he’s being treated is not what he’s used to.
You dig what I’m saying? I’m kinda rushing through these points because I’m getting tired of this.

*deep breathe* Alright, last point, as I mentioned above, ‘Gaston only wanted Belle because she was beautiful’ Alright alright alright I’m not even going to talk about the Gaston in this point, I’m just going to talk about the huge flaw that is Beauty and the Beast.

Adam is turned into the Beast because he needs to learn to not judge people by how they look, he needs to learn that it’s what’s on the inside that matters.
Right.
So why is Belle the one that learns this lesson?
Adam falls in love with a gorgeous girl, meanwhile Belle falls in love with a hideous monster who turns into a nice dude on the inside.
Belle is the character who learned to not judge a book by its cover [cover being a monsterous beast but inside he is a gorgeous prince].
As soon as Belle walked into the castle, all the furniture was like “yooooo she could be the one, master hit her up” and instantly Adam’s like “well I need a girl to fall in love with to break my curse and she cute yeah let’s do it”. Like of course there’s more to our then this, but what I’m trying to say is Adam had already planned to try to charm Belle before he knew what kind of person he was because he was desperate to break the curse.
So he and everyone in the castle just saw her and was like “she was a girl, he was a boy, can I make it anymore obvious?”
So anyway anyway anyway, Gaston was only interested in Belle because she was beautiful and he wanted a wife, but Beast was only interested in Belle because she was beautiful and could break the spell. See the parallels again? Like, Beast later fell in love with Belle for who she was and she made him a better person, Gaston could have totally done the same thing.
And okay, there’s no proof Beast cared that Belle was beautiful or not, but yo, Disney definitely should have made Belle ugly af so when Adam met her the snob in him would have been “ew she’s ugly, next” and then Lumiere and Mrs. Potts woulda been like “boi Imma whoop yo ass if you don’t give that girl a try, I don’t care how fucked up her teeth are smfh” and then Adam would have learned the lesson that the enchantress was trying to school him about in the first place [this applies to the 1991 animated film, not directly at the 2017 btw]

Well I was trying to keep this professional and moreso eloquently written but you can tell I’m coming out of my cage and I’ve been doing just fine gotta gotta be down because I want it all

Okay okay okay
Okay okay
Okay

I believe we’re nearing the end. I believe I’ve said all I needed to say made all the points I could [honestly definitely not because I’m constantly thinking about this and arguing with no one in my head, I have a lot to say and later I’ll be making toast and be like “anD ONE MORE THING”]

I’m very upset Gaston died because he wasn’t a terrible enough character to deserve death.

So Dear Disney, either make Gaston more of a shitty person, or bring him back to life. I’ll be waiting for an apology letter until this is done.

Of course I’m kidding.

I just have such a love and passion for Gaston and I’m truly sick of hearing people tell me that Gafou is an abusive ship and Gaston is a villian.

And if you refuse to see that Gaston wasn’t a bad guy but still believe that Adam is such a prince than you’re insanely hypocritical.

People just see what they want to see.

Also I’m terribly sorry for making this so diddly damn long, I honestly have no idea how to do the cutoff “Show more” thing, I’m on mobile. So sorry if you’re trying to rapidly scroll past all of this and it’s taking forever.

But honestly fuck you don’t scroll past my argument.

And also if you legit read all this then motherfucking congratulations to you. Like I don’t even want to read all of this shit to edit it.

Thanks for the attention. Marley OUTT
Indecent Exposure

Art trade with @yunyin! Her request: a funny/awkward reveal where the kids come up with a code word/phrase in case they can’t transform and need to convince the other of their identity. And what’s funnier/more awkward than Ladrien?

~*~

It wasn’t until the akuma trapped Adrien and Ladybug in the elevator together that Adrien remembered two things: one, his ring was back at the studio on the fifth floor, and two, he wore pants made entirely out of faux fur, and nothing else.

Keep reading

Writing is Hard, pt 8: Slow and Steady

Summary: Dean shows you his favorite kind of sex.

Read Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7

Warning: Smut, dirty talk

Word Count: 3100ish

A/N: This is all written with love for fan fic. I’m teasing, not putting it down in any way. Hope you enjoy! (Sorry, tag list is closed!) XOXO

The motel door opens quietly and you hear Dean shuffle in, his footsteps easy to recognize. You don’t move, body too exhausted to even roll over in bed and say hi.

Sam has to know that Dean comes to your room every night now. Actually, Dean just goes straight in with you now more often than not, leaving Sam to himself. You’ve never discussed it, but you suspect that Sam’s silence on the matter of you and Dean is his thank you for finally having some privacy on a regular basis.

Either way, you aren’t remotely surprised that Dean is here. You listen to boots being kicked off, a gun being placed on the night stand, and clothes being shuffled off. He’s down to his boxers when he slides beneath the covers.

Keep reading

Hey guys! Haven’t made a quotes masterpost in a while, so I created one for the composes! And I know it’s a different header format, but I wanted to try it out! As always, I hope you enjoy these quotes and find them inspirational, like I have.

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart

  • “I pay no attention whatever to anybody’s praise or blame. I simply follow my own feelings.”

Johannes Brahms

  • “Without craftsmanship, inspiration is a mere reed shaken in the wind.”

Virgil Thomson

  • “Let your mind alone, and see what happens.”
  • “I don’t go around regretting things that don’t happen.”
  • “Try a thing you haven’t done three times. Once, to get over the fear of doing it. Twice, to learn how to do it. And a third time to figure out whether you like it or not.”

Franz Schubert

  • “Easy mind, light heart. A mind that is too easy hides a heart that is too heavy.”
  • “The moment is supreme.”
  • “The world resembles a stage on which every man is playing a part.”
  • “You believe happiness to be derived from the place in which once you have been happy, but in truth it is centered in ourselves.”

Gustav Mahler

  • “It should be one’s sole endeavor to see everything afresh and create it anew.”
  • “Fortunately, something always remains to be harvested. So let us not be idle.”
  • “A symphony must be like the world. It must contain everything.”
  • “It is easier to achieve a desired result in short pieces.”
  • “Never let oneself be guided by the opinion of one’s contemporaries. Continue steadfastly on one’s way.”
  • “The point is not to take the world’s opinion as a guiding star but to go one’s way in life and working unerringly, neither depressed by failure nor seduced by applause.”
  • “I don’t let myself get carried away by my own ideas - I abandon 19 out of 20 of them every day.”

Claude Debussy

  • “A beautiful sunset that was mistaken for a dawn.”
  • “Works of art make rules; rules do not make works of art.”

John Cage

  • “We are involved in a life that passes understanding and our highest business is our daily life.”
  • “We carry our homes within us which enables us to fly.”
  • “The first question I ask myself when something doesn’t seem to be beautiful is why do I think it’s not beautiful. And very shortly you discover that there is no reason.”
  • “I can’t understand why people are frightened of new ideas. I’m frightened of the old ones.”
  • “There is no such thing as an empty space or an empty time. There is always something to see, something to hear. In fact, try as we may to make a silence, we cannot.”
  • “We need not destroy the past. It is gone.”
  • “When we separate music from life we get art.”

Leonard Bernstein

  • “To achieve great things, two things are needed; a plan, and not quite enough time.”

Franz Liszt

  • “Beware of missing chances; otherwise it may be altogether too late some day.”
  • “Inspiration is enough to give expression to the tone in singing, especially when the song is without words.”

George Gershwin

  • “Life is a lot like jazz… it’s best when you improvise.”
  • “True music must repeat the thought and inspirations of the people and the time.”
  • “I frequently hear music in the very heart of noise.”
  • “It is always possible to create something original.”

Ludwig van Beethoven

  • “I will seize fate by the throat; it shall certainly never wholly overcome me.”
  • “What you are, you are by accident of birth; what I am, I am by myself. There are and will be a thousand princes; there is only one Beethoven.”
  • “This is the mark of a really admirable man: steadfastness in the face of trouble.”
  • “Don’t only practice your art, but force your way into its secrets; art deserves that, for it and knowledge can raise man to the divine.”
OVERCOME (M)

Originally posted by jeonify


GENRE: noona&youngerboy, smut

BACKGROUND: Jungkook’s first time had left him traumatized of having sex ever again. It had gone so far to the point that a rumor had even spread about him not being able to get hard-ons. You then decide to step in and prove the rumor wrong. What was supposed to be a simple test of theory leads to a night that you weren’t going to forget for the rest of your life.

AUTHORS NOTE: Omg I haven’t written something in so long. I’m so sorry this took me quite a while. This actually started as a drabble but I kind of got too into it and finished it into a full blown story. I’ll be working on the remaining requests sent to me before, soon I promise you guys, I’m just trying to come up with ideas! But I do hope you enjoy this, tell me what you think. 

Jeon, as forever, is a sinful little shit. 

If there are any errors, I am sorry about those! I did proof read but I know I still missed some. 


Your pen hangs off of your lips, fingers tapping lightly against the glass table as you study the boy in front of you. He has his face buried between the pages of his Physics book, eyes scanning through each paragraph in close precision, oblvious of your scrutiny. You slowly turn your logistics book shut, choosing to ignore your studies as the conversation you had with your brother during last night’s party flashes through your mind.

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Don’t Stop Us Now

@softkent ‘s 14 Days of Love fic-a-thon, day 6: ruined surprises!

It all started because Katya decided to have mercy on Eric and let him take morning classes this semester. WGSS120 was an amazing class, Professor Atley had the coolest stories about how postwar industrialization led to compulsive female domesticity, and his seatmate wasn’t the worst thing to see at 9:30 AM every Tuesday and Thursday. He would have almost been dreamy if he had the slightest knack for small talk. As it was, Eric didn’t even have a name to go on, just intent blue eyes and an ass that even the baggiest of shorts couldn’t mask.

One day, Eric decided to drop a hospitality bomb on the guy and see if he could coax a response out of him. They were both consistently early to class, so Eric budgeted ten minutes for a brief chat before class started and turned to Cute Guy with a winning smile on his face.

“So how about that reading, huh? I thought it was fascinating how cake mix became a prestige thing- everyone in my family bakes, and I don’t think we’ve used a box mix in forty years.”

“Yeah,” the guy said, “I think it had something to do with the scientific advancements they made in food preservation for the troops. Shelf stabilization wouldn’t have been nearly as achievable in earlier years.”

Miraculously, once you got onto a clear subject, Cute Guy was actually a decent conversationalist. Eric found himself losing track of time as they dissected last night’s chapters of Marling.

“And the American National Exhibition anecdote!” he giggled. “Who can even tell the difference between Russian and American Coke?”

“I bet it’s easier with all of the Soviet Union breathing down your back. ‘Da, cola of Mother Russia is vkusno!’”

“Nice accent,” Eric told Cute Guy.

“Really? Thanks, I’ll have to tell Geno. He’s always knocking my Russian. He’s, uh, a friend of my dad’s, and we both play hockey.”

“So that’s what your weird doodles are? Hockey plays?”

“Yeah, I’m captain of the hockey team here. We’re not half bad, if I say so myself.”

“Wow,” Eric enthused, “you must be a pretty good skater, then.”

“Yeah, I guess. I could teach you sometime, if you want. I’m Jack, by the way,’ Cute Guy said.

Keep reading

In which I seduce the villain of a side quest

Context: So this is the same Mae Gjallarfjall who seduced the pirate captain on the first game. In a later session, we have arrived at the capital of Fountland, which will serve as our base of operations for most of the campaign. The party decided to run some sidequests to make some cash and possibly find some loot. So we pick two bounties that are the opposite of each other. One is a dude who wants help fighting off an army of 5000 people, and the other is the army of 5000 looking for more help. Our way of completing both was… unusual.

DM: So, you guys arrive at the camp of five thousand men. One of them turns to you guys and asks “Who the fuck are you?”

Me (OOC): I pull out the job poster and tell him I’m looking for his leader.

DM: He points you the right way and wishes you luck.

Me (OOC): We continue on to the tent and I walk in without announcing myself.

DM: You find Meb in her tent, barely clothed and sitting on a throne made of men. She looks at you as you approach.

Me (OOC): I roll Persuasion to sway my hips seductively as I continue forward. *rolls +2 and ties Meb’s Initiative check*

DM: She raises an eyebrow at you and smiles. She greets you and demands that you state your business.

Me: *holding up her Help Wanted poster* I came to see about your job offer. You have five thousand men at your disposal against a single enemy, and yet you cannot best him? Why?

DM (as Meb): Ah, yes, I and my… rival, shall we say, have a contract in place. I’m only allowed to send one soldier per day.

Me: And for what ends?

DM (as Meb): To steal a cow.

Me: What’s so special about this cow? Can’t you just buy it from him? If you have the money for an army, surely you can buy a cow.

DM (as Meb): It’s a really nice cow. And he won’t sell it to me.

Me: Well, if you haven’t already sent your soldier for the day, I’ll go next and end this whole feud.

DM (as Meb): I like the sound of that. For now, find yourself a tent and rest up for the night. He’s tougher than you may think.

The rest of the party salutes and turns to leave.

Me (OOC): As I turn and walk out, I roll Persuasion again to sway my hips. *Rolls +3 and successfully seduces Meb*

DM (as Meb): Except you. *pointing at me* You stay. You’ve caught my eye… What’s your name, hun?

Me: Name’s Mae Gjallarfjall. Pleased to make your acquaintance.

DM (as Meb): Oh, we’re going to be far more than mere “acquaintances.“ (OOC): Roll Initiative.

Me (OOC): *critfail*

DM to me: You fail to notice her grab a whip from her throne as she steps towards you.

The rest of the party, meanwhile, comes up with a plan to con Meb by disguising Paladin’s horse as the beautiful cow. In the morning, McCooly (the dude with the cow) would feign loss and run away with the real cow, giving the horse to Meb as per the feud contract. I, however, was getting laid, so I missed all of this.

DM: It is morning! Cocka-doodle-doo! The cow says "Moo!” McCooly is waiting in his usual spot just between his ranch and Meb’s camp. Mae, you wake up very sore but strangely refreshed.

Me: Welp, time to take care of this job. (OOC): Doot doot doot. I head out to where McCooly is.

DM: He charges you with a very predictable path at a very slow speed, and winks at you. Initiative.

Me: *+2 Initiative, +3 Block*

DM: You successfully block. He says “Oh no, you are so fast! How did you ever see my attack coming?”

Me (OOC): I punch him right in the face with Storm Fist. *Rolls +2 for contact and +5 for damage, fail the stun chance, but land the cooldown reset*

DM: He looks at you funny and whispers at you “What are you doing, you’re supposed to go easy!” He then swings his spear at you again. It is very easy to read.

Me (OOC): *+1 Initiative* I notice, and +2 Block.

DM: You block again, and he says “Well, I guess I don’t have to hold back either.” He’s trying to shiv you with the spear. Initiative.

Me (OOC): *Same rolls as lats time.*

DM: You do NOT block, and you get shivved for 7 damage.

Me (OOC): That’s 3 after armor, I take it as HP. My turn?

DM: Yes.

Me (OOC): I’m going to poke him right under the jaw in that soft spot between the bone.

DM: I guess that counts as Bare Knuckle. Roll.

Me: *connects and does 5 damage* And now, I spend a fate chip to instantly reset the cooldown of Fist of Havoc, and I’m Smashing. *rolls 36 damage*

DM: …aw… why? You killed McCooly. He’s like, the coolest NPC ever, man.

Me (OOC): Afterwards I roll First Aid to keep him from being completely dead.

DM: So after he wakes up, he shakes your hand and compliments your strength, and hands you 90 gold to split between the three of you. He then takes the fake cow over to Meb and hands it over. Meb then tosses you an additional 90 gold to split, and blows a kiss at Mae.

anonymous asked:

Loving the text messages!! Keep up the good work! Also if you don't mind could you describe darks and antis personalities according to you?

Absolutely!!! Beware though, I’m about to wax poetic because I LOVE these two characters. I’m sorry that this post is so long but I’m NOT putting it under a cut because I worked on this for over a fucking hour instead of writing my history paper and I want at least one person to actually read it. :P

I’m gonna go a little in depth with what I believe is their canon personalities according to my interpretation and then how I incorporate those interpretations into Texts From Dark And Anti. Some of you may be surprised to find that I actually heavily take their canonical personalities into account when I make my edits; it’s not all just dick jokes and memes for the sake of notes. Texts From Dark And Anti is my love letter to these two characters, and I’ve gone to great lengths to portray them in the best way possible.

But enough babbling. Let’s start with Dark.

CANON PERSONALITY: Master Manipulator and Sexual Predator

Originally posted by markimemey

Per Mark, Dark is a master manipulator. He’s a snake in the grass, ready to tell you anything and everything you need to hear in order to get what he wants from you.

I’d argue that this often works for him. Obviously he’s a very good actor if he’s able to mimic Mark perfectly in the “Chocolate” ending, so that makes me think that he’s able to assume whatever personality and/or extend whatever favors he needs to to trick his victims into abiding by him.

But it’s also worth mentioning that Dark’s biggest weakness (arguably) is his jealousy. As Mark said, Dark’s extremely jealous of Mark, and he wants everything that Mark has: wealth, fame, success, and devoted fans. I’d be willing to believe that that last thing is what rubs Dark wrong the most.

Evidence? Mark’s fans are exactly what he goes after. Wanna know what’s freakier? IT FUCKING WORKED.

Mark took all of his fans out on a date. All of us adored him for it. Dark got jealous of this, so he infiltrated the date and tried to get us to support him instead. And when Tyler Mark showed up to fight him, Dark didn’t kill him himself. He manipulated us into doing it for him.

And what brings this home is that Dark has had the longest lasting potential out of anything to come out of this video. All of the other memes and references have lost their luster by now, but the resurgence of Dark-related fan art, ask/rp blogs, edits, and memes are still going strong. Dark infiltrated our date and convinced us to love him and worship him the same way that we do Mark, and we fucking fell for it.

So why does he do this? Is it just because he’s a jealous prick? Partially, but I think that, canonically, there’s more to it. I think it’s because he thrives on his ability to hold power over people, which is comparable to–get ready for it–sexual predators.

Dark exhibits a lot of the traits we normally attribute to these criminals. He’s attractive, charismatic, extremely manipulative, and sadistic. He says things like, “I can give you anything,” and, “If it’s dinner you want, I can provide.” Provide is an interesting word choice here, because that’s what society has dictated the man in a relationship should do. He even acts seductive: arching his neck, eye-fucking the camera, and he even blows us a kiss (see below). But the way that he grabs and shakes us periodically throughout his mental breakdown betrays his inner sadism and anger issues, also common among sexual predators. I absolutely think that based on Dark’s behavior and what we know about him, he’s totally down to fuck anyone and everyone in order to get what he wants–consensual or otherwise. And I definitely think he’ll enjoy it.

Originally posted by mirrorthehorse

I wouldn’t necessarily say that Dark is a nymphomaniac. As an otherworldly being, it’s entirely possible he doesn’t even have a sex drive. But sexual predators don’t usually rape their victims just to get their dicks wet. Usually, it’s a power issue; they want to feel like they have mastery over something, and that they are dominant and in control. Given Dark’s obsession with taking all of Mark’s glory away from him, coupled with his violent mood swings and sadism, I would say that sexual assault is probably just one of the many ways he appeases his insatiable appetite for power and manipulation. And I’d even bet that it’s one of his go-to’s.

In Texts From Dark And Anti, I normally portray Dark as a bitter old demon who doesn’t understand memes and doesn’t want to put up with anybody’s shit. But I didn’t just do this for fun; I did it because I could see Dark being jaded in real life. Off-camera, when he’s not trying to seduce us into adoring him over Mark, I could see him being sick of being overlooked. He’s old, even by Mark’s channel’s standards, and up until “A Date With Markiplier”, he wasn’t mainstream in the fandom at all–not fun for someone who craves the adoration of others. So he’d definitely be off-put by Anti’s much younger, more erratic personality, and in a bad mood he’d bitch at him for it. But in a good mood, he’d use it to his advantage to get whatever he wants–sex, souls, and anything else his blackened heart desires, both for the reward and the thrill of not having to do it himself.

Now let’s talk about Anti.

CANON PERSONALITY: Chaotic Psychopath

Originally posted by treblegirl

Jack has been near-silent on his personal interpretation of Anti (although he’s stated that he definitely has a personal canon that he refuses to share, the little fucker), so all of this is going to come from speculation and what we see onscreen.

While Dark chose to make his debut in one long, continuous, elegant appearance, Anti showed up randomly throughout the month of October, with no prelude and no explanation as to why he was there. Also in contrast to Dark’s smooth, charismatic personality, Anti is visibly unstable, jittery, and psychotic. Both he and Dark exhibit bloodlust, but Anti doesn’t hide it. He doesn’t hold back any of his sociopathic tendencies, going so far as to murder his host on camera for the world to see.

We don’t exactly know what Anti’s agenda is, but that’s just it: I don’t think he has one. At least, not one beyond the psychotic urge to kill as much and as many people as he can. Even in “Say Goodbye”, all he does is laugh at/condemn the viewer for not warning Jack and saving him. The other times he was on camera in October, he was glitchy, with several different appearances (fangs, gauges, blood, etc.) and contorted, unsettling body movements, making me think that Anti is a supernatural being that thrives on chaos and bloodshed.

But  Anti doesn’t just want to cause havoc–he wants to cause havoc and get the credit he deserves for it. That’s why he showed up so much on camera without Jack noticing; he was there for us, not him. Then he made a big deal about us not telling Jack what was going on, condemning us for our failure to make his existence well-known. Then he crashed Jack’s panel at PAX, angry at us for “forgetting” him. He’s not trying to garner our support like Dark is; if anything, he wants us to be terrified of him.

Originally posted by redthereaper07

But personally, if I had to choose between being locked in a room with Dark and being locked in a room with Anti, I’d choose Anti in a heartbeat. Because even though Anti is more obviously psychotic, at least I’d know I would be killed quickly–unlike Dark, who would torture and manipulate me verbally, physically, and possibly even sexually for an indeterminate amount of time. This is Anti’s downfall, I think; Dark disguises his true nature with seduction and charisma, but because Anti’s so unpredictable and surface-level, he identifies himself as a very obvious threat, ironically making him a little easier to understand.

Thus, my interpretation of him in Texts From Dark And Anti reflects this (albeit in a more comedic way). Anti loves memes and silly trends because he wants to stick out in a way that’ll gain recognition. He’s more up-to-date with Internet trends and slang because he’s much younger than Dark–but that also means that he’s more gullible, and a lot of simple things go over his head. Basically all of his emotions are double that of Dark’s, and he makes no efforts to disguise them. He’s also much more privvy to senseless murder than Dark. This speaks highly of his psychotic tendencies and general disregard for any order or secrets he could be bothering to keep. What you see of Anti is what you get: an easily-excitable, always-ready-to-fuck-shit-up killing machine.

Originally posted by markired

So…yeah. That’s pretty much my piece. Told you it’d be long. X’D

But tysm for asking!! And if any of you bothered reading this far, PLEASE reblog or leave a reply with your thoughts on my interpretation of these two characters and how you characterize them personally. I’m super crazy interested in the lore around these two (or lack thereof), which is why I created Texts From Dark And Anti in the first place. ^_^

40 Prompts List

I threw together a bunch of my favorite prompts ideas since I’ve been suffering from writer’s block and need the inspiration. Feel free to reblog!

  1. “I don’t want to stop loving you.”
  2. “We were just pretending to be lovers, but I’m not pretending anymore.. I need to know if you feel the same way.”
  3. “I said you couldn’t fall in love with me, but I didn’t say I couldn’t fall in love with you.”
  4. “Promise me you’ll stay.”
  5. “I didn’t want it to end, I just thought you’d be better off without me..”
  6. “I’ve tried to move on, but no one is you.”
  7. “If this is the last time I see you, know that I love you more than anything.”
  8. “You hide it in jokes and sarcasm, but I can see how broken you are.”
  9. “Just do one last thing: Kiss me.”
  10. “Nothing has ever scared me more than being with you.”
  11. “Please.. don’t leave.”
  12. “We were never just friends.”
  13. “Don’t worry, I’ve got you.”
  14. “Are you trying to seduce me?”
  15. “I miss you every second of every day.”
  16. “I’m trying to forget you the best I can, but damn it, we belong together.”
  17. “You say I got us into this, but you didn’t stop it from happening, either.”
  18. “I always overthink, just let me do something thoughtless for once in my life.”
  19. “After everything… I’d still choose you.”
  20. “If you had asked me to stay, I would’ve.”
  21. “You’re too good for this world.”
  22. “How long do we have?”
  23. “Do you think we’re bad people?” 
  24. “I know it doesn’t seem like it, but I’m going to take care of you.”
  25. “We were never meant to fight on our own.”
  26. “We always have a choice.”
  27. “Is that a threat?”
  28. “Keep your eyes on me.”
  29. “You can lie to yourself but don’t lie to me.”
  30. “I tried my best to not feel anything for you. Guess what? I failed.”
  31. “We have to stick together.”
  32. “We’ll get through this. I promise.”
  33. “Don’t leave me behind.”
  34. “How did you find me?”
  35. “Who did this to you?”
  36. “I don’t want to be alone right now.”
  37. “Don’t you dare die on me!”
  38. “You’re out of your damn mind.”
  39. “You make me feel invincible.”
  40. “I’ll keep you safe.”
Broke My Dream

Characters: Sam x Reader

Word count: 4442 - sorry not sorry blame @a-sea-of-fandoms

Warnings: fluffy fluff, smutty smut, a bit of angst if you squint

A/N: Anon Requested: “Can you write one about Sam x reader. Reader is shy quiet bookworm who is in love with Sam. She knows he would never feel the same way. So she fantasizes about him seducing her. Then it really happens. Thank you” Hope this is OK!

You couldn’t focus on the book in front of you. The bunker was quiet enough, the light warm enough, your legs comfortably resting over the arm of the armchair you were laid in, but you just couldn’t stop thinking about him. It was an uncharacteristically quiet day, and it was supposed to be the day you finished this book you’d been trying to finish for weeks. But every time the main character was mentioned, your mind wandered and you thought back to the tall, long haired, broad shouldered man you knew in real life. You weren’t even halfway through this thing, but you wouldn’t give up on it. You’d never given up halfway through a book and you didn’t plan on starting now.

Clearing your throat, you tried to refocus.

You felt your eyes growing heavy and before you knew it you were drifting off to sleep, your head resting on the other arm of the chair, the book still open and perched against your thighs. You felt yourself smile as you saw Sam move towards you, his hand coming up to hold your face before he crashed his lips to yours. You were suddenly against a wall, his hands on your waist holding you in place as he deepened the kiss. You gripped the fabric of his shirt as he let his hands wander down, his lips moving to suck a mark under your ear.

A moan rumbled past your lips as you felt his fingers slip under the top of your jeans and you suddenly started awake.

You jumped up, sitting up in the chair, realising you’d fallen asleep and were having one of your not-so-infrequent fantasies about the younger Winchester. It had been a long couple of weeks and sleep had been severely lacking for all of you as you worked the case.

“Dude you were out,” you heard Dean’s voice and laughed. “And making some serious happy noises,” he winked, and you instantly cringed, your cheeks flushing pink.

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Tricks (Part 1)

Request: Hello! How are you? Could I request a Joker x Reader where the he and his friends are arguing about who the most attractive/best with the ladies is and joker ends up betting he can seduce the reader. They fall in love but then reader finds out it was all a bet. Sort of a ‘10 things I hate about you’ scenario haha Thanks lovie

A/N: I COMPLETELY fell in love with this idea this is cute AS FUCK. Part 1 of ??

Pairing: Joker x reader 

Summary: Joker makes a bet he can seduce the reader but finds out he’s met his match. 

Warnings: Sexual implications? Probably swearing? Joker stuff. 

Originally posted by grysamobojcow

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I’m GMing a campaign for a friend of mine and she’s playing solo. Her elf hunter character is exploring old ruins where and NPC has disappeared, possibly captured. Upon entering the ruin he comes across a group of bandits guarding the first room and manages the charisma roll to approach them without them attacking him on sight. He then starts talking how he’s just a tomb raider looking for easy money. Eventually he asks if he could join the bandits.The leader of the bandits isn’t exactly taking him seriously.

Me (Bandit leader): “You don’t just join my group in a whim. One, I’d need to have a reason to believe I won’t find a blade in between my shoulder blades the second I turn my back. Two, you’d need to have something going on between those pointy ears of yours, of which I’ve yet to see any proof. And three, you’d need to prove you’re actually worth something.”

Hunter: “Well, how do I prove it?”

To sum things up, the bandit leader is honestly getting bored with the assignment to guard the entrance and she thinks this might be a good way to pass the time. So while her band gathers to watch, she tells the hunter she would test his combat skills. They choose to fight without weapons and though the difference in their stats is HUGE (the bandit leader was effectively a mini boss), the hunter manages to land a hit or two. All the while the two characters are doing some snarky banter in the midst of attacks and the hunter rolls charisma every few turns to see if the bandit appreciates his humor. Finally, this happens:

Me: “OK, she sidesteps to dodge your attack and is now right behind you. She’s about to strike you in the back. What do you do?”

My friend: “…I smile as charmingly as I can and hopefully stop her attack for a second or two.”

At this point, I’m losing it and I tell her to roll for it. Charisma is the hunter’s leading stat, but it’s still a very tough roll, as I judge it wouldn’t be easy to stop a bandit boss mid-attack with a freaking smile. But son of a gun, the roll succeeds.

Me: *after taking a moment to calm down my hysterical laughter* “OK, OK… You turn to smile at her with your most charming smile and she freezes out of pure surprise, looking at you like you’ve completely lost your mind.”

My friend: “I know it’s a dick move, but can I roll to punch her now?”

Long story short, yes, her hunter lands a hit. After a few turns, the bandit leader tackles him, fairly amused by not only the fight but also by their banter. So she lets him sit by their fire, he tells the real reason he’s in the ruins and she lets him go on his way on the condition that once he finds the ones who captured the lost NPC, he won’t kill them. Because she still wants the other half of her promised pay. 

And that’s the story of how my friend’s character made friends with bandits. 

Pretty

Originally posted by canonspngifs

Request: I was wondering can I have a request of Dean x reader where they use to hunt together and dressed kinda like a tom boy but Dean loved her and the she went on her own for a bit then like years later she’s like all hot now like wears heals and looks badass ?? Thank you!

Pairing: Dean x reader

Word Count: 800ish

Warnings: language

A/N: A little bit of some cute Dean…


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Spirit in the House - chapt 10 END

Modern!AU Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: Reader is in a coma after a car accident. Bucky moves into your apartment and find your spirit still hanging around. (Based on Just like Heaven)

Word Count: 2,167

Warnings: Language, Mention of Depression, Mention of Suicidal Thoughts 

A/N: I was so moved by your feedback and I’m so happy to give you this final chapter. Thank you for everything! Hope you’ll enjoy it and… remember that I love you ♥ 

[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3] [Part 4] [Part 5] [Part 6] [Part 7] [Part 8] [Part 9] [Part 10]

Originally posted by softtroublemaker

It had been almost four months since you had left the hospital. Your apartment was oddly silent and you were starting to feel like something was missing. There were days when you would catch yourself staring into space, smiling, as if you were living another life in your head. A life you didn’t have access to.

Your therapist told you to be patient, you had to let your brain recover and adjust. It was a topic that even Peggy and Tony avoided. You realised the past few months had been hard on them too, so you decided to pretend everything was fine.

But you were not fine. You were sad and lost.

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Taking One For The Team

Context: Our group was participating in a tournament, and my male half-elf rogue Theron had tried to spy on last years winners who were participating this year as well and followed them to a high end club. I got discovered by one of them, but managed fooling him into thinking I was merely interested in him, and ended up having sex with him instead. The rest weren’t that impressed, and we were now gathered together trying to come up with our next move sans our barbarian who was off brawling in another bar.

Cleric: Well, look at the bright side, at least we know where they’re staying. 

Wizard: That’s all we know, Theron didn’t even manage to get his name!

Rogue (me): Hey! I was a bit preoccupied.

Wizard: What kind of person doesn’t even ask the name of the people they fuck?

Rogue: *blushes* I didn’t expect him to start flirting with me so I kinda forgot, okay? 

Cleric: Alright, let’s calm down and think about how to approach them again to try and get information. 

Wizard: I know, Theron you go and seduce that elf again, and this time try to get some information before you jump in bed with him. Better yet, if you’re going to seduce someone go after the judge, maybe we can reap some benefits.

Cleric: That could work.

Rogue: Wait, wait, wait. Are you whoring me out? Is this happening?! *points accusingly at cleric* You’re a cleric, how can you agree with him on this? 

Cleric: *serenely* It’s a viable tactic. 

Wizard: So get out there and do something useful for once. 

Rogue: *mutters* I hate you all.

Note: My rogue ended up having sex with one of the judges, but it was an accident as it was he who got seduced rather than the other way around much to the party’s amusement. 

Lance has been on mission for two weeks, and Keith’s been waiting up.

He’s been listening closely to each transmission, and Lance sounds okay. He sounds happy, even, at first, since the planet has beaches everywhere, and the locals love to show them off.

“Man, I’m swimming five hours a day, easy, and then we have meetings that last, like, two at most, and then food. Wow, the food is awesome.” Lance laughs as Keith makes a face. “Yeah, be jealous, I’m living it up over here.”

“My last mission involved crawling around mining shafts for three days,” Keith grumbled. “Of course you would get to go to Luxury Resort Planet.”

“Your mission involved you being a big damn hero and saving fifty people from a cave-in,” Lance says, and he’s beaming with pride as he speaks. Keith can’t help the smile when he sees it. “It was amazing.”

“Pidge and Hunk came back already, how come you’re still there?” Keith asks, curious, maybe complaining a little.

“Because they trust me above everyone else, I guess. Something to do with Blue and mine’s affinity for water? Should be done soon.” Lance’s grin is edging into leering territory now, and Keith flushes, annoyed at how easily Lance can do this to him. “Don’t train yourself to death while I’m gone. I know you probably have a lot of, ah, pent up energy —

“Yeah, okay, Shiro’s calling us for dinner, bye now. Keith rolls his eyes, gives Lance a chance to laugh and blow him a kiss before he ends the transmission.

And then a week passes by with nothing, no calls at all. Allura assures him that everything is fine, that she’s still getting Lance’s reports every day, but that negotiations for the alliance are tougher than expected. Lance is refusing to leave until they agree to help protect the smaller, less technologically advanced planets in their system — they have plenty of ships and shields to spare.

Keith falls asleep every night on one of the couches in the observation lounge. Their bed is a little too empty for him, not as warm or as soft for whatever reason …

He’s drowsing now, on that thin edge between light doze and deep sleep, when he feels a tender pressure against his temple. He opens his eyes halfway, sees a flash of deep brown skin, blue eyes, and Lance’s smile. “Hey there, stranger.”

Keith will blame the fact that he’s not completely awake, that he hasn’t been sleeping well for weeks, for the way he jumps up, wrapping his arms tightly around Lance’s shoulders, sending them both crashing to the floor.

“Ow. Hi. But ow.” Lance rubs at his head, but he’s still smiling. “Missed me, huh?”

Keith glares, but he knows it’s not nearly as intimidating as it should be, considering his own lips are up at the corners. “Took you way too long. Should’ve just threatened to shoot them and be done with it.”

“And that’s why Allura sends everyone but you to these things,” Lance laughs out. His hand reaches up, brushing the bangs from Keith’s face, running through the rest of hair over and over. “I definitely missed you, mullet brain, so tell me how much pining you did while I was gone. All of it, right? All the pining?”

“Nope, nada,” Keith answers, burying his face where Lance’s neck meets his shoulder. 

They lie there for a few minutes, Lance’s hand still stroking through Keith’s hair, his other hand running up and down his spine. Eventually, Lance tugs a little, prompting Keith to lean back.

“C’mon, I really need our bed right now.” Lance sits up so that Keith is straddling his lap. His hands slide down and before Keith can say or do anything, he’s standing up, and Keith has his legs wrapped around Lance’s waist, clutching tightly to keep from falling.

Keith inhales sharply. “Since when —”

“Since years of training, and a few weeks of non-stop swimming,” Lance answers, looking smug. “Yeah, I’m coming for your role as the buff one in our relationship. Whatcha gonna do about it?”

Keith pretends to think as Lance walks them to their room. He raises his eyebrows after a few moments. “Remind you of your place tomorrow when we spar and I kick your ass. But for tonight? Nothing. This is pretty h— nice.”

“Hot? You were going to say hot but you chickened out at the last second!” Lance crows. “Man, I’m gonna get some sexy talk out of you, some day, you’ll see. And then I’ll probably die, but it’ll so be worth it.”

Keith twists a bit as they reach their door, palming the panel so it slides open and Lance doesn’t have to risk dropping him to do it. As soon as they’re inside he’s using his weight to force Lance back against the door, and Lance struggles to keep a firm grip on him, keep them both upright.

“Who’s the more muscular one?” Keith asks, breathes out right against Lance’s ear. He’s rewarded by a shudder, and Lance finally dropping him — Keith lands easily, grinning at Lance, who glares playfully, his blue eyes tired but warm.

“Yeah, yeah — gimmie a couple more weeks, then I’ll be able to bench press you,” Lance says, yawning as he strips down to his shorts, yanking on Keith’s shirt. “Querido, dale. Sleep now.”

Keith is down to his own shorts and in bed with his boyfriend inside of a minute. Lance curls up against him, resting his head on Keith’s chest, and Keith takes his chance to run his own hand through soft brown hair, watching how it curls around his fingers. A soft, happy sound vibrates into Keith’s skin, but no words come from Lance — he’s out.

“I did miss you,” Keith whispers. “Way too much. It was embarrassing.”

Lance just breathes deeply in response.

Keith presses a kiss to the crown of his head, murmuring into his hair, “I love you.”

He’s floating away into sleep himself, and he knows that in the morning, Lance will be there, and he’ll refuse to get up right away; he’ll whine and tease and seduce Keith into staying in bed. And Keith will complain and argue and give in begrudgingly except not really. Because he’d really, truly missed all of this a depressing amount. He’s almost afraid of how happy he is right now.

Lance mutters something about Slav, no, the pancakes exist in this reality and Keith snorts before he’s finally resting for good, a smile on his face and the boy he loves back in his arms.


Notes: I have a paper due tomorrow, and this is what my brain decides to do. Look at this disgusting pile of fluff. C’mon, brain, priorities. *sighs* If anybody reads this, I’m sorry if it’s unbearably sweet — I guess I needed some soft, happy boys to distract from my imminent doom when it comes to this school thing I haven’t even started. *more sighing*

anonymous asked:

For the suggestion thingy could you do Lancelot but like actually klance with like creep lotor hitting on lance, lance being weirded out and Keith being jealous and protective? Sorry if that made no sense. Anyways, the dialogue prompt could be something like "Look, just leave me alone, alright!"

I hope this was what you wanted! Also, hopes and dreams for S3 tbh


           “Look, just leave me alone, alright?” Lance backpedaled until he was pressed up against the stone wall. “I’m flattered, really, but you’re… you’re, uh, not exactly my type.” Lotor and his bouquet of blindingly blue flowers seemed to droop in unison.

           “The Galra have caused you much pain, I understand.” He bounced back with a toothy grin so fast Lance actually yelped from surprise. “But I can be different. Young Paladin, believe me, your team does not appreciate your talents, your dedication, your­–” Lotor leaned in close enough to smell him– “beauty.” Lance felt himself go red as he tried to subtly inch sideways along the wall.

           “Yeah see it’s not so much the Galra part that bothers me,” he said, a certain boy with a frustratingly attractive mullet flashing unbidden into his head, “as it is the ‘I murder people with a fiery sword’ bit.” Lotor’s hand slammed into the wall beside his head, preventing Lance from moving further sideways.

           “All is fair in love and war, isn’t it?” he asked, and had the audacity to lick his lips with his face bare inches away from Lance. He caught Lance’s hand and pressed the bouquet into it. “I would think you would be impressed with a bit of swordplay.” Lance thought his face might spontaneously combust.

           “You sure know how to use your pickup lines, I’ll give you that,” he said. “Do you… do this with a lot of people?” Lotor’s jaw dropped comically, pressing his now bouquet-free hand against his heart.

           “I have learned the art of seduction, of course, but you, dear Lance, you are no ordinary partner. All the others, they were nothing more than practice so that when I found you—” He plucked a stray flower from the bouquet and tucked it behind Lance’s ear– “I would be prepared to offer you my best performance.”

           “I, uh, um, can I—?” Lotor smiled, far, far too close to Lance’s face for comfort, and he could swear Lotor’s eyes kept flickering to his lips.

           “Yes?”

           “I’m just gonna… Um…” He was interrupted by the door getting kicked in, revealing a furious Keith behind it.

           “GET AWAY FROM HIM!” Keith shouted, charging at Lotor. He sidestepped easily, lifting Lance out of the way as well so that he wouldn’t get skewered when Keith missed his target. Lance took the opportunity to scramble away as Lotor dodged another swipe from Keith, who growled in frustration, circling the Galra prince. As soon as Lotor was closest to the door, he threw a last grin at Lance.

           “You know how to find me!” he called. He winked, then sprinted for the door and slammed it in Keith’s face as he tried to follow. They heard a heavy bar fall in place across it and Keith growled in frustration when it wouldn’t open, before turning back to look at Lance. His eyes raked over him with a frown.

           “Why are you holding flowers?” he asked. Lance, glancing down, realized he still had the bouquet and dropped it promptly, going red again.

           “That… That dude is weird. He kind of tried to, um. He was trying to seduce me.” Keith stomped over and for a second Lance thought he was going to hit him, but instead he just plucked the flower out from behind his ear and crushed it in his hand.

           “Flirting is not going to win over the Galra, Lance,” he said.

           “Hey!” he protested. “He started it!”

           “Sure.”

           “He did!”

           “And now you sound like a kindergartener. Are you going to help me get this door open or not?” Lance grumbled, trudging over to where his bayard had landed after Lotor disarmed him. He hefted it up and told Keith to move aside, aiming for the hinges on the door. Keith watched him.

           “He didn’t actually hurt you, right?” Keith finally asked quietly. Lance paused, one hinge blasted to pieces.

           “The emotional damage was far worse,” he said, rolling his eyes and taking aim at the next hinge. “Why the quiznak would a Galra flirt with me?” The second hinge fell to the floor, leaving the door free to swing backwards into the room.

           “I can think of a few reasons,” Keith muttered very quietly, and before Lance could react, he had ducked under the bar and took off running through the castle. Lance gaped after him. He blinked once, twice, and then ducked under the bar so quickly he banged his head, and chased after him.

           “Keith! KEITH! COME BACK! DID YOU JUST FLIRT WITH ME TOO? KEIIIIIITHHHHHHH!”

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