'i like fire and i like to jump'

  • Snape: Mr. Potter, why don't you read first?
  • Harry: Alright, Chapter 1; Surviving your fascist Potions Professor who needs to put kids down to feel big.
  • Harry: Oh wow! This is useful guys, we should read on!

I hope joaquin keeps his powers after the apocalypse is over and like he doesn’t really use them but like one day he’s in his college dorm and his roommate startles him and he jumps and accidentally sets a thing on fire and his room mate is like dude wtf?? And joaquin is like ‘oh yeah remember when the apocalypse happened last year? So i got magic powers and they never really went away idk how it works or what but’

  • Friend: "Let's watch Harry Potter!" *grabs Goblet of Fire*
  • Me: "Yesss! Let- what the fuck are you doing?"
  • Friend: "Well, I like this one-"
  • Me: "We watch them all from the beginning. You can't just jump ahead."
  • Friend: "We don't have enough ti-"
  • Me: "Bitch, we will make time. Sit down and shut up."

peachy dork boy!! 

I’m so happy to share this with y'all, this has been my big project this summer, and my biggest labor of love/favorite costume right now? 

I’m just…so happy with this, being Conrad/peachy soft boy brings me a lot of joy, and I also couldn’t be happier with how the costume looks! this took legit months of work, and I leaned so many new things in the process! 

Buzzfeed Unsolved Starters

“I don’t think you can exercise spiders.”
“Oh see, NOW you’re acting like a detective, and not a jackass!”
“‘Dan’ just sounds like your neighbor who wants to borrow your lawn mower.”
“Here, I drew a picture of you with 3 butt cheeks. This drawing now exists in the world.”
“Since when has a skull ever actually shrunk in history?”
“This thought you’re having right now is not very spontaneous.”
“Too much fire here. What do I look like, a fireman?”
 "Cool guy. Coolest guy in history. Nice sunglasses. Wow! Bourbon’s great.“   
“Is it very European to burst into flames?”
“Are basketball players aliens?”
“How do we know his suit is black if it’s in a black in white photo? Maybe it was really navy blue.”
“I’m good, I’ll just sign up for karate.”
“Stop holding the pen like that, you look like an asshole.”
“I went to 8 churches today to get some holy water and i couldn’t get any, so now im going into a demon hole with no holy water!!”
“I’m 99.9% sure he’s never cut anyone’s head of in is time as a dentist.”
“Why you gotta go jumping off planes?”
“I don’t need to set my mom on fire for freedom!”
 "This piece of evidence was found on a Wikipedia page, therefore making it complete Horseshit.“
 "He’s a big dumb-dumb floating in the sky with his stupid trench coat blowing in the wind.”
 "There may very well be a hot dog vendor in Chicago who is a Bigfoot.“

anyways the fires in Northern California have shown no sign of stopping and have killed 30 people and counting, burned 212,000 acres (destroying 2,834 homes), had 8,000 people evacuate, and more than 600 people are missing but it’s still not being talked about very much. if you want to donate to help victims, there’s information on how here, here, and here

Sources: x, x, x 

Peter Parker - Confessions

i thought this was super cute and i hope you guys enjoy it!! 

warnings: kissing and  swearing

word count: 2002

requests are open:))!!

Originally posted by hardyness

sitting in science last period i was trying to keep myself from falling asleep. i could feel my eyes slowly begin to shut as my head was resting on the palm of my hand. peter nudged me as my eyes began to shut completely. i jumped slightly then kicked him under the table, mouthing a few curse words his way. i could see his body vibrating with laughter as my angry face turned to look at the board.

rinnnnnnggggg

the bell sounded and the whole classroom came to life, majority practicality running out of the class. i grabbed my things and followed peter and ned out of the class, we stopped at my locker first i began placing my things back in my locker and grabbed my back pack.

“movie night?” i asked peter a small smile forming on my face once i saw his reaction. his face lit up as a large smile was placed on his face, he nodded his head excitedly as we began making our way to his locker. along the way we lost ned in the crowd of people. peters smile was still on his face when we arrived at his locker.

i love his smile

peter looked at me for a second, his face turned a bright shade of pink and his lips began to twitch up at the ends. “what?” he questioned as he pulled his bag from his locker. “did i say something?” i played dumb with him, i was not going to admit to my best friend of 5 years that i was madly in love with him while he spent all of his time looking at liz completely oblivious to how i feel.

Keep reading

Writing Prompts

1) Everything about her was messy. The eye makeup smudged just below her left eye. The fly aways in her hair pinned so poorly up. The tears and rips and paint splatters on her clothes. Her heart. 

2) “Was it all a lie?” 

3) The eerie stillness took hold. And slowly, we all began to sink into it. I felt like I was disappearing, like if I held my hand in front of my face it would be fading into darkness. 

4) The door slammed but I didn’t jump. 

5) “I don’t exist,” she whispered. 

6) The floorboards creaked beneath my feet and I prayed to a god I didn’t believe in that he wouldn’t wake up. 

7) The fire curled up into the night sky, the reds and oranges mixing with the midnight blue-black, looking almost as if they touch the sky. 

8) “Please just go …” 

9) As the storm cracked the sky open and rain began to fell I watched as they turned and walked away. I didn’t know it then but I’d never see them again. Looking back, I wish I would’ve said something. “I love you”, maybe. At least “goodbye”? 

10) “They’re dead,” he snarled, a sickening grin curling across his face. “It’s over.” 

I wish you’d been more like fire when we first met

so that one touch and I knew you’d do me no good

But no, you were not like fire at all

You were the water gently trickling on my bare skin – cool, refreshing and hypnotizing

and just like water you were always there, everywhere

You were the ocean who breaks my fall every time I jumped off rocky cliffs

You were the waves that gently guide me back to the safety of the shores

You were the long, steamy, warm shower on a stressful day just before I go to sleep

But just like water, I didn’t realize you were drowning me until I couldn’t breathe

Suddenly, everything about you seemed muddy, dark and deep and scary

But I was able to swim away though- swim and thrust and kick and paddle

until everything in me aches and I was exhausted and breathless

And you let me go, watched me run off the same sandy shores we used to spend all summer on, and went back to how you always were – cool, refreshing and hypnotizing

But just so you know

I am writing this in the confines of my room, where no water could be seen

And I hope you’re aware, as painfully as I am, that I am and will always be 70% water

and no amount of drowning could change that

—  aleyyy-a 
Arobynn

So I’m Re-reading ToG if you didn’t already know and it creeps me out even more this time how creepy Arobynn is. He is literally the creepy uncle at the party that everyone stays well away from. Like I don’t understand why he’s such a creepy mother fucker. Like he brought Aelin up as his daughter but then he creeps on her in queen of Shadows. Even rowan finds it freaky. I just don’t understand why he jumped from being the brother/father figure. Like he knew she was never gonna love him that way. He should of just stuck by her side in that way he probably wouldn’t of died then.

Things My Friend Said Playing Video Games

“What are you doing? Get the fuck up! It’s not nap time!”
“Someone is shooting at me.”
“Whelp, my girlfriend killed you.”
“Congratulations, you fucked up.”
“Oh my god, there are so many things.”
“Did I not just do that?”
“What is happening?”
“Sure, take me. Let’s go.”
“My girlfriend is doing all the work!”
“You’re almost as confused as I am.”
“I just like ran right into this raider camp. It’s fine.”
“Random rocks and shit, just hanging out.”
“Great. I got a rock.”
“Let me just throw my ass just down this hole.”
“I love that I’m getting on shit that works on my equipment from the Milky Way, out of these ancient tomb things that the people in this galaxy don’t even know about.”
“Do you have to jump over that? You could walk just two inches!”
“Guys, bridges are supposed to BRIDGE THINGS.”
“I think your bridge is broken.”
“I kinda really want to jump down there. I know I’ll die. But I want to.”
“The music is going spastic, there’s shit flying in my face, there’s giant turnips in the sky… what the fuck is happening?”
“I don’t even know what’s going on.”
“Hold still! I want to shoot you!”
“Let me live my life.”
“My eyes are on fire.”
“This water looks like pudding!”
“They look like dumb little octopi.”
“Now it’s time to die.”
“I’m gonna punch your ass even though you fly, c'mere!”
“Let’s go, guys! So I don’t die – where the fuck are all of you!?”
“Well, it’s DEAD NOW.”
“What? What, what, what? I don’t see anything! What do you want? WHAT?!”
“I wanna get my MAD LOOT first.”
“These robots have the juiciest thighs.”
“ARE YOU TELLING ME THEY CRASHED HERE AND NOBODY NOTICED?”
“ARE YOU FUCKING HIGH?”
“I don’t know what the fuck you want from me, but if you think I believe this shit for one minute–”
“Fucking – just die, I’m done with your plot!”
“Knife to the eyeball!”
“Are you dead now? What happened?”
“That’s fucking, like, beautifully stupid.”
“You have a little dialogue tree I can shimmy my butt up?”
“Oh, get out you dirty whore.”

Hero

For @baneismydragon based on that one little idea you had.  Have a drabble.


“I’m sorry, I’m really busy right now-“

“Hey, don’t worry about it, babe.  I can wait.”

Sabine turned around and frowned, busying herself with arranging the vegetables set out to look more pleasing to the eye for the excuse of something to do to try and let the jerk that had been following her around for the past fifteen minutes know that she really could not talk right now.

Not that he was taking the hint.

And not that she would ever want to talk to him normally.

But her boss had made it clear that scaring off one more customer was a one way ticket to getting fired. And she needed this job.

“So, how about on your break you and I head around back and-“

Sabine was just deciding that she didn’t need this job that much when a large shadow fell over her.

“Are you bothering my girlfriend?”

Excuse me?!’ Sabine looked up, paused, then looked even further up.

A young man, probably about her own age, was standing between her and the creep who had been following her around.  He was, to put it simply, big.  Sabine wasn’t sure she had ever met someone so tall or broad, and her jaw dropped slightly as he crossed arms that had to be as thick around as her waist.

“I… um… uh…” The creep was backing away, attention fully on the man glaring at him.

“Get out of here.  If I see you around again, I’ll deal with you personally.” The young man unfolded his arms to quietly pop the knuckles on first one, then the other hand.

Sabine was certain, as the creep scurried off, that she had just went from the frying pan to the fire.

Suddenly the young man’s glower lightened, and he turned to beam a positively sunny smile at her. Now that he was facing her, she could tell that his eyes were bluer than any she had seen before, the blue of the deep ocean.

“Sorry about that, miss. I saw that he was bothering you, and I figured you couldn’t tell him off because of being at work, so…” He gave a sheepish smile, rubbing at the back of his neck with one hand.

Sabine’s knees went weak with relief, and she returned his smile with one of her own.  “Thank you.  My manager said that if I went off on one more customer that he’d fire me.”

The man blinked, then frowned and stuck his chin out in indignation.  “That’s awful!  You should be able to defend yourself while working.  Do you get guys like him often?”

“Way more than I’d like.” Sabine sighed and shook her head, nearly wanting to spit with irritation.  “They think I’m exotic because I’m Chinese.”

The man frowned a little, then gave her a shy, sweet smile.  “If you want, I could come and scare them off anytime you need me to.  I work in the bakery across the street as an apprentice.” He suddenly jumped, and his smile became more than a little sheepish. “I’m Tom, by the way.  Tom Dupain.”

Sabine smiled, and reached out to take the hand he held out and shake it.  “It’s nice to meet you, Tom.  I’m Sabine Cheng.  And yes, I’d like that a lot.”

the day my best friend got drunk – lit her whole arm
on fire with a can of axe & some matches and jumped off
the roof – she kept talking about this documentary she’d seen about birds. 

i said yeah i feel like that too sometimes, sometimes i feel like that
too. like we’re all looking
for meaning in something, like i could have died & you could have died
but we didn’t and now we’re here 
sitting on my bedroom floor talking about poetry.

the summer after sophomore year i wrote down
everything i liked about a girl and she wrote a poem about two girls
jumping in front of an underground train. like they didn’t want to die, she said,
just look into each other’s eyes
a little bit longer. i said i think i know what you mean, i think i really do,
especially when it starts to rain
and her eyes look so big under the led tube lights. especially when the train
sounds a little bit like thunder and i want it to be thunder
because i really want to kiss someone while the sky makes a lot of noise.

i want to watch the sunrise from the grass by the freedom parkway
overpass. i want it to be like some kind of movie
where two people in love watch the sunrise, like one day we’ll talk about
all the things that make us sad instead of just alluding
to them. like all the trains in the world could collide and we wouldn’t
hear a thing. i think this is the first time i’ve been glad to be from 
where i’m from. i think i’m gonna take a lot of photographs
and bring them back to massachusetts. i think i’m gonna
project them onto a wall and say look
at this cool city & look at all these places i thought of you before i knew you. 

THE SIGNS AS THINGS I'VE SAID BEFORE (PART TWO)
  • Aries: Looking at this from an astrological standpoint, I can see that the position of the planets want you to go stick a broom up your bottom and jump into a fire.
  • Taurus: The only good thing about summer is that I can stay in bed until 2PM and no one will question me.
  • Gemini: Hey, everyone makes mistakes. For example, my mistake is that I was born.
  • Cancer: I want to find a stick and pat all my friends with it. The patting of the stick is a symbol of friendship. No one likes the idea of my stick though and it makes me sad.
  • Leo: Whenever I feel bad about myself, I think about all the people that liked me or told me I was pretty in the past and I remember that I'm not that bad of a person.
  • Virgo: Hey dude, I know you're desperate, but that's no reason to try and lose your virginity to a nail or a piece of wood. Have standards.
  • Libra: [thinks of a cool idea] Wait... Did I actually come up with this idea myself or did I steal it from someone on Tumblr. Probably the latter, I can barely think of things myself these days.
  • Scorpio: Do you ever wish you had a time machine to prevent your parents from doing the do on the night you were conceived? Because same.
  • Sagittarius: I could be doing something good with my life like hanging with my friends and working to become a better person, but I'm too busy messing up my sleeping schedule.
  • Capricorn: I hate hypothetical questions. Like bro, don't ask me how I would react to something that isn't going to happen. It's a waste of your breath and mine.
  • Aquarius: When I die, I want to send my heart to my spouse with a note attracted that says "I would have never given you my heart while I was alive, so cherish this forever." Wait, that's assuming I live long enough to get married and it's also assuming that I get married. Never mind, there's a lot wrong with this plan.
  • Pisces: How is it possible that I mentally feel like both a 4 year old and an 84 year old?

I want to spend fall with you. I want to walk through the park holding hands, pointing out the prettiest orange leaf on one tree compared to the prettiest red leaf on the other. I want to spend hours looking for the perfect pumpkins to carve, knowing that it’ll look nothing like we planned for them to. I want to jump in the leaves like we’re kids again and come back inside to drink apple cider, eat the cinnamon doughnuts, and watch hocus pocus.

But then, I want to watch fall turn into winter with you. The apple cider into hot chocolate, the leaves into snow. I want to decorate our own stockings and sit by the fire. I want to watch Tim Allen turn into Santa Claus while the cookies are in the oven. I want to dance around in our pajamas to your favorite Christmas songs. I want it to snow 6 inches on Christmas Eve so I can wake you up with chocolate chip pancakes and a white Christmas.

I want it all, with you.