It has occurred to me that if I had a weight loss tracker in my blog header I’d be getting a whole lot less hate. If I went on and on about my weight loss journey making daily entries about how I stayed under my calorie limit or how many minutes a day I exercised I wouldn’t get the ‘but have you ever thought about losing weight?’ questions.
Because let me tell you, I cannot tell you of ONE woman who has not thought about losing weight at least once in their lives- fat or otherwise. If you don’t think that’s true I want to be living in whatever reality you’ve managed to find yourself in.
I have nothing against those who DO choose to make weight loss blogs. I’ve certainly thought about it, but in the long run that’s not the message I want to put out there. I decided to take it upon myself to put more positive images of a fat chick being active and having a hell of a good time while doing it. I don’t know about anyone else, but I feel more motivated to be active when I see someone who looks like me out there kicking ass. Photos of tiny girls looking perfect doesn’t do anything for me. They’re lovely, of course. We’re surrounded by these images. We see them every day. But no matter how hard I work, I will never be them.
And I DO work hard. I am losing weight. I am getting stronger. But a size 00 perfectly toned fitness model in perfectly coordinated workout gear? It’s not realistic for me. And hating myself because I don’t look like that? I spent enough time doing that. I’m over it. Yes I’m fat. Yes I’m working on improving myself. But my fat body has done some amazing things for me. It continues to do so. It is powerful, it is capable, and yes I find it beautiful. (and no, you don’t have to find it any of these things, this is just my experience while living in it)
So you can continue to think you know everything about me based on a gif thats over a year old. That my heart condition was caused by my weight (it wasn’t). That I hate skinny people (I don’t). That I have no interest in losing weight (I do and I am).
But losing weight will not suddenly redeem who I am. There is nothing to redeem. Weighing less will not make me a better human being, it will not make me more beautiful. It will only make me thinner.