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10 Things I love about Expiration Date

#1.

This face. 

Legend says it only happens within a millisecond, but once you see it, it’s chilling. Like if this screenshot doesn’t describe the personality of Medic idk what else would, guys. Dude is so ready to scare the entire shit outta Scout. You can see it in his cold blue eyes. That boogeyman smirk. His evil (yet groomed) eyebrows. Y’all, this man holds so much unadulterated glee at witnessing the pain and suffering of others, so much madne–

–aaaand he’s back. Everything’s cool. Hey doc what the hell is that?

“TUMORS!” :Dc

k then

#2.

So originally I took this screenshot bc of Spy’s eyebrow and Heavy’s annoyed expression of being awoken from his slumber….

but then I proceeded to laugh my ass off bc I also happened to capture Sniper staring off into space while contemplating his existence in this universe.

(I’m sure this is a common occurrence with him. He’s probably the type of dude that wonders if pigeons have feelings.)

#3.

Still in the same room, only this time Spy has been gravely insulted by the Scoot.

But look at the others. They don’t seem too exasperated with Scout and his doodles of Spy. Maybe it’s because they also think this meeting is dumb, maybe it’s because they actually knew Scout was going to pull this prank, or maybe it’s because they too think The Eiffel Tower Having Sexual Congress With Spy is a hilarious joke.

Either way, it’s nice to see the other mercs genuinely smiling at Scout and his shenanigans. It’s better than the common fandom theme where Scout is The Worst and Everybody Hates Him.

No, the other old dudes know how to kid around too (even though it’s still at the Spy’s expense, oops)

Of course, whether the Pyro is smiling at him too is something we’ll never know. Personally I think he’s just eyeing up that bucket. Imagine how different this whole video would have gone if Pyro took the bucket instead of Soldier. 

Probably not so different actually.

#4.

This goes to show that Medic is not just a sadistic doctor. He’s a sadistic doctor that cares about his friends and smiles at them when he passes by.

It’s like when you’re walking down the hallway to class and you see your friend going to their class and you smile and nod to acknowledge their existence. It’s such a nice thing, and of all ppl Medic was the one who did that.

“Interesting.”


#5.

If there was a looping video of just Demoman and Sniper playing their instruments of choice I would pay to watch it forever. Also, how did they get there? Did Spy just yell “hey assholes who wants to help me create a romantic dinner mood so I can teach Scout how to talk to a girl” and Demo and Snipes were like “ok m8 no problem B)”

I know we’re already used to the fact that these boys are mad talented, but I still love the fact that their instruments aren’t what you would stereotype them to play based on their personality. 

The dude that’s paid to blow shit up can probably play Beethoven, and the Loner Guy that lives in a camper van probably knows the tune of Careless Whisper by heart. 

I love that.

#6.

Once again I take a screenshot in order to capture the character in the middle, only to lose my shit at the person standing at the far left.

Look at Medic’s face. Yes, I get it, in context this is a ridiculous situation. I mean the last line said before that was “I have done nothing but teleport bread for three days”. This is almost Saturday cartoon material here.

But still, look at his fucking face. I just…

MEIN FUCKING GOTT VHAT HAVE YOU DONE YOU FUCK

#7.

Speaking of horrified reactions. 

Thank goodness I know what the context is in this clip because otherwise I would have assumed someone died, or Armageddon had arrived, or something else completely unimaginable happened and there’s nothing that can be done at all, ever.

But no, it’s just a mutant tentacle monster. And this is right before Heavy asks Medic to ubercharge him, because he’s metal af.

All jokes aside, though, the reason why I am putting so much emphasis on these little miliseconds of expression is because these characters are 3D animated, and a team of people sat in front of a computer rigging these facial features to move this way. Even though these moments happen for only a second, they are still very telling when you look at them up close.

Besides, Heavy doesn’t make this face very often (as far as we’ve seen) and it’s something worth remembering (amirite, Comic #6??)

#8.

Ok, lemme tell you guys a thing:

If I was fighting a giant-tentacle-whole-wheat-bread-monster and it hoisted my ass several feet into the air, only to fling me back to mother earth with all of it’s strength, I would stay on my fucking back for like five minutes trying to get breath back into my lungs and wondering why tf I even bothered to fight anyway.

THIS DUDE get’s knocked on his ass, arms and legs akimbo and everything, get’s back up mid-fucking-tumble while reaching for his blade, and charges back into the fight like nothing ever happened. 

Seriously, it’s one swift motion, like a damn nature show. You could watch the video again but you’d have to make sure not to blink because it happens so fast.

 And the amazing thing is that all the mercs (and Pauling too) have this insane ability of getting fucked, getting even more fucked, getting back up, and then getting back into the shitstorm with no hesitation. 

Then again, what’s what the Gravel Wars basically are right?

Shit, Administrator was right, these dudes are straight up Plutonium.


#9.

“Good news! We’re not dying! We are going to live FOREVER!”

Oh that Soldier, always giving a laugh. Honestly, though, the reason why I saved this was because I didn’t realize for a long time that the reason why he was able to jump in on the conversation was because he was eaten by the bread monster.

It makes sense, because last time we saw him he was being dragged while screaming something about teleporting bread. He was probably just laying there in the monster’s throat, getting ready to use a grenade, when suddenly boom went the bomb and he received visitors. All this time I never put two and two together that he was stuck inside the bread monster before Pauling and Scout made it cool. Shame on me. That’s definitely a Soldier thing to do.

(Also, you wanna know what a bread monster and Soldier have in common? They both have a talent of cockblocking Scout.)

#10.

And the final one.

There’s nothing like a family portrait. If the video froze at this point with credits I would have expected to hear a 90′s family sitcom jingle.

What a video.

The Wellington Conspiracy.

If you’ve been in this fandom long enough, you’ve probably heard the phrase “What happened in Wellington?” at some point. This has brought itself to be one of the most questioned moments in One Direction’s history. For the last 5 years, we have all been trying to piece together what has happened. Here’s some background as to what sparked this question within the One Direction fandom:

On April 22, 2012, One Direction performed the last show of the Oceania leg of their Take Me Home tour in Wellington, New Zealand. 

Back when the boys used to color coordinate their outfits like the Rugrats.

After the concert, the boys went out for celebratory drinks to start off their month long break between tour dates. Fans discovered where they were and hung out outside the bar they were in. One fan managed to take a video on their potato, producing the lowest possible quality video to ever exist on the internet. This video is believed to be showing the infamous “Wellington Kiss.” 

Not even a Nokia could produce a video with such low quality.

As you can make out through the 5 pixels on your screen, Harry and Louis definitely seemed very close. Many Larries believe that this video is concrete evidence of Louis and Harry kissing in public. It is speculated that you can even hear Louis yell out “Boyfriend!” in the video. However, they did not kiss that night, or at least not in that video. Something else happened. Something… bigger…. 

What really happened here? (x)

If you look closely, Harry appears to be very close to Louis’ neck. We suspect, with reasonable evidence, that Harry bit Louis in this area. The boys of One Direction have mentioned “love bites” and how they give them to each other. There have been a few instances where Harry has been keen on nibbling on Louis’ neck in particular, one of which being linked below:

Harry lunges at Louis’ neck after watching him nearly the entire interview.

While this proves to be quite suspicious, there are numerous aspects of Harry’s life that have us thinking. Here are some other questionable things about Harry Styles:

1. He enjoys hanging out at night. Here is a collage of images of Harry lurking about in the dark:

Notice a trend? He seems to fancy the color black quite a bit…

2. Harry sings a song called “Up All Night.” Humans tend to sleep during the night… so why is Harry awake during this time? Does he even sleep?

Lyrics from the song “Up All Night.” Notice the line “I’m still wide awake.” Suspicious, right?

3. Recently, Harry came out with a magazine cover and spread in Another Man Magazine. The images are quite shocking, as Harry appears to be wearing clothing from as early as the 1960s. Were the images inspired by the 60s… or were they taken in the 60s?

Harry Styles, looking suspiciously like a member of The Beatles.

4. Harry has a tattoo that he has covered up in recent years. The tattoo on his wrist read “I CAN’T CHANGE.” What couldn’t Harry change? Was it about how he doesn’t age, relating back to #3 and these 1960s pictures? 

A tattoo of acceptance for what he truly is.

With the given facts above, we have sufficient reasoning to believe that Harry Styles is actually a vampire, and bit Louis Tomlinson that night in Wellington, New Zealand. 

Is there a Twilight-esque romance happening in One Direction? We believe so. 

However much evidence we think we have, there is no confirmation of this theory by Harry or his reps. We tried calling multiple times and they blocked our number… Awkward. 

Therefore, this mystery of “What happened in Wellington” remains

UNSOLVED.


-The Expired Kiwi