Can I be super negative for a second?

I am super disappointed that the ACOTAR series is being made into movies. I don’t think they will work as films at all.

Sorry if people are super excited for them.

The way that my brain reads books is completely in movie form (like most people probably). I provide camera angles, position the characters like I’m setting a scene, and when I think back on a book I revise or consolidate to what would fit best in movie form. (Do people do that?? idk. Like when I heard HP7 and Mockingjay were being split, I automatically knew where they would put the break and people thought I was crazy, but I digress)

When I heard that TOG was being made a show I was thrilled because you CANNOT put those books in movies. It’s too much material, especially later on in the series obviously. But with TOG, it is made for the big screen (or you know, little screen, whatever). Set pieces, grand finales, characters overlapping and puzzle pieces fitting together, action packed, etc

But that’s not how acotar is at all. If anything, it COULD work as a series as well, but with difficulty.

You could argue that Thorns and Roses could be made into a movie but I think it would be hard to make it have the right flow. Not to mention, Sarah throws a wrench in the narrative when Feyre goes UtM, it’s a complete mood shift, and UtM would eat considerable screen time. So everything else would be abbreviated- but you know, it’s Tamlin so that’s not too bad.

Then acomaf happens. You guys, acomaf will never work on a big screen. No way, no how.

1. It’s LONG. It is the slow burn of all slow burns. Movies don’t deal in slow.   Consolidating that slow burn into a movie would cut out INSANE amounts of character development.  As a reader, you love each of those moments between Feyre and Rhys, and how it helps Feyre SLOWLY heal and trust him and love him. And there are a million of those little moments. And with the highly sensitive nature of her healing from abuse, good luck putting all that in 2.5 hours without botching it, rushing it, or cutting out all but 5 scenes which will just make me so sad.

2. It’s introspective. There are a whole lot of things that happen in this book that don’t play out in the open. Not to mention that this is not an Action book like TOG, it’s a Feelings book. There’s a lot of sensing and thinking and internal monologues and reading others’ thoughts. When you are reading acomaf and every other conversation is happening internally down the bond, it makes sense. You know what you get when you put that on screen? annoying voice overs and characters staring at each other for an uncomfortable amount of time. There is absolutely no time for all that shit- UNLESS…

3. When you think about it, the whole book is already set up EPISODICALLY. Look, I’ll even give some of these episodes titles:

The Wedding. The Night Court. Locked In. The City of Starlight. The Bone Carver. The Court of Nightmares. Summer. Starfall.  Do you see where I am going with this? Call me, Netflix.

Basically I have a vision for how this is going to go and I don’t think a movie could ever do it justice and will probably make everything seem really contrived and rushed. Lastly, and just because I’ve been burned too many times by the film industry. I’ll give my predictions:

“Are you #teamtamlin or #teamrhysand? Retweet your favorite acotar man!”

White Rhysand. That’s all.

Side characters with any depth? What’s that?

Subtlety and and character-led story telling? What’s that?

voltron characters as things i have heard people actually say in my ap classes part two:

sendak: “i would willingly stab out my own eye with this pencil if it means i look more badass”

haxus: “sometimes i just look at myself in the mirror and think ‘holy shit i’m so attractive’ or ‘who the fuck dragged this piece of shit out of the garbage’ and there’s just no in between”

thace: “sometimes i sigh so loud that i’m genuinely surprised my lungs aren’t catapulted from my chest cavity”

prorok: “wow can you believe you get to breathe the same air as me ??? you must be blessed *finger guns*”

rolo: “wanna hear about the time i saw jesus after mixing four shots of caffeine with two red bulls and a redline ??? lol i don’t know how i’m alive either but i got my essay done in like twenty minutes”

nyma: “i got an 89 on the last essay and a 36 on the one we just got back and all i can say is get you a girl that can do both”

shay: “*shoving cloth into her bag from the theater department* i keep telling everyone that i own cats but it’s a lie. its a dirty dirty lie these are for the raccoons that visit my backyard. i also buy cat food for raccoons can you believe the predicament i’m in”

kolivan: “bitch i would punt you into the sun no hesitation”

ulaz: “my life is the bee movie except every time someone says ‘essay’ i die just a little more inside”

antok: “everyone says i’m a chill guy but my life is crashing down around me and my internal monologue is one giant keyboard smash on caps lock *takes sip of coffee*”


Empire Ends Spoilers///

A doodle compilation featuring Armitage Hux and Rae Sloane inspired by the ending of the Aftermath: trilogy w/ some AUs. I can’t believe she survived the events but also made an alliance with a terrified 5 years old Hux to protect each other and that she might be his potential mentor (she hates his father and beated him but she likes Armitage!) and I’m yelling non-stop since these two are my favs. I love to imagine she kept close tab on him while they tried to rebuild everything lost in the unknown regions.


Crusade Fail —  The Peasant’s Crusade

In the early Middle Ages, Islamic forces had conquered most of the Middle East, overruning the Holy Land, at the time territory of the Byzantine Empire (Eastern Roman Empire). By the end of the 11th century the Seljuk Turks had conquered Anatolia (Turkey) threatening the heart of the Byzantine Empire. In desperation the Byzantine Emperor Alexios Komnenos sent to the West for help hoping that the Pope would send an army of Western Europe’s best to drive back the invaders.  Instead what he got was an army of Western Europe’s worst.

In response to Komnenos’ plea, on November 27th, 1095, Pope Urban II gave a speech calling on the nobility of Europe to combine their military forces and march against the Muslims in a great Crusade to reconquer the Holy Land.  As an incentive for the Crusade, Urban offered an absolution of all sins and guaranteed place in Heaven for those who answered his call.  In response, Urban raised a 35,000 man international army composed of knights and professional soldiers as intended. What he didn’t expect were the tens thousands of peasants and commoners who would likewise heed his call.  In 1096 a man named Peter the Hermit began preaching the crusading call to the common people, raising a massive army of over 40,000 people.  These were not knights or professional soldiers, but peasants and commoners including women and children.  Supposedly Peter the Hermit was a priest or monk from Amiens, but there is no evidence that he actually took up Holy Orders. Obviously a charismatic man, he claimed to be in direct communication with God, even carrying a letter he claimed had been written by Jesus Christ himself, giving him the authority to organize and lead a Crusade. He was also helped by a meteor shower, a lunar eclipse, the appearance of a comet, and a possible outbreak of ergot poisoning which drove many Crusaders to believe that God was behind their cause, driving them into religious zealotry and fury.

In April of 1096 the peasant crusaders set out for the Holy Land and promptly became a scourge to everyone excepts the Turks.  A large band of ill disciplined peasants, the army was more like an unruly mob than a proper army.  As they passed through Central Europe, despite strong condemnation from the Catholic Church, they attacked and murdered thousands of German Jews, committing some of the worst pogroms in history up until the Holocaust. Other victims included people accused of witchcraft, and any other non-christians and non-believers. Lacking food and supplies, the peasant Crusaders often plundered and raided the lands they traveled through as they made their way to Holy Land, leaving lands empty of food and crops.  The worst hit was modern day Serbia, where the peasant crusaders looted the country of it’s food supplies like locusts, resulting in a deadly famine..  In late May, the peasant Crusaders arrived in Belgrade.  When a dispute occurred over the price of shoes, a riot ensued which led to the pillaging and burning of the city. The Crusaders then clashed with Byzantine forces outside of Nis who were sent to stop them.

The peasant Crusaders arrived in Constantinople in August of 1096, and Emperor Alexios Komnenos was shocked to find an army not of professional knights and soldiers, but a mob of poorly armed and equipped peasants driven to religious mania.  After receiving word of the destruction wrought by the peasant crusaders on their journey to Constantinople, Comnenos refused to allow them in the city and ordered that they be sent on their way as quickly as possible. He ordered the Crusaders shipped across the Bosphorus to Turkey, most likely knowing that he was sending them off to their doom. He didn’t care, he just wanted to be rid of them. The “army” marched to Nicea, the provincial capital of the region, plundering and pillaging the local towns and villages on the way. By then the army was reduced to half its size, with 20,000 peasant Crusaders dying of disease, hunger, and from the many clashes on their journey so far. On the way to Nicea, they were ambushed by the Turks near a town called Dracon.  Against the well trained and heavily armed Turkish soldiers, the peasant crusaders didn’t stand a chance, and after a single volley of Turkish arrows the army was disbursed in a panicked rout.  Most of the Crusaders were cut down by Tukish cavalry as they fled in terror.  Three thousand were able to take refuge in an abandoned castle where they remained under siege until they were rescued by a Byzantine Army.  Of the 40,000 peasant Crusaders who set off from Europe, only around 2,000 survived.