Sniper: I’ve learned more from my adoptive dad than my actual dad and I think after the first shock, I’d be alright. I like to think I’d be a good dad to my little Mundee. Besides, with my line of work, I can guarantee that they won’t go hungry.
Scout: I’m sorry? I don’t follow. Nah, wait. You’re serious? Oh god I’m not ready. I’m not dad material. Shit shit shit what if I’m a shit dad and leave my kid or my kid dies or if I have to pay child support or- wait. My dad’s Tom Jones! I got this!
Soldier: Aha! I brought a new American into the world! They’re gonna kick ass and take names in the name of war! Oorah!
Engineer: Pardon? Well, I’ll be. All my life I’ve been building machines, but now I get to build up morals and principles in a young person of my own. Ain’t that beautiful.
Medic: Why of course, I’m father to several infants. Let me see… Oh. That one’s not a baboon. Oh dear…
Heavy: All my life, I take care of sisters. They are grown now. Now I take care of baby.
Demoman: Oh, look at that! A wee lad in a bundle! Aye? What’s that? It’s MINE? Ach. Let me grab a bottle…
Spy: When mon petite chou fleur gave birth to Scout, I ran away. Some “father” I am.