'because you left we went'

anonymous asked:


BUCKLE UP FOR THIS RIDE KIDS. I have known one Devin, we went to high school together, and oh god was he a piece of work. Like not even a mean dude, or anything like that, but he was just a hot mess. I don’t even know how to begin with this. He like…raced cars? In competition??? At one point he was dating like a…Delia’s model or something???

ANYWAY my best Devin story is going to the one and only high school halloween party ever my senior year – before that I just trick or treated, because WHO SAYS NO TO COSTUMES AND FREE CANDY – but I guess 17 felt a little too old for me, so I decided to go to a halloween party at a friend’s house. Not a close friend’s house, but…a friend.

It was clearly a mistake from go. FROM GO. Like I graduated in 2004, so this is early 2000s, no one in my group of friends was really like, having sex or drinking or what have you. BUT DEVIN MAN. Devin rolls up with his Delia’s girlfriend – which like, I don’t even know how this happened, I would have never dated this kid voluntarily, HOW DID HE GET A DELIA’S MODEL GF??? – and at some point they disappear during this party, which is basically a bunch of dudes hanging by the wall and girls dancing and like, also crying in the bathroom because the boys they like don’t like them I DON’T KNOW.

Me and my close friends are about to get out of dodge and just like…hang out at my house and eat leftover candy, when there are suddenly screams coming from the group of girls that contains the girl who is throwing the party, and like, APPARENTLY, Devin and Delia’s girl had already left, but not before they BANGED IN THE BATHROOM and left a USED CONDOM there. Just…on the floor, I guess. FOR THIS GIRL’S MOM TO FIND.

The party was pretty much over after that.

Chapter Fifty Five

With all of the excitement and the amazing things that came with the engagement and the announcement of it, unfortunately there was one thing that Alex had to do that was harder on her than any of the other changes that came with becoming the next royal bride.

Although she had for all intents and purposes finished her role at HFTF just before the engagement announcement, her actual last day in the office was the day after. It was the day she cleaned out her office and turned it over to Susannah. It was the day she let go of all that she had built there, the day she turned it over to someone else and let it become something that helped give them strength in life.

It was a hard day.

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One time, years ago, I was eating pizza with my dad and sisters, and my dad looks over to the table next to us and he’s like, “kids, isn’t that Ben Affleck??” and we looked over and it totally was Ben Affleck, eating pizza with his daughter. We were actually in the neighborhood he was from, so we were like, yeah, cool, it’s Ben Affleck. We didn’t bother him and we went right back to eating our pizza and talking loudly and laughing and telling stories and all that. At some point my sisters, Seraphina and Rosie, must have said each other’s names really loudly, as siblings often do because, you know, kids are loud

Anyway we left, went about our lives, and a few month’s later Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner’s second daughter is born. And guess what that lil’ baby’s name is?

Make of this what you will