BUCKLE UP FOR THIS RIDE KIDS. I have known one Devin, we went to high school together, and oh god was he a piece of work. Like not even a mean dude, or anything like that, but he was just a hot mess. I don’t even know how to begin with this. He like…raced cars? In competition??? At one point he was dating like a…Delia’s model or something???
ANYWAY my best Devin story is going to the one and only high school halloween party ever my senior year – before that I just trick or treated, because WHO SAYS NO TO COSTUMES AND FREE CANDY – but I guess 17 felt a little too old for me, so I decided to go to a halloween party at a friend’s house. Not a close friend’s house, but…a friend.
It was clearly a mistake from go. FROM GO. Like I graduated in 2004, so this is early 2000s, no one in my group of friends was really like, having sex or drinking or what have you. BUT DEVIN MAN. Devin rolls up with his Delia’s girlfriend – which like, I don’t even know how this happened, I would have never dated this kid voluntarily, HOW DID HE GET A DELIA’S MODEL GF??? – and at some point they disappear during this party, which is basically a bunch of dudes hanging by the wall and girls dancing and like, also crying in the bathroom because the boys they like don’t like them I DON’T KNOW.
Me and my close friends are about to get out of dodge and just like…hang out at my house and eat leftover candy, when there are suddenly screams coming from the group of girls that contains the girl who is throwing the party, and like, APPARENTLY, Devin and Delia’s girl had already left, but not before they BANGED IN THE BATHROOM and left a USED CONDOM there. Just…on the floor, I guess. FOR THIS GIRL’S MOM TO FIND.
The party was pretty much over after that.