I Can’t Save Her: Part 29
Pairings: Bucky x Reader
Warnings: Angst, Swearing, a little Smut
Word Count: 1838
Summary: You have been with the Avengers for three years and during that time you have developed a close friendship with Bucky. When you discover another woman in Bucky’s room you begin to question what your true feelings are for him.
Author’s Notes: I hope you enjoy it <3
“Y/N, it’s going to be okay,” Bucky soothed as he placed his hands around my own – calming my nervous fidgeting. I smiled at him sadly. I was about to open my mouth to speak when Steve and Fury strolled into the room with Tony following closely behind them. My head snapped in their direction as they sat in front of us. Bucky settled beside me – wrapping his arm securely around my shoulders.
Steve cleared his throat as he looked at me nervously. I could feel a surge of panic run through my limbs – whatever they had to say it wasn’t particularly good. “Y/N – Bucky,” he nodded his head to both of us.
“What the hell is going on Steve?” Bucky asked – attempting to keep his voice even. He was trying to stay calm for me, but I could feel the tension roll off of him in waves. Whatever was discussed today would impact him as much as it impacted me.
Steve turned to Fury who began to shuffle through the papers he held in his hands. “Ever since Y/N and Steve visited the abandoned H.Y.D.R.A. facility we have been combing through every bit of data they were able to extract. It has given us several very valuable leads on current H.Y.D.R.A. operations believe it or not, but more importantly it allowed me to get additional intel on Y/N’s parents,” Fury explained as he turned to face me. His one eye focusing directly on me.
“Like what?” I whispered. My nerves were getting the best of me. Bucky sensed my apprehension and tightened his fingers around my arm – bringing me closer to him.
“Like what is true and what is not,” Fury explained. “It seems like we’ve gotten quite a tale from our friends at H.Y.D.R.A. and they certainly had a motive for it.”
“So… did Bucky not?” I asked – stopping myself before finishing the sentence.
Fury sighed wearily as Bucky’s body stiffened beside me. “No – from the video surveillance, and the intel we pulled everything indicates that Barnes did kill your mother.” I could feel Bucky shift uncomfortably at this and my hand found his metal one and clasped on to it tightly. “But… we believe, given the information that we have uncovered, that Barnes was made to do it by one of his other handlers. They discovered that your mother had plans to try to secure his release so they used the easiest weapon to get rid of her – you,” he explained as he looked from me to Bucky.
“That makes sense,” Bucky agreed as he shook his head. “But why did she try to save me?” This had been the question I had had. Every agent of H.Y.D.R.A. I had ever encountered had been willing to die for their cause – to have someone who was entrusted with such an important asset to their overall cause betray them was huge.
“We don’t know,” Fury responded with a disappointed shake of his head. “What we do know is Y/N’s father is believed to still be alive.”
I choked at this – feeling like I couldn’t get air. “What do you mean still alive? The man… he told me that… he’s dead, Nick. He’s been dead for decades,” I muttered nervously. I felt dizzy from this news. It wasn’t possible for him to still be alive.
“We believe he is alive, but buried deeply within H.Y.D.R.A.’s ranks. It may be possible that most people within the organization believe him to be dead too,” Fury explained.
“Then how do you know he’s alive Nick? None of this makes any sense,” I added as I pushed off the couch and began to pace back and forth.
“Y/N – answer me honestly. How well do you remember your father?” Nick asked as he watched me.
“I mean I….” I stopped as I began to think. I had always had the idea of my father in my head, but when asked to actually materialize that idea for other people I realized I didn’t even remember what he looked like. “I… I don’t know,” I muttered miserably as I sat back down. Bucky wrapped his arm around me, concerned with my reaction, as I looked towards Nick unblinkingly.
“Y/N,” Bucky whispered gently as he brushed the hair from my face. “What is it doll?”
“I can’t remember anything,” I responded as I turned to look at him blankly. “I can remember an idea – the idea of a father. That’s all I can remember,” I continued – panic seeping into my words. “What the fuck did they do to me?” I cried out as I turned back to Fury.
“Steve mentioned that the man at the facility had eluded to H.Y.D.R.A. using the same type of memory control on you that they used on Bucky?” Nick asked, but I wasn’t listening. I had turned to Bucky and was silently conveying the horror going through my mind. “Y/N?” Fury asked – snapping my attention back to him.
“Yes he did,” I answered hollowly. “Is it possible that…”
“They programmed something in your mind much like they did Barnes? It is. At such a young age it wouldn’t have taken much to do it, because you wouldn’t have been able to resist like Bucky was able to. I believe that they have been allowing us to groom you – honing your skills, and that…” Nick stopped as I cut him off.
“This whole time it wasn’t about Bucky. It’s been about me. They used Bucky as a pawn – because they knew I would do anything for him,” I added miserably as I held my head in my hands. “What do they want with me?” I asked – looking up at Fury.
“We believe they want you,” he replied simply – reaffirming the growing since of dread I had had since the conversation began.
“It gets worse,” Tony said as he turned to look at me. “Remember the kid you choked out at the club, and punched at my party? His family has found out about your connections with H.Y.D.R.A. They are demanding that you return to New York City – they have filed assault charges against you, and well… they are threatening to release information to the media if you don’t. I’m sorry kid… I am… I tried my best to resolve it, but they have a full-hand and they are using it to their advantage.”
I sighed wearily as I scanned the room – taking in the expressions on my friends’ faces. “We can’t let them do that,” I muttered bitterly.
“Y/N – look we can get passed this,” Steve interjected, but I held up a hand to silence him.
“You can’t sacrifice your integrity… the integrity of the Avengers to protect me from the truth, Steve. I won’t allow it. This is my past – these are my mistakes. I’m done running from them,” I explained as I turned to look at Bucky. “No one is going to ever suffer again for me,” I added.
And with that the conversation ended. We agreed to leave Vienna in three days and head directly to New York City. No matter how adamant or strong-willed I was about the others not sacrificing themselves for me – I couldn’t help the gentle tremor of fear that ran through my limbs.
I turned at the sound of glass shattering to see Bucky’s bionic hand crushing the glass that had once held his scotch. “None of this is okay,” he muttered angrily as he looked at me. We had returned to our room after having dinner – Bucky had been on edge since our conversation with Steve and Tony. “They have no right to threaten you,” he added as he let the shards of glass fall by the side of the bed that he was sitting on.
“Buck,” I whispered as I knelt between his legs. I placed my hands reassuringly on his thighs as I continued to comfort him. “It’s going to be okay – we will be okay,” I soothed as I nuzzled my head in the crook his neck. “Please. I need to spend the next three days with you. I don’t want to waste them being angry about the future or the past,” I whispered as I traced his collarbone with soft kisses. I needed him now maybe more than I ever had. I was terrified of having him ripped from my grasp once more. He sighed softly into my hair as I continued up his neck and jaw all the while my hands running softly up his thighs. When he couldn’t take it any longer he grasped me firmly by the waist and spun around – throwing me roughly on the bed. As he removed his clothes he never looked away from me – his face portraying a mixture of lust, loss, and fear. He hurriedly removed my clothes and stood back – admiring me for a moment before bracing himself over me.
“I can’t,” he whispered on my neck as he kissed me gently.
“What Bucky?” I asked breathlessly.
“I can’t lose you again. God – I can’t lose you again. I won’t survive it,” he mumbled sadly against my neck as tears dripped from his eyes onto my skin.
“Listen to me,” I demanded as I brought his face to mine. “I’m not going anywhere James Buchanan Barnes. You’re stuck with me until the very end.” He smiled sadly as he brought his lips to mine. I twisted my fingers into his hair as I deepened the kiss. With one solid thrust he filled me with him – eliciting a soft moan from my lips. Our rhythm was fast – chaotic even – as we desperately sought to bury ourselves in one another. The sweetness and gentleness of the morning was long forgotten as our bodies said the things we forbade our lips to utter. Each bit of pain it caused was worth the pleasure. The swirl of emotions and sensations sent both of us over the edge together – Bucky’s body stiffening as he spilled into me. He kissed me lightly on the lips as he moved to lay by my side – gathering me in his arms.
“I love you,” he whispered in my ear as his hand traced patterns on my back.
“I love you too,” I sighed as I closed my eyes. More than anything I wished that we could stay this way forever. That we didn’t have to face the things that were to come.
Before long Bucky’s breathing slowed as his grip on my arm relaxed. I moved carefully to keep from waking him as I climbed off the bed. With one final sigh I grabbed my robe – securing it snugly around me before leaving the room. There was one person I needed to speak with. One person that I knew could orchestrate the one thing I needed to happen. As I rounded the corner to the dark living room my eyes found Nick Fury.
“Took you long enough,” he muttered as he stretched wearily.
“Listen Nick,” I said as I sat across from him. “We need to talk about Bucky.”
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