Uni!Lock-Greg’s Phone

Greg: I can’t believe I forgot my phone. I hope Sherlock liked his birthday present yesterday. Oh, he called.

Phone: You have 17 new messages.

Greg: What?!

Phone: Message 1.

Sherlock: Hey Graham, thanks for the Bazinga t-shirt it's… great. I was just calling because I might need a ride later tonight. John can’t drive and I ran Victor’s Mazda into that ditch after we watched Fast Five on Netflix together.

Victor: You still owe me for that.

Sherlock: Yeah, yeah, I know, I know. Mazdas are really flammable, did you know that? I didn’t know that. Well, I do now.. but anyway I’ll call you later if we need a pick up from the show, alright?

John: [Snoring]

Sherlock: John, you’re up! Talk to you later, Graham!

Phone: End of Message.

Greg: I’m not listening to all of these.

[skips to the last message]

Phone: Message 17.

Sherlock: Oh my god is he dead? Why did you put him in the car?

Victor: It’s Seb, you idiot! Just shut up and keep driving to the hospital!

Anderson: Sherlock, when are we getting to Chuck E Cheese?

Sherlock: Anderson, shut up! Greg, please pick up the phone! We are in so much trouble! The show went south, so we decided to make our own, but… Oh man, oh man, pick up your stupid phone! Greg, go to my desk, open the dark drawer and burn everything inside! But hold your breath while you do it! Use that stupid t-shirt you got me to help the fire, you gotta do this, Greg!

Victor: Sherlock, eyes on the road!

John: Truck!

All: [Screaming]

Phone: End of message.

“It’s been thirty fucking years, Merlin” Eggsy breathes into the com, his fingers tracing over Harry’s cheekbone. He doesn’t look a day older or a day dead.

“We’ve got a clean up crew on the way. They’ll take care of it, Arthur.” Merlin says, soft but insistent. Eggsy knows he should leave. He’s done with this particular organization’s beat-down. There’s nothing left to fight, no more new-age brainwave hackers or kids with slicy wands that remind him of star wars. And that’s probably why he’s so shocked - he knows half the organizations they take out have some ties or allegiance or shrines to Valentine, but this one. This was just a tiny terrorist cell with a good engineer and a creative event planner.

So it doesn’t make sense that they have Harry Hart’s body frozen in their basement, not a hair out of place since the last time Eggsy saw him tear apart a church and die in twenty-fourteen.


Eggsy’s not listening. He’ll leave when he feels like it, he decides, but then the  unthinkable happens - he feels breath on his palm.

He can’t really help it. Eggsy kneels by the now open pod and slips a hand beneath Harry’s slack shoulders, lifts him so he can press his ear to Harry’s chest.

Slow, steady under the Kingsman issued suit, he hears a heartbeat.

“Oh god,” he whispers, his fingers curling tighter into the fabric. “Harry, oh my god.”

“Arthur?” Merlin asks.

“Send a medic.”

“What? Are you injured? How serious?”

“Fuckin’ serious as shit, you send in everyone we can fuckin’ spare Merlin. He’s breathin’.”


“You ‘eard me. Harry bloody Hart is alive.”

There’s a muttered curse from the other end of the line, but Eggsy’s stopped listening. All he can think of is the dimmed memory if the day he lost Harry, the old scar it left on his heart, the days spent missing him and trying to move on and remind himself that he was being stupid because he and Harry weren’t the air and sky to each other, they weren’t, no matter how his young and wild heart had dreamed of it.

“Sorry mate,” he says, through tears but with a tiny edge of hysterical humor. It dies on his next words, growing to a whisper “Sorry it took so long.”

Thank you Lily


The smile Dark had on his face was amused, cruel, but oh so delighted to see that they were just as eager as he was to begin exploring this new moment. The animalistic purr that growled in his chest grew the closer that he got to them, prowling towards them with purposeful strides. His smile turned into a demeaning sneer, and he bore his fangs as a hand moved out in order to latch against poor Lily’s throat. The grab was not hard, he did not squeeze, it wasn’t even entirely rude. No, it was more a statement, a statement of his rights.

“Mmm… so you wanted to have my attentions too, hmm? One of the coordinators for such an event, working so hard. Perhaps you didn’t expect to be praised for what you did. But what I didn’t expect, my little lovely, was for you to give such an… excellent donation yourself.”

He suddenly brought his hips forwards, bringing the heat and pressure of himself against her, grinding against their perfect body, his fingers around their neck, grasping their skin, eyes locked upon them as he didn’t give a damn what noises they made.

“Such a good fucking girl.”

He snapped, his voice almost aggressive with praise, wanting to make it clear that they deserved what they received.

“And you’re my good fucking girl.”

His hand moved away from their neck finally, only so that his lips could take over, bringing his canines down in order to deliver a carnal bite, nipping hard, letting it sting, before swiping his tongue along that poor, abused skin. And a kiss…and another… climbed up their jawline, peppering their face with his lips, before he finally met his lips with their own, giving a groan to the contact.

He took their bottom lip between his teeth, biting down gently, tugging for a moment, before kissing again, flicking his tongue against their own, erotically dancing upon them, before he finally separated his hips, hands, and mouth from their body.

“Thank you for your donation, lovely.”


good morning.

i’m trying to decide how i want to do it, but i’m going to be running a fic fest / challenge that will wrap up in the fall sometime. it’s based on the 50 reasons to have sex cocktail napkin from how i met your mother. i’ll make a detailed post later on, but if you might be interested, reply to this post (or reblog and add on, if you’d like). 

once i make an official post, i’ll put it on @50reasons which is the blog i set up for this whole thing. i’m not sure yet whether i’ll randomly assign the prompts or let people pick and choose. i’m very open to suggestions with this. some of the reasons will need an explanation, and i’ll try to fill that in. i took notes while i watched the episode.

these prompts have been done before in other fandoms, but as far as i know, there’s never been a larry version. the best one (i love it and it inspired this) is the drarry version by gracerene, who wrote all 50 fics!

the basic idea is that a larry fic (and art?? i’d love it if we had collabs with this) will be written for each of the 50 reasons and i’ll list them below the cut:

Keep reading