''yes i own this place with my brother''

She got me praying all hours of the night, say she want my heart, She pulling me to the river, drawing me with her siren's call, Done gave her my heart but now she wants my soul, Well I already sold it to the man in red, "Fell in love with your charm," but its a curse; cos am dead, Girl you're not who you say, bad girl they say you are Innocence isn't where am at, wear your crucifix bae Don't make me out all serious bonnie, slave to this bad religion, Unrequited love, praying at my shrine, cos I don't have a heart Like a dead man walking, I lay at your side, Make sure you're alright in my world, atleast that for you girl,

I gave her my heart but she wanted my soul

i really need someone to do a voice over of a parody of the salt and pepper diner standup but with stan. just pretend tom jones’ whats new pussycat was a thing in the 60s because it sounds like it would be
so it would go as the following:

“I want to tell you one story. Uh, this was the best meal I’ve ever had in my life, alright? This happened when I was eleven years old in Glass Shard Beach, NJ where I grew up. And it took place at a little restaurant called the Salt & Pepper Diner, which was a family restaurant downtown. Yes, yes you know the Salt & Pepper Diner? It’s a wonderful family restaurant near the Seaside Heights area, which means that it caters mainly ta doowop puppy-love teenagers and homeless schizophrenics.

Now, I go in to this place one day when I’m eleven with my brother Stanford. Now, I should say that his name is also Stan. I’m not callin’ myself my own brother. It’s a seperate human being.

We walk into the Salt & Pepper Diner one day, and they had a jukebox there, alright? And the jukebox was three plays for a dollar. So we put in seven dollars, and selected 21 plays of Tom Jones’ ‘What’s New Pussycat’.
And then we ordered… and waited.

Here’s the thing about when What’s New Pussycat plays over and over and over and over and over again: The second time it plays, your immediate thought is not, “Hey someone’s playing What’s New Pussycat again,”
It’s, “Hey… What’s New Pussycat is a lot longer than I first thought.”

And it has like, a dip in the middle. Y'know how some songs have a dip like Guns N’ Roses’ ‘November Rain’? You’re like, “Hey! November Rain is over!”
No it’s not.
There’s more.

The third time it plays you’re thinkin’ okay, maybe someone’s playing What’s New Pussycat again.
The fourth time it plays, you’re thinkin’ “WOAH. Someone just played WHAT’S NEW PUSSYCAT FOUR TIMES. Or at least, someone played it twice, and it’s a really long song.”

So, the fifth time’s the kicker.

Now we’re watchin’ the entire diner at this point. Most people have gotten wind as to what’s goin’ on. And we’re starin’ at this one guy and he’s sittin’ in his booth, and his hand is shaking while his stupid kids jump around and like, he’s been on to us since the beginning.

And he’s starin’ at his coffee cup like this and he has this look on his face like he just got his 30-day chip from anger management.

And he’s sitting like this, and the fourth play fades out…

It’s dead quiet…

And then, I don’t know if you know this, but the song begins… very suddenly,
BWAAAAAAAAA BWAAAAAMP WHAT’S NEW PUSSYCAT” and the guy goes “GOD DAMN IT” and pounds on the table, and silverware flies everywhere, and it was faaantastic.

But a word about my brother Ford, and what a genius he was.
Because when we were first up at the jukebox, and we were punchin’ in the What’s New Pussycats, alright?
I punched in about seven, and then Ford says to me, “Hey hey hey, wait. Before we drop in another What’s New Pussycat, let’s put in one It’s Not Unusual.”
And THAT is when the afternoon went from good to great!

After SEVEN What’s New Pussycats, in a ROW, suddenly… 🎶Dum tss da dum tss, dum da da da da da tss,🎶
🎶It’s not unusual🎶

And the SIGH OF RELIEF that SWEPT through the diner, people were ecstatic.
It was like the liberation of France!

Y'know for years scientists have wondered, can you make grown men and women weep tears of joy by playing Tom Jones’ ‘It’s Not Unusual’? And the answer is, yes. You can. As long as it is preceded by seven What’s New Pussycats.

And on the other hand… when we went back…

Holy shit.

It’s Not Unusual fades out…

It’s dead quiet…

People went fucking insane. No one could handle it. NO ONE could handle it!

And they were surrounded by this seemingly indifferent staff y'know that was just like, “Yep. Same shit as always!”

My only wish is that one of the schizophrenics had stood up and been like, “Now you know. Now you know what it’s like to live in my brain.”

They unplugged the jukebox after eleven plays. And THAT was the best meal I’ve ever had.”