Everybody is concerned about "meeting the parents", how about Cophine meeting the cousins tho? 😊 (that's if you're still taking prompts) Thanks bud! X
“I did not realize families could be so…massive.”
“Yeah, my grandparents were sort of…super fertile.”
Delphine stood with her hand in Cosima’s in a sea of people ranging from infants to near 100, all in bright green shirts that proclaimed Niehaus Family Reunion! Cosima was wearing one too, the neon clashing brilliantly with her jewelry, maroon skirt, and patterned tights. Delphine, in her standard ensemble of flowing white top, black pants and heels, felt very out of place.
“I thought I was finished meeting your family after I met your parents.”
“Oh, God, no,” Cosima snorted. “We’ve sort of been isolated up in Canada, but there are Niehauses all over the U.S. Some great uncle or something was super into genealogy, and we all just sort of stayed in touch.” Cosima’s mother spotted the two of them and started waving eagerly, nearly jumping in her eagerness. Cosima and Delphine both waved back, Cosima’s smile a little more of an embarrassed grimace. A few more family members took notice, pointing and waving.
“You ready, babe?”
Delphine squeezed Cosima’s hand, looked at the mass of Niehauses waiting to meet her. “As I will ever be, cherie.”
I’ve been pretty quiet lately because I’ve been struggling with Season 3 as a whole and I think I’ve finally figured out why: it’s a structure issue.
Now, there were many things about this season I enjoyed, don’t get me wrong.
(For a quick list to prove I’m not lying, those things included: Helena’s entire arc in the military, the Castor/Leda sibling reveal, Boss!Delphine, Cosima as Alison, everything about Krystal, and Maria Doyle Kennedy’s singing intercut with a guy getting the pulp beat out of him. That was awesome).
But, as a whole, as a season, it was extremely structurally frustrating.
This is not to say that shows that are structurally frustrating can’t be enjoyable. Heroes was extremely structurally frustrating. I still enjoyed it to the very end. The latest Orange is the New Black season had a structure that just begged to be analyzed (and, indeed, I did). Warehouse 13 Season 4 had an impressively tight structure; that doesn’t mean I liked it or thought it was particularly good.
Enjoyment is subjective. Structure is not.
So, I’d like to take some time to explain why Orphan Black Season 3 was lacking in the structure department, and maybe we’ll all come out of this chat with some new perspectives about story structure and what makes a structure tight and smart and satisfying.
*pulls up well-loved and moth-eaten old couch in front of warm fire and offers you some babka cake*
Set after the clone club has started at their prospective universities; how will they handle their college lives, Kira born and all the difficulties that come along with it, from maintaining their own identities to keeping their relationships afloat.
Oh man guys. Come on in, sit down, kick your shoes off, grab a spot on the couch. I got dark chocolate in the fridge and a bottle of red if you want some. It’s been a long week. Man, they aren’t kidding with Francis, are they? He is getting sick, sick to the point that he’s trying to play matchmaker with Mary and his teenage brother? That’ll get you deep in your feels. Your sad feels, and your uncomfortable “Wait how old is this kid again?” feels. Seriously though, how old IS Charles?
Kid’s looking tweeny. Mary at this point in her life would be right around eighteen, and the jump from eighteen to twelve is a senior in high school going steady with a, uh, seventh grader? Yeah, no, bad times girl. Francis made the point that this wouldn’t be a love match, obviously, but a an arrangement where Mary could kind of help him rule and he could keep sending whatever troops Scotland needed her way. Frankly, it’s a pretty good deal for Mary politically but there is precious little in it for Charles, as he was quick to point out. “What has Scotland ever done for us?!” Whoof. An endless supply of tartan blankets? Not even. Kid was making points.
Charles also poured some tea about the fact that Catherine is basically the John McClane-as-played-by-Bruce Willis of the exploding skyscraper of 16th century politics, so why was she in a jail cell instead of running shit? Catherine was asking the same questions.
Her hair is actually looking very Bardot-y there.
Meanwhile Lola was taking yet another milky-looking bath when she reached for the bath plug and pulled out a rat.
Then apparently she realized there was a secret message in its mouth? Girl I do now know why you were rooting around there in the first place, generally speaking no prize is coming out of a rat’s mouth dead or otherwise. But since she HAD found a note rolled up and tucked down this little vermin’s gullet (maybe it flew out when it hit the floor?) she went straight to Narcisse to lay the blame at his door: Catherine de Medici was targeting her because Catherine was still into Narcisse and Narcisse was publicly courting Lola and Lola just wanted to be friends with benefits on the down low but noooo, he had to go labeling things and now Catherine was back and antagonizing her via nasty rats.
Narcisse was like “Wait how did you realize this message was in the rat’s mouth? You didn’t try to resuscitate it mouth-to-mouth, did you?”
Meanwhile, in the spacious and airy apartments of England, Elizabeth’s privy council was turning on her like a bunch of corny-ass bitches about sheltering Catherine de’ Medici. Surely her majesty hadn’t KNOWN she was sheltering a seditious Queen? The Pope wanted answers so she better come up with them. Also they wanted to send her married boyfriend away to France. It was no wonder she was out in the garden for girl talk and wine moments later at straight-up eleven AM.
Elizabeth asked her Italian friend Donatella to claim that she’d invited Catherine to court. Donatella was like “I won’t get in trouble will I?” Elizabeth was like “Your best friend is the Queen what do you think” and then it was time for shots.
Meanwhile, Narcisse surprised Lola while she was raspberry picking in a legitimate ball gown, like you do if you’ve had the King’s baby I guess, and suggested she forage in his undergrowth for far juicier delights. Wow, I’m sorry, that was inappropriate and factually incorrect, he actually made the case that she should stop being scared of Catherine and start getting married to him because he wants her for forever which, like,
Lola suggested that instead of being OCD about being the future Mr. Lola he just shut his face and do all the sex instead. Non-Prince John can hang tight on those raspberries a little bit longer.
Back inside the castle walls, Claude had lost a fur shrug and found a ton of sass.
Also, Francis broke the news to Catherine about his fears that he was dying, and she expertly guilt-tripped him as only a royal mother can.
Meanwhile, if you thought the raspberry picking got wild, then you might have gasped your throat hoarse at the role playing going on betwixt Elizabeth and Dudley. Famously these two were in the Tower together while Mary Tudor was still Queen, and apparently they had some steamy nostalgia for close quarters, rattling chains, and squeaky cots. In the midst of their passion, Elizabeth promised Dudley was not getting an ambassadorship to anywhere other than her erogenous zones.
William was not having it. He sat Elizabeth down and reminded her that she has to watch her reputation so she can make a great alliance. “I feel like a prisoner!” Elizabeth cried, “And not a sexy role-playing prisoner.” William took a glance around her stately suite and then got out the world’s smallest violin. It’s one of the largest themes in Reign, this idea that being royalty is sort of the worst and incredibly heart (smash cut to Kate Middleton just like “You would not even believe the shit I go through.”)
But then it’s not necessarily a secure or happy life being a peasant, either, is it? As these people could tell you if their insides were not on their outsides.
Yes, sing clues from Delphine Bash had hunted down a kitchen girl off on a date and guess what, she and her date had had their hearts literally ripped out by a killer. Sort of puts everybody else’s probz in perspective, doesn’t it?
Charles finally got to see his mom and his first order of business was complaining about having to marry a hot lady. Catherine was like “No, no, you don’t have the marry the hot lady. Just tell her and Francis you’re cool with marrying her then when he’s dead we’ll do what we damn well please. Also send a really specific message to this old advisor of mine. Make sure the wording is exact. ‘Total Reckoning’ tell him you want a 'total reckoning.’”
Obviously Catherine, like a boss, was pulling a multi-generational assassination of her enemies from behind bars because she is just that savvy and frankly she should DEFINITELY be Regent, hello, who has more experience than Catherine? Yes she went a little crazy last season and made love to a ghost but she has a solid track record of getting the job done. she will do what it takes to keep France on top. Francis and Mary revealed to Charles later that Catherine had used him to try and extinguish the Bourbon line of the royal family, in my opinion this clinched her for the job of 100% ideal successor to the French throne, but Charles felt differently.
Also Leith overheard Claude and Charles discussing Francis’ imminent doom. (Mostly in the context of Claude asking her little brother to please not sell her off in marriage.) He realized her fur coat was actually a symbol of feeling shielded by her family, a family that was rapidly diminishing in size and protections afforded to Claude, and offered to hang out in her room until she fell asleep.
Man, I have to say, if a cute guy had made me the offer as a teenager to hang out in my room until I fell asleep my answer would be “not a chance in hell” because my bedtime routine involved clearasil, frantic journalling, a ratty nightshirt, listening to “Smashing Pumpkins” until I fell asleep and then windmill arms and sheet kicking when i finally lost consciousness. Yeah, it wasn’t cute. Luckily Claude sleeps in a ball gown and an updo like you do when you’re the daughter of the King of Fronce.
Meanwhile, Donatella was in trouble.
HAHAHAHA Elizabeth sold Donatella down the river. Donatella was like “Wait I’m poor now? Can I just tell everyone the truth?” and Elizabeth was like “Sure…sure…Pssst Put her in the tower for treason” HAHAHAHA. Elizabeth doesn’t play.
Later, when her privy asked if she’d be promoting Dudley out the door she read him for filth.
In their ensuing argument the real issue between them surfaced: they can’t be together because Dudley went and married someone else even though he loved Elizabeth. Dudley mentioned Elizabeth refusing him again and again, which is sort of interesting. IRL Robert and Elizabeth knew each other from early childhood. Robert did marry well before Elizabeth became Queen, but considering how marriages were contracted this might have had much more to do with the fact he was a fifth son and it was either get married or get a real job, and real jobs were considered super gross. IRL Robert also went on the record saying that Elizabeth decided at the age of eight that she would never marry anyone. Maybe he understood Elizabeth that marriage and disaster were inextricably linked in her mind because of the death of her mother Anne Boleyn. Or, if we follow that thought, maybe Elizabeth was actually more comfortable with Dudley BECAUSE he was married. He was “safe”, there was no pressure.
AHHH SORRY went deep into my Tudor feels there for a moment. Anyway, Charles ended the episode seeing the error (disagree) of trusting Catherine and agreeing to marry Mary. Like, YOU SHOULD BE SO LUCKY FOOL!
Of course this is a bitter victory, because Francis’ end is looming, and also Catherine responded to the news by pounding her forehead against the door of her cell which, easy lady, you’re going to need those brains! They’re your best and only weapon!
Can Mary and Catherine stop fighting soon? I sort of love it when they’re friends and my world doesn’t feel right when they’re at odds.
Although counteracting all the sadness this episode: Nola is happening y'all.
Okay so maybe he tricked her with the rat. Is it weird I find that vaguely romantic? Look, if some guy wanted me to marry him so badly he put a rat in my bathtub with a secret message in its mouth…okay that’s ganked up. Still weirdly 100% behind these two being together now and always though, for what it’s worth.
So yes thank you for finding this review, for making it through this long rant and ramble of mine and my weird little tangents into Tudor history, I am really just sort of thrilled to have an excuse to talk about Elizabeth I and Mary of Scots every week on top of which the cast is legit slaying it right now and Catherine is seriously making my life. What are you loving? What are you into? Should I try more of a list format? Should I embed more vines? Ugh I don’t even know internet anymore. But have a really great weekend and a big old curtsey to all of y'all & let’s talk about Reign again next week.
REALLY QUICK DISCLAIMER BEFORE WE GET STARTED: the urls of the characters are probably taken/being used irl, but they’re just so perfect for these nerds, so we’re using them for this fic anyway.
It had been a long day, and Sarah was ready to just wind down for a few hours. There would be plenty of time to worry about that rapidly growing pile of late math homework. But she had more important things on her mind, like how since last night, she had gained three followers on Tumblr. Two science blogs and a depression(?) blog: sexydarwin, sciencelaborador, and lost-train-of-thought.
Co-written with my partners in crime/internet lovahs tatarrific and cophinaphile (If I’m going down, you’re going down with me lol)
Cosima smacks the heel of her hand on her forehead and wonders what evil demon compels her to keep participating in these weekly Skype check-ins with her friends. At first it was a nice way to stay in touch with everyone now that Felix was back in the UK and Helena was off in some undisclosed location, but the sessions always inevitably devolved into frequent discussions about kegels, butt plugs shaped like deities, and, worse, Cosima’s love life (or lack thereof).
“I set you up on a blind date,” the computer image of Alison Hendrix repeats as slowly as possible, as if Cosima has no grasp of the English language. “What’s the worst that could happen?”
Nodus Tollens: The realization that the plot of your life doesn’t make sense to you anymore
Sitting on the soft rug with her legs folded under her, Delphine tapped her pen on the surface of the coffee table, the string of the hoodie she wore between her teeth as she read through the latest lab results. She had planned on going to the gym but had gotten lost looking through paperwork. She didn’t know how long she had been sitting there, just that she had barely gotten through the few days of lab results.
On Sarah’s fourth morning at Cal’s place, she woke up to the smell of bacon coming from the kitchen downstairs. She sat up, swinging her feet off of the bed and setting them firmly on the ground. After quickly rolling her neck, she brought her hand up to her jaw, testing if it still hurt to touch. It did, but the pain was duller now. Sarah wondered if the bruising had faded any, and she made a mental note to take a look after she had eaten.