&rarities

Ridiculously Specific AUs to Which I Am Inordinately Devoted

R63 Humanized RariPie, where:

  • Elusive is tall and thin and fashionable and gorgeous and loves to hang out and gossip with
  • Bubble Berry, who is short and fat (and not, like, Manly Man Bear but soft rotund Young Santa) and forever in need of a proper shave and haircut
  • (Elusive tends to be a bit cattier, while Bubble tends to just enjoy sharing what’s going on with everyone)
  • And Bubble Berry falls in love with Elusive, and he mulls it over for a day or two
  • Because it feels weird to have Different Feelings (he doesn’t even dare think the word “stronger”) for one of his friends, because of course he loves all his friends
  • And he’s never even really thought about romance before, because who even has time when you’re the town’s busiest party planner and most  sought-after babysitter?
  • But there it is: He’s in love with Elusive.
  • (I don’t really know why I decided to make this a bullet point list, but it’s too late to go back now.)
  • So Bubble decides to talk it over with his other friends, and they split into two camps:
  • Dusk and Butterscotch are firmly on Team Do Not Ruin Your Friendship, while Blitz and Applejack are on Team The Truth Shall Set You Free.
  • And Dusk, kind of accidentally, in passing, mentions something along the lines of the numbered grading system (he heard about it back at his awful cliquey private school) and how Elusive’s way higher up the number scale than Bubble is
  • (Butterscotch kicks Dusk under the table, though secretly he doesn’t disagree)
  • And Bubble gets very, very quiet, and everyone else gets very, very worried.
  • And finally Bubble says, “That’s a really mean thing to say,” and Dusk starts sputtering, “Geez, you’re right, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean—”
  • But then Bubble shakes his head and says, “No, it’s Elusive you should be apologizing to, not me.” Then he tilts his head thoughtfully, kind of giggles to himself, and adds, “Oh, but I guess you can’t, ‘cause this whole conversation is a secret. It is a secret, right?”
  • (You’ve never seen a group of friends swear to secrecy so fast in your entire life.)
  • So Bubble goes home and thinks it over some more, and he remembers something Elusive told him once
  • That there wasn’t enough romance in the world, and there wasn’t enough love
  • And Bubble has his answer.
  • So at the next party he throws, which isn’t very long off, because it never is, Bubble Berry tells Elusive. He makes a bit of a production out of it, because he thinks Elusive will like that even if he doesn’t like Bubble, and probably there’s a song and the phrase “like like.”
  • And the whole room goes silent, and so does Elusive.
  • Elusive’s eyes widen, just a bit, and slowly he looks Bubble up and down, as though seeing him for the first time
  • And Bubble can see things recalibrating in Elusive’s mind, quickly, in the span of just a second or two
  • (Bubble’s always loved how quickly Elusive can size up situations like that, though he’s never said so)
  • And finally Elusive takes a tiny step back and raises an eyebrow.
  • Bubble Berry’s heart catches in his throat. For the first time he’s nervous—really nervous—not just about whether Elusive will return his affections but about whether Elusive will stay his friend at all.
  • He’s never doubted that he and Elusive will stay friends, but he can’t read the expression on Elusive’s face at all right now.
  • And finally, with the slightest hint of a smile, Elusive says, “You will pick me up at eight o’clock sharp, and by ‘eight o’clock sharp,’ I of course mean eight-thirty, because I need time to do my make-up.”
  • (Bubble’s not even breathing anymore.)
  • "You will wear a shirt and tie," Elusive continues crisply, "and you will have ironed the shirt before actually putting it on your body."
  • (Bubble’s not sure he ever knew how to breathe.)
  • "Do I make myself clear?" Elusive finishes, and at that his small, constrained smile breaks out into a big, beautiful, blooming flower
  • And probably, right about then, Bubble Berry tackles Elusive in a big hug, probably, most likely, followed by smooches.
  • Many, many smooches.