화나

그 사람 사진을 보았다.
햇살보다 환하게 웃고 있는 사람
턱시도가 생각보다 잘 어울리는 사람
누군가를 향해 우리, 좋다 그치? 라고 말하는 사람
봄이 오기도 전에 봄을 맞이한 사람의 표정을 한
그의 사진을 보고 나도 모르게 눈물이 핑 돌았다.

나 너무 화나! 구남친의 웨딩 사진을 봤어…
그래서 네가 느낀 감정이 뭔데?
아무것도 아닌 감정.
근데 왜 화가 나?
그냥 뭔가 진 것 같아서.
아무 감정 없는데 진 것 같다고?
응…졌어. 진거야 그치?
너답지 않네. 정말 너답지 않아…
그래서 네게 메시지를 했습니다. 날 아는 사람들은 이해 못할 나의 감정이니 말야. 잘 모르는 네게…
찌질함을 인정하지마. 결혼은 헬이야. 몇년 뒤엔 그 남자가 진 것 같을거야. 몇 년은 무슨. 몇 달..

나보다 열 살 조금 많은 친구의 위로를 받으며
버스를 타고 걷고 또 버스를 타러 걷고 있는데
두 해전 차가운 공원에서 울던 그 사람의 목소리가
귀에 맴돈다.
신기한 건 모습도 형태도 아무것도 기억나지 않고
목소리만 남아있다.

난, 아무것도 할 수 없어..그래서 너랑 헤어질거야.


그래, 잘가라 마마보이 ! 행복하길 바랄게!!
근데 왜 난, 눈물이 떨어질 것 같지.
오늘도 먼지가 많나…

불과 몇 개월 전까지만 해도 늦은 퇴근길에 택시를 타려고 하면 거리가 애매하다는 이유로, 아파트 단지 입구까지 들어가면 빠져나오기 힘들다는 이유로 승차 거부를 당한 적이 많았다. 비라도 내리는 새벽엔 카카오 택시가 안 잡히는 건 물론 서울에 있는 콜택시란 콜택시는 모조리 찾아 물어도 빈 택시 없으니 기다리라는 대답만 돌아왔다. 간혹 택시가 잡히는 경우엔 기사님이 전화 오셔서 ‘잘못 눌렀다'며 취소를 부탁하시곤 했다. 일은 밤 열두시에 끝났는데 택시를 못 타서 두세시를 넘겨 귀가하는 날이 많았다.
당시에는 몸과 마음 모두 지친 상태라 화나 짜증이 난다던지 억울해서 눈물이 난다던지 하는 원초적 감정 활동의 여유조차 없었다. 대신 '자고 싶다'는 생각이 간절해 택시를 기다리면서도 자고 싶고 택시 안에서도 자고 싶고 아파트 입구에 내려 집까지 걸으면서도 자고 싶었다. 가끔 그런 생각을 뚫고 '밤은 안 새게 해주셔서 감사합니다'라는 감사 비슷한 푸념이 나오기도 했다.
카카오 택시를 탈 때마다 부산에 있는 엄마에게 무의미한 안심 메시지를 보냈었는데, 간혹 엄마가 새벽 기도를 갈 시간 때쯤 걱정 담긴 답장이 오고는 했다. 나중엔 엄마가 신경 쓸까 봐 일부러 보내지 않았는데, 그때의 메시지 때문인지 아직도 가끔 내 새벽 택시 안부를 궁금해하신다. ‘엄마 나 괜찮아~’ 하고 얘기하면 생각보다 담담하게 잘 지내는 것 같아 안심된다고 하지만 수화기 너머 목소리에서 감출 수 없는 서운함이 묻어 나온다. 내가 눈치가 덜 빨랐으면 좋았을 텐데, 끝내 부산에 자주 내려가겠다는 약속을 하지 못했다. 다만 조금 더 기도하고 조금 더 열심히 살아야겠다는 생각이 자꾸만, 자꾸만 크게 든다.

내가 만일 (My 10,000th Day)
화나 (Fana)
내가 만일 (My 10,000th Day)

The title translates to ‘My 10,000th Day’. The song provides a wistful reflection after living through one’s 10,000th day. Fana delivers painfully insightful thoughts that linger even after the song is finished.

헤아리기를 그만둔 상처의 숫자.
강해진 건지, 아니면 내가 무뎌진 건지 모르겠지만

아무튼 모든 게 지난 아픔들.

stopped counting the sufferings

unsure of whether I’ve gotten stronger, or I’ve become numb

anyways, everything becomes past pains

FANA / soul company.

let me introduce you to one of my ALL time favorite Rapper:

화나 / Fana / Hwana

“Fana is a solo rap artist in Soul Company.

He is called as “The Rhyme Monster” because he shows abundant and meticulous rhyming in his lyrics.

He was inspired by an underground Hip-hop club concert in Master Plan and started to grow his dreams to become a rap artist since he was a middle school student. He sharpened his skills for numerous years and later on met his high school senior, The Quiett who brought him into Soul Company.

In 2003, he formed a project team Choijuckhwa—meaning optimization in Korean—with Kalnal —which means the blade of a knife in Korean—who is a rapper. As a team, Fana stepped into the Korean Hip-hop scene with the compilation album, The Bangerz. Through this album, they started to show their own method of creating rhymes in the lyrics and became the rising star, but Kalnal had to stop his musical production due to his academic desire.

In 2005, Fana released his first solo album Brainstorming EP and started to appeal to the public as a solo artist. Due to his creative themes, great rap skills upon his rhyming theory in his album, Fana suddenly grabbed the attention of the public.

1 year later, in 2006, Fana released his single album, If the Day Comes, and after numerous years of gap in his musical production, in 2009, he released his first formal album, Fanatic, which shows his musical visions.

 

Fana is a person who likes to be alone. He minimizes the time to communicate with others, but in the meantime, he experiments and studies the construction of rhyming and finally created a theory called, “Identical Consonants and Vowels Structure,” that optimized the effect of rhyme in the lyrics. This theory created an original style for Fana that no other rap artist can follow. His extreme rap skill always has brought both sensation and controversy for the public, but no one can argue that his presence has affected the MCs in Korea and has been an inspiration.”

source: official soul company site.

my two cents: why I love Fana? well yeah you can clearly get the emotions of his tracks w/o understanding what the language and after you read the translations you get even more mersmerized by his talend. and also his flow the way he raps is so unique with a style that only FANA has. and I also love the beats he uses for his tracks… most of the time they have a melancholic feeling which I ADORE and it inspires me so much for my own art ( poetry & drawing & painting & photography)


  • CHECK THIS TRACK OUT!

화나 (Fana) - 누에고치


FANAttitude
Fana
FANAttitude

English translations to Fana’s “FANAttitude” as requested by @godyoo

[Verse 1]

we’re the owners of a micro universe, the weight of balance, creator of endless dreams

when I’m faced with the order of all creation, those infant ideas that kick within the Big Bang

with hands of thirsty potential, ultimately, able to seize everything

in order for a concept to become reality,  continue to learn and apply

burning curiosities, continuously filled into the drinker’s glass

fill as much as I want and get drunk. the knowledge and wisdom to create a better me

strip away pretense, and color the skin with plum rather than blue*

every moment is an opportunity for self-improvement.

through the accumulation of these moments, I build my own stable personality

 

[Hook]

F-A-N-Attitude. my plans, my standards. since I only have one life, I’d rather be me than others

F-A-N-Attitude. my world, my standards. since I only have one life, I’d rather be me than others

 

[Verse 2]

I don’t have interest in the conventional standards of success and victory

whatever it is, go forth and follow current decisions. live the way I want

this is not taking pride in narrow-mindedness,

but a bigger hint than your severe struggle with worries

heartbeats from a heart that has the will to try something

 

we’re the owners of a micro universe, the weight of balance, creator of endless dreams

life, impregnate the womb of the future with new seeds

sew in the numerous failures and construct a sturdy self

we’re the owners of a micro universe, the weight of balance. owners of a micro universe…

 

don’t sense other’s perspectives and become discouraged. also, don’t harden from criticisms

food that has been earned through careful consideration becomes blood and plentiful flesh

never starve

what’s certain is that it’s impossible to have all values and qualifications

the resolution: self-satisfaction. believe in your emotions and be confident.

 

[Hook]

F-A-N-Attitude. my plans, my standards. since I only have one life, I’d rather be me than others

F-A-N-Attitude. my world, my standards. since I only have one life, I’d rather be me than others

 

[Verse 3]

if you want to be the leading role in life, then always be ambitious. and be witty.

invest in yourself. don’t be ambiguous with anything. make more of an effort.

‘victory’ and ‘defeat’ are just words to me. just my rules, that’s more practical

when you reform by specializing meaning and actions, your universe expands infinitely

are you that anxious and burdened to let go? then just study, that’s the feasible way

without ample guts, failure is inevitable. so start, as the boss of your life.

doing things the way you want, at the speed and rules you want,

just do what you want. now, enough with your useless worries.

 

[Hook]

F-A-N-Attitude. my plans, my standards. since I only have one life, I’d rather be me than others

F-A-N-Attitude. my world, my standards. since I only have one life, I’d rather be me than others

 

*Word play. The colors plum and blue each have a double meaning. The word for plum “자주” can also mean independence, and the word for blue, “남” can also mean others. The message is: paint yourself as yourself, not based upon the template of others. 

Watch on fabulous-artists.tumblr.com

화나 (Fana) feat Zico, Andup, Gganmo, Louie, ulgyduck, TakeOne, Psychoban & DJ Wegun - Show StopperS