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the enterprise incident first aired on september 27, 1968! happy belated anniversary to a Very Special episode with a Very Special plot and a Very Special guest star ◡‿◡✿

Genesis is some sad shit, ok. Cain has his ~agriculture~ and Abel has his ~livestock~ and God’s all, “yo i need a sacrifice (for some reason even tho I created everything in the first place?? wow god, super)” and Cain brings fruit (yumm) and Abel brings the back fat of some animal (umm?? I don’t presume to speak for God but ONE OF THESE THINGS IS NOT LIKE THE OTHER eeewww).

God says “wow I love dead lambs” and gives Abel his favor, but then he sees cain and is all “fuck fruit” so Cain is understandably confused and pissed off. (Little-known fact: God does not like to eat His vegetables. Cain should prolly have known this because at this point there are like four people in existence and who else is God gonna talk to?? Jesus Christ, talk about insensitive [except there is no jesus yet]).

In THE BIBLE (u may have heard of it) cain lures abel into a windowless van with promises of candy and sheep (it worked for God ok) and slaughters him mercil– I MEAN.. anyway God asks Cain what happened to his brother (lol RHETORICAL QUESTION, God is omniscient and is just trolling cain).

Cain lets his inner sassy bitch out and says… and this is the best part, seriously, this line omg

“I dunno,” he says, “Am I my brother’s keeper?”


God don’t take no lip though so Cain is cursed to wander the earth(!!) (this is a curse apparently) and told that crops will no longer grow for him (because fuck fruit remember). Cain am very disappoint :( P.S. Nod means wandering, so. Cain is cursed to wander in the land of wandering? wow god, wow

Evidently wandering the earth is a dangerous occupation & also means you are hidden from God’s presence(?? omnipotence what’s that) and god curses anyone who tries to kill Cain bc.. well apparently cain is God’s buttmonkey and no one else’s.

The moral of this story is that God hates vegetables

THE END

jim and bones training for a marathon by waking up every morning at 4 am to run and bones having to pull jim out of the bed by his feet, his body hitting the floor with a thump and a groan but bones just laughs and hauls him up to give him a sloppy good morning kiss