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anonymous asked:

You know what many people forgot? The Columbia CEO, while talking about Harry's album also mentioned the other boys, saying they're all talented and amazing, and that they're all going to have their success. Harry's LABEL (even if it's through a distribution deal), so... a very relatable source, don't want the H vs the other three. We should pay attention to these articles, to these people. Not the irrelevant ones who only like gossip and drama.

🗣👏🏻🗣👏🏻🗣

Max Damage Dildo

Same group as the mega dwarf woman, consisting of a tiny ratfolk rogue, a blind kenku warlock, and a 7 foot tall lupine ranger (our half orc friend had to leave the campaign). We defeated a bone naga and found a hidden chest under a pile of bones with some unusual goods.

Lupine: Are these…are these dildos?

Ratfolk (is socially inept): what’s that?

L: Nothing don’t worry about it. (OOC): I take the biggest one.

DM: I can’t believe I’m letting this happen but fine, you pick up a 24 inch dildo and pocket it.

R (OOC): I also take one….I’m a rogue and I likes collecting things.

Next session we investigate a town where dead bodies have been going missing. While investigating a graveyard, two guards surprise us and are quickly determined to be the guilty party. They both manage to miss the Kenku warlock, who is standing directly in front of them…and is blind. The rogue manages to miss and is now the lupines turn.

L (*after a minute of thought*) OOC: I take out my 24 inch dildo and chuck it at the nearest one’s face.

DM: ….why did I let this happen. Okay fine, but you’re getting disadvantage because it’s an improvised weapon.

Lupine manages to pass all of the checks, and javelins the dildo into the guards face, breaking his nose.

DM: He’s just discovered something horrible about himself….he was really into that.

Our Kenku manages to climb on a guards back and hold a knife to his throat, demanding information about what’s been going on at the risk of his friend dying. They submit and we tie them up, while she also enters his mind and gains extra information.

Kenku: For cooperating I will let you go….you do not need to worry about your boss finding you. If I ever see you skulking around these parts again I will make you wish it was your boss who found you instead.

Guard: Okay…but please since I cooperated….can I take the object that hit me in the face with me?

L: Only on the condition I get to hit you in the face with it again.

R OOC: If she does this I wanna help and use mine. I may not know what it is but I know it’s the same thing and that I wanna hit him.

DM: Again, I CAN’T believe I let this happen but okay. Both of you roll a D4.

L: Uuuh I rolled a 4

R: I got a 4 too! Oh my god we rolled max damage with two dildos

We both high five and laugh uncontrollably for a few minutes while our DM questions his life choices.

Half a Halfling

Okay so some set up. My character was a kleptomaniac, chaotic evil rouge. We were going through a dungeon and my character decided to try and steal the contents of a chest before anyone else did. We got into a huge fight and the place started to crumble and I still hadn’t opened the chest.

Me realizing I forgot the chest: Wait! I need to check that chest!

The Ranger of the group: Go right ahead, you’ll probably die though

DM: Yeah but if you don’t it’s going to haunt you. Think of all those riches

Me: *slowly picking up dice*

DM: It could be half a halfling too. 

Me: I roll for agility to get over there, loot as much as I can and bail (I botched)

DM: A rock cracks you over the head. 

Me: But I saw what was in the chest right! Tell me I died with riches at least!

DM: *rolls and starts laughing* You open the chest, eager and shaking with adrenaline and anticipation. Inside you see half of a dead halfling. And then you die. 

Me: Did it have anything on it?!

DM: *Rolls again* You simply find half a kolbolt.

It’s a reoccurring joke now. 

I’ve lived in this house for 6 years and still don’t know any of my neighbors names