[turkey gobbling]

The signs as iconic Jay Park lyrics

Aries: Your girl’s waist I put my arms around like a hoola hoop, shooby doop I’ll sing my way inside her pants right to her coochie cooch.

Taurus: I’m the muhfuckin truth so sick every meal I eat chicken noodle soup.

Gemini: You a fake ass hoe you a fake ass hoe you a fake ass hoe you a fake ass hoe.

Cancer: Your girl whack me off, and you? You’re just whack to me.

Leo: You know i’m shittin on you, I can’t find a pot to piss in.

Virgo: Yeah you’s a skateboarder and I’m a rail, better grind up on me better use your tail.

Libra: Yo girl a turkey on my dick gobble gobble, I’ll fuck her till her knees wobble wobble.

Scorpio: I’m a dick to you when I should be giving dick to you.

Sagittarius: Her wand is my dick and she be doin magic tricks.

Capricorn: My flow hard, I gave it viagra. Try me you will fall, call you Niagara.

Aquarius: I get lost in your eyes I’ll get lost in those thighs.

Pisces: I’m so wavy like my life had a perm bitch.

The zodiacs favorite videos

Aries:

Taurus:

Gemini:

Cancer:

Leo:

Virgo:

Libra:

Scorpio:

Sagittarius:

Capricorn:

Aquarius:

Pisces:

I think some of my favorite kpop lyrics are these:

  • You look like a fresh salad, so smooth
  • Sexy, free, and single, I’m ready to bingo
  • Roll like a buffalo
  • You zoom zoom my heart like a rocket
  • We gonna go rocka rocka rocka rocka rocka rocka. So fantastic
  • Your love plus my love, supa luv
  • Yo girl a turkey on my dick gobble gobble, I fuck her till her knees wobble wobble
  • CHOGIWA
  • Yeogi buteora
Daughter

Submitted by: http://hidgehog.tumblr.com/

Length: Short

My ex-wife usually calls before she drops our daughter off for the weekend. She usually comes in and says hello; we ended on good terms and we’re still friends. 

I was eating lunch when I heard the lock to my front door click. My daughter walked through the door and greeted me with a wide smile. I heard a car screech and take off down my street. 

“Hi, pumpkin. How come mom didn’t call this time?” I asked casually, assuming she was probably in a rush or something. My daughter just shrugged and set down her book bag by the door before skipping over to me. She placed a kiss on my cheek and asked, “What’s for lunch?” 

“Well, I can make you some PB&J,” I said. 

She frowned. “We don’t like peanut butter,” she said.

I was taken aback by her words, but figured she was around that age to have imaginary friends, so I shrugged it off. “Well, sweetie, what would you like?” 

“Chicken!” She said excitedly. After heating up some frozen chicken tenders, I placed the plate in front of her on the table. Before the plate even touched the tabletop, she reached out and grabbed fistfuls of chicken tenders, shoving as many as she could fit into her mouth. I lectured her on her manners and how she needed to slow down. She did. But her appetite was fierce. She ate the entire plate and asked for more. I hesitantly heated up some leftover turkey and she gobbled it up in half a minute. I was starting to get concerned that maybe her mother hadn’t been feeding her enough lately.

Finally, after eating all the meat I had in my fridge, she strolled over to the couch and turned on the TV. 

“Sweetie, you have to do your homework before TV.” I said sternly. 

She looked up at me with half-lidded, dead eyes. “We don’t want to do homework,” she said in a flat tone that startled me with its coldness. And there was that word again. Even though I figured it was an imaginary friend, it still unsettled me. 

“Well, you have to,” I said finally. “Once you finish your homework, you can watch TV.” 

“Fine,” she hissed and hopped up from the couch. She had never acted like this before. I figured her rebellious phase was coming on sooner or later anyway.

Later that evening, after her bath, she announced that she was tired and wanted to go to bed. I was surprised, it was only 7:30. And she was infamous for staying up past bed time, but I considered it a good thing and tucked her in for the night. 

An hour or two passed and I was watching TV downstairs when I heard a knock at the door. Wondering who it could be, I looked through the peep hole and saw my ex-wife. That was odd. I opened the door. 

“I’m so sorry I didn’t call!” She said. “My phone died in the car and I didn’t have a way of contacting you.”

Then I saw her. My daughter stepped from behind my ex-wife, book bag slung over one shoulder, a wide smile on her face. My heart sank and my eyes widened as reality set in. 

I heard the creaking of the stairs behind me. I was too terrified to turn around. I saw my ex-wife and daughter’s expressions turn to one of horror, their eyes wide with disbelief and fear. 

From behind me, I heard a voice, no, multiple voices, one of them resembling my daughter’s, whisper, “we hoped it wouldn’t have to be this way.”

Credits to: http://hidgehog.tumblr.com/

7

“Dinner smells great, sweetheart,” Lucius said as he peered over Amber’s shoulder. “What are we having?”

“No peeking! It’s a surprise! It’s almost ready; go wash up and I’ll set the table.”



“Honey, you know I think you’re a great cook, but something about this tastes sort of… off. Is it a new recipe?”

“No, but I got the meat at a super big discount.  Apparently nobody else wanted it? Maybe they knew something I didn’t.”

Lucius paused in mid-chew.  “That didn’t seem weird to you?”

“Not really,” Amber said with a shrug.  “I just figured it was because of the hat.  You’re right, though, it does sort of have a bitter taste.  Fine, fine, we’ll order pizza.”


Your move, @pixelatedpeaches.

Signs as Barn Animals 🐣

Aries: Chickens
loud, always energetic, always waking up people in the morning

Taurus: Pigs
loves food, likes to roll around mud (bed) and loves to be adored

Gemini: Horses
unpredictable, always two-faced, is manipulated easily, fast

Cancer: House Dog
loyal, patient (sometimes), protective, cute when sad

Leo: Sheep
likes to be elegant, likes to wear comfy clothes, likes to say random words like Baaa! Baaa!

Virgo: Cows
gentle, humble, graceful, likes to be around with someone

Libra: Ducks
loves the water (likes to take baths), keen eyed, likes to be fed

Scorpio: Scorpion
the animal that isn’t part of the group, is always in the backyard stinging people

Sagittarius: Owls
full of wisdom, intelligent, funny, cute

Capricorn: Goat
is always grazing and eating, always happy, loves to make fun of other barn mates

Aquarius: Turkey
likes to “gobble” up things, loves to chase others around, is always up to something

Pisces: Fish
you have them contained inside a container because they are too hyper, lazy so they just swim around in their little tiny aquarium or be with other fish in the pond

captain america is a turkey

There are many people to blame for this, but mostly @woofgender and @sarsaparillaswords (and @sweet-coffee-jelly because they own rights to the powerpoint, and @neuromagpie for knowing many bird facts)

“I don’t want this,” Steve said, but it was too late–Sam already had his laptop hooked up to the TV screen.

WHY AMERICA’S MASCOT SHOULD BE A TURKEY by Sam Wilson and Bucky Barnes (a picture accompanied the title of two hand-drawn turkeys, presumably one by Sam and one by Bucky)

Slide 2 was just a white background with size 48 font: “BALD EAGLES SUCK” - Benjamin Franklin

“I feel like this is not going to be very factual,” Steve groaned. He could have easily escaped the blanket and pillow pile that Bucky fashioned around him to “chain” him to the couch, but a massive eye roll would have to do for self defense.

“Wrong!” Sam barked. “We did our research.” He flipped to the next slide, which was about how Benjamin Franklin wanted the turkey to be the national bird. “He actually thought bad eagles sucked. And I quote: ‘He is a Bird of bad moral Character. He does not get his Living honestly.’ Dude hated eagles, man. Founding Father right there.”

“Next slide!” said Bucky. “Benny Franklin also said: ‘For in Truth the Turkey is … a Bird of Courage, and would not hesitate to attack a Grenadier of the British Guards who should presume to invade his Farm Yard with a red Coat on.’ That’s you, Steve.”

“Plus, turkeys are native to North America.”

Steve made a face.

“Turkeys will also imprint on humans during mating season, and have no regard for the human’s gender,” Sam said, showing the next slide.

“Which makes them bisexual. You’re a turkey, Steve,” Bucky concluded.

“But–turkeys can’t fly,” Steve said.

“Neither can you.” Sam exchanged a smirk with Bucky.

“Plus you’re a giant show off,” Bucky said.

“With huge breasts.” Sam busted out laughing and so did Bucky–it was those kinds of self masturbatory laughs where they both doubled over while smacking each other.

“I give up.” Steve threw his head back on the couch cushion.

This prompted Sam to go to the last slide of the power point presentation, which included a video of a herd of gobbling turkeys. “Listen! This is how Steve sounds all the time!” Bucky pretended he was throwing the shield and made gobbling sounds.

Sam ran in place and made his best Intense Captain America Face while gobbling.

So Steve grabbed two pillows and launched them at Sam and Bucky, hitting Bucky with a loud THUMP while Sam dodged it and it broke a lamp behind them.

“Jesus Christ! Barnes, we angered the turkey!”

“Run for it!”

So if you were a hired driver for Amazon and were about to walk up to the house to deliver a box containing the new flatware set, curtain rod, NERF Maverick blaster, and pack of 50 white ankle socks, you would have heard the muffled sounds of laughing, crashing, cursing, and gobbling that then ensued for about twenty minutes intermixed with proclamations of CAPTAIN AMERICA IS A TURKEY!

A typical Tuesday afternoon, really.

Annnnnnnnyway, Halloween will never compete athletically again and have to resort to her blog to get attention, Paula AbrDeaniham’s “career” is over and he’ll be forced to do club appearances and be ElFitVic’s date to the Rodney Bowl, The Bald Cowboy is literally a professional clown….people laugh at him for a living, Turkey owns a washed up dance studio and pretends to play with ghost, continuing her scams, Matt the intern got trapped in the house and is so busy trying to gobble up Turkey’s Giblets he doesn’t realize he is blowing his chance at 500k, Elaine is so full of Botox she can’t see she hosts a player out radio show…in 2017 no one is listening, Pao Pao is getting booted pre-jury and being used by the popular kids and King Kong had a fitting chance to be a man and he fell hard and fast. Meanwhile Miss Dominique Cooper, God Warrior is NUCLEAR MOTHER FUCKING ENGINEER MAKING BANK!!!! So there’s the tea on that!!!! I hope she wins Battle Back or better yet, Cody wins so the house is shooketh!!!!!

BTS and Bigbang: After Your First Time

Anonymous requested:  Bangtan and BIGBANG scenarios after your “first time” with them? :3c

Rap Monster: *sees you naked* “Oh..I’m sorry” *recalls what happened last night*

Originally posted by kppoptrash

Jin: “Baby you were so great last night”

Originally posted by sailor--mon

Suga: *teases you* “Remember this? heh”

Originally posted by yoongijae

J-Hope: *comes out the bedroom to see you in the living room* “Damn babe you wore me out last night”

Originally posted by bluetx82

V: “Morning my lil turkey” (you was a turkey on that dick gobble gobble)

Originally posted by hellosarang

Jimin: “Let’s continue from last night”

Originally posted by aegyojimin

Jungkook: *stares at that ass as your naked body goes into the bathroom* 

Originally posted by sugutie


G Dragon: *you get shy when you look at him* “Babyyyy don’t be shy now”

Originally posted by sweggchicken

T.O.P: “ I was putting in work last night right babe”

Originally posted by kyungseoo

Daesung: “I know you really enjoyed last night”

Originally posted by no-8

Taeyang: *thinks god damn she got that magic pussy* 

Originally posted by maxoug

Seungri: “Are you sure you’ll be able to walk after last night”

Originally posted by seungri-saranghae

❗️HEY❗️ all of you 😛 gobble 😛 gobble whores❗️ it’s 🦃🍆FUCKS-GIVING🍆🦃. 🚶🏻BOYS🚶🏻 time to pull out those huge COCKS🌽 so all the pilgrim sluts can have a 😏feast😏 with your 💦GRAVY💦. we’re very very 🤗privileged🤗 to have this great nation 🇺🇸🌎 of ours, so we better take advantage of it 😂😛💘. so ladies, young and old 👧🏽👩🏿👵🏻take those big ol’ 🦃turkey BREASTS🦃out so we can get some fresh 🍼MILK🍼with all the stuffing we’ll be🍴feasting on🍴 . send this to 1️⃣0️⃣ of your best turkey sluts💇🏿👚 and you’ll get some sticky 🍰pudding pie🍰, send this to no one0️⃣, and the big turkey🦃👌🏻 dick won’t pull out 😱😰. have a festive and joyful 🦃🍆FUCKS-GIVING🍆🦃 and be sure to wear protection😂💦- or don't😉👶🏾