i hope nobody minds how frequently i’ve been posting!!! i dont want to flood anybody’s dashboards with liverpepper nonsense but i’ve gone on and off hiatus so often and am now finally going through so many good asks that i can’t help myself ( ॣ•͈૦•͈ ॣ) also, i hope everyone’s been having a wonderful june so far!!! how has everyone been doing *__*!!!
Pregnant…the unholy plus sign stared at you. You knew who the father was, someone who now barely spoke to you, barley looked in your direction, he hated you or so it seemed, since the night of drunken comfort turned into, well drunken sex and now…this.
Spencer had been locked away after maeve’s death, when you went knocking, booze in hand, you knew how hard it was to deal with loss alone, when he finally answered the door after you banging on it and refusing to leave, he let you in and one thing and several glasses of the good cheap stuff, you had woken up in his bed naked with very little remembrance of the night before. But you knew….this was a bad situation, you loved spencer, had since you met almost 3 years before hand, he though always showed he cared for you as a coworker and friend, which hurt, but you had dealt with it before. So you left a note lying about how you left after tucking him in and called a cab. Hoping his drunk self had a shit memory.
Nope he knew, even when drunk he remembered and when he returned to the office the normal warmth was gone, he avoided you at all costs, which you understood. Working on cases was harder but it was fine, until now.
Now you stood outside his apartment door anxiety biting at you…you could turn away now and just never tell him, raise the baby alone and just disappear…simple…only Hotch knew at this point and telling anyone else was a no go, so now you stood hand raised to knock
‘Okay just breath and’ knocking you waited. Jumping when the door opened, his face was confused at you, but he let you in. And that was when the bomb exploded, he was angry…and worried…mostly angry….he used words you were sure had been long abandoned from the english vocabulary. All you did was stand there, listening what broke you was the last thing he said
'It should be Maeve standing here with this news not you! This is a mistake…all of it….letting you in…and this….one big mistake’ you just stood there
'I’m sorry….look…you know and its up to you if you want to….be in their life…but…um….just…i’m sorry’ with that you left, went home and cried, and cried and cried.
Work was hell, the coldness from reid could freeze the ice caps back to normal again. As time went on you kept a separate file folder for him with sonograms and information incase he wanted to know. You were still amazed at the small blip turning into…well a bigger blip.
You were fine and happy until a case had caused the final explosion.
You were chasing the unsub, when he surprised you, he was strong, and before you could stop yourself, you were tumbling down the stairs of the house, you coughed as the wind returned to you, hearing your team members yelling for you, you shakily sat up yelling back…when you felt it…warm and sticky…
'No…no…no’ blood…a lot of blood….you stood making your way up the steps…
The news at the hospital broke you once and for all, Reid had screamed that you were an idiot for going after the unsub, that you should have waited for the team, the whole time you had stayed stoic when reid yelled at you but this time you couldn't you curled into yourself and sobbed full and disgustingly, you cried out how it wasn’t fair, how you didn’t want this to happen, how reid was an asshole but you understood he was in pain over Maeve, so you let him take it out on you, how you loved him but accepted that he didn’t love you and it was okay because you can deal with that. But why were the gods so cruel as to give you a small shred of happiness only to take it away. You cried out your anger and sadness.
'You were right….this is all my fault…this shouldn’t have been me…it should have been Maeve and…i should…should have just…never come over…but i know what loss feels like, and no one should be alone with it….but now i…i just fucked everything….and now all i had is gone…so yeah…its my fault….all of it…..i wish i had died…in her place…so you could be happy….and…because i would die for you…if ot meant you didn’t feel the pain…then i would have….because i love you and always stupidly will’ you remember the feeling of reid grabbing you and hugging you close to him, telling you how stupid you were to say that, how stupid it was you would die for him. He held you as you cried hushing you. And apologizing, because even if this was an accident, he was an asshole and no one should feel like he made you feel. No one.
It was weeks before you returned to work, no one but reid and Hotch knowing why you were on leave. When you returned a book was waiting on your desk, Reid’s neat but slightly scribbly hand writing on the paper.
'Its good to remember what we have lost’ you opened it finding a memory book of the baby you had lost, small notes next to the sonogram photos. In the back were names,
'Diana may reid’
'Derek alex Reid’
'Jennifer Emilia reid’
You smiled and held the book close to your chest.
It wasn’t long after that you and Reid actually began speaking more and work conversations became texts, and texts became late night phonecalls, and that became weekly nights at each other’s place. And slowly it turned to a drunken reid kissing you, and admitting he was crazy about you, finally allowing you in with out worry, and the memory book had made him grow to see you as he had originally 4 years before.
Patroclus x Achilles (The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller)
I finished the book a couple of weeks ago and really enjoyed it, even though I’m not that much into Greek mythology. Well, since I have no time to draw atm I’m just posting some of my drafts. :3 This is one of them.
@itzminyard Thanks for recommending TSOA to me, I liked it a lot, even though it was really sad. (;_;)
I love Patroclus sooo so much! >_< And Briseis. And Achilles is also okay most of the time. XD (When he’s not acting like a unreasonable brat and kinda causing Pat’s death ;_;) *sobs disgustingly*
someone who will love you unconditionally with their entire being and existence, wholeheartedly and genuinely, like Jimin (while simultaneously blinding you with their eye smile and murdering you with their heartwarming, melodic laugh)
someone effortlessly hilarious, contagiously derpy, and as bright as a ray of happy sunshine who will cheer you up and make you laugh no matter the case and scream right along with you when watching horror movies or killing bugs, like Hoseok
someone with a sexyass brain (knowledge is sooosexy), who is always thinking outside of the box and just oozes charisma and confidence but is really just a clumsy and lovable cinnabun like Namjoon (maybe sans the god of destruction part though hehe)
someone with whom you will always have so much fun with because they’re so unique and out there, and not to mention they’re the biggest sweetheart to have ever walked the face of the planet because they just love everyone, like Taehyung (also, deep voice + cute face = DEATH)
someone who has unshakable self confidence and will work 928477562x harder than anyone else and will cook and feed you amaaaazingly yummy food like the loving, warm, and generous Jin (not to mention, um, SHOULDERS? YES PLEASE.)
someone whose beautiful but fierce stare can melt you into a puddle of feels but then their random, cute, hyper outbursts
and bashful shyness will have you pinching their adorable cheeks because ultimately, they just need and want some lovin’, like Jungkook
someone who, at first, may appear to be ice cold, but then shows they care with the little, subtle things because deep down inside, they have a heart of pure gold and warm fuzzies and will love you right, like Yoongi (not to mention bluntness and witty sarcasm are a HUGE YES)
The fact that I`m only on the third episode of Shut Up Let`s Go and Byung Hee is already dead pisses me off to no end. He just found his muse and they were all cute and then that buttmuncher Pyo Joo had to go and lie about the drums and then hit with a bat and then he got hit by a truck. Which that truck driver is also stupid, he definitely should have had enough time to see him. I cried so hard …fuuuuuuuuu I hate life right now. All of them crying over him makes me wanna dieeee, I don`tknow what it is I can`t see boys cry it just kills me. Ji Hyuk is getting all comfy with his BEST FRIENDS muse which makes me wanna punch babies. Uggggghhhhhhhhh I can`t with all these feelss. On a happier note Ha Jin and Kyu Jung are probably the cutest thing ever. They make me wanna die in cuteness. Gahhh.