The Night Before (SMUT WARNING) - Jai Courtney

This part is set the night before the first chapter, ‘The Morning After’. I wasn’t originally going to do this but I had a feeling that someone would ask me to do it and someone messaged me mentioning that they would like to see what happened the night before :) so here it is!

Word Count: 2159
Read this on AO3 here.
Read the first part here.
Anon message inspiration here

Jai’s feet were resting on the coffee table when you got home. He greeted you with a smile and muted the television show he was watching. “Hey, baby. How was work?”

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On the Phone - Jai Courtney (SMUT WARNING)

Read this on AO3 here.
Word count: 646
Inspiration: I’m horny for Jai. This literally took ten minutes to think of and write.

Being the girlfriend of a successful actor, like Jai, definitely had its ups and downs. Unfortunately you were experiencing a downside. Your boyfriend had finished filming his latest project a while ago and he had been home for a good amount of time, but now he was on the press tour. One of your least favourite things about dating Jai was how much you missed having him around when he was away for so long.

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Mr. Courtney Part. 2 (SMUT WARNING)

Part 2 of the Mr. Courtney series requested by this lovely anon.

Word Count: 1516
Read this on AO3 here.
Read the first part here.

It had been weeks since you and Mr. Courtney had sex and ever since then he had been ignoring you significantly. He didn’t berate you if you turned up late to form, he didn’t ‘accidentally’ touch you as he walked past you and he definitely tried to avoid eye contact with you. You were confused to say the least and you were worried that he had just used you for sex.

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sassyeggs74  asked:

Regarding Margaery and her flock of hens- I've always found it suspicious that the High Septon's findings just happen to corroborate Cersei's allegations. I can't imagine why he would bluff/lie about such a thing, but is it possible that it's not true and he knows it?

But the High Septon’s findings don’t corroborate Cersei’s allegations? I mean, it states what’s really going on right there:

“[Margaery’s] maidenhead is not intact. Septa Aglantine and Septa Melicent will say the same, as will Queen Margaery’s own septa, Nysterica, who has been confined to a penitent’s cell for her part in the queen’s shame. Lady Megga and Lady Elinor were examined as well. Both were found to have been broken.”
The wasps were growing so loud that the queen could hardly hear herself think. I do hope the little queen and her cousins enjoyed those rides of theirs.

–AFFC, Cersei X

Cersei accused Margaery of fornicating with the men that often accompanied her and her ladies. The accusation was made via the tortured Blue Bard, and also through her agent Osney Kettleblack, who also “confessed” he’d slept with Margaery’s cousins. But all the septa’s examinations proved was that the girls’ maidenheads were broken – not that they performed the lewd acts they were accused of. And their broken hymens were almost certainly because they frequently went horseback riding (“A lord’s daughter was more like to give her maidenhead to a horse than a husband, it was said, and Margaery had been riding since she was old enough to walk”), which Cersei knew, which is why she thought her arrow would hit its target in the first place.

(Well, it is possible that Elinor Tyrell slept with her betrothed, and I expect that to come out in Margaery’s trial, along with the reason that Margaery acquired moon tea was for her. Whether that is actually true or whether Elinor will just be taking the fall for her cousin, will probably be deliberately left unclear.)

Furthermore, under the Faith’s torture Osney Kettleblack told the real truth about who he really slept with (Cersei only, not Margaery or her cousins), and:

“The Tyrell girls will still be tried, but the case against them is weak, His High Holiness admits. All of the men named as the queen’s lovers have denied the accusation or recanted, save for your maimed singer, who appears to be half-mad.”

–ADWD, Cersei I

So, the girls have been released to house arrest. I doubt the Faith will press hard on them when it comes to the trial… well, they may try (as the High Sparrow genuinely believes all women are sinners), but without sufficient evidence it’s not going to get very far. Mind you evidence might be manufactured (by Varys, or by Qyburn torturing the accused men while they’re in the dungeons) so the trial’s judgements are not certain right now, we’ll just have to see. But I’m sure the High Sparrow will act in all sincerity the entire time, that’s just the sort of person he is.

Hope that helps!

The definitive ranking of septas in ASOIAF

(Book spoilers for any show-only watchers out there)

1. Septa Donyse

The wench looked as ugly and awkward as ever, he decided when Tyrell left them. Someone had dressed her in woman’s clothes again, but this dress fit much better than that hideous pink rag the goat had made her wear. “Blue is a good color on you, my lady,” Jaime observed. “It goes well with your eyes.” She does have astonishing eyes.

Brienne glanced down at herself, flustered. “Septa Donyse padded out the bodice, to give it that shape. She said you sent her to me.” She lingered by the door, as if she meant to flee at any second.

Methinks a cupid Septa Donyse shall play. Seriously, any septa willing to pimp out Brienne is an angel, especially one who doesn’t even question her role when the Lord Commander of the Kingsguard sends her to some random lady.

2. Septa Somethingorother (Tyene’s mom)
Let’s just assume she was a blond (aka not Lemore).
This Septa from the Reach is hot-to-trot, has excellent taste in men, and is happy to have visits from her daughter, her daugher’s cousin, and her daughter’s half-sisters. Sure, she read Tyene the bible while the kid was still in a crib, but clearly her daughter didn’t grow up with any weird complexes about sex, so it’s not like there was much damage. And it’s not like this septa has weird complexes about sex herself. We all want our septas to be like Septa Somethingorother, which is why she lands herself at #2.

3. Septa Lemore
Septa Lemore has a sense of humor, and had sex at least once, which puts her well in the top-tier of septas. She also knows CPR and seems totally content to be spending time abroad. Unfortunately, Lemore is also the source of a thousand theories, all of which give me a fucking headache, so we’re going to have to take some points from Griff-indor for that.

4. Septa Saranella

“It’s High Valyrian, it means little brother.” She had asked Septa Saranella about the word, after Melara drowned.

She may not have done the best job of imparting any sense of morality in Cersei or noticing the siblings porking, but she knew her High Valyrian, so maybe she was just a bookish nerd that was hands-off? It’s that sort of benefit-of-the-doubt that plants her firmly at #4.

5. Septa Nysterica

Their smiles withered like roses kissed by frost. The pock-faced old septa was the first to bend her knee. The rest followed, save for the little queen and her brother.

Septa Nysterica had a homely pox-scarred face but seemed jolly

Gotta love the ugly daughters sent to the septa. Is Nysterica Elys and Anys’s kid? Why not. If so, given that she might have been in line for the Vale but instead had to get married to The Father (or whatever it is septas do), the fact that she “seems jolly” is nothing short of amazing. Nysterica also is quick to pick up on the vibe in the room, so she gets some snaps for intuition.

6. The Four Dirty Septas

Brienne sees four septas at an inn together, and they’re huddled at one table wearing dirty clothes.


“And the king is just a boy,” said the oldest of the four septas. “Who is to rule us till he comes of age?”

Treating them as a monolith, they get props for realizing that someone other than Tommen is really in power, but negative points for offering nothing else to the conversation. Good for them for not being scared to go outside?  


7. Septa Mordane

I hope I don’t need to pull quotes to remind everyone of this one. Septa Mordane was pretty terrible to Arya and probably fueled a lot of the tension between the sisters, and also gave Sansa very woolly, typically unhelpful advice. I’m a political prisoner forced to marry my enemy who now might rape me…what did Mordane tell me? “All men are beautiful.” Fantastic. I also have some questions about why fairy tales featured so heavily in Ayra and Sansa’s lessons, and why the one time Mordane’s chaperoning may have actually been useful, she chose to get sloshed and passed out. But hey, “courtesy is a lady’s armor” has been vaguely beneficial for Sansa. Unfortunately, literal armor would have helped Mordane in the end, who got a far grislier fate than she deserved. Which is why she’s as high on this list as she is.

8. Septa Great-Aunt Smallwood

“My great-aunt is a septa at a motherhouse in Oldtown,” Lady Smallwood said as the women laced the gown up Arya’s back. “I sent my daughter there when the war began.”

She sounds awesome. The description of this septa really flies off the page. I bet she has an affinity for decorating with acorns. And she’s cool for taking in a great-great niece…that’s supes generous of her.

9. Septa Aglantine, Melicent, and Helicent

“She is not. I examined her myself, at the behest of His High Holiness. Her maidenhead is not intact. Septa Aglantine and Septa Melicent will say the same, as will Queen Margaery’s own septa, Nysterica, who has been confined to a penitent’s cell for her part in the queen’s shame. Lady Megga and Lady Elinor were examined as well. Both were found to have been broken.”

Septa Helicent lives only in the Appendix, from what I can tell, but Aglantine and Melicent are mentioned in the above quotes. They’re completely unremarkable. If they were the nuns in The Sound of Music it would never even occur to them that the Nazis had cars. I’m not thrilled with them for snooping around Margaery’s vagina, but if I had to guess, neither were they.

10. Septa Eglantine
We don’t know a whole lot about Myrella’s septa, other than that she traveled to Dorne and dyed Myrcella’s hair.

“Oh, yes. We traded places on the Seaswift, on the way to Braavos. Septa Eglantine put brown dye in my hair. She said we were doing it as a game, but it was meant to keep me safe in case the ship was taken by my uncle Stannis.”

She gets props for trying not to freak out the 11-year old, but loses points for not realizing Myrcella saw through her shit. She would be higher on this list, but it’s probable that she’s the same septa who decided to scare the shit out of Ayra, and do it in a kind of classist fashion:

Princess Myrcella and Prince Tommen, Arya thought. A septa as large as a draft horse hovered over them, and behind her two big men in crimson cloaks, Lannister house guards. “What were you doing to that cat, boy?” Myrcella asked again, sternly. To her brother she said, “He’s a ragged boy, isn’t he? Look at him.” She giggled. “A ragged dirty smelly boy,” Tommen agreed.

They don’t know me, Arya realized. They don’t even know I’m a girl. Small wonder; she was barefoot and dirty, her hair tangled from the long run through the castle, clad in a jerkin ripped by cat claws and brown roughspun pants hacked off above her scabby knees. You don’t wear skirts and silks when you’re catching cats. Quickly she lowered her head and dropped to one knee. Maybe they wouldn’t recognize her. If they did, she would never hear the end of it.

The old fat septa moved forward. “Boy, how did you come here? You have no business in this part of the castle.” “You can’t keep this sort out,” one of the red cloaks said. “Like trying to keep out rats.” “Who do you belong to, boy?” the septa demanded. “Answer me. What’s wrong with you, are you mute?” Arya’s voice caught in her throat. If she answered, Tommen and Myrcella would know her for certain. “Godwyn, bring him here,” the septa said. The taller of the guardsmen started down the alley.

Panic gripped her throat like a giant’s hand. Arya could not have spoken if her life had hung on it. Calm as still water, she mouthed silently. As Godwyn reached for her, Arya moved. Quick as a snake. She leaned to her left, letting his fingers brush her arm, spinning around him, Smooth as summer silk. By the time he got himself turned, she was sprinting down the alley. Swift as a deer. The septa was screeching at her. Arya slid between legs as thick and white as marble columns, bounded to her feet, bowled into Prince Tommen and hopped over him when he sat down hard and said “Oof, ” spun away from the second guard, and then she was past them all, running full out.

Pro-tip: Don’t screech at people with whom you think there might be something wrong, especially if they just seem to be disheveled orphan children. Hopefully the Water Gardens taught Eglantine a thing or two about classism.

11. The Startled Septas

“Ser Osmund, relieve me,” Jaime said sharply, as Kettleblack turned to chase the crown. He handed the man the golden sword and went after his king. In the Hall of Lamps he caught him, beneath the eyes of two dozen startled septas. “I’m sorry,” Tommen wept. “I will do better on the morrow. Mother says a king must show the way, but the smell made me sick.”

This will not do. Too many eager ears and watching eyes. “Best we go outside, Your Grace.”

Two dozen septas see their young king crying, and they don’t make one fucking move to comfort him? Were they on Quaaludes and mesmerized by the lamps? If so they should be much higher on the list.

12. Septa Scolera

Had Margaery Tyrell somehow wriggled free of the accusations of fornication, adultery, and high treason? “Was there a trial?”

“Soon,” said Septa Scolera, “but her brother—” “Hush.” Septa Unella turned to glare back over her shoulder at Scolera. “You chatter too much, you foolish old woman. It is not for us to speak of such things.”

Scolera lowered her head. “Pray forgive me.”

This is the septa who stripped Cersei naked initially, and walks behind her during the Walk of Shame, ringing a bell. She’s mostly a pit, but she almost showed some sort of humanity for three seconds with Cersei. And she might have musical talent.

13. Septa Unella
Unella is the septa that makes even Margaery want to rip her face off, but she might be the quasi-leader of Scolera and Moelle, adding some sort of intrigue to her character. Plus she can’t enjoy being assigned “wake up the queen” duty all the damn time. So, even though she’s pretty much terrible and Nurse Ratched, she’s not the most terrible.

14. Septa Moelle
Of the Most Devout, Moelle is the one with the Least Personality. Let’s just keep her firmly down here.

15. Septa Roelle

Many holy brothers wore such tonsures. Septa Roelle once told her that it was meant to show that they had nothing to hide from the Father. “Can’t the Father see through hair?” Brienne had asked. A stupid thing to say. She had been a slow child; Septa Roelle often told her so.

Brienne put his age at ten, but she was terrible at judging how old a child was. She always thought they were younger than they were, perhaps because she had always been big for her age. Freakish big, Septa Roelle used to say, and mannish.

“They only say those things to win your lord father’s favor,” the woman had said. “You’ll find truth in your looking glass, not on the tongues of men.”

Septa Roelle is a piece of shit, who decided the best way to instruct Brienne was to continuously make her feel awful about herself. How is this motivating for anyone? Is this what they taught her at the sept? Lemore told Tyrion that we’re all made in the image of the gods. Mordane told Sansa that all men are beautiful. Roelle decided to teach Brienne that her face was unlovable, and that she was a freak. So congratulations, Roelle, you landed yourself behind the women who shaved Cersei and marched her naked through the streets of Kings Landing.

Thoughts? Did I miss any?

anonymous asked:

Do you think Marg is really not a virgin or was the septa (or septas, i can't remember right now) that inspected her corrupted by cersei?

A broken hymen doesn’t prove that Margaery actually had sexual intercourse. Cersei herself admits in her internal monologue that it most certainly broke by horseback riding, as happened to most highborn girls who (unlike commoners) usually have access to horse riding since childhood:

Still, the absence of a bloody sheet meant little, by itself. Common peasant girls bled like pigs upon their wedding nights, she had heard, but that was less true of highborn maids like Margaery Tyrell. A lord’s daughter was more like to give her maidenhead to a horse than a husband, it was said, and Margaery had been riding since she was old enough to walk.

Now, the septas who inspect Margaery and the handmaidens are Septa Moelle, Aglantine and Melicent:

“I examined her myself, at the behest of His High Holiness. Her maidenhead is not intact. Septa Aglantine and Septa Melicent will say the same, as will Queen Margaery’s own septa, Nysterica, who has been confined to a penitent’s cell for her part in the queen’s shame. Lady Megga and Lady Elinor were examined as well. Both were found to have been broken.” (Cersei X AFFC)

Septa Moelle is one of the three septas (along with Unella and Scolera) that “take care” of Cersei during her imprisonment and walk of penance. I find it hard to believe that this septa was corrupted by Cersei, only to end up working with her captors. The simplest explanation is that Margaery was indeed found “broken” but it’s just not enough to prove that she’s not a virgin.

Taena thinks Marg had sex with Renly on their wedding night, but she has to admit there’s no evidence of a consummated marriage (“No sheet was shown”, and anyway, as said earlier, highborn maids don’t always bleed). Furthermore, Cersei had Margaery spied on day and night for weeks yet she has to fabricate false evidence and false testimony to frame her for adultery. Whether Marg is actually a virgin or not, I believe she’s just too clever and well-instructed to sleep around with anyone in the red keep and not be extremely cautious about it.

But really, the point is that Margaery is a foil to Cersei in this narrative frame. It doesn’t matter what Margaery really does, what matters is that Cersei projects on her the things she does and her idea of her rival is entirely modeled on her own persona, even if she doesn’t realize it. Cersei schemes, plots, manipulates the king, has sex with different men, and she’s convinced that Margaery must do the same. At some point she even wonders if Marg and Loras are incestuous, which should really give us an inkling of how Cersei wrongfully projects her own experiences on Margaery. I wouldn’t be surprised to know that Margaery is not a virgin, but I wouldn’t be surprised of the contrary either, mostly because it makes for excellent tragic irony that Cersei tried to blame Margaery for traits that belong to her in the first place.