[commentators crying with laughter]

Watch on rejection-isnt-failure.tumblr.com

Amazing Super Bowl advert Coca-Cola. I’m crying with laughter at the negative comments they’re receiving. Good god. People talking about boycotting the brand because the song “wasn’t completely English” and apparently America is “all English”. Wow. You can tell who these guys voted for in the election

Thief

Imagine performing silly, amateur magic, such as the coin behind the ear trick, and amazing the Company but making Gandalf laugh

Word count: 1782

Characters: reader (female) POV, the Company

Warnings: none, I think, though feel free to correct me.


“What is so fragile that to say its name would break it?” Bilbo puffed on his pipe, adding to the pipe-haze that lingered in the air.

You grinned. “Easy. Silence.”

“You’ve heard that one already.”

You shrugged, watching the fire flicker and dance as you tried to recall another riddle. This constant back-and-forth of riddles was your way of passing the time, especially after learning how Bilbo escaped from Gollum in Goblin-Town. The dwarves had long since ceased to try and join in, rather speculating among themselves about the possible answers.

“What can you have, yet not share? And what can you share, and therefore, not have?”

The others blinked in confusion. Oin held his ear trumpet closer, and Bombur stopped chewing. They glanced at Bilbo to gauge his reaction to this new poser.

Bilbo took a long draught from his pipe, his foot tapping against the leaf-littered ground. The side of his cheek turned down. “Well…considering this lot,” he motioned at the gathered dwarves with the end of the pipe, “food.”

The clearing rang with your sudden laughter while the dwarves tried to comprehend. Indeed, sharing food with the dwarves usually resulted in your lack of it, as you had learnt the hard way.

“Quite a reasonable answer, but no.”

“Share…share…not have…” he mumbled. “I suppose you can…share secrets?”

You nodded in defeat.

Bilbo smiled. “Hm… The more you see of it, the less you see in it.”

“The dark,” you replied, with barely a beat in between. “I’ve heard that one before.”

“And so have I,” Bofur chimed in. “If anything, it seems as if the two of you are running out of riddles. Is there anything else to do so we can pass the time?”

Dwalin looked up from the dagger he was sharpening. “We could spar.”

“I’d rather not do that after I just ate,” Bilbo said.

“Maybe another challenger.”

With a cringe, you remembered all too well what happened last time. “I vote no.”

Dwalin huffed. Fili was digging his dagger blades into the ground, churning the soil. The others were doing mindless, trivial things, as they hungered for some sort of entertainment. Something to lift their spirits. Especially Thorin, who had a mighty gash from his run-in with Azog, and who sat in a cloud of brooding.

A smile slowly spread on your face. “Maybe we could…make a bet or two?” You flipped a coin into the air, attracting everyone’s attention from the glint of its gold face.

“On what?” Kili asked eagerly.

“Hold on.” Gloin patted his pocket. “Where’d you get that, lass?”

“I found it lying around.” You tossed it at him. “Mind you, I keep finding them everywhere. Like for instance,” you leant towards Ori, pretending to grasp something from behind his ear. When you pulled your hand back, another piece of gold glittered in your palm. Ori pawed his ears, eyes wide, while the camp broke out in gasps.

“You ought to be keeping an eye on the money, Gloin,” you chided, before throwing the coin over at him as well. “Don’t just leave them here and there.” In quick succession, you pulled out several coins as if from thin air and flicked them at each of the dwarves.

“How is she doing that?” Nori asked, the master of light hands.

Kili grabbed your arms and checked your sleeves, tapping your pockets for a jangle of gold.

“Nothing,” he said, completely bewildered.

“You missed these, though,” you said, showering a handful over his head, and making a show of dusting your hands.

“No, I’m serious, how is she doing that?” Nori asked again, amidst the raucous laughter of the others.

“My, you seem to be crying with laughter,” you commented, upon spying Gandalf shaking with merriment. You stooped over where he sat, pretending to comfort him. “But don’t worry, I have a hanky.” With two claps, a handkerchief seemed to materialise onto your palms. You inspected it. “Oh dear, Bilbo, I believe this to be yours.” You handed it to him, turning away from his slack jaw. “But not to worry, Gandalf, I think I have another one here somewhere.”

With a flourish, you pulled out a handkerchief from your left hand, one that was a mile-long, and a combination of all the Company’s hankies tied together by the corners.

“There, a big hanky for the tall wizard,” you said, dumping the pile of cloth on his lap. He chuckled, and you gave him a sly wink.

On you went, your antics increasing in ridiculousness, and their laughter and bafflement multiplied by tenfold. You grabbed Bofur’s hat and pulled Bombur’s bread stash from it. You asked whether Oin’s hearing was worsening, then claimed to find a reason for it by shaking Fili’s moustache beads out of his hearing trumpet. Out of Bifur’s coat, you pulled a bouquet of flowers, to which he crowed in khuzdul and chortled. You added your simple ‘thumb-separation’ trick, which made even Dwalin do a double-take. After making three of Kili’s arrows disappear, you told Dori, Nori and Balin get off their rumps and- behold! There they were.

The air was so thick with exclamations of amusement and surprise that an orc pack could have crept up in the shadows to lay waste to the camp. Only one person did not join in the improvised festivities.

Though Thorin’s brooding glower had softened somewhat, all you ever wrangled from him was a lip twitch. You were running through your mental repertoire of ‘magic’ tricks, wondering if you had something special in store for the King Under the Mountain. Revealing the Arkenstone would be spectacular indeed, but alas, you were limited by your abilities. Or lack of it. They were mere party tricks from Earth.

You asked to borrow a piece of parchment from Ori, and claimed that, with magic, you would always be able to predict the truth of their statement: true or false. It was one you had made up, simply by writing the ambigram of ‘true’ and ‘false’ on the slip of paper, and flipping it when appropriate. You just hoped they would state things you knew the answer to.

“Go on, say something,” you said.

“I’m a hobbit.” Bilbo said. An obvious test question.

You rubbed the piece of parchment in your hands and muttered ominously. With exaggerated motions, you carefully unfolded the paper, and held it to their craning faces.

“It says…”

“True.” Kili looked simply delighted.

“Wait,” Dwalin cautioned. He tilted his head as he inspected the paper with narrowed eyes.

“I’ll do it again, if you like. Just say another statement.” You folded the paper again and sandwiched it in between your palms.

“My name is Balin,” he said.

False.

“No!” Kili gasped. “That must be a different paper.”

“It is one and the same.”

This time, when you refolded it, you made a point of showing your empty sleeves and palms.

“Fili is my brother.”

True.

“Kili is a woman.”

“Hey!”

False.

“Haha! That thing is lying.”

Kili swatted Fili on the shoulder. “Our Uncle is the King under the Mountain.”

Thorin glanced up at you, his attention now fully invested on the scene before him.

True.

“Gandalf taught you magic.”

The wizard’s eyes twinkled.

False.

“Then how?” Nori stressed, like he was teetering on the edge of discovering a dreadful conspiracy.

“It’s obvious.”

Thorin had finally stood up. He took the parchment from your hands and stared at the word, slightly frowning, while an anticipative hush fell over the camp. His eyes flickered up to yours, which were glittering with laughter, and his hands rotated the paper.

“There,” he said, holding it up to the silent dwarves. “True.” He turned the paper again. “False.”

He let the parchment flutter onto your lap, which Kili seized, turning it this way and that. The others peered over his shoulder.

“How about the coins, then, Y/N?”

“It’s obvious. She’s a thief,” Thorin said. “The only other explanation we need is how Gloin has been losing so much coin without noticing.”

He began to return to his sleeping place, while Gloin looked down at his coin pouch.

You stood up, having exhausted all of your tricks anyway. Except one.

“So I guess…you don’t want me to explain this?” You said to his back, holding up your hand for all to see.

His eyes alighted upon the intricate iron key between your fingers, and his hands flew around his neck, feeling nothing but his chest. By chance, really, how you came upon it. After the Azog’s Warg almost reduced him to dwarf-chowder, you noticed the key fall off his person when he was picked up by the giant eagle. You’d had it ever since.

Thorin’s jaw tensed as he snatched the key from you, securing it around his neck and retiring to his bedroll, back to the rest of you. From his still form, he exuded heavy, muted anger. The dwarves said their hurried goodnights and the camp returned to dim stillness. Gandalf exchanged a look with you.

You shrugged off the shame stirring in the pit of your belly and went to bed, trying hard to fool yourself into believing that you did not care for his anger. Or that you had caused it. Really, you fumed quietly, you had been trying to cheer him up. Don’t you dare feel shame for it…

Even so, you resolved to apologise in the morning, if his anger had not yet ebbed away by then.

When the fire embers were reduced to tired flickers, Thorin took over Balin’s night-watch.

“You cannot deny that it was amusing,” Balin said, before shuffling into his bedroll.

Thorin’s gaze shifted over to where you lay, peaceful in dreams, and allowed himself a small smile. “She seems to have hands more nimble than our burglar’s.”

Balin chuckled. “Aye. There is no need to worry, Thorin. She has good intentions with whatever she steals.” He raised an eyebrow as if sharing a secret, before tapping Thorin on the chest. Not where the key was, but somewhere more to the left, where there was the strong, steady thrum of life. His heartbeat.

You stirred in your sleep, releasing a quiet, content sigh. It relaxed the knot coiled in Thorin’s stomach as he watched you, the thief who had taken more than she realised from the King under the Mountain.

He pulled the true/false paper from his sleeve – he had wrested it earlier from Kili’s sleeping grip – and opened it, wanting to deny his realisation, his secret. But he also wanted to know…

“She loves me back,” he whispered, feeling the comfort of the words, the lightness inside him. He glanced down at the paper.

True.

Woooow! Thank you so much, little bees!

When I started this blog I was like “ok, I hope at least one or two johnlockians will notice my drawings”.

THOSE ONE OR TWO JOHNLOCKIANS HAVE JUST BECOME  2500 AND I SWEAR I CAN’T BELIEVE IT.

THANK YOU, because…

-you always show me your support liking or rebblogging my drawings
(hello @prettyrealisticjohnlockfanart ! I’ll never forget that first like) and there’s nothing better than reading your comments/tags whenever you reblog one of them. Yes, sometimes I cry with laughter…

-you always send me lovely messages/asks (special thanks to @unionjackpillow, @mssmithlove1 and… to my lil pengling @aizekq)

-you even maDE DAVID NELLIST SIGN MY DRAWINGS AND OH MY GOD THANK YOU, @iamjohnlocked4life ! YOU ARE AMAZING! (I can’t waaaaaaaait… thankyouthankyouthankyou)

-you are making this last few months (OH MY GAWD JUST 8 MONTHS TO GO) of hiatus much easier to bear. CAN WE TALK ABOUT SETLOCK 4 BECAUSE GOD HELP ME

A very special THANK YOU goes to Juliet: this couldn’t have happened if it wasn’t for you, my friend. Thank you for always believing in me.

So…

What do you think about a colour palette challenge to celebrate? Never done this thing before, so that’s an… (☞゚∀゚)☞ experiment … but I think it’ll be fun :)

I’ve just created 10 palettes so… come on! Send me an ask with a number and one or two characters (Sherlock/Johnlock related, of course!). I will draw what I’ll get in my askbox until Sunday (1 May 2016… your time zone!). That could take a bit, but I’ll try to draw everything anyway, yay! (this. is. a. safe. for. work. blog. HAHA XD)

OK. LET’S BEGIN.

Carter Reynolds Imagine; Did I ever tell you ? ♥

You all piled out of the car, and walked up the huge hill to a huge park.

It was 2 in the morning, and the Magcon boys had just picked you up to hang out with them, since they had just gotten back from tour. You were super close with all of them. Especially Carter, you’ve known him since you were 5, and he was practically your bestfriend, he knew everything about you.

You and Carter had planned to where your matching outfits that you bought last month;

You and Carter walked together up to the park, watching the streets making sure no cops were driving around. “What happened at Magcon?” You asked Carter looking into his eyes. You get confused a little, because he starts to burst out laughing. “What?” you ask him, confused. “These girls. These girls at the hotel. They went around chasing all of us, grabbing our butt’s.” he said, stopping holding his stomach, still laughing super loud. “Omg, yeah! I was creeped out! The weirdest part was they took turns doing it.” Taylor heard him, and yelled back at us. “I felt so violated.. Like, or nah?” Nash added in to the conversation. I was crying of laughter ad everyone through in comments. 

You all sat down in a big circle playing truth or dare. “Y/N truth or dare!?” Taylor shouted at you. Everyone was smiling in like an evil way, knowing you haven’t been picked all night. You smirked back at everyone, “Truth!” everyone groaned back. “Uhmm, what’s the farthest you’ve gone with a guy?” You buried your face in your hands.. Taking in a deep breath, “3rd base..” Everyone looked at you with shocked facial expressions, “WHAT!!” Nash and Shawn yelled, “WITH WHO!!?” Jack J asked while laughing. They all thought you were so innocent. “It’s not my turn anymore remember?” You said winking at them. Nash got an angry face. “Omg, your telling me later. No that for a fact!” He slouched. 

You slightly looked at Cameron, he was glaring at you. Nash would pry the answer out of you. How could you tell him, it was his bestfriend? You thought to your self. 

When no one was looking, Carter grabbed your hand, and took you both out of sight. “Carter what are we doing?” You asked him very confused.

“Y/N can I tell you something? Please?” He looked at you with hopeful eyes.

“Of course.” “What is it?” You told him, sitting on his lap, on a swing.

“I think your beautiful.” He says looking at his feet. “You tell me that all the time.” You question, laughing. “Yeah, but have I ever told you that I have liked you since the first grade?” He blurts out cover his mouth. You look back at him shocked in disbelief, of what had just been said, “Carte-” You try and say something back, but he cuts you off.

“Have I ever told you that every time you laugh or talk, it is like the most amazing, soothing music to my ears? Have I ever told you that when ever you smile, it gives me the biggest butterflies? Have I ever told you that when I look into your beautiful eyes, it warms my heart, and makes it race at 500 m/p/h? Have I ever told you that EVERYTHING about you, even the way you walk, talk, or even breathe has made me fall harder and harder for you every single day? No? I haven’t? Because, when ever I get up the nerve to say it, you mesmerize me in every way, to the point I forget how to speak. I love the fact, that we know everything about eachother Y/N. I love the fact, that we can tell eachother everything, without a car because we know that we won’t be judged by one another.. And lastly, have I ever told you that these past 12, almost 13 years of my life, have been perfect, because I have spent them with you? Well it’s true, and I know you probably don’t feel the same, but I can honestly say, from the bottom of my heart, Y/F/N Y/M/N Y/L/N I love you..” He says looking straight into your eyes. 

A large smile appeared across your face, from ear to ear, you say back, “Carter Reynolds, I can honestly say, I love you too.” You kiss him on the cheek, “And I actually did know about all of that.” You confess. He looks at your with a very confused expression. You admit, “Matt told me. Last month..” He gets very pissed, flushing over his face. “I am going to kick his ass later.” He mumbles. “No. Don’t. If he hadn’t told me, I would still be dating that asshole Y/E/N. (Your Exes Name)” You smile at him. He gets a suddenly relieved look. 

“So, you like me a lot? Huh?” he asks you. “Probably a lot more, than you like me.” You tease him. “Oh. Oh. Oh. You wanna bet?” He dares. “Yes, I do actually.” You shoot back at him winking. He instantly kisses you, and tickles your sides, which was your biggest ticklish spot that only he knew about. You instantly laughed out of it, making him blush and smile the biggest smile you’ve ever seen on him. 

“Man, you pulled away, you tease.” He muttered, winking at you. “Well here, let me make up for that.” You say, while instantly grabbing his face with both of your hands, connecting your lips.

His were so soft and relaxing, they moved in perfect sync with yours. 

“Zaayyuumm Carter’s gettin it!!” You heard Nash shout out loud. As you and Carter jumped and turned around, all of the boys were sitting in the grass behind you both. 

Jack G and Aaron were pretending to cry, “That was a lovely, tear jerking speech.” Patting their eyes. You shook your head while laughing. Carter grabbed your hand, intertwining your fingers with his. You were both standing in an awkward silence in front of the “audience” of boys watching. 

“Well.. Aren’t you going to ask her out??!” Matt yelled at Carter. 

Carter faced you, smiling the same wide smile as a few seconds ago after the kiss. 

“Y/N/N (Your Nick Name), Will you do me the honor of being my amazing girlfriend?” He questioned down to you.

“Cartah, of course I will!!” You smiled biting your lip, getting on your tip toes to peck him on the lips once more. 

All of the boys then began clapping and cheering, “Lovely, what a wonderful performance!” They cooed.

Taylor interrupted the amazing moment. “Uhmm, not to burst your guys’ bubble or anything, but we have a cop coming up the other side of the hill, as we speak." 

Everyone jumped up as fast as they could, it was 4:00 in the morning. 

You all ran to the car as fast as you could, there were 3 people in the front of the car, 5 in the middle, and 3 in the back. Taylor of course was driving. We all put our heads in our laps, making sure our faces weren’t seen by the two cops who were barelling down the hill now. Mostly because, 7 of the boys were high. Taylor stepped on the gas, and we were at Cam’s house in 4 minutes.

On the way from the car, on the sidewalk, you felt Carter intertwine his fingers with yours once again. 

"Y/N?” He looked at you. 

“Yah?” You asked him, still smiling from the kiss.

“Will you love me, and be with me forever?” He looked into your eyes, with hope.

“Obviously, I will. It feels like I have loved you for a hundred years, and I will love you from here on out.” You assured him leaning your head in the crook of his neck. 

He softly kissed your forehead, “Promise?" 

"I promise,” You reassure him, kissing his shoulder.

And, in that moment you were infinite. ♥

Omg, I actually really enjoyed writing this, I hope you get the feels. (: It turned out WAY better than I expected. Give me feedback? Let me know how my imagines are, by messaging me! It’d mean a lot! ♥ I hope, you loved it!! (: 

Requests are OPEN!!! (:

double-dorks-beanie  asked:

Not really an au but a fix where Remus is just as rowdy as the rest of the boys and just as flirtatious, but he's still really smart, and the only reason he made prefect was because A) his grades B) Minerva thought responsibility would tame him.

+ “ He was still just as rowdy and the marauders because more effective because now they had a man on the inside, and also peter not being shut out all the time? He was a marauder just as much as James or Sirius until he betrayed them”

+ “ Also hc that lily isn’t stuck up. She’s a beautiful angry, powerful muggle born who isn’t afraid to call James out but she’s not a tattle tail”

tbh I don’t think any of the marauders could flirt because a) they’re teenage boys and teenage boys can’t flirt for shit b) they spent too much time trying to wrap up dungbombs as presents for Filch without exploding them c) they’re all massive nERDS but 

Remus portrayed as 24/7 with his nose stuck in a book is fanon and ignores a lot of the canon presentation we get about him. Like Sirius and James were definitely the rowdiest but boy could Remus slamdunk someone with one dry insult or have the others crying with laughter at one comment muttered under his breath. Sarcasm? Check. Dry humour? Check. Irony? Check. Plus he had a profanity vocabulary bigger than a sailor’s. He used his position as prefect to get the Marauders out of detention, finding loopholes in every rule and definitely using his knowledge of the prefect rota to his advantage. 

Also Peter was definitely included, just as equal as the other three. And that’s what makes it even more painful that he betrayed them. Because he was their brother, had been for seven years, and then suddenly he’s not. By writing him out/lessening his role, you lessen the impact his betrayal had and minimize your understanding of their friendship which was more of a brotherhood.

Aaaaand, Lily definitely wasn’t stuck up. This is justified again and again in the books, from Petunia talking about her rulebreaking to her ignoring her mother’s requests to her anger at James in SWM to Slughorn’s comments about her to the fact that James Potter fell in love with her. I explained some of this once here: x. If anything she could prank James better than he could prank her.