[cartman voice]

youtube

Guys omfggkskgkglsfjigtf I CAN’T BELIEVE SOMEONE DUBBED KYLE IN CHAINS WTF

youtube

This has to be about the most atrocious thing I’ve ever made

Eric Cartman Head-Canons (So Far)

Eric Theodore Cartman

Personality

  • Reputation is extremely importantto Cartman and he’ll pretend like he doesn’t care, but what other people think really affects him. It matters.
  • Cartman develops this insane laugh that just brings a smile to everyone’s face. He could be laughing at his own joke that no one thinks is funny at all, but the second he starts laughing like that, everyone would laugh too. This has often led to Cartman thinking he’s funny all the fucking time, which is NOT always true. » Even though he is kinda funny.
  • Liane is usually gone since she’s not home most days when Cartman’s supposed to be at school, and she never really says when she’ll be back. Cartman ends up alone in the house with Mr.Kitty a lot, so he’s used to being lonely.
  • Cartman hates being thanked. If he does something selflessly for someone, it is NOT to be acknowledged. He thinks it fucks with his reputation and downplays it when someone tries to bring attention to it. Plus, it’s fucking embarrassing when people get mushy around him. …Unless it’s Kyle.
  • Cartman has some definite mental issues. He’s gone to therapy countless times, which often led to many early retirements and a few suicides of some really respected professionals. Cartman doesn’t think they WOULD have helped anyway, and having such results makes it very difficult for Cartman to open up to anyone, seeing as they never understood him or seemed to make an attempt to in the first place.
  • Cartman LOVES horror movies! They aren’t much different from what he sees in his head on a daily basis, so he enjoys them and the thrill of being startled from a jump-scare. He finds it funny.

Appearance

  • Cartman began lifting weights around 7th grade (after an incident with one of his mother’s stubborn clients refusing to leave and giving Cartman a black eye when he couldn’t kick him out) so he could get stronger and defend himself and his mother. By high-school he has impressive rippling biceps which he conceals under his jacket to hide the fact that he’s been ‘improving his self-image’. He doesn’t want his peers thinking he finally gave into their ridicule. He has the ‘I do what I want’ reputation to maintain after all. Fuck those other guys.
  • Cartman is 6”2 by the age of 17 and has a broad build. Has the body of a football player having his Father’s genes, but he’s still very pudgy in the middle even though his heavy lifting seriously developed his pecs and arms. He can flex and look impressively muscular, but he can’t maintain it for more than thirty seconds.
  • Cartman had his eyes replaced with Kenny’s and when Kenny came back from the dead there was a strange mutation. Now Cartman has a mixture of Kenny’s blue and Cartman’s own brown in his irises. However, when Kenny dies, Cartman’s eyes turn blue completely until the blond re-spawns.

Family

  • I have head-canons for Liane that effect Cartman, and they go two ways. Both are very different from each other and honestly I can see both happening depending on what mental state she’s in.
  • On one hand, I see Liane being very loving towards Cartman and very discouraging if he was ever exhibiting behavior similar to hers or bad behavior in general. I see her being very coddling all the time even when he’s matured, much to Cartman’s annoyance, but at the same time connecting with him in many ways, and being proud when/if he shows any attempt at bettering himself.
  •  On the other hand, there’s been a lot of evidence in the show of Liane not only abusing substances, but Cartman as well. Physical abuse and also suggested indirect sexual abuse (Involving her clients and her son). I think there would be a definite link between her doing drugs and her personality changes. There is a definite rift in their relationship because of this.
  • Cartman cooks breakfast for his Mom on Mother’s Day and cleans the house for her and stuff, but he will ONLY do this on Mother’s Day.
  • When Cartman’s extremely upset or finds his mother in a vulnerable mental state, he’ll spend time with her by watching chick flicks together if she doesn’t have to go out, etc. When he was younger and in middle school he was usually able to manipulate his way into getting her to stay home to do this, but in his older years, he finds it very hard to persuade her away from her lifestyle choices. By sophomore year, Cartman just gave up and stopped trying.
  • Cartman and Liane have constant fights about her whoring for money and her drug abuse (addictions to crack, alcohol, and possible heroin seeing as it’s suggested that she does many heavy drugs) by the time Cartman is about 11. At first Liane is slightly more patient with her son, letting him yell and carry on about her neglect. However she gets tired of listening to his ‘ungratefulness’ eventually, which results in physical punishment that Cartman usually has to hide under his jacket and scarf from time to time.
  • Cartman absolutely despises Father’s Day and he usually stays home if there’s school to avoid obvious ridicule.
  • Cartman’s Aunt Mureal taught him how to shoot a gun when he was 6 years old.
  • Family reunions are usually a nightmare for Cartman. After his grandmother passed away, his Aunts and Uncles were bitter towards him from inheriting such a sum of money only to waste it in the way he did. Most of his cousins and Uncles are also extremely stupid. They’re heavy drinkers and total rednecks who get caught up in their own crazy antics which Cartman sometimes finds amusing. However, along with being forced off to the side with his cousins, there’s a dark secret Cartman carries with him that he revisits somehow every single year.

 Relationships

  • Kenny becomes Cartman’s unspoken best friend, getting incredibly close to him around 5th Grade. He always teases Kenny about his immortality, but Kenny is just grateful that someone he’s close to knows that he isn’t crazy. Cartman tends to keep Kenny sane, ironically enough.
  • Cartman and Kenny go on weekly fishing trips to Stark’s Pond, unless the water’s iced over. When that happens they usually end up making snow dicks and drinking some beers. If Kenny dies, Cartman just throws the blonde’s body into the pond. He calls Kenny a self-cannibal sometimes, considering most of the fish that they catch and eat have been munching on Kenny’s bodies for days.
  • Cartman often gives Kenny cereal to take home without any explanation.
  • Kenny becomes Cartman’s first willing sexual encounter around 5th Grade when Cartman asked for advice on how to know for sure if he was gay, and Kenny decided to give him ‘experience’. Though Kenny wanted to go a little further than the two of them actually did, Cartman still has his sights set on Kyle and couldn’t go through with most of what the both of them wanted to do. While this remained a two-way favor to Cartman, it was a lot more than that to Kenny who ended up catching feelings. The blond was able to hide this well, however.
  • It was when Cartman experienced physical abuse than he was used to, that he went to Butters for help advice because he didn’t want to “end up being called a battered pussy” like him. Butters sympathized and kept Cartman’s secret, eager to help hide the bruises and scrapes that happened from time to time.
  • Sometimes Cartman will take Stan’s phone when he’s not looking and check it for any stupid freemuim apps, and if he finds any, he’ll delete them immediately.
  • In 6th grade while Cartman Kenny and Clyde were sleeping over at Craig’s house, Clyde decided it would be funny to take Stripe out of his cage and put him down Cartman’s pants while he was sleeping. Stripe ended up biting and scratching up Cartman’s testicles as well as sinking his teeth into Cartman’s hand before he could throw the rodent across the room and away from him. Craig was more concerned for his guinea pig than for Cartman’s bleedy dick, and because of all of this, Cartman developed an immense fear of rodents, as well as a deep grudge towards Clyde. He’s not as angry towards Craig, but he’ll become livid if the event is brought up in any way.
  • Sometimes Cartman still tries to sarcastically fist-bump Token, just to be a dick. Token usually replies by rolling his eyes and walking away while Cartman shouts “I was not the GUN!”
  • When Token and Nichole won Prom King and Queen, Cartman gave them a solo standing ovation and cried tears of happiness. He rigged the vote of course. It was going to be Stan and Wendy who won, but Cartman wasn’t having that.
  • Sometimes Cartman visits Chef’s grave and puts flowers there. He never stays too long, not liking the lump in his throat that he feels when he does.
  • During Freshman year Cartman was still struggling with his sexuality and feelings for Kyle. Coincidentally at the same time, Stan and Wendy had a fight right a couple of weeks before they were going to perform in the talent show. Wendy needed someone to sing with and knew that Cartman had a good voice, so she somehow bribed him into performing with her instead. They had a similar moment to when they were working on the flag in middle school and end up sharing a kiss, in which Cartman was surprised to find out that he felt nothing during it. Wendy was pretty pissed to be the reason Cartman realized he was 100% gay, but she still performed with him. They won.
  • Cartman still believes that he is Jewish when Passover comes around, but ONLY when Passover comes around. He says he’s ¼ Jewish instead of ¼ Bi, which really pisses Kyle off. Cartman spends that entire holiday with Kyle, much to Kyle’s annoyance. But after a while, Kyle began to enjoy Cartman’s company during the holiday and stopped complaining about it. He’d never admit that to Cartman though. Because of this, Cartman has also gotten closer to Kyle’s family, especially Ike.
  • Ike looks up to Cartman which Kyle desperately tries to discourage to no avail. Ike thinks everything Cartman does for the most part is “awesome and kewl” and wants to be like him someday. Cartman, while flattered, still thinks Ike is an annoying little dildo that sometimes comes up with decent ideas.
  • Every Valentine’s Day, Cartman gets Kyle a chocolate banana that says “You make me bananas!” He gets punched in the arm or slapped upside the head every single year, but it doesn’t stop him from doing it and laughing anyway.

Fears

  • Cartman has a fear of gerbils, rats, hamsters, mice, and even some squirrels if they get close enough to his lap. (Musophobia)
  • Cartman absolutely despises hospitals after he got AIDS when his tonsils were removed. (Iatrophobia)
  • Cartman has a fear of being submissive. He would have to immensely trust the person who was dominating them before he even considered letting himself be that vulnerable. Otherwise, he’d have to be in control at all times.

Trauma (Dark Past)

Ohhh boy, here we go.

Warning: I’m a horrible person who’s seen the abusive suggestiveness in South Park regarding Cartman, and I’ve come up with these possibilities. (Don’t hate me. I just have a vivd and fucked up imagination, similar to my muse <3 who I torture)

  • Liane’s drug abuse and her constant sexual escapades have taken it’s toll on Cartman’s mind. He was constantly exposed to strange people who treated him strangely and then loudly had sex with his mother at night. It was difficult, especially when Liane would fall asleep with strangers in her home and Cartman had to be alone with them.
  • When Cartman was 7 years old his mother had a short relationship with a man who went by the name of Mitch Conner. He never seemed that interested in Cartman’s mother, not as much as he was interested in Cartman. He was strangely nice to Cartman, buying him ice cream and toys to get close to him. Not having a father figure, Cartman gravitated towards the attention. He would tell people that Cartman didn’t know that he went by another name and it was very confusing. Mitch would often steal money from Cartman’s mother when she wasn’t paying attention. Cartman noticed this but kept quiet since Liane would hardly ever believe him. Mitch was a classic conman. 
  • Eventually his true intentions surfaced and he would sneak into Cartman’s room every night to watch him sleep. It escalated from their quickly. Cartman was repeatedly molested by this man on several occasions before he was orally sodomized in his closet. The morning following this, Mitch Connor was gone and Cartman never saw him again. After telling his mother what happened to him, he was told that what happened was all part of becoming a man.
  • Cartman’s Uncle Jesse is another person who has sexually abused him throughout his childhood. Worse than that, Cartman’s relatives enjoyed making their children engage in sexual activities. It’s something that has haunted Cartman for his whole life. He can hardly look some of his cousins in the eye.

NSFW (Sexual)

  • Cartman and Butters fooled around a little in 6th grade, but only for a short amount of time. It was mostly just some experimenting here and there now and again. Mostly, Cartman practiced kissing techniques on him. Because of this Cartman is very skilled with his lips and tongue.
  • Cartman owns a dildo and uses it frequently.
  • Cartman is into some BDSM and owns a few toys that he keeps in his drawer.
  • Thanks to practicing and some unfortunate circumstances, Cartman is very good at giving head. He brags about this all the time to Kyle who acts disgusted, but can’t seem to hide his blush or how flustered it makes him to hear such things.
  • Cartman enjoys rimming, but not being rimmed.
  • In bed, Cartman prefers to be dominant. However, it’s not impossible to talk him into being the submissive one. You just have to be persuasive and caring.


Hobbies/Possible Careers

  • Cartman has a hard time deciding what he wants to do with his life since he’s “super awesome and kewl at everything”, but he has a lot of dreams.
  • He wants be a cook because his mother taught him all of her recipes. Cartman enjoyed creating delicious food, so he learned his own recipes online and is quite the cook. He would love to be on television as a world renown chef, like Gordon Ramsey.
  • Cartman has always been talented with a camera and can see himself becoming a photographer. He has a sharp eye for color and shadows. Taking pictures is very calming for him.
  • Cartman is also interested in becoming comedian because of his wit, humor, and stage presence.
  • His smarts and charm could also make him a very successful business tycoon,
  • Cartman loves to sing and does so every opportunity he can, being the little show off diva that he is. He’s addicted to his favorite bands (especially Styx) and show-tunes galore. He really enjoys rap music as well. But not reggae. Fuck that hippie shit.
  • Cartman kills it at karaoke. Every time. He’s just a performer at heart. Sooo dramatic. He would be amazing in a Broadway role or as an actor of some kind.

Cartman: well I appear to be lost
Cartman: oh I know
Cartman: (yelling) Eric Cartman sucks!

Voices from distance

Kyle: he’s fat to
Wendy: sexist prick
Stan: I don’t care
Kenny: Eric Cartman you mean Trumps son
Jimmy: He-ca-can-can’t take a joke
Butters: Well Eric is a big old meanie
Bebe: He’s ugly
Red: and fat
Hidie: he smells bad too
Token: he’s a racist son of a bitch
Craig says nothing and flips the camera of

Cartman has heard everything and comes running over extremely pissed.

Cartman: YEAH WELL FUCK YOU GUYS I’M GOING HOME!!!

Cartman leaves and the children are clueless to what they’ve done to piss him of.

Stan: Dude what did we do?

Kyle: I don’t know maybe he just has to much sand up his vagina. (Kenny bro fist Kyle while black shades appear on his head)

tad-duncan-deactivated20151204  asked:

@all I read a post on here about who has the deepest and highest voices. Can you elaborate by comparing voices to any well-known celebrity?

[ I’ve been meaning to put together the voice headcanons for these boys. Thank you for asking this. :D These are who they would sound most similar to in terms of celebrities. 

Butters and Stan - Logan Henderson and James Maslow  (same clip)

Kyle - Matthew Underwood

Eric - Drew Roy

Kenny - Jesse McCartney 

So feel free to imagine them with these kind of voices from now on. ] 

2

Trey Parker Will Voice the Villain in Despicable Me 3

Via Entertainment Weekly:

Balthazar Bratt is a former child star, “driven to supervillainy as a result of the abrupt cancelation of his TV series when he hit puberty,” explained Illumination CEO Chris Meledandri. Now he seeks revenge against all who mocked him via world domination. Bratt wears a purple-ish outfit with shoulder pads and umbrella pants, reflecting that he is “a character clearly stuck in the ’80s.” Voicing Balthazar Bratt is Trey Parker, the South Park co-creator and voice of Cartman.

Although Parker has been voicing popular characters for going on 20 years now, his role in Despicable Me 3 is something of a coup for Illumination. Said Meledandri, “This is the very first time he had ever been directed by anyone else but himself.”

Can we take a little minute of ours precious little day to discuss this picture?

Okay I was watching South Park (as always) and this scene where is happening Chefs Funeral is going on and everybody is sad, Kahl is making a “I learnt something today” speech and I paused when I saw this shot.

This.

Terrance starts crying and Phillip hugs him. To try to help. This is just one of the saddest TnP scenes EVER.

This.

I’m crying.

* cartman voice* I’m seriously you guys.

Eric Theodore Cartman Headcanons (Edit: I added some stuff)

Eric Theodore Cartman

Personality

  • Reputation is extremely important to Cartman and he’ll pretend like he doesn’t care, but what other people think really affects him. It matters.
  • Cartman develops this insane laugh that just brings a smile to everyone’s face. He could be laughing at his own joke that no one thinks is funny at all, but the second he starts laughing like that, everyone would laugh too. This has often led to Cartman thinking he’s funny all the fucking time, which is NOT always true. » Even though he is kinda funny.
  • Liane is usually gone since she’s not home most days when Cartman’s supposed to be at school, and she never really says when she’ll be back. Cartman ends up alone in the house with Mr.Kitty a lot, so he’s used to being lonely.
  • Cartman hates being thanked. If he does something selflessly for someone, it is NOT to be acknowledged. He thinks it fucks with his reputation and downplays it when someone tries to bring attention to it. Plus, it’s fucking embarrassing when people get mushy around him. …Unless it’s Kyle.
  • Cartman has some definite mental issues. He’s gone to therapy countless times, which often led to many early retirements and a few suicides of some really respected professionals. Cartman doesn’t think they WOULD have helped anyway, and having such results makes it very difficult for Cartman to open up to anyone, seeing as they never understood him or seemed to make an attempt to in the first place.
  • Cartman LOVES horror movies! They aren’t much different from what he sees in his head on a daily basis, so he enjoys them and the thrill of being startled from a jump-scare. He finds it funny.

Appearance

  • Cartman began lifting weights around 7th grade (after an incident with one of his mother’s stubborn clients refusing to leave and giving Cartman a black eye when he couldn’t kick him out) so he could get stronger and defend himself and his mother. By high-school he has impressive rippling biceps which he conceals under his jacket to hide the fact that he’s been ‘improving his self-image’. He doesn’t want his peers thinking he finally gave into their ridicule. He has the ‘I do what I want’ reputation to maintain after all. Fuck those other guys.
  • Cartman is 6”2 by the age of 17 and has a broad build. Has the body of a football player having his Father’s genes, but he’s still very pudgy in the middle even though his heavy lifting seriously developed his pecs and arms. He can flex and look impressively muscular, but he can’t maintain it for more than thirty seconds.
  • Cartman had his eyes replaced with Kenny’s and when Kenny came back from the dead there was a strange mutation. Now Cartman has a mixture of Kenny’s blue and Cartman’s own brown in his irises. However, when Kenny dies, Cartman’s eyes turn blue completely until the blond re-spawns.

Family

  • I have head-canons for Liane that effect Cartman, and they go two ways. Both are very different from each other and honestly I can see both happening depending on what mental state she’s in.
  • On one hand, I see Liane being very loving towards Cartman and very discouraging if he was ever exhibiting behavior similar to hers or bad behavior in general. I see her being very coddling all the time even when he’s matured, much to Cartman’s annoyance, but at the same time connecting with him in many ways, and being proud when/if he shows any attempt at bettering himself.
  • On the other hand, there’s been a lot of evidence in the show of Liane not only abusing substances, but Cartman as well. Physical abuse and also suggested indirect sexual abuse (Involving her clients and her son). I think there would be a definite link between her doing drugs and her personality changes. There is a definite rift in their relationship because of this.
  • Cartman cooks breakfast for his Mom on Mother’s Day and cleans the house for her and stuff, but he will ONLY do this on Mother’s Day.
  • When Cartman’s extremely upset or finds his mother in a vulnerable mental state, he’ll spend time with her by watching chick flicks together if she doesn’t have to go out, etc. When he was younger and in middle school he was usually able to manipulate his way into getting her to stay home to do this, but in his older years, he finds it very hard to persuade her away from her lifestyle choices. By sophomore year, Cartman just gave up and stopped trying.
  • Cartman and Liane have constant fights about her whoring for money and her drug abuse (addictions to crack, alcohol, and possible heroin seeing as it’s suggested that she does many heavy drugs) by the time Cartman is about 11. At first Liane is slightly more patient with her son, letting him yell and carry on about her neglect. However she gets tired of listening to his ‘ungratefulness’ eventually, which results in physical punishment that Cartman usually has to hide under his jacket and scarf from time to time.
  • Cartman absolutely despises Father’s Day and he usually stays home if there’s school to avoid obvious ridicule.
  • Cartman’s Aunt Mureal taught him how to shoot a gun when he was 6 years old.
  • Family reunions are usually a nightmare for Cartman. After his grandmother passed away, his Aunts and Uncles were bitter towards him from inheriting such a sum of money only to waste it in the way he did. Most of his cousins and Uncles are also extremely stupid. They’re heavy drinkers and total rednecks who get caught up in their own crazy antics which Cartman sometimes finds amusing. However, along with being forced off to the side with his cousins, there’s a dark secret Cartman carries with him that he revisits somehow every single year.

Relationships

  • Kenny becomes Cartman’s unspoken best friend, getting incredibly close to him around 5th Grade. He always teases Kenny about his immortality, but Kenny is just grateful that someone he’s close to knows that he isn’t crazy. Cartman tends to keep Kenny sane, ironically enough.
  • Cartman and Kenny go on weekly fishing trips to Stark’s Pond, unless the water’s iced over. When that happens they usually end up making snow dicks and drinking some beers. If Kenny dies, Cartman just throws the blonde’s body into the pond. He calls Kenny a self-cannibal sometimes, considering most of the fish that they catch and eat have been munching on Kenny’s bodies for days.
  • Cartman often gives Kenny cereal to take home without any explanation.
  • Kenny becomes Cartman’s first willing sexual encounter around 5thGrade when Cartman asked for advice on how to know for sure if he was gay, and Kenny decided to give him ‘experience’. Though Kenny wanted to go a little further than the two of them actually did, Cartman still has his sights set on Kyle and couldn’t go through with most of what the both of them wanted to do. While this remained a two-way favor to Cartman, it was a lot more than that to Kenny who ended up catching feelings. The blond was able to hide this well, however.
  • It was when Cartman experienced physical abuse than he was used to, that he went to Butters for help advice because he didn’t want to “end up being called a battered pussy” like him. Butters sympathized and kept Cartman’s secret, eager to help hide the bruises and scrapes that happened from time to time.
  • Sometimes Cartman will take Stan’s phone when he’s not looking and check it for any stupid freemuim apps, and if he finds any, he’ll delete them immediately.
  • In 6th grade while Cartman Kenny and Clyde were sleeping over at Craig’s house, Clyde decided it would be funny to take Stripe out of his cage and put him down Cartman’s pants while he was sleeping. Stripe ended up biting and scratching up Cartman’s testicles as well as sinking his teeth into Cartman’s hand before he could throw the rodent across the room and away from him. Craig was more concerned for his guinea pig than for Cartman’s bleedy dick, and because of all of this, Cartman developed an immense fear of rodents, as well as a deep grudge towards Clyde. He’s not as angry towards Craig, but he’ll become livid if the event is brought up in any way.
  • Sometimes Cartman still tries to sarcastically fist-bump Token, just to be a dick. Token usually replies by rolling his eyes and walking away while Cartman shouts “I was not the GUN!”
  • When Token and Nichole won Prom King and Queen, Cartman gave them a solo standing ovation and cried tears of happiness. He rigged the vote of course. It was going to be Stan and Wendy who won, but Cartman wasn’t having that.
  • Sometimes Cartman visits Chef’s grave and puts flowers there. He never stays too long, not liking the lump in his throat that he feels when he does.
  • During Freshman year Cartman was still struggling with his sexuality and feelings for Kyle. Coincidentally at the same time, Stan and Wendy had a fight right a couple of weeks before they were going to perform in the talent show. Wendy needed someone to sing with and knew that Cartman had a good voice, so she somehow bribed him into performing with her instead. They had a similar moment to when they were working on the flag in middle school and end up sharing a kiss, in which Cartman was surprised to find out that he felt nothing during it. Wendy was pretty pissed to be the reason Cartman realized he was 100% gay, but she still performed with him. They won.
  • Cartman still believes that he is Jewish when Passover comes around, but ONLY when Passover comes around. He says he’s ¼ Jewish instead of ¼ Bi, which really pisses Kyle off. Cartman spends that entire holiday with Kyle, much to Kyle’s annoyance. But after a while, Kyle began to enjoy Cartman’s company during the holiday and stopped complaining about it. He’d never admit that to Cartman though. Because of this, Cartman has also gotten closer to Kyle’s family, especially Ike.
  • Ike looks up to Cartman which Kyle desperately tries to discourage to no avail. Ike thinks everything Cartman does for the most part is “awesome and kewl” and wants to be like him someday. Cartman, while flattered, still thinks Ike is an annoying little dildo that sometimes comes up with decent ideas.
  • Every Valentine’s Day, Cartman gets Kyle a chocolate banana that says “You make me bananas!” He gets punched in the arm or slapped upside the head every single year, but it doesn’t stop him from doing it and laughing anyway.

Fears

  • Cartman has a fear of gerbils, rats, hamsters, mice, and even some squirrels if they get close enough to his lap. (Musophobia)
  • Cartman absolutely despises hospitals after he got AIDS when his tonsils were removed. (Iatrophobia)
  • Cartman has a fear of being submissive. He would have to immensely trust the person who was dominating them before he even considered letting himself be that vulnerable. Otherwise, he’d have to be in control at all times.

Trauma (Dark Past)

Ohhh boy, here we go.

Warning: I’m a horrible person who’s seen the abusive suggestiveness in South Park regarding Cartman, and I’ve come up with these possibilities. (Don’t hate me. I just have a vivd and fucked up imagination, similar to my muse <3 who I torture)

  • Liane’s drug abuse and her constant sexual escapades have taken it’s toll on Cartman’s mind. He was constantly exposed to strange people who treated him strangely and then loudly had sex with his mother at night. It was difficult, especially when Liane would fall asleep with strangers in her home and Cartman had to be alone with them.
  • When Cartman was 7 years old his mother had a short relationship with a man who went by the name of Mitch Conner. He never seemed that interested in Cartman’s mother, not as much as he was interested in Cartman. He was strangely nice to Cartman, buying him ice cream and toys to get close to him. Not having a father figure, Cartman gravitated towards the attention. He would tell people that Cartman didn’t know that he went by another name and it was very confusing. Mitch would often steal money from Cartman’s mother when she wasn’t paying attention. Cartman noticed this but kept quiet since Liane would hardly ever believe him. Mitch was a classic conman. 
  • Eventually his true intentions surfaced and he would sneak into Cartman’s room every night to watch him sleep. It escalated from their quickly. Cartman was repeatedly molested by this man on several occasions before he was orally sodomized in his closet. The morning following this, Mitch Connor was gone and Cartman never saw him again. After telling his mother what happened to him, he was told that what happened was all part of becoming a man.
  • Cartman’s Uncle Jesse is another person who has sexually abused him throughout his childhood. Worse than that, Cartman’s relatives enjoyed making their children engage in sexual activities. It’s something that has haunted Cartman for his whole life. He can hardly look some of his cousins in the eye.
  • (I only use this one sometimes, depending on the rp) When Cartman turned 14 his mother claimed he needed to help her make some money and that he was old enough to do that now. She had him perform oral on some extra clients for cash, which Cartman did begrudgingly. She would get complaints about Cartman’s overweight appearance from those clients in the weeks this went on and so encouraged her son to binge and purge. After being forced into this the first few times, Cartman began doing it on his own out of habit and quickly realized he was becoming addicted to the feeling of it. In danger of bulimia, Cartman struggles to resist the urge to binge and purge to this day. He doesn’t do it nearly as often, mostly when he’s under stress. After a few months of pleasing his mother’s clients, he couldn’t take it anymore and finally refused to continue doing it. Now he finds other means of earning money to give to his mother. 
  • Cartman has turned to self-harm on several occasions, mostly between the ages of 13 and 16, and the only area that he would harm was his stomach and thighs. It was less for the pain, and more out of self-hate of his body image.

NSFW (Sexual)

  • Cartman and Butters fooled around a little in 6th grade, but only for a short amount of time. It was mostly just some experimenting here and there now and again. Mostly, Cartman practiced kissing techniques on him. Because of this Cartman is very skilled with his lips and tongue.
  • Cartman owns a dildo and uses it frequently.
  • Cartman is into some BDSM and owns a few toys that he keeps in his drawer.
  • Thanks to practicing and some unfortunate circumstances, Cartman is very good at giving head. He brags about this all the time to Kyle who acts disgusted, but can’t seem to hide his blush or how flustered it makes him to hear such things.
  • Cartman enjoys rimming, but not being rimmed.
  • In bed, Cartman prefers to be dominant. However, it’s not impossible to talk him into being the submissive one. You just have to be persuasive and caring.

Hobbies/Possible Careers

  • Cartman has a hard time deciding what he wants to do with his life since he’s “super awesome and kewl at everything”, but he has a lot of dreams.
  • He wants be a cook because his mother taught him all of her recipes. Cartman enjoyed creating delicious food, so he learned his own recipes online and is quite the cook. He would love to be on television as a world renown chef, like Gordon Ramsey.
  • Cartman has always been talented with a camera and can see himself becoming a photographer. He has a sharp eye for color and shadows. Taking pictures is very calming for him.
  • Cartman is also interested in becoming comedian because of his wit, humor, and stage presence.
  • His smarts and charm could also make him a very successful business tycoon,
  • Cartman loves to sing and does so every opportunity he can, being the little show off diva that he is. He’s addicted to his favorite bands (especially Styx) and show-tunes galore. He really enjoys rap music as well. But not reggae. Fuck that hippie shit.
  • Cartman kills it at karaoke. Every time. He’s just a performer at heart. Sooo dramatic. He would be amazing in a Broadway role or as an actor of some kind.
  • Cartman speaks six languages: English, Spanish, German, French, Japanese, and Russian. He’s currently learning Italian because why not? He has a LOT of free time.

“Stan, I just want you to know that I still hate Kyle more than you.” - Cartman (Trapped In The Closet)

It might sound like Cartman’s just taking an opportunity to express hatred for Kyle or take a jab at him, but this is actually saying a lot. Cartman is basically voicing his disinterest in Stan while reaffirming his (albeit negative) interest in Kyle.

Cartman may still hate Kyle more than Stan, but that’s because he feels more passionately about Kyle than anyone.

“A new study reveals that the brain’s ‘love’ and ‘hate’ circuits share identical structures.”

“Hate is often considered to be an evil passion that should, in a better world, be tamed, controlled, and eradicated. Yet to the biologist, hate is a passion that is of equal interest to love. Like love, it is often seemingly irrational and can lead individuals to heroic and evil deeds. How can two opposite sentiments lead to the same behavior?” -  Professor Semir Zeki

Despite their rivalry and constant claims of hatred, Cartman has saved Kyle on more than one occasion; and vice versa.
Intriguingly, Cartman saved Kyle in “Smug Alert” because he didn’t want to lose his rival (counterpart). That alone says a lot about how much his relationship with Kyle means to him.
And he saved Kyle in Imaginationland pt. II partly because he wanted Kyle to suck his balls. :p (I think he was genuinely concerned about losing him, though. I mean, he was delirious with tears and laughter.)

Cartman also seems to be rather obsessed/preoccupied with Kyle in general. The fact that Cartman chose to express that his hatred for Kyle was stronger than his hatred for Stan in “Trapped In The Closet,” when it was such an irrelevant thing to say at the moment, is one example.
There’s also this instance in “Two Days Before the Day After Tomorrow,” where Cartman brings up the subject of Kyle when Kyle’s not around. Granted, it’s more relevant this time, because Cartman’s saying, “Isn’t this fun? Just you and me hangin’ out, Stan. No stupid Kyle around.” Still; the fact that he feels the need to mention this suggests Kyle’s on his mind even though he’s not there. Like, Cartman can’t just enjoy his time with alone with Stan, away from Kyle; he has to bring Kyle into it somehow.
He’s obsessed with Kyle to the extent of paranoia; blaming Kyle for everything he loses and of foiling his plans even when Kyle’s innocent. (Ex: Thinking Kyle stole the picture of him with Butters’ wiener in his mouth./Thinking everything in “Trapper Keeper” was a set-up by Kyle to keep him from having a trapper keeper.)

Basically, even if a situation has nothing to do with Kyle, Cartman will find a way to make it about him.

Cartman also exhibits rather questionable behavior toward Kyle on a handful of occasions; particularly (but not necessarily) as a form of humiliation. (Examples: Cartman spending three episodes trying to get Kyle to suck his balls, only to settle for imagining it, and subjecting Kyle to his fantasy; making his hand give Kyle taco-flavored kisses; invading a sleeping-Kyle’s personal space, forcing Kyle to activate his anal probe; the whole “Funnybot” moment, etc.)

These heroic, obsessive and antagonizing behaviors are examples of “how two opposite sentiments can lead to the same behavior.”

anonymous asked:

@Kyle I'm not sure in that anon was joking or serious,either he or she is disgusting,but anyway,pleasantry sorprise? no you must have blush or felt that tingly feeling when someone shows how much they love you,having a knight protecting you,you are so lucky

.. jesus, dude. Well I mean I kinda expect friends to be concerned if something bad happens to me. But it is surprising and rare for Cartman to actually voice that he cares. Even if it was by threatening to kill someone. 
- Kyle

Basically, even if a situation has nothing to do with Kyle, Cartman will find a way to make it about him:

“Yeah, isn’t this fun? Just you and me, hanging out, Stan. No stupid Kyle around.” - Two Days Before The Day After Tomorrow

“Stan, I just want you to know that I still hate Kyle more than you.” - Trapped In The Closet

It might sound like Cartman’s just taking an opportunity to express hatred for Kyle or take a jab at him, but this is actually saying a lot. Cartman is basically voicing his disinterest in Stan while reaffirming his interest in Kyle.

Cartman may claim to hate Kyle more than Stan, but that’s because he feels more passionately about Kyle than anyone.

“A new study reveals that the brain’s ‘love’ and ‘hate’ circuits share identical structures.”

“Hate is often considered to be an evil passion that should, in a better world, be tamed, controlled, and eradicated. Yet to the biologist, hate is a passion that is of equal interest to love. Like love, it is often seemingly irrational and can lead individuals to heroic and evil deeds. How can two opposite sentiments lead to the same behavior?” - Professor Semir Zeki

anonymous asked:

@stan @kyle @eric @kenny who has the deepest voice (in order)? Stan, I imagine you would because yours was already pretty deep even when you were 10

Actually, Cartman has the deepest voice. Then me, then Kenny. Kyle has the highest voice out of all of us. - Stan