[air horn]

the sound of music is so iconic

like

  • the nuns roasting maria in three part harmony
  • ‘the dress. you’ll have to put on another one before meeting the children’
    ‘when we enter the abbey our worldly clothes are given to the poor’
    ‘what about this one?’
    ‘the poor didn’t want this one’
  • all seven children bursting into tears at dinner while Maria sips her tea
  • ‘God bless whats his name’ (ten minutes later) ‘KURT! that’s the one I left out! God bless Kurt.’
  • maria passive aggressively praying about Liesl as she climbs through the window
  • tbh Captain Von Trapp dragging everyone around him at every possible moment like
  • ‘you flatter me captain’ ‘oh I’m sorry, I meant to accuse you’ *AIR HORN SOUNDS*
  • ‘I’m not finished yet!’
    ‘OH YES YOU ARE, CAPTAIN.’

    ‘FRAULEIN’
  • liesl rolling her eyes at kurt during the blueberry/strawberry scene
  • honestly the love story I didn’t quite get as a kid but I’m SHOOK
  • when the baroness is trying to get the captain back on track but he just interrupts her and is like ‘there’s no use’
  • BUT WHEN THE BARONESS SAYS ‘well, she’ll never be a nun’ the look of SHOCK on his face like it honestly never occurred to him that Maria was in love with him too
  • so of course hes like ‘I must find her and kiss her immediately’
  • Von Trapp ripping the nazi flag in half like YES BINCH
  • THE MOST UNDERRATED SCENE THOUGH IS AFTER THE NAZIS RUN TO THEIR CARS TO CHASE THE VON TRAPPS AND THE SCENE SWITCHES TO THE TWO NUNS
  • ‘reverend mother, I have sinned’
    ‘I too, reverend mother’
    *they both hold up coils from the nazi’s cars*

anyway this movie is the best and I love it

  • Snape: Mr. Potter, why don't you read first?
  • Harry: Alright, Chapter 1; Surviving your fascist Potions Professor who needs to put kids down to feel big.
  • Harry: Oh wow! This is useful guys, we should read on!

Peter from Miles’ universe: Oh wow okay I understand if you have reservations but please stick around and let me train you I swear I’ll be the best mentor ever we’ll be a great team I’ll ease you in or hey we can just hang out listen do you–what’s your favorite ice cream I’ll get you ice cream– I’ve never met anyone like me before do you want to meet my wife–
Peter Miles actually gets: *trying to hold Miles off with a broom and an air horn like he’s a five-foot-tall raccoon infestation* Is there some sort of chant that will get rid of you. Bippity boppity fuck off

On balloons.

There’s a post going around that advocates giving clowns only real helium balloons. I’m not going to link to that post, because I don’t want the OP getting any hate. The balloon misconception is SUCH a common one I don’t think any one of us can say we didn’t fall prey to it at one point or another. But, the fact of the matter is, helium balloons are not good enrichment for clowns.

Firstly, they’re not sustainable. Helium is a rapidly depleting resource. Secondly, clowns like balloons because they mistake them for their eggs. A clown bouncing a balloon around on a string is taking care of its ‘baby.’ Clown eggs are brightly colored spheres that float around at shoulder-height, if healthy, and are transported by the parent by means of a filament. Balloons mimic these incredibly well. That is why clowns find balloons on the ground so distressing - a downed egg contains a sick embryo. The despair they experience when one floats away is that of child loss, and I’m sure you can imagine why they’re so distressed when one pops. That’s why malevolent breeds are predisposed to the act!
All balloons “die”. They cannot hatch. Every experience a clown has with a balloon, however happy at the outset, ends in tragedy. They are not good enrichment items, no matter how busy they keep a clown.

So what are some alternatives? If you have two or more clowns of any social breed, then toys like custard pies, water squirters, and air horns make excellent entertainment. Note: Most common breeds are social. If you are keeping a social breed singularly, you MUST play with it for several hours a day at the bare minimum. While these breeds tend to adore balloons the most, the repeat psychological trauma they suffer because of them is not worth the easy out.
If you keep a breed that prefers a solitary existence, they will get the most out of things like juggling supplies and balance balls. Make sure they have a safe space to play with these in when you aren’t home to supervise.
All breeds need human interaction. A few times a week you need to show your clown you appreciate it - that’s the best enrichment of all. Remember that some methods of training result in ‘unusual’ reactions to the four quadrants - most commonly, +P will become “rewarding” - and some performance breeds innately make that connection, so research the right way to reward your clown.

On a final note, DO NOT GIVE MIMES BALLOONS. Look on any mime forum and you’ll see countless threads with titles like “Help! My mime won’t play with toys!” Yeah, dipshit, THEY DON’T UNDERSTAND TOYS. All members of the mime group are highly specialized working breeds geared towards imagination play. They are very intelligent, deeply driven to perform their unique rituals, and not much else. They need to do their original job to be happy. They need to put on shows. If you cannot provide the stimulation of a fully public performance at least once a week for your mime, and cannot provide regular training sessions, either, do not get a mime. Consider a fool instead. A lot of people brush off fools as beginner breeds, too rambunctious and talkative, but there’s a reason they were preferred by royalty for centuries. They’re actually very versatile and eager to please! They do love tumbling and have a knack for mimicking human speech, but will happily learn the same tricks as a mime. They’re also content to live singularly and enjoy practicing in private quite a lot, making them rather compatible with modern life. Their larger cousins, the jesters, can also learn mime routines, but keep in mind that they are more willful! The sinister jester is a near dupe for the creepy mime, a popular breed, but they’re not a great choice for a total novice. Remember, they contributed heavily to the makeup of the scary clowns. (o:
Both fools and jesters will prefer to have physical props to play with in their off-time even if they’re trained to perform without them.

So I know that with the holidays some people gotta deal with shitty family or maybe don’t have a family so I’m just gonna say…


I can be your butch lesbian dad.

My skills in this department include:

  1. Good at encouragement and compliments
  2. Will put your drawings on my fridge
  3. Will attend all your sports games and recitals; very good at clapping and using an air horn to show other parents that I am the Most Supportive
  4. Always telling my coworkers how proud I am of you and of all the amazing things you do
  5. Only 5'5", very unimposing and approachable
  6. Will let you have as many pets as you want
  7. Good at puns; once got booted from three different chat groups in the span of half an hour for pie puns
  8. Will never fail to tell you how much I love you and how glad I am to be your dad

I’m so proud of you, kiddo!