'Yeah so work today was a bitch'

Vine references: Harry Potter Characters

Harry: Well I’m doing just fine…I lied I’m dying inside

Ron: i don’t have enough money for chicken nuggets

Hermione: that is not correct. Because according to the encyclopaedia of pl-pl-pl-pl-pl-

Neville: Hurricane Katrina? More like Hurricane tortilla

Luna: he needs some milk

Ginny: Go back to sleep, and starve.

Draco: hey loser, say kid backwards! [dik?] Ha ha, that’s gay…

Dumbledore: [HoW dO yOu kNoW wHaT’s gOoD fOr mE?] THAT’S MY OPINIONNN!!!..

Snape: *to the ghostbusters theme song* I’m an adult virgin

Lily: oh my god why can’t you just take the freaking compliMEEEENTT

James: People constantly ask me what’s it like to be a sexy-

Sirius: All I wanna tell you is school’s not important… Be whatever you wanna be. If you wanna be a dog…RUFF. You know?

Remus: [dad, look! it’s the good kush…] This is the dollar store how good can it be?

Peter: I brought you Myrrh [thank you] Mur-dur! [huh…Judas..no]

McGonagall: smack that bitch

Flitwick: I said whoever threw that paper, your moms a hoe!

Hagrid: look at all those chickens

Arthur: road work ahead? Yeah I sure hope it does

Molly: every time you don’t yell at your kids, put a quarter in your sock and soon you’ll have a weapon to beat-

Bill: wOw

Charlie: So no head?

Percy: Hey everybody, today my brother pushed me, so I’m starting a kickstarter to put him down. The benefits of killing him would be: I would get pushed way less.

Fred: can I get a waffle? Can I please get a waffle?

George: I’m John Cena!

Tonks: This bitch empty, YEET!

Moody: I wanna be a cowboy baby

Colin: That was legitness

Cho: Chris is that a weed?

Cedric: Oh my god they were roommates

Fleur: hi, I’m Renata Bliss and I’m your freestyle dance teacher

Victor: *slides in* Good evening

Dudley: Whaddup my name is Jared, I’m 19, and I never fucking learnt how to read

Petunia: I saw you hanging out with caitlin yesterday!! [r-rebecca, it’s not what you think!] i won’t hesitate, bitch! * pew pew *

Vernon: the cheese of truth *puts cheese on newspaper* immigrants cause cancer

Dobby: Hi welcome to chilli’s

Hedwig: Bitch I hope the fuck you do! You’ll be a dead son of a bitch I tell you

Narcissa: two shots of vodka *pours in half a bottle of vodka*

Bellatrix: I love you bitch. I ain’t never gonna stop loving you….bitch.

Voldemort: I’m a bad bitch you can’t kill me

fifty vine starter sentences for when it’s 3am

‘ NOT ON MY WATCH. ’
‘ you thought it was over? … ha. ’
‘ pepsi bottle? coca cola glass? i don’t give a damn. ’
‘ aa … aaa …. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. ’
‘ so you just gon’ bring me a birthday gift on my birthday to my birthday party on my birthday with a birthday gift? ’
‘ why are you running? why are you running? ’
‘ just because my parents won’t let me get makeup, or piercings, doesn’t make me a fucking preppy. fuck preppies. ’
‘ god first. skating second. hit me up on christian mingle. ’
‘ welcome back to me screaming … AAAAAAAAAAA- ’
‘ oh my gosh, is that corbin bleu from jump in? ’
‘ it’s me, jessie, and ari, if he … if they test me they sorry. ’
‘ okay guys … i’m about to say a curse word, you ready? … shut up! ’
‘ on all levels except physical, i am a wolf. ’
‘ i thought you were bae! … turns out you’re just fam… ’
‘ i mean … you’re so tall, you must have a problem. ’
‘ i sneezed, oh, i’m not allowed to sneeze? ’
‘ sorry i’m on the toilet, hope the ice cream don’t melt! ’
‘ oh my fuckin’ god, she fuckin’ dead. ’
‘ I’M A BAD BITCH YOU CAN’T KILL ME! ’
‘ we all die, you either kill yourself or get killed. ’
‘ hey, my name is ____, i got a basketball game tomorrowwww, i’m a point guard. ’
‘ i’m washing me and my clothes, bitch! i’m washing me and my clothes.. ’
‘ MY DICK FELL OFF! ’
‘ THIS IS WHY MOM DOESN’T FUCKING LOVE YOU. ’
‘ so no head? ’
‘ yogurt is just fruit sperm! and i’m not gay. ’
‘ hi, welcome to chili’s. ’
‘ that’s what good pussy sounds like. ’
‘ stop saying i look like chicken little. he’s dumb, and he’s a coward. and i am NOT  a coward! ’
‘ if your name is ____ and you’re really handsome, come on raise your hand! ’
‘ bitch! why you mad? ‘cause my pussy pops severely, and yours don’t?! ’
‘ merry crisis. ’
‘ i love you bitch. i ain’t gonna ever stop loving you …. bitch. ’
‘ what up? i’m ____, i’m nineteen, and i never fuckin’ learned how to read. ’
‘ this bitch empty! YEET! ’
‘ and they were roommates ! ’
‘ is that a weed?! i’m calling the police! ’
‘ today my brother pushed me so i am starting a kickstarter to put him down. the benefits of killing him would be: i would get pushed way less. ’
‘ it is wednesday my dudes …. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA- ’
‘ i won’t hesitate, bitch! ’
‘ welcome to bible study, we’re all children of JESUS! ’
‘ i spilled lipstick in your valentino bag. ’
‘ you are my dad, you’re my dad! boogie woogie woogie. ’
‘ i got two free tacos! ’
‘ road work ahead? uh, yeah, i sure hope it does! ’
‘ turn off the flash, you fucking moron. ’
‘ get that education bro! GET THAT EDUCATION BRO! ’
‘ yes, she is a bitch. b i c t … h. ’
‘ ohhh shit, what is that? who you fightin’? ’
‘ don’t fuck with me! i have the power of god and anime on my side! ’

I hate you so much, it must be true love

Murphy x Reader, little bit of Bellamy x Reader

Warnings: smut, nsfw, some swearing…I am trash…

Summary: After an argument about Pike, you and Bellamy break up. You want to hurt him. When you and Murphy get to talking you two start a love/ hate relationship. Things get heated. Fluff ending.

Ahem….I decided that there was not enough Murphy smut in this world. I’m usually more of a Bellamy girl but…he’s been a little brainwashed shit lately so I got more inspired by Murphy. I’m gonna consider this a oneshot I guess…slight POV change in the middle there. Sorry it’s a long one. I just couldn’t stop myself. Also sorry if it’s not good. It’s my first one and considering it’s mine…ofc it’s smut. :)

—————————————————

“I can’t believe what I’m hearing.” you say turning away from your boyfriend…well…kinda boyfriend. You and Bellamy had been sharing a room for four months now, ever since Clarke left. But sharing a bed was not all that you and Bellamy did at night. Everything was starting to look fine, until now.

“You actually think that this headcase is right? That anything Pike does is for ‘the good of the people’?!” You throw your arms in the air facing Bellamy, anger starting to fuel your actions. “Y/n, the grounders can’t be trusted. You of all people should know that!” “ Oh, don’t you dare bring this up right now!”

You lost your best friend in the ring of fire created to stop the grounder attack. That whole thing was a bit taboo, Bellamy had never even brought it up to you before right now. You felt betrayed by Bellamy. You had loved him, but you could no longer stand by his side with this.

“I’m sorry, but this is the hard truth. The grounders want us dead and if we don’t do something now, they will have their way. Pike understands that, why can’t you?” He crosses his arms and clenches his jaw. You can see that neither of you is going to back down from this.

“Believe me, I understand. But what you’re talking about….it’s bound to start another war. One that we might not be able to survive.” you step closer to him and lower your voice, fighting back the tears. “You’re talking about slaughtering 300 innocent people who were sent here to protect us!” You hear your voice break as a tear sets loose. Neither of you seem to be able to believe what the other is saying. Bellamy raises his voice completely overtaken by his stubbornness.

“Innocent!? Each and every one of these savages is to be blamed for the amount of people we’ve all lost. They started this, Y/n. We’re just going to end it.” Bellamy’s not the man that you thought he was. This proves it.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Bellamy yells after you as he sees you grab your packed bag and jacket. “I can’t do this anymore, Bell. It’s over and you know it.”

***

It has been a week. You haven’t even talked to Bellamy. You could barely look at his face since the massacre. To you Bellamy had become the monster he’d thought the grounders to be. He’d returned the battle unharmed, that somehow upset you even more. You wanted to hurt him, you wanted him to feel the pain that cursed through your heart and shadowed your mind.

“Why the sad face, Princess?” *ugh* Murphy was the last person you wanted to see. You’d never really talked to Murphy before. Bellamy always told you to stay away from him, that he was a murderer and that you would get hurt…but then again, Bellamy wasn’t here was he? His opinion no longer mattered to you.

“Boy drama.” You were sitting on a cut down log with bottle of whiskey in your hand. You’re guessing you didn’t look so good if even Murphy had noticed. “I see. So things must be going great with Bellamy.” He says with exaggerated sarcasm.

“Well, you could say that. I mean…we broke up about a week ago.” You finally look up at him. He looks disheveled. You all do most of the time. No time to sit in front of a mirror really.

“Eesh, tough luck. Mind if I sit here?” He asks gesturing the makeshift chair. “Sure.” You scoot over a bit to give him some space, and offer him a drink.

“No thanks. Can’t really drown my demons anymore. Those fuckers learned how to swim.” You chuckle a bit. Taking a sip for yourself. “What happened to your arm?” You ask pointing to the bandages on his forearm. “Uhm, dinner tried to eat me first I guess.” He gives you a crooked smile and you smile back. He doesn’t seem half as bad as Bellamy had made him out to be.

***

A few days had passed. You enjoyed Murphy’s company though you’d never tell anyone so. You two always bickered and flirted shamelessly.

“Hey, asshole! Has your face always looked this messed up or did you just forget to put on makeup today?” You give him a goofy smile as he gets closer. “Sup, bitch? What are you even doing here, shouldn’t you be workin’ the street corner?” He smiles back at you and you both shake your heads.

“Poor form, but nice try.” “Yeah, I’m not too proud of that one. I’ll keep working on it. You free tonight?” You always hung out in the evening after your shifts so you agreed to do the same tonight.

He made you happy. None of the others approved of your friendship but you didn’t mind basking in your hedonism. Especially because of the way you knew this made Bellamy feel. He hadn’t really stopped caring for you, but atleast he’d stopped his efforts to make contact with you.

Tonight was bonfire night…but something else was different. You sat a lot closer to Murphy. Your voice sounded a lot more sultry. Maybe it was because you could feel Bellamy’s eyes burn holes into your side. But that wasn’t it. You felt weirdly drawn to Murphy. He was smart, and funny. He made you feel safe enough to open up to him. Tell him things about yourself you never even allowed yourself to think of. You seemed to have the same sort of affect on him. Tonight, after a few drinks, your morals had disappeared and lust had settled in.

You dragged him off to a quiet hallway, away from peering eyes. You leaned against a wall and pulled him closer to you. He stared deep into your eyes, glancing at your lips every now and then. He placed a hand on your waist, squeezing a little to bring you closer. He wrapped his other hand in your hair, tugging at the strands as he ground himself against you.

“You want this, Princess?” His hot breath on your face made shivers run down your spine. You wrapped your arms behind his neck and a leg behind his. You kissed him passionately, letting your tongues explore each-others mouths as he lifted your leg higher around his waist so you could feel his erection grind against you through the unnecessary layers of clothing.

You reluctantly pull away from the kiss. He looks at you with a confused yet determined look on his face. “What’s wrong?” “Nothing, I just-” you gasp as he starts kissing your neck, definitely leaving marks for later. It feels so good so you urge him not to stop as you talk.

“I need you to remember, that I still hate you. This-this is just a momentary lapse of weakness brought on by involuntary abstinence. And I can’t do this if you feel something else or whatever. So I must ask. Do you hate me?” He stops for a little bit to look you in the eyes. His eyes seem darker, more focused. He clenches his jaw and shifts his eyes for a second. “Yea, sure.”

You didn’t really believe him but you also didn’t really care. You had never been too great with emotions but you could see he was a little scolded. But right now your brain had no power. Your body wanted him, and he wanted you.

“Then hell yea I want this.” That was the last coherent sentence you spoke. You pulled on his hair as he disheveled yours. The only thing cooling you down was the cold metal you were pinned up against.

***

Bellamy’s POV

He’d been drinking all night like everyone else. He needed a drink after seeing Y/n drape herself all over Murphy’s lap. He still cared for her, but he wasn’t sure if she cared for him. Maybe she was just trying to make him jealous. Maybe there was still hope for them.

He said goodnight to the rest of the guard and stumbled over to the Ark. He was heading down the halls when he stopped dead in his tracks. He couldn’t believe his eyes. Y/n and Murphy tangled up against a wall. Murphy seemed to notice him standing there but all he did was pull away from the kiss to give Bellamy a crooked smile before grabbing Y/n’s breast, kneading it in his hands as she moaned in his ear and sloppily kissed her neck.

Bellamy couldn’t take this. He practically ran back to the bonfire. He needed a few dozen more drinks before he could let himself think again.

***

Y/n’s POV

You’re still slightly intoxicated, yet everything seems much clearer. Murphy’s kissing your neck, sucking and biting at all the right places. You moan louder than you wanted to. You plead for Murphy to take you to your room.

When you somehow finally get there Murphy picks you up. You’re straddling him and kissing him while he kicks the door closed. You help him shrug off his jacket and do the same with your own. You’re tugging at his shirt as you try to get rid of yours. Once you succeed you find yourself on the bed. Frantically kissing him as he swiftly removes his shirt.

Your bodies are tightly pressed against each-other. His hands are roaming your body as you try to make the most of what he’s allowing you to move. He starts kissing down your jaw, your neck, stopping to suck and nibble at your nipples, kneading your breast with one hand. Then continues kissing your stomach, all the way down to your aching core. He strips you of your pants and underwear, kissing your inner thighs. Your back arches off the bed as he licks straight over your wet heat.

“All ready for me aren’t you?” He asks you meeting your gaze. You can’t help but stare. He looks so hot between your legs. “Yes-yes, Murphy. Gosh, just fuck me already!” “Impatient little doll. I promise you, I’ll make this worth your while.” And oh was he right. He shifts his focus from your eyes back to your core. He’s like Picasso with his tongue. He makes you grab the sheets in a pathetic attempt to steady yourself as you unravel and let out moans, screams and cusses of his name. Once he’s done you’ve already become a panting mess. He wipes your fluids off his chin and smirks at you.

“You were right, totally worth it!” You smile at him as gets up on his knees in front of you. “I’m always right.” “So you are.” You lift yourself off the bed to place sloppy kisses to his abdomen. You run your hands up the middle of his chest and down his sides, settling them on his belt. You keep kissing his hip bones and his small happy trail as you undo his belt and zipper. He helps you slide off his pants, his eyes glued to your every motion. You kiss the fabric that covers his erection. “Do you want me? Say you want me.” Your voice is light, yet sultry as ever. He practically groans his answer. “Yes, fuck yes I want you!” He pulls you up to kiss him again.

Soon enough he releases your body just enough that you can start kissing all the way down his neck, shoulders and chest. You take off his underwear and lay a firm grip on his throbbing cock. He throws his head back as you lick a small circle around his tip and pump a few times. He can’t seem to look away and decides to hold back your hair. Barely pushing you in any direction. You take him in your mouth little by little. His groaning, swears and moans of your name getting louder with each pump.

“That’s it, Princess! You’re in trouble now!” He pushes you back on the bed. Kissing you deeply, rubbing small circles around you clit. You’re now begging him for a release again. And he is sure willing to oblige. He pulls away and grabs his cock to guide himself through your entrance. You both groan from pleasure. You nod a little, giving him the ok to start moving. You’re both near your climaxes so his pace quickens. Any attempts of kissing fail because your mouth keeps dragging down his chin with each thrust. But neither of you mind.

He’s holding himself up on one elbow, burying his other hand’s fingers in your hips. You drag your fingernails over his back almost painfully enough to draw blood. This makes him grunt even more, his face still buried in the crook of your neck. You even bite his shoulder a little. His length slightly painful, but all the more enjoyable.

The rest of the world no longer exists. Just you and him. You barely hear the people outside. All you can sense is the sweat, the sound of skin against skin, the waves of pleasure washing over you. You keep working in harmony with his thrusts. Your eyes too intrigued by the movements of his lean muscles to dare close. You glance at the place where your bodies meet and feel yourself unraveling underneath him.

You scream his name into oblivion and his movements become less calculated and more uneven as he comes from the feeling of your walls clenching around him. He moans your name in response as he rides out both of your orgasms. He pulls out soon enough. Both of you panting and unable to speak as he lays beside you. You feel weak and you’re shivering, but not from cold. From absolute extacy.

Once you’ve both regained your composure you curl up to his side. He lifts one of your legs up over him and you place a hand on his chest to draw circles on his skin.

“That was…amazing.” He says smiling at you in the glow of the moonlight shining through the small window. “Yeah, it was. Would love to repeat that sometime soon.” You smile back at him. He kisses your head. “Wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

***

Soon enough you feel yourself drifting off to sleep, until he speaks up again. “I lied earlier.” “What?” You rub your eyes a little until you can clearly see the guilty look on his face as he stares at the ceiling.

“What are you talking about?” He licks over his lips and looks at you. “Earlier, when I said that I hated you…I didn’t mean a word of it. I’m sorry but, you’re actually one of the few people I like in this hellhole. The only person, to be exact.”

You just keep smiling at him. “I know.” “Wha- but you said…” He looks at you with the same confused look from earlier, except this one isn’t shadowed by lust, it’s shaded by hope. “I know what I said. And I lied too. I actually like you too.” You kiss him for reassurance, before turning over and tugging him to spoon you. You’re both fading to sleep as you hear him mumble.

“Thank god.”

Don’t imagine Chloe waking up to an empty bed and she gets up and finds Beca in their baby’s room holding the child and quietly singing lullabies while rocking in the rocking chair

Bad Ideas (Chapter 4)

Catch the Completed Masterlist  HERE!

Language warning because its Wade, but be aware I sprinkled the F-bomb through this chapter like I was decorating a cake with it so… sorry in advance. I hope you like this chapter anyway, it was lovely to write.

Enjoy!
***************************************

“Wade. Wade, out from the truck. Come on.” Peter kicked at Wade’s shoes. “Come on Wade, I need you. Need you, come on, come on, come on.”

Wade slid out from under the truck and popped up off the floor. “Hey baby boy, oh my god I have been waiting for you to say that for weeks. You wanna do it up against the truck? Or should I get back down on the floor…or….?” he cocked his head, taking a deep breath of that sweet scent that was perfectly Peter. It seemed stronger today, and Wade wondered if he was just getting more sensitive to the omega after they had spent that night together last week.

“Speak up, baby love.” He said when Peter didn’t say anything. “Floor? Truck? Office? Or do you need me somewhere comfortable? Keep saying my name like that though, I like it.” he was trying to make the kid smile, but Peter didn’t even acknowledge the raunchy conversation.

“Sign here.” he handed Wade a clipboard and pen. “Okay, and then over here. Turn the page and right here. Initial there and there. Thank you.” Peter was used to Wade by now, used to the comments, the mostly one track mind, and even though usually he just laughed it off, he was feeling a little weird today, so he just ignored it all.

“So what do I get in exchange for signing over my soul?” Wade waggled his non existent eyebrows trying to get a reaction but Peter didn’t even blink.

“That wasn’t for your soul.” Peter said, while flipping through another stack of papers. “But this one might be, so sign right here please.”

Wade rolled his eyes at Peter’s lack of humour and scribbled his signature quickly. “What’s all this for, then?”

“Your business license needed to be renewed, you had an invoice from a month ago that was supposed to be signed and sent over to City Hall since it was a work order for one of their trucks. You really need to take care of those ones, it would be legit to have a contract with the city. Also, you to sign the report from the inspector because–”

“You know what,” Wade interrupted. “why don’t you just learn how to forge my signature, and not bother me with this shit anymore? Pretty sure I’m paying you to do the paperwork.”

“Sure thing, Wade. Oh one more thing, right here…” Peter handed him the pen again. “I need initials there, there and yeah right there. Perfect, thanks.”

Wade scowled at him. “Do you even listen to me at all? Or am I just talking into the void? I am giving you grade-A material here and you are barely replying. Do you hear the words that are coming out of my mouth?”

“Yeah, sandwiches is fine for lunch.” Came the absentminded reply and Wade’s jaw dropped in disbelief at being so spectacularly ignored. “Thanks Wade. Will you make mine turkey?” Peter waved over his shoulder as he went back to the office.

Keep reading

Sorry everyone, there won’t be an update today.

Long story short in case you don’t have time to read: I didn’t have time due to college/work duties.

I think I mentioned this prior?? I was like “hey y’all I’ll be going back to college and stuff so uuuhhhh yeah maybe I won’t be as consistent with the updates, sowwy” and everyone was like “yooo Yui don’t worry your educations comes first and stuff uwu fuck you” or something. Or maybe I dreamed it??

Anyways, as you guys know, real life is a bitch and I was left completely out of time to make the update, or to make extra updates for the days where I can’t work on the blog. I know you will all understand because you are wonderful people (And I love you!!!💖💖💖) but I didn’t want to just leave the blog blank for a day without a proper explanation, or you might have thought “oh damn it yui died. Dan Salvato finally caught up to her”.

Sad thing is, college and work are demanding as fuck, so this will probably happen again 😞 Next time I probs won’t be making an apologetic post so if you don’t see the day’s update pop up just assume I was like… ran over by a steamroller or something cool like that. Or that I died in an avalanche of kittens. Hell yeah.

Whatever, sorry if I sound discontent. I’m honestly so freaking tired from all the shit I had to do last night I had a nightmare I overslept and couldn’t do any of the shit I had to do today. And then I woke up and wanted to do today’s post in the hour of free time I had and my gf contacted me and was like “yui you forgot to write a whole section of the paper we’re doing” and I was like “😀”

In any case, I hope this doesn’t happen often and I can keep bringing you lovely updates and smiles every day ❤️

I’m sure there’s an update about work stress or something around here, I might need to reread it…. and if it’s not, hey, I could use this as inspiration for a post!

In the mean time, while I’m gone, have  picture of rad Sayori.

Love you all ❤️

-Yui

So uh… haven’t ever really mentioned this cause it hasn’t come up yet on this blog but yeah.. so two years ago I tore two tendons in my ankle which then led to dislocating my ankle on three separate occasions over a year long period where I tried to recover while maintaining training. At one point in my life I could cheat9 a paddle target; roundoff dubback on springfloor, was working up to swing cast fulls outside, and could spam dubs :P I’ve taken a year away to give my body time to regain the strength it needs to support what I want to be able to do, but uh I kinda suck now 😝 which I mean I expected kinda. Most of my blocks are mental; like today turns out I can still tornado kick just fine I just need to not be such a wuss about landing on my “bad” foot because it’s not bad anymore lol. Like the same thing is going on with corks; like my “bad” foot is on my landing leg for swingthus so I’ve reverted to being a bitch about them again. The positive is I don’t feel like complete trash and I know what’s wrong and how to fix it so now it’s just about implementing the solution and giving it time to work itself out 🙃 Yeah well see you guys later; kinda enjoyed just letting my guard down today.

anonymous asked:

So today is salturday day? I mean every day is salturday but today especially is salturday?

OTL yeah i’m just stressed with irl stuff!! it’s no big deal. just a lot on my plate with assignments and projects and travel for work and school.

sometimes also, i get frustrated with parts of the fandom. there’s this growing trend i’ve noticed with a few people who originally shipped kl and then came into multishipping sheith where they’re constantly, constantly bitching about our side of the fandom. it’s always in quiet ways, but eventually it spills over in to outright hatred. we just want to ship what we ship and enjoy it and i’m literally, my hand to god, so tired of it. go if you want. but don’t constantly force yourself to straddle this line if you’re only in it to performatively multiship as a holy act of benevolence while you take any excuse to shit on us. were we too harsh about antis? were we too honest about kl’s chances of becoming canon? do i have to disclaimer every post i make? do you want me to write kl? is me saying it’s a valid and lovely ship not enough? do you want me to like get down on hands and knees and say i love it? i don’t. i don’t hate it, either. i’ll never say a word against it. i’ll never be an anti. but you can’t make me enjoy something i don’t, especially when it’s had such a visceral and ugly impact on this fandom and the show’s creators. especially not when i’ve had death threats from klantis, had my family threatened, and had to go to the police over it. excuse me if i’m not a font of all-loving generosity where kl is concerned.

anyway i don’t care and i’m really tired. ship sheith or don’t. like it or don’t. just stop nipping and bitching and vaguing constantly. just let us do our thing.

My mom is so damn triggering lmaoooooo. Okay so I went downstairs to go smoke and stopped at the cupboard to look for dinner because all I had today was coffee and soup. My mom goes “hungry??” And I said no not really and shut the cupboard. And then she goes yeah me either and I asked why not and she said cause she’s “getting fat again. If I tell myself I’m not hungry, then I’m not. That’s how it works, right?”

HA YEAH BITCH THATS HOW IT WORKS BUT FUCK YOU YOU CANT BE BETTER AT NOT EATING THAN ME SO I GUESS ITS TIME FOR A COFFEE FAST.

secret ingredient

Pairing:  Eric Northman/Sookie Stackhouse
For:  @lucdarling
Prompt:  #4.  Pumpkin Spice


Sookie was about to step out to belatedly get the mail, just as the sun was just setting off in the distance.  

She took two steps onto her porch and was hit with the full force of Eric.  

His lips pulled at hers, his hands possessively clutching at the hem of her t-shirt. He lingered at her lips, his tongue darting out to trace along her bottom lip before he spoke.  

“What’s that?”  

She huffed out a sound that was half exasperation, half laughter.  She untangled his fingers from her t-shirt and took a step back from him.  "Hello to you, too.“  

He zipped around in front of her, his mouth hovering just shy of her lips.  "What’s that taste?”  

She shrugged.  "I had chicken for dinner.  I dunno.“  

He shook his head, leaning down to kiss her again.  "No… it’s something else.”

“Is it a good taste?”  

He nodded, allowing his tongue to delve into her mouth in response.  "It’s very good.“  

She kissed him back, taking advantage of the attention while her hormone-addled brain tried to figure out what had him so… kissy face today.  

And when it dawned on her, she started giggling.

He stopped kissing her.  "What?  Am I tickling you?”  

She shook her head.  "No, no… it’s just… I know what you’re tastin’.“  

He frowned.  "What?”  

“I had a pumpkin pie milkshake on my way home from work…”  Her shoulders shook with barely contained mirth.  "You like the pumpkin spice, Eric.  You’re a basic bitch.“  

He arched an eyebrow.  "I very much doubt that.  Does pumpkin spice have nutmeg in it by any chance?”  

“Yeah, amongst other things.”  

“I’ve always been a slut for nutmeg.”

She grinned and reached for him.  "I will make a note of that.“    

Double Date

Title: Double Date

Request: @greenphoenix3: Hi! One, your short Unexpected was adorable. I love the nicknames! Two, um could you please do number 2 and 13 for a Overweight/Awkward (let’s be honest, me) reader with Jason Todd. If you want. And I seriously wasn’t buttering you up with the first part. Unexpected was really good! Um, thanks. + Me again! I just wanted to clarify what I meant. You can use yourself too! I just want an imagine with a character that works a job she may not enjoy like fast food or something menial like that. She enjoys watching Disney movies to avoid the worry and anxiety that is adulating, like bills or student loans. She crushes on heroes who she thinks will never be in to her and she would never meet unless in a horrible crime situation. A normal-ish girl. Or whatever you want. Your great no matter what!

Summary: You go on a double date with your friend.

Prompt(s) used: 2. “Just stop. You’re terrible at lying.” And 13. “I really, really want to kiss you right now.”

Word count: 1,818

Warning(s): None.

A/N: Kinda got a but carried away, since I inspired and this was a long request. Anyway, I hope you enjoy!


Ma’am,” you said for the fourth time in the past six minutes, slowly starting to get irritated with the woman in front of you. “If you don’t have your receipt, then I cannot help you with your refund.” You repeated, looking at the female.

“How rude of you! Where is your manager? I want to speak to her, right now!” She commanded, face bright red with anger.

Frankly, you really wanted to punch her face; however, that would end up you being fired and arrested for assaulting a customer.

You sighed once you spotted the manager rushing to the cashier beside you and sent you a sympathetic look. She whispered to you that you could go home for the day before turning around and started to talk to the angry lady.

“Thank God.” You muttered, happy at the fact that you got to finish up your shift ten minutes early and got to go home.

All you wanted to do was shower, get into some comfortable pajamas and crawl into your bed and binge watch your favorite Disney movies.

Once you retrieved your belongings from the staff room, you exited the fast food restaurant that you hated so much and started to walk to the bus stop.

The only reason why you worked there was to help pay rent, food, internet bill, electricity, water, and those terrible student loans.

Sigh.

Why did student loans exist?

Your thoughts were cut off when you saw the lights of the bus come near, not noticing that you have already arrived at the bus stop. Once it stopped and opened it’s doors, you flashed your bus card against the scanner and made your way to the back of the bus.

Sitting down, you dug out your phone from your bag to see that you had a couple notifications from your best friend.

Keep reading

The Entertainer

I am the entertainer

And I know just where I stand

Another serenader

And another long haired band

Today I am your champion

I may have won your hearts

But I know the game, you’ll forget my name

And I won’t be here in another year
If I don’t stay on the charts

Songs mentioned in this chapter:
Paul Simon - Me and Julio Down By The Schoolyard
Neil Sedaka - Bad Blood

Emmylou Harris - Feelin’ Single, Seein’ Double
The Rolling Stones - Honky Tonk Women
Elton John - Holiday Inn

Track 04 - Pajamas & The Holiday Inn

I wish I could say that Harry and I fell in love and everything was sunbeams and roses after that, but that’s just not how it happened. In fact, I didn’t even see him again for over a week when Wildfire had another gig. Both he and I ended up being busy and he didn’t show up with Mitch on the two occasions that he stayed over with Halo. I didn’t let it get to me. The rock and roll lifestyle is nothing if not spontaneous and fickle.

I liked him though. And that acknowledgement came to me tenfold when I saw him on stage again. He was the ultimate front man, a force to be reckoned with. I felt myself turned on by his mere presence, and when we’d make eye contact, it was like someone had poured syrup on my head and it ran down to the crevices between my toes.

Who the fuck was I kidding? I liked him a lot. And I found myself angry, at what exactly I didn’t know, when I followed Halo backstage. Like before, I stood off to the side, my eyes on the ground as Halo pounced on the leather worn out sofa, waiting for Mitch. I crossed my arms, almost wishing I hadn’t come at all. I felt stupid, like I’d crossed some line between fan and reality, or maybe…just maybe…I was afraid that Harry didn’t like me the way I liked him.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Hey...what about bts as vines?? what vines do you think match up wit the bois

rip vines, taken too soon. it’s my time to shine, vines are my shit. thanks Nonnie

Seokjin: “Ahh! Stop! I coulda dropped my crossiant!”

Yoongi: “Hi, my name is yoongi. I have a basketball game tomorrow, well I’m a point guard I got shoot game an-“

Hoseok: “Namjoon, your speech was so good!”
“Ohbecauseireallydidn’teventry itwasjustimprov-“
“Oh mY gOd, WhY cAn’T yOu JuSt TAkE tHe fRicKiN coMpLiMEeEeEeNT!”

Namjoon: “Road work ahead? Uh yeah, I sure hope it does.”

Jimin: “Hey everybody, today Jungkook pushed me so I’m starting a kickstarter to put him down. Benefits of killing him would be that I’d get pushed way less.”

Taehyung: “I love you, bitch. I ain’t never gonna stop loving you, bitch.”

Jungkook: “Can I get a waffle?”
“Can I PLEASE get a waffle.”

Your Arrows

Title: Your Arrows

Parings: Clint Barton x Reader 

Word Count: 502

Warnings: swearing of course, blood, 

Prompt: “You’re bleeding all over my carpet.”

A/N: this has been in my drafts for about five months, yeah. enjoy

Originally posted by herafrogist

You’re so fucking happy the day is over. You work at a small bakery and these bitches who came into today, just about order every fucking thing in the window. And of course, today was the day the other two people who usually work with you were out on delivery run. So you had to bake more food while serve customers. It was a really shit day, so you’re glad to be home and take a nice hot shower and then snuggle up on the couch and watch Netflix. You have the day off tomorrow and you’re really fucking happy.

You step out of the steamy bathroom and head to your room to change into pyjamas. Just as you grab your phone off he changer you hear a loud thud from downstairs, followed by a groan. Your head perks up, you freeze in your spot listening out for more sounds. You hear more groans. You walk over to your wooden baseball bat and pick it up, and slowly walk downstairs. Coming down from the stairs and heading over to the lounge room you start to see blood. 

“(Y/n), is that you?” a cough followed by the man groaning is heard. You gasp at the sight before you and drop the bat, quickly running over the man. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know where else to go,” Clint holds onto your hands and smiles at you.

“It’s okay, try not to move. I’ll be right back,” you say and hear him mutter that he doesn’t really feel like moving anyway. Somehow he has managed to be the receiver of his arrows as three arrows stick out of his shoulders and thigh. You quickly grab your first aid kit. Clint knows that you used to study to be a nurse but it didn’t work out. But he knew that you’re a good enough nurse for his needs.

As you walk back into the living room, you notice that he moved slightly and now he’s bleeding a lot more. “Clint, you’re bleeding all over my carpet. I just bought this one and it’s white!” you hear him groan. You quickly tend his wound, pulling out the arrow and quickly stitching, and patching him back together.

“Can I just say something?” he pauses, and so do you. He cups your cheeks and says, “I’m in love with you.”

“You’re joking.”

“No, I’m dead serious. I’m in love with you, (Y/n) (L/n).” he says as he stares into your eyes.

“Can you say that again, just-” he cuts you off by pulling you down and kissing you. Out of reflects, you instantly put you hand on his chest, right where the arrow was. 

“OW! Ow, ow, ow!” you instantly jump off him and start apologising immediately. “It’s ok, you’re lucky I love you.”

“I’ll never get used to you saying that.” You kiss him again, putting your hand on the other side of him.  “I’m in love with you too,” you whisper against his lips.

anonymous asked:

*places a homemade flower crown on everyone's head* I made these during art class at school today! I hope you guys like them.. I worked really hard! Love you all!

Shuu: Mh… yeah, yeah… *keeps on sleeping*

Reiji: *sighs* I don’t really understand the meaning of flower crowns… *takes it off and observes it* But I guess you did a good job.

Laito: Aw, Bitch-chan, you’re so adorable~ nfu!

Kanato: What about Teddy’s crown?

Ayato: Isn’t this a girly?

Subaru: It is. *doesn’t take it off though*

Ruki: Well, I guess I appreciate your thought, Livestock. I’ll put this on my desk.

Kou: I wonder if my fans will like this flower crown on my head~?

Yuuma: I look ridiculous, right.

Azusa: Thank you… Anon-san…

Carla: *takes it off* I’ll just appreciate your taste on putting this flowers and their colours together.

Shin: I roll on flowers, I don’t put them on my head…!

Kino: Thank you, Anon-san! … Hey, why don’t you teach me how to create one?

Yui: Thank you, it’s a very beautiful crown! I love flowers!

yo-senpai  asked:

A rude, condescending man corrected how I bag today. And I was just standing there like, "xcuse u, u rude ass lil bitch, I've been working here nearly a year now and I know the limits of the bags and general preferences of most people, I don't need you rudely correcting me on these things when your bag was already heavy and you just shoved the stuff it precariously at 9:30 AM. So stfu and leave the store." Did I mention he was an old white guy? Bc yeah. 😒 it was a rude ass old white guy.

Let him teach you how to bag then laugh when the bags rip open in the parking lot.

-Rodney

Bad Day | Brendon Urie

Pairing: Dad!Brendon x Mom!Sarah x Daughter!reader
Warning: Fluff, Daddy’s girl, Dad jokes, Swearing
(Y/BF/N) = Your Boyfriends Name

A/N: I just really wanted to do a imagine thing with Forehead so here it is. If you don’t know who Brendon Urie is, He is from the band Panic! At The Disco, I totally recommend listening to them if you haven’t. So yeah, hope you fuckers enjoy! (Sorry for calling you guys fuckers.. its what I call people online so yeah) 

#2-A/N: Also I couldn’t find a good Brendon gif, so I cri.. Also if you don’t have a boyfriend, just use your favorite guy name or character name :)


Originally posted by sociedade-restrita

{Sarah’s POV:}

(Y/n) walked in with a pretty pissed off look on her face as she threw her bag on the floor, “Hey Sweetie? Are you okay?” I asked as she walked past me and into the kitchen. “Everything is okay.” She replied with a sarcastic tone. Sighing, Knowing better to dropped everything, and wait til Brendon gets home. 

Let’s just say she either had a bad last day of Senior year or she had a bad day at work. Or probably both.

“C’mon here honey,” I held out my hand waiting for her to grab it. “Your Dad will be home soon. And in the mean time, how about we watch some Netflix?” I asked her with a smile. She looked up from the floor to me, with a smile. “Can we watch How I Met Your Mother?” “Of course we can.” 


{Reader’s POV: Two Hours Later:}

“So I heard that you came home pissed off today.” Dad walks in my room, Pennylane (our dog) followed in behind him. “Yeah.” I nodded, sitting up on my bed. “You wanna tell me what happened today?” He asks as he sits down on my computer chair. “I had a bad last day at school, and then I went to work, and that was shitty as well.” I told him.

“Soo.. What happened at School?” “Well, I found out that the queen bitch has been fucking (Y/BF/N) behind my back. Then found out some people I used to call friends have been hanging out with me because I’m famous and I have quote ‘Shit ton of money’.” I said. 

“Well fuck them.. but like don’t fuck them.. but like screw them..” “Dad, I know what you mean.” I laughed. He smiled, “You wanna go play some video games, and then swear and have your mom yell at us?” “Hell yeah!”


okay but so yeah, yesterday i was bitching about my husband… let me praise him really quick. 

our 7 year (dating) anniversary is next week… i’ve been talking for years about wanting to visit boston again, particularly in the fall, since i’ve only been in the hellhole summer. 

he came out to my work today. no easy feat. i work 40 minutes from home and he works in the city where we live. but he came out, took me to lunch, and said “we’re going to boston for four days in two weeks. i wasn’t gonna tell you, but remembered you can’t just not show up to work.” 

so there. he’s great. he just surprised me with a trip for our anniversary. 

A drink that's in absolutely no way similar to something admin did at all yesterday haha.
  • AFD!Yang, wiping down the bar at work, humming to herself: Hmm hm hmmm~
  • AFD!Junior, walking up with a manager book in hand: Hey Blondie, what's up? So you know how we normally exchange the keg nozzles once a month?
  • AFD!Yang, nodding: Yeah, why?
  • AFD!Junior: Well now we're going to do it every Sunday, sound good?
  • AFD!Yang, nods and waves her hand: Yeah, not a problem. I mean today isn't Sunday so /I/ don't have to worry about it you know? Hah.
  • AFD!Junior: ....
  • AFD!Yang: ....
  • AFD!Junior: Today /is/ Sunday.
  • AFD!Yang, slowly nodding, her hands on her hips: Ah...right...well...son of a bitch.