I Don't Wanna Live Forever
“I’m literally getting on my car, Charlie. I’m coming.” Adam rolled his eyes as he opened the car’s door and got inside. He hung up the phone, throwing it in the passenger’s seat with a sigh. Why did Charlie have to make him leave the house and put his track on hold for a meeting?
He drove through the streets, glad there wasn’t much traffic. The faster he got there, the faster he could leave.
He stopped at a red light, getting his phone so he could check on something while he waited for it to turn green. Once it did, he went ahead and in the moment right in the middle of the road, a car hit him full speed. He felt everything spinning around him, his mind no longer cooperating with him, he felt frozen. Hitting his head, he blacked out, waking into unconsciousness. Everything was black.
Taylor was just flipping channels when his name came on. She rolled her eyes, figuring it was probably nothing and there the images started rolling in. His car was wrecked. A wave of panic rushed to her hearing that he was rushed to the hospital. Was he okay? Of course not, he’s in the hospital but it could just be to get a check up, nothing major. But with his car looking like it was, the car she had been in many times, there was no way he was okay.
She had to remind herself that she wasn’t close to him anymore, that she couldn’t just jump in the car and walk into the hospital to know if he was okay so she decided to wait. But it the worry that had settled into her brain was taking over and she couldn’t even think about anything else. He had to be okay. She hated to admit that she cared about him but she did. You can’t love someone so deeply and not care about them even after they hurt you.
It was now two in the morning and she was wide awake, sitting up in bed, phone in her hand, desperately trying to know if there was more information about the accident. It wasn’t doing any good, she had a flight early in the morning, back to Nashville.
She got out of bed, taking a few deep breaths because her mind was going into an endless spiral and she needed it to stop. She needed it to stop because the possibility of him being hurt badly or worse…that was terrifying. Utterly terrifying.
It was four in the morning when she decided to call Adam’s phone and it rang about four times before the call was taken. But it wasn’t Adam on the phone. It was Charlie making her even more worried.
“Tay!” Charlie breathed out. “You know about it?”
“The accident? Yeah it’s all over the news. How is he? Is he okay? Is he hurt.” She fired her questions, albeit afraid of the answers.
“It’s bad, Tay. I’m trying to get hold of his parents and friends but I don’t know, I…I can’t…it’s all my fault. I made him come to the meeting. It’s my fault.” Charlie rambled, emotion thick in his voice.
“Charlie, you’re not making any sense! Calm down and tell me what happened!” Taylor raised her voice slightly.
“He’s unconscious. They say he hit his head. He was on his way over to a meeting I made him come to and some crazy ass dude just went pass a red light and hit his car pretty bad. They say he broke his leg but his head is the worst.” Charlie told her and she shut her eyes taking a deep breath.
“It’s not your fault, do you hear me? It’s the other guy’s, okay? Charlie, I need you to calm down so you can call Pam and David. Or maybe call Sophie.” She said to him, trying to stay calm. From the way Charlie sounded, she knew it really was as he said, bad.
“I know you guys broke up and all that but can you call Adam’s parents?”
“Charlie,” she sighed. “I’m not sure I can do that. Either way, I’m leaving tomorrow, well today. I was just worried about him.” She but her lip, running a hand through her hair. If she was being honest, she just had to make a call and cancel the flight. She had nothing having to do with work for a few days and the thought of having to call Adam’s parents, especially his mother who had been so lovely and kind to her after her and Adam had broken up made her the least bit uncomfortable because she knew they’d fly over and she would cancel the flight and she’d go to hospital and she’d be with them and more importantly, with him.
“Okay.” Charlie frowned. “I’ll promise I’ll call you if there’s any news.”
“Thank you, Charlie.”
Despite her efforts to stop herself, she cancelled the flight and stayed in LA. In case anything happened, she’d be close and although she didn’t really want to face it, she was concerned.
Charlie had stayed in the hospital the whole night, waiting for Adam to wake up and the doctors had told him it wouldn’t take long. They had also told him that there was a possibility of memory loss which worried him a bit but at least he was out of danger.
Sitting on the chair next to Adam’s bed, Charlie noticed him move his finger making him jump off his seat.
“Adam?” He called out carefully. Then pushed the button to call the nurse.
After a few basic questions, like his name, age, date of birth they left him alone with Charlie.
“My head feels like it’s about to blow.” Adam mumbled, trying to sit up.
“You me scared there, mate.” Charlie chuckled softly and watched as Adam shut his eyes sighing. Then after a second, his eyes shot open and he looked around the room.
“Charlie, was Taylor with me? Where is she? Is she alright?” Charlie’s eyes widened at his question.
“She wasn’t with you. Why would Taylor be here?” He questioned, confused.
“Because she’s my girlfriend, Charlie and I almost died, she’d be worried.” Adam explained and Charlie stood frozen for a second, not really knowing what to say.
“Right, yeah. I’m just gonna go have a word with the doctor okay.” He nodded his head, walking towards the door.
Memory loss. He had no recollection of the last six months. So no break up, no fighting, no online outburst. All gone from his memory. So in his mind, Taylor was his girlfriend and they were happily in love which would be hard to break it down to him so Charlie didn’t know better than to call Taylor.
“Hi, any news? Is he alright?”
“Good news is he’s awake.” Charlie told her.
“Thank god, that’s great.” Taylor breathed out a sigh of relief then quickly realized there was something else. “Okay, what’s the bad news?” She gulped.
“I…” Charlie cleared his throat. He was afraid of what her reaction would be. “He doesn’t remember anything that happened in the last six months.”
“The last six months? You mean…” she gasped. “He doesn’t remember…”
“Your break up, yeah he doesn’t.” The silence on the other side of the line worried Charlie. Obviously this would be a complicated situation. After all Taylor and Adam had gone through, how the mistakes they had made had become almost irreparable, this would be hard. “Taylor, say something, please.” Charlie murmured.
“You need to tell him.” She snapped. “You need to tell him what happened. I don’t care.”
“It’s gonna break him.” Charlie warned.
“It doesn’t matter. It’s the truth. It’s reality.” She sighed.
“I think it’s better if you’re the one to tell him.” Charlie said.
“What why?” She questioned.
“Because you were there. You know what happened, I don’t. Adam doesn’t really open up about that time. He didn’t say much when I asked about it.”
“This is great. Just great. I haven’t seen him in months, Charlie. Months. Do you know how hard this is for me?” She sighed. She could feel herself overthinking it. It would be the first time she saw him ever since they broke up and she’d see the man she loved, not the one she had left but the one she fell for.
“Taylor, please, I can’t do it. I don’t know how. You have a way with words, you can make it easier on him. I just…please.” Charlie begged her.
“I’ll do it.” She decided. “But I’m not sugar coating it, okay? I’m telling him the whole story. I know it’s going to hurt him but I can’t do it any other way.”
She entered the hospital, the nervous feeling becoming bigger by the second as she knew she was a second closer to be face to face with Adam. She walked up to the reception.
“I’m looking for Adam Wiles?” She spoke gently with a smile.
“Name.” The lady behind the desk asked, busy with whatever she was doing on the computer.
“Taylor Swift.” She told her quietly not wanting to attract attention. The lady looked up from her computer, her eyes going wide.
“Oh hi! It’s you, wow!” The woman chuckled.
“Yes,” she looked at the woman’s tag, reading it. “Jessica. His room?”
“His friend warned us you’d be coming. He’s in room 105.” She smiled.
“Thank you.” She nodded.
As she entered the elevator with people with nervous looks on their faces, much like hers. She started thinking about the reasons these people were here. Births, sickness, visiting people. She wondered the reason for their nervousness, wondered if it was anything like hers. Then her mind travelled to Adam. She had been preparing her speech all the way to the hospital. She’d tell him why things went wrong what she felt on her end and what he had told her on a very long conversation after all the mess, what he had felt. She’d tell him about how they both screwed up, what lead to them breaking up in the first place and why she left.
She saw Charlie standing by the door on his phone. She called out his name and he looked up, smiling. Giving him a hug, she opted for asking how he was instead of going straight for the Adam topic.
“I’m good.” Charlie answered. “You?”
“I’m okay, I think. I’m not sure how I feel right now.” She sighed and Charlie bit his lip.
“I’m sorry.” He mumbled. “I know it’s hard for you. It’s just that none of us really understand what went down and you can tell him everything.”
“I know.” She nodded. “Should I go in?” Taylor questioned, staring straight at Adam’s room in front of her as she took a deep breath.
“Might as well get it over with.” Taylor shrugged.
She opened the door slowly, admittedly scared of what she would be faced with. He was there, sitting up in bed, looking a little beat up but not too much. His lips spread into a huge grin that took over his face.
“Babe!” He called out and felt her heart drop. God, she hadn’t heard that in ages.
“Hi, Adam.” She murmured, looking a little awkwardly standing by the door. “How are you feeling?”
“I’m better now. Where’ve you been? You must be worried sick. If me having a cold gets you worried I can’t imagine what you felt.” He chuckled and she felt like she was in a wicked dream. She felt as if she was in the past and she desperately wanted to tell him the truth because she couldn’t handle this Adam. The old Adam.
“It’s okay.” She cleared her throat. “Um, I…when are you free to leave?”
“A couple of days and I’ll be home.” He smiled softly. “What’s up with you? You’re off.” He noted and shifted setting down her purse on the chair next to his bed. “Not even a hug?”
She felt trapped, a little breathless as she heard his voice almost like a distant thought. “We need to talk.” She choked out.
“What’s wrong?” He asked, looking at her as her eyes travelled anywhere but him. “Babe, come on!”
“Don’t call me babe!” She snapped and he looked taken back by her reaction. “I’m sorry, that’s not how I wanted to go with this.” She took a deep breath, shaking her head, trying to clear the mess inside her head.
“What the hell is happening?”
There was a pause, silence taking over because she needed to gather her thoughts and he was waiting for an answer.
“You lost your memory.” She began. “You have no memories of what happened in the last six months. You’re missing a lot, Adam!” Her eyes widened a bit as she talked.
“Are you joking?”
“No.” she breathed out, finally looking back at him.
“How different can things be?” Adam furrowed his brows and Taylor felt her heart sting in her chest. He had a lot coming his way.
“We broke up.” She mumbled after a few seconds, playing with her hands. She didn’t want to look at him. Didn’t want to see the look she had hoped to see when she left him. Not that she liked seeing him hurt but it would’ve meant that if he was hurt then he cared.
He didn’t say anything, trying to take in the new information that had fallen into his hands. So they weren’t together? She wasn’t his girlfriend anymore? He felt his heart break as it sunk.
“Was I the one who broke up with you?” He asked a bit hesitantly. She shook her head, the silence making her want to run off. “Okay” He whispered. “Oh my god…” she saw tears welling up in his eyes and her heart broke just like his was breaking.
He felt as if his world was crashing down. The floor breaking beneath him and he was free falling into a never ending hole. His heart breaking in a million pieces. She had broke up with him. He didn’t have her.
“I’m sorry. I know it’s hard but I had a few reasons to leave you.” She gulped down the lump in her throat, playing with her fingers.
“What did I do?” He asked her quietly, sniffling.
“Well…” she took a deep breath. “You pushed me away, started spending more time in the studio and ignoring every attempt I made to spend time with you, at least that’s what I felt, like you just stopped caring but you just took it for granted that I’d never leave.” She shook her head, the memories becoming all too vivid in her mind, memories she had tried to ignore. “It felt like you didn’t want me anymore. You stopped trying, stopped coming to big events with me, you got jealous every time a guy talked to me for more than a minute, we had a few big fights and you accused me of cheating on you at the MET Gala. I hated it, hated the way you talked down on me like I was just something to pick up and play around and then drop it whenever you felt like.” She laughed bitterly and he could see the pain evident on her face as she relived those moments in her mind. How in the world was he capable of hurting the woman he loved most was beyond him. “I just wanted you to love me so I tried, I even declared my love for you on national television and still, it was all the same. I tried too much, I tried to fix what was broken beyond repair and you didn’t even notice me when I felt like I was yelling at you to love me again, you just stared blankly as I packed my suitcases and left.”
“I didn’t- I didn’t try to get you back?” He asked her, wondering what made him turn out like that.
“No.” she shook her head. “You Just ranted on social media about how terrible I was.”
He almost choked. “I did what.”
“Well I did throw it that I was seeing someone after you at your face but goddamn it, you won the golden medal for how petty a person can be.”
“You- you were seeing someone? You broke up with me for someone else?”
“No!” She told him immediately. “He was just there. He was a rebound.” She assured him, not even knowing why she felt the need to do that. “And you were pissed about it and also the fact that I confirmed that I wrote ‘This is What you came for’ so yeah…”
“Wow…I really am missing a lot.” He whispered burying his face in his hands.
“I know this is hard, trust me, it is for me too but you needed to know and I couldn’t pretend.” She mumbled, watching him uncomfortably, wanting to leave as soon as possible and at the same time, she wanted to comfort him, tell him it was okay.
“Yeah, you’re right. It’s just…I don’t know how I could’ve done something like that, it’s a bit unreal.” He breathed out. It felt as though someone was crushing his heart, stomping on it repeatedly in hopes to cause more pain. “Are you okay now? Is it better?”
“It’s okay, you can never ask for too much. It’s not the best but I guess it gets better.” She shrugged and he nodded.
“Anything else that happened I should know about?” He asked, smiling softly trying his best not to break down.
“About us? We’ve covered all the basics I think.” She pondered for a moment. “Well, I’m not sure how to explain what you felt but I could…try?”
“That would be nice, yes.” He nodded.
“What you told me was that you didn’t feel like anything was wrong until the MET gala after we had this huge blown out fight, you said you were too caught up on everything you were working on and you just couldn’t make time for me or you forgot or something. Then you started to feel like you were losing which was the truth so you took me out to the Bahamas again to fix it and everything so we decided to split there or I guess I did, you just went along. Then a month later I started seeing someone for fun because I needed a distraction, he was nice but you were hurt by it. You said it felt like I was telling you I did cheat on you since the guy was the reason for our fight and who I hung out with a bit at the MET. Then I guess we just started throwing things at each other’s faces out of spite. You said shit about me online, I walked around the world with him.” She found herself laughing a little bit at the situation. “It was ridiculous, really.”
“It sounds ridiculous and nothing like us.” He runs a hand through his hair, trying to make sense of everything.
“That’s what happened to us.” She frowned.
As if remembering something, his eyes widen. “Do we talk to each other again? After all that?” He questioned and she smiles at this, nodding.
“We do make up, sort of. We have a civil conversation about our feeling and we agree to be friends. All is well.” She chuckled.
“Just friends?” He mumbled quietly, hoping she hadn’t heard him.
“Yeah, it’s not like we could just go back so um…yeah.” If she was being completely honest with herself, she knew deep down that her feelings for Adam were buried within her, still there and they had never gone away but actually bringing herself to be vulnerable again was terrifying and besides, Adam had shown no signs whatsoever of wanted to get back together when they talked. “Listen, I have to leave now. I have a meeting in a couple of hours.”
“Oh. Yeah that’s fine!” He nodded, forcing a smile. She stood up and for second, pondered hugging him goodbye but decided against it so she just waved, smiling at him.
“I hope you get better, Adam. Maybe I’ll visit or something, sometime.”
“That would be nice, yeah. So I guess, I’ll see you.”
“Take care! Bye!”
And with that he was left alone with his thoughts. He had lost her. He had broken her heart and he knew one thing for sure, he was going to get her back. No matter what.
Please tell me what you think!!!!