;

me: [asks my straight friends if they can hang out today]

them: its fathers day so im busy sorry 😩 

me: [asks my gay friends] 

them: ofc i can! where do you wanna go?

i feel like a lot of ‘sjws’ (decent people) had a shitty anti feminist, anti theist phase when they were like, 15 or 16 and i feel like thats almost natural. most people are dumb and selfish as shit at that age. to me, the real remarkable thing is when people just, don’t grow out of it. i can’t comprehend not growing as a human being from your mid-teens at all and still thinking ‘sjw’s are a) an actual thing and not just a vague abstraction and b) an actual threat and bad thing to be called

Beyoncé: Yall need to start being nice to this elderly geriatric broke down man who i do community service for. 

Me: sigh fine i guess *eye roll emoji* *sucking teeth slightly emoji*

Beyoncé: Ok good I’m gonna go be thick somewhere that’s not here bye

Me to that old ass man as SOON as she turns away: 

anonymous asked:

once i put a bunch of my baby teeth in my mouth bc i was concerned they were lonely and missed being in a mouth. this led to being walked in on by a relative who shall not be named (my mom), who asked "do you have... rocks in your mouth??". she was thoroughly disturbed by my garbled response "no.. ..worse" but not as disturbed as when i began sheepishly pulling whole teeth out of my mouth

“NO… WORSE” IS SUCH A GREAT AND CLASSIC LINE WOW YOUR MOTHER IS LUCKY TO HAVE SUCH AN OFFSPRING