Stop calling me beautiful. My scars are not beautiful. I spent nights sobbing and dragging a razor over my skin because I could not cope with life. Not because I wanted you to kiss my scars and make me promise to never cut again. Because I can’t.
My body is not beautiful. I still starve myself everyday and I run until my legs collapse under myself. I have to be skinny, I have to be thin because I have always been fat. Not because I want to be some girl who’s pretty enough for you.
My moods are not beautiful. I cannot control my euphoria or desolation and it’s not because I want to be like this. I want it all to end, I wish I could erase my borderline personality off my mind. God knows I’ve tried but alcohol isn’t a memory wipe. I want to forget to make myself less miserable. Not to seem more appealing to you.
My mental illnesses have nothing to do with you. Hence why they are my mental illnesses, not yours. I am not some beautiful girl who’s broken and wants another person to fix her.
I am a four a.m breakdown, I am a hurricane like no other, I am a death you could never say goodbye to. I am not beautiful.
Don’t romanticise mental illnesses, they’re not beautiful, they are hell. (via touchofdarling)
It’s time for the monthly top 15 themed fics! This month’s theme is Novel Length Fics (all are 75K plus). As always, they are listed in no particular order, the ones with three stars (***) are my personal faves. Happy reading!
A twig snaps, and then Stiles hears breathing and the rustle of leaves. He strains to get a better glimpse into the darkness, but it’s pointless. There’s nothing but a black void.
It’s Stiles’ senior year, and he’s trying to concentrate on normal things - like the lacrosse championship, spring break, prom, graduation (and definitely not Derek) - when he starts having nightmares and waking up in the middle of nowhere. Oh yeah, and he’s being haunted by a hag. Great.
Suffering from PTSD, ex-Marine Derek Hale moves back to Beacon Hills to open a bookshop and find a calmer life. That’s where he meets Stiles, completely by accident. Stiles is talkative, charming and curious. Somehow, despite the fact that he’s blind, he’s able to read Derek like no one else.
This is the story of werewolf Derek Hale and human Stiles Stilinski: two people who grew up in the same town but completely different worlds, their realities split by the war between men and wolves.
Years later when Derek returns to Beacon Hills, he does it as Alpha of a military pack on a mission to capture those responsible for the region’s resistance. With his main objective, Sheriff Stilinski, out of sight, he settles for the next best thing: his son, Stiles.
Neither of them suspects they’ll need to trust each other if they want to make it out this alive.
“I’ll pay you,” Derek says, and that… that has Stiles interested. Alf’s Antique’s may be a great job, but it’s not a high-paying job, and half of Stiles’s tuition is coming from financial aid, so…
“How much,” Stiles asks, “are we talking here? Because I know your family, dude. And it’ll be kind of awkward after.“
“My family thinks you’re some sort of fucking gift to the world,” Derek seethes, like he’s jealous, “they’ll probably be pissed at me when we break it off, so don’t worry about that. Five hundred bucks.”
“A thousand,” Stiles says, because screw ethics. Also, the Hale family is loaded. Derek can deal.
In a world where dominance of the sea is an endless battle between pirates and mariners, Park Jimin is content living in his little village on a small, uninteresting island by the eastern mainland. He wants nothing to do with the bloodshed of good and evil, the heartless killing of both innocents and condemned, the constant establishment and disruption of order. What he wants is peace, to live his life in the same town he was born in, to spend his days in the beautiful forest, and to use the powers of his Blessed Rune to nurture the home he loves so dearly.
But when his island is attacked by pirates, Jimin will have no other choice than to do as they command and leave all thoughts of peace behind in favor of boarding the Agust, a pirate ship captained by the infamous Min Yoongi, Black Fox of the East.
There wasn’t anything left to salvage. That’s what Fury believed. It would have been a kindness to put him down.
When SHIELD finally releases Bucky from custody, he is not the man anyone expects him to be. The ruthlessness of the Winter Soldier is gone, replaced with a child-like wariness as he struggles to communicate his warped understanding of who he is and what was done to him. But with Hydra scrambling to regroup, SHIELD takes dangerous measures to secure Zola’s algorithm to use against them, and Steve is dragged back into battle, forced to weigh what’s best for Bucky against what’s best for the fate of the free world.
Then Bucky is abducted.
Steve races to recover his friend before the man who was Bucky is gone forever. When the rescue stalls, he starts to crumble under the weight of everything he has lost and everything the war has taken from him.
Meanwhile, Bucky confronts a terrible piece of ex-SHIELD tech that was in development long before Project Insight, but in order to survive, he must decide who he is going to be: the vulnerable Bucky Barnes or the indomitable Winter Soldier? It turns out there might not be as big a difference as everyone seems to think.
Bucky couldn’t remember a time when he hadn’t been involved with the STRIKE fraternity on campus. They were a bunch of assholes, but they were really all he had, and they’d wagered a bet for a prize Bucky couldn’t refuse. But in order to win, he had to be the first to fuck the tiny, gorgeous, blond freshmen, and he was competing against every other guy in the fraternity.
It was just a bet. A stupid bet.
Sure, it was mean, but no one was gonna get hurt…right?
It’s 2011, men are allowed to marry, and Bucky is dead.
The future isn’t all that’s strange. Together in peacetime for the first time since before Steve took the serum, Steve and Bucky struggle to find their place – and each other – in the middle of a new millennium, new bodies, and new dynamics.
Or, just because you wake up in a century where everything you’ve repressed is magically okay, that doesn’t make it easy.
He hates this – the waiting and the hoping. And he’s expected to do both because he’s Captain America, but all Steve Rogers wants to do is punch Hydra in the collective face for scraping up the vestiges of his friend just to haunt him.
Steve goes looking for Bucky, but the Winter Soldier finds him first. Steve isn’t exactly qualified to deal with the neurotic mess that is his oldest friend, but he’ll try his damndest. In the meantime, Hydra has other plans for Steve, plans that involve someone who looks remarkably like Bucky.
Based on prompt: Pretend Boyfriends AU where one of their families is always wondering why they’re never in a relationship, so the other offers to pretend to be their boyfriend for some family event"
Basic Steps to Getting Yourself In a Pickle With Both Your Family and The Guy You’ve Secretly Crushed On For Five Years (A Guide):
STEP 1: After being perpetually single and constantly making up excuses to your family, give in and lie about having a boyfriend. STEP 2: Agree to bring said boyfriend to the family cottage for a week so he can be your date to your parents’ wedding anniversary party. STEP 3: Panic. STEP 4: Say ‘yes’ when your best friend and closet crush - who you’re convinced isn’t interested in you that way in the least - offers to be your pretend boyfriend. STEP 5: Try your best not to fall in love with them during the trip. STEP 6: Fail miserably.
“Can’t offer you much right now,” Rogers had said with a sad twist to his mouth, “but there’s an old cabin needs fixing up, you’re welcome to camp out there and do whatever you want with it.” He laughed. “Maybe you can even teach my boy to use a hammer.”
The pastor’s seventeen year old son Steve is the last thing Bucky expects. He’s got a smart mouth, a nose for trouble, and a habit of seducing members of the football team. Bucky didn’t think he was looking for anything, but Steve ’s got his own ideas about what Bucky needs.
Bucky Barnes leads a charmed life. As the son of the most powerful, and arguably most dangerous man in Brooklyn, all he had to do was want something, and it was his. People fell over themselves to garner a little favor from him, and his family; that is, until Steve Rogers.
Bucky finds himself drawn to the prickly little nothing of a kid who dared to turn him down, but the set up is far from perfect. Steve’s family has gotten in the mob’s bad graces, and Bucky find himself torn between family loyalties, and the boy who make him, for the first time, feel something for someone other than himself.
In which Bucky is the new kid, Steve is the square who takes him in, Tony and Pepper fight over valedictorian a year in advance, Thor remains a golden god, Loki remains a drama queen, Natasha commits an act of vigilante justice, Clint somehow fails to make a your mom joke, Darcy is a Satanist, Jane is a goth, Sif is fine thank you very much, Sam climbs a tree, Peggy says no, Rumlow is a bully, and Mrs. Rogers, Mr. Coulson, and Ms. Hill are all very long-suffering.
Or: the story of the year Bucky Barnes finally learned how to talk to at least one other human being, discovered J. D. Salinger, started to try in school (kind of), got a haircut, landed a punch, almost got arrested, and kissed a boy on the mouth.
“Steve Rogers. I haven’t thought about him in…God, at least ten years. Probably longer.“ “Who is he?” Sharon asks, and perches on the corner of his desk, hands folded in her lap. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” Bucky clears his throat, tosses the sticky note onto the desk. “Steve was…my college boyfriend. We almost got married.”
It’s been fifteen years since Bucky Barnes left Steve Rogers standing in a New York airport and never saw him again. Those fifteen years have brought him wealth and stability; everything his lower middle class Brooklyn upbringing had not provided. He is happy. He doesn’t want for anything. He doesn’t need anything. That’s about to change.
Explicit language, some descriptive violence mostly in the past tense but some takes place in the present. Mentions of past abuse and non-con situation so it will carry a trigger warning.
Summary: Jensen Ackles is a psychologist who breaks free of his old life to hunt ghosts in a small New England town. When he finds out that his new home is actually haunted by the cursed spirit of a young Puritan man he becomes determined to help free him from the torment and pain that has kept him trapped. Jared Padalecki has long since given up hope of ever being freed from the curse that’s held him prisoner for over 300 years. He lives in fear of the old evil that originally cursed and abused him and knows there’s no hope or freedom for him.When Jensen’s arrival starts an unexpected chain of events that brings hope back to Jared, he also begins to learn more about himself and the lies and guilt he was told three centuries earlier that makes him long for a life that he was never allowed to have. As the pair struggle to break the curse they will soon discover that it’s not only the power of the evil witch that still seeks to hold Jared captive they’ll have to face and overcome but feelings that Jensen wasn’t expecting and Jared doesn’t fully understand.
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
After returning from the dead, James Bond moves into a new secure flat, only to find that his new neighbour is either: a scruffy teenager, a brilliant computer geek, a mad scientist, or the sexiest genius he’s ever met. Two of these things turn out to be true.
Well, three, once the Red Queen gets involved.
I’m crying with joy. I enjoy this fic so much. I’m a true sap. It’s too damn perfect.
Megan’s Literal Title: Definitely-not-stupid James Bond.
Slow building College AU that contains smut and sin (add DJ Khaled “Another one!”)
Tyler struggles with anxiety as he tries to deal with leaving home for the first time, living with his best friend, Brendon (who is a little shit), and having to settle for studying English because he can’t read music.
Then he meets Josh, an impossibly cool record store employee who turns his plans up on their head.
When Tyler wakes up in the hospital he wasn’t expecting the colored haired man sitting next to his bed to be his husband, nor that he and his husband are in a band together. And the funny thing is, he doesn’t remember any of it.
Summary: “You don’t look like a sophomore,” the guy said, raising one corner of his mouth. “Not that I care, don’t get me wrong here, I wouldn’t care if you were thirty-” he stopped, standing up and throwing another box off his bed in the process. “It’s just that you don’t look like thirty. You just don’t look like a sophomore, that’s all I’m saying. Well, I thought I was going to be put in a room with another sophomore, like they did with the freshmen, which… doesn’t make that much sense in retrospect, does it?” He frowned for a moment. “So, we’re roommates then, right?” He extended his hand. Derek looked at him for a long moment, his eyebrows shooting up, before taking and slowly shaking it. “I’m Stiles. I actually wanted to be roommates with my best friend Scott, we shared a room last year, but the secretary, who was very, very unfriendly by the way, told us to fuck off. Not in those words exactly, but you get my drift, right?”
In which Derek gets a new roommate and is not amused. At all.
Steve’s unending faith in his best friend was beginning to look less like hope and more like fantasy. When they’d caught the Soldier – in a fire fight that still gave Sam nightmares – the only thing the man seemed to recall was how to hit exactly where it hurt.
Four months later, Barnes still refused to speak English. Refused to heed anything but Steve’s voice.
So, all in all, it was not a great time for Hydra to attack New York. All in all, Sam really wished they’d just killed him, instead of turning Captain America into a baby.
Summary: University AU, in which Harry has a terrible job and lies about his name to drunk people, Louis is one of the drunk and has to move out of his flat, Liam shaves his hair because he fights with Zayn, Zayn protects Liam from creepy stalkers and Niall always has a solution, because he knows just about every person relevant!