!soul

When I Came Out

When I came out my conservative parents were surprisingly supportive and told me they always knew I was gay… I was extremely scared and the words “I am gay” took ten minutes to come out (pun intended).

I came out to my best friend when I was 14 as bisexual. She took it pretty well because after I said my huge speech she looked at me and instantly hugged me. I didn’t need to come out to my parents, I just brought home my girlfriend and that was it.

When I came out, it was in the car with my best friend in the middle of a snowstorm… in Texas. Not only did I confess that I was a lesbian, but also that I had fallen in love with her and I knew our relationship could be nothing more than one of friends. She accepted me completely and we laughed and poured out our hearts together for the next 2 hours. It was as if a great and terrible weight was lifted from my soul.

When I came out to my best friend, we laughed, because I had kept it so long from her, and we all started to wonder why I made it such a big deal when I was still the same person I’ve always been.

When I came out it was a surprise to both of us. My buddy (who’s like my little brother) came out as bi to me… something I somewhat always knew. When asked if I was ok with it, I replied: “You and I have more in common than I thought. Surprise!”

When I came out to my parents yesterday, I told my dad first. I kinda mumbled, “I’m bisexual.” There was a pause. Then he goes, “What?” Then I burst into tears. He said, “You’re bi, so what?” When I told my mom, I couldn’t stop laughing (I was nervous) and she goes, “It’s just a phase,” hugs me, and walks out of the room.

When I came out as a bisexual girl, I told my friend I needed to tell her something important. When I told her, she said, “Ok. And what’s the important thing?” She was very accepting and I’m glad to get it off my chest. To anyone out there who’s struggling, tell someone you trust and be you.

When I came out, I was in my 9th grade classroom and we were all sharing our deepest secrets (school project) so when it came my turn I said, “Yep, I’m a lesbian.” They all burst out laughing, even my teacher, and apparently they all thought I was gay even before I came out

When I came out to my best friend, it was in art class. I said, I bet you can’t guess who I like. And she said every boy in the grade, and I went, It’s a girl. She thought I was kidding until I texted her I really was a lesbian. She was very supportive. I will eventually tell my parents. Wish me luck.

In the end, Crona is a part of Asura

I finally got around to reading the official translation of volume 25 today, and I noticed something that has completely blown away what I had thought of Crona’s fate.

Allow me to share.

To make my point, I need to foreground it with Crona’s inner dialogue while inside the Kishin:

In this first panel, Crona is thinking to themselves about how the others absorbed by Asura have lost their bodies and identities to become a part of the whole, a “shapeless mass”–but Crona continues to hold on to their body and individuality.

Then, in the second panel, Crona thinks about giving up their body to “bring an end to [their] pathetic existence.”  They won’t, because they “cling to life,” but if they did give up their body, they would become a part of Asura in total and die.

Now here’s where it gets interesting.  As Crona is enacting their sacrifice, using brew and the blood to trap Asura, Asura himself describes what is occurring.  

Asura says, bluntly, that Crona has “cast off [their] flesh” to overcome terror.  In effect, they have given up their mortal body as a part of the process of becoming a prison for Asura. They no longer have a body, and their only existence is as that prison.  They have, in essence, become to Asura what Ragnarok had been to Crona–his blood, that like his skin before it, acts as his prison.

We already know, from the earlier panel, that for Crona to give up their body is to die.  Crona has not just sacrificed their freedom but their life to imprison Asura, and only exists as a part of him.  At best, they are as inextricable as Ragnarok had been before them.  

The bottom line?  Crona cannot be saved. 

I had always suspected this to be the case, but this is clear confirmation of it–and that confirmation makes this panel even more poignant:  

When Crona says they believe Maka when she says she’ll come back for them, it’s a half truth at best–Crona must know Maka will try, but that there will be nothing to come back for.  Yet, they must lie if they are to achieve their goal of saving Maka; they know Maka well enough to know she would never leave if she knew all of what Crona planned, that they would actually be killing their mortal body to enact that plan.  So they lie because saving Maka is far more important to them than telling her the whole truth in that moment.

It’s just that bit more painful when you realize that Maka, at least initially, clings to hope that Crona knows all along doesn’t exist, nor do they seem sorry for that.  Saving Maka is the only thing that matters.

Just Imagine this for a second

Every so often I hear from booksellers and fellow fans about people who read Richard Castle books because they really like mystery novels, but don’t have any real knowledge that they are connected to a show.

Okay. Now think about Raging Heat last year. Some poor unsuspecting reader picked up the book and read it, including the Author’s Note by a publishing intern, who wrote it and about the missing author, and his poor family and fiancée. About how the Author disappeared, and it was all over the news.

Take a second and think about this poor confused soul.

I think I’ve had enough time now to put my thoughts together without letting my personal sadness get in the way of it.

As most of you know, director Wes Craven passed away recently.  Though I should be aware that this is something I will have to accept and cope with multiple times throughout my life, this deeply affected me, as I considered the man one of my heroes (and always will).

When viewing his films, one might get the impression that the man behind them was a morbid, sadistic soul, and a person to be feared.  Such a surprise, then, that he turned out to be a well-educated, soft-spoken, erudite pacifist, typically dressed in casual, yet distinguished attire.  Prior to filmmaking, he was an English professor at Clarkson University in Potsdam, New York.

Wes Craven’s films have chilled and terrified millions the world over for more than four decades.  Yet, these films were not populated with simple monsters and bloodshed.  Part of what made his work so effective was the fact that–whether the audience wanted to remember it or not–the villains in his stories were still human beings.  These stories were essentially modern-day morality plays.  Wes dared to explore the darkest depths of humanity in order to remind us of our own failings and imperfections–he forced these realizations upon us, intentionally taking the audience out of their comfort zone.  He taught us most of all that actions have consequences, and that two wrongs don’t make a right.  At the end of The Last House on the Left (1972) and The Hills Have Eyes (1977), there is no real justice.  Even after the monsters have been slain, it came at a high cost.  Freddy Krueger would also never have haunted the young dreamers of Elm St., had not their parents decided to take the law into their own hands years prior.  He forces his characters to make decisions that also sacrifice their own dignity and humanity in the process, leaving no one wholly innocent.  Wes Craven reminded us that we all have the potential to become monsters ourselves.

This one man had a tremendous impact on not just the horror genre, but on pop culture as well.  He single-handedly revived the “slasher” subgenre twice.  His characters were realistic, capable and resourceful–never mere eye candy or knife fodder.  He brought a much-needed level of intelligence to horror, and bypassed the criticisms inundating his peers.

Sadly, there will never be another Wes Craven, but his legacy shall remain alive until the end of time.  In this way, Wes Craven is even more immortal than the supernatural boogeyman that made him a household name.

a few regulars at my job
  • customer who always wears a hat that says ‘jesus saves’ and has no less than three american flags on his body at all times.
  • customer who always picks all the caps off the portabella mushrooms
  • customer who demands everything be marked down for her and if you refuse, says she has a medical condition and threatens to sue you for making her go the emergency room. optionally, fakes some kind of choking fit.
  • customer who hugged me out of nowhere and then wanted to lay hands on me and pray for my soul.
  • customer who asked me out and then told me i looked like i was 12 years old.
  • customer who shows up every time there’s a football game and rides through the store on a scooter, shirtless, with team flags taped to his nipples, screaming ‘GOOOO SEEEAAAHHAAAWWWWKS.’ he never buys anything, just does that.
  • customer who goes around asking employees if they want to join the army. also never buys anything.
  • customer who goes around quizzing employees about history. no one cares when kentucky became a state, dude, go away. also you smell bad.
  • customer who looks like nicki minaj.
My cat from hell

He’s been dead for three years, but every night he rises from his earthly tomb, speaking blasphemies in 1000 ancient tongues. He has no eyes, no soul, and will soon be bringing about the end times. Also sometimes he swats you when you try to pet him.