One thing I appreciate about myself is my ability to put things into perspective. Lately, there is a certain aspect in life that I’ve been obsessing over. Timing. Timing is such a funny thing. Timing is so important to consider in your life. Your mind frame is consistently changing and how you felt a few years ago can be dramatically different then how you feel now. I think people forget about how significant timing is. Personally, timing has always been the biggest conflict for me in life. I’ve never had a real relationship with anyone and timing is the number one reason. Growing up, I was always slightly mature than my peers or I wasn’t interested in the same things as my peers. Perspective always got the best of me and I was more likely to think about my future before I did anything. Dating in high school wasn’t an option for me because I didn’t like drinking or drugs or sex. So I planned on waiting for college but that just got worse.
I still wasn’t into drinking and I wasn’t ready for the typical college life. I kept to myself a lot for the first few years of college. I believe those were some of the hardest times in my life. From the ages, 18-21, I was extremely depressed. I was very far from home, had no social interactions, and I was in a very toxic friendship. I was very insecure. I was also diagnosed with a thyroid disease which was probably a large factor to why I was so depressed.
Once I made the decision to move back into my parents house, I was finally able to find myself. This is when I transitioned into my “selfish” stage, which means I was focusing on myself and bettering myself. Furthermore, I couldn’t be further from being in a relationship. Now, at 23, and going to college with 18-22 year olds, I feel even more out of place. Once again, I am not interested in the things my peers are. I am interested in my future career, politics, government, and netflixs (because let’s be real). I spend my spare time with my parents, especially my dad who is my best friend.
Back to my whole point about timing, I have awful timing for dating or relationships. My surroundings aren’t ideal. The guys in college are still boys and I don’t have time for that nonsense. I work in a beauty store so there is no hope there. And sadly, people don’t talk to others in public anymore. People don’t just approach people anymore because they have things to distract them. I ramble on about how I have given up on love but I don’t think that is the truth. I think the truth is that I am comfortable with myself and with my life and there would have to be some miracle to happen for me to be in a relationship. I will not change myself, my lifestyle, or my standards just to settle for anything.
So, I guess my point it that timing and perspective are important to think about. Before you question what is wrong with you when life isn’t going the way you want, think about your surroundings and your life. I believe there is a plan out there for all of us.