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new york eyes, chicago thighs

@scoutfrowns

sad and nerdy.
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meladoodle

the best interview i’ve read was when someone asked michael cera what he’s most recognised for and he said “the social network. which i was not in" 

hey wait whatever happened to the murder clowns? did that just suddenly end? i just realized ive seen nothing of that in a while

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qozxe

one of them became president

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laschatzi

oh my God

Adult: your hickey is crude and trashy, you should be ashamed

me: 

  • is a teenager
  • is living life and having fun
  • is bothering no one
  • hasn’t had 3 failed marriages
  • didn’t ask, martha

question: how would you deal with cyber attacks against the US government? 

donald trump: i am so strongly against cyber. we came up with the internet. cyber is a big issue. we need to be SMART and QUICK. let me tell you. my son has a computer. he’s 10! he’s so good on that computer so good you wouldn’t believe it!

republicans:

image

This sounds like a joke BUT HE SAID THIS!!!!

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creamhy

15 things to remember:

1.   that thing you did that was kind of embarrassing and weird, everyone else forgot about that already

2.   you look fine today, if you can’t notice something on your face standing 6 feet from a mirror then nobody else will either.

3.   social lives can go through cycles sometimes, if you feel like your friends are all ignoring you for no reason they’re probably just busy with other things.

4.   if you can’t stop thinking about someone or something, read a book, paint your nails or watch a movie. it won’t solve any serious problems but you will feel better.

5.   listen with the intent to understand, not the intent to reply.

6.   if you want something, go get it. 

7.   drink lots of water, eat lots of fruit, exercise more, go outside, get enough sleep and think positive thoughts.

8.   if you don’t ask, the answer will always be no.

9.   throw away the idea of a perfect tomorrow and live in the moment.

10.  stop comparing yourself to others.

11.  a beautiful day begins with a beautiful mindset. It’s a privilege to simply be alive and healthy. Start acting like life is a blessing.

12.  act the way you’d like to be and soon you’ll be the way you’d like to act.

13.  you will change. You’re not the same person you were three years ago. you’re not even the same person you were three minutes ago and that’s okay. especially if you don’t like the person you were three minutes ago.

14.  you don’t have to open the curtains if you don’t want to.

15.  being happy is the most important thing.

i’m like heinz doofenshmirtz because i, too, like being petty, singing off-key, and over-sharing my deepest traumas for no discernible reason

I also think of myself as evil but am at best a minor inconvenience.

why i can't take Ravenclaws seriously

in Shakespearean english, a euphemism for a guys you-know-what was “wit”. so, “the length of a man’s wit” is actually a clever euphemism for talking about how ‘manly’ a guy was/ how big his dick was.

…brings a whole new meaning to “wit beyond measure is a man’s greatest treasure”

Ok but having a motto that sounds very stuffy but is actually just a dick joke is the most ravenclaw thing ever.

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bearzerky

i can’t wait until october when there’s no sun outside and everything is cute colors and it’s cold and there are terrible horror movies on tv, my power is at its peak then