• you want to watch a movie. you put it on. two hours have passed. you haven’t watched the movie. there are five new tasks in front of you. you want to watch a different movie.
• there is an object in your hand. it is extremely important you don’t lose it. you look down. there is nothing in your hand.
• you don’t know your friend’s name. you’ve been friends for months. they just told you their name. you do not know their name.
• your friend doesn’t laugh at your joke. why didn’t they laugh? do they hate you? they assure you otherwise. you know they are lying. did they ever like you?
• someone asks you what you just said. did you say something? you said so many things. you said nothing. you said everything.
• there is something you’re forgetting. you check. you check again. there is nothing you’re forgetting. there is something you’re forgetting.
• you had something to say. you can’t remember. it was important. wasn’t it? you can’t remember. 
• there is a task that needs to be done. it should take ten minutes. you check the clock. it’s been five minutes. you check the clock. it’s been two days.

• you are excited to do the thing. you are eager to do the thing. you do not do the thing and you cannot say why. your body is operated by a force beyond yourself.
• you awake and lie in bed. you plan a detail to-do list in your head. excited, you step out of bed only to feel the motivation drain off of you like oil from a duck’s back. the bed calls to you like a siren to a sailor
• did you lock the door? if you check, you will have locked the door. if you do not check, you will not have locked the door. if you check and have locked the door there is a reasonable chance you will accidentally unlock the door. there is no way to win this game.
• you are hungry. you eat nothing. you are not hungry. you eat everything. the moon laughs at you.
• you have had a tune stuck in your head for three days now. it is not a tune that exists on earth. it will not leave.

i lit the match with a flick of the cleat from the league that hexed me

yeah i'll see you in hell cuz it's hell that sent me

as i walk out the door singing "next team, next team"