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Schmerg The Impaler's Secret Laboratory

@schmergo / schmergo.tumblr.com

Schmergo, 31, Washington DC denizen, lover of literature, fan of fluffy cravats and falafel. This blog is a garbage disposal of corny jokes, memes, Shakespeare, classic lit, Les Miserables, musical theatre, pop culture, history, and assorted other hijinks!
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MOST BASS ARE JUST FISH BUT LEROY BROWN WAS SOMETHING SPECIAL

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kaijutegu

Leroy Brown has been haunting me, so I looked into his backstory and it's wilder than you could possibly imagine.

Leroy Brown was about one pound when he was caught in 1973 in Lake Eufala, Alabama, by Tom Mann, who is absolutely legendary in the world of bass fishing. Instead of releasing or taking him home to eat, Mann decided he recognized a spark of something special in the fish, so he took him home and popped him in his backyard pond. Later, he moved the fish to a giant aquarium in his workshop. He was an aggressive fish, so he got named after the song. And Mann loved this fish. He trained him to jump through a hoop, he hand-fed him, he would talk about him to anybody. The fish became internationally known, with publicity in Russia, South Africa, Australia, and other countries.

Then, in 1980, the fish dies- probably of old age. So what to do? Have a funeral. Various sources say between 500 and 1,200 people came (there was a very large bass fishing tournament that weekend), and the local marching band was there to play "Bad, Bad Leroy Brown" as the fish's tiny casket was lowered into his grave.

But then things got really wild. On the day of the funeral, it was eventually decided that the ground was too wet and muddy, so Mann put the fish and his casket (actually a satin-lined tackle box full of one dead fish and the lure he was caught with) in the freezer.

That night, somebody stole the dead fish and his tiny casket.

Seriously. This was not a taxidermy fish, this was just. Y'know. A dead fish, with all of the smells that entails.

Three weeks later, the tackle box turns up at the Tulsa, Oklahoma airport. A baggage handler found it, and it was decided that the box full of three-week-old decaying Leroy was too nasty to ship back to Alabama. The statue remained at Fish World, which is where the public could visit Leroy during his life, until 2005, when Tom Mann died and the facility was closed. (Fish World was like... a weird museum/facility to learn about bass fishing. Mann wasn't just an expert angler, he also designed some of the most popular lures that are still used in bass fishing, as well as the Humminbird depth finder- still the most popular depth finder brand on the market. So he had this workshop/lure lab there and people could come see his stuff but also learn about how to go bass fishing and how to do bass fishing as a sport.) The statue went to another bass fisherman, until the city of Eufala asked for it back in 2016. Now it sits prominently on Main Street, reminding everyone that most bass are just fish, but Leroy Brown was something special.

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I'm convinced that what the world of B-grade franchise movie entertainment needs is a fantasy adventure film series about Stellan Skarsgard and Brendan Gleeson as two rival kings trying to acquire various magical relics and talismans. But their sons are played by their real-life actor sons, ranging in personality from heroic to blatantly traitorous to adorably quirky to disturbingly quirky (Bill Skarsgard).

It would be tonally similar to yet stylistically distinct from Pirates of the Caribbean, the music would be by Ludwig Goransson, and they're all allowed to improvise 3/4 of their lines and get up to wholesome family shenanigans on set.

This message brought to you by the fact that I always end up mixing up the Skarsgards and the Gleesons.

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jordeclan

ah jeez, i’m unfollowing him now. i had no idea he was picking up the field mice and bopping them all on the head

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Living in historic times as we are, sometimes I can't help but imagine what it would be like to live in other historic times. Do you ever do that? For instance, the area where I live has a lot of Civil War history, being in Confederate territory but extremely close to the nation's capital. More than 1,500 soldiers were killed in a battle within walking distance of my home. I'd be able to hear the gunfire from my backyard. I'm also a short drive from Manassas Battlefield. I don't pay much attention to those landmarks now, but it's still wild to think that all of that happened right here, and not terribly long ago.

My home lies along a major route-- until recently named after two Confederate leaders-- and directly across the street from the site of a former 19th century manor (belonging to a pro-secession slave-owner) that was occupied during the war. It's not unlikely that if I lived there in the 1860s, my home would become makeshift sleeping quarters or a hospital for soldiers, whether voluntarily or involuntarily... or it might get burned down, like the manor itself.

It's also not unlikely that I wouldn't live here at all, that I'd have fled to Maryland with my family, as my husband is within the draft age, moved down here from Maryland to be with me, and would not want to fight for the Confederacy. Though I hate to say it, given my geographic location and family ties, I'd almost certainly be one of those people who has family fighting on both sides of the war, and even if everyone miraculously survived, those family relationships certainly wouldn't.

It's hard to imagine what daily life would look like with so much death and destruction happening around here. Every now and then, I see something like a gazebo in a local park with a plaque saying it was built in 1862 and I think, "This is how the local government decided to spend their funds during the gosh darn Civil War?" But that's just a sign that every day life happened during the Civil War, too. Heck, some guy invented Tabasco sauce during the Civil War. Same with jelly beans.

My favorite book, Les Miserables, came out during the war and Union and Confederate soldiers alike couldn't get enough of it. Would I have been able to concentrate on enjoying the book with so much stress and unpredictability? Would I find the violence of its failed revolution too difficult to stomach?

However, I'm pretty sure that no matter how weird and scary life got, I'd probably still have an ongoing debate with my friends over whether Abraham Lincoln is weird looking enough that it loops back around to being hot.

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froody

think about how many people have died because they took out the warning

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dathen

This is hilarious because the biggest edit Stoker’s editor made him do was to cut out a preface that said “this was all real and the Harkers are wonderful people and my friends :)” The editor felt he risked inducing mass panic.

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At the annual Houston RenFest we’d always get one or two furries that walk around and every time the general reaction from the medieval roleplayers is akin to  “BEASTS? BEASTS THAT WALK LIKE MAN? FOUL!” 

Last time I went a furry volunteered for an impromptu conversion/exorcism and a guy dressed as a monk gathered a bunch of people and using a Gatorade bottle performed an entire catholic christening while reading off the instructions on his Ipad. When the furry was fully “converted” he removed the head of his costume and everyone in the crowd pretended to freak out and say shit like “GlORY BE HE IS SAVED” “CHRIST HAS BROKEN HIS CURSE”

That’s the best crap i’ve heard in months

have I mentioned that i’m fucking in love with humankind

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For my whole life, people have been like, “I love how you don’t care what anyone else thinks,” but I do! I just don’t know how to be any other way than I am! When people say, “I admire your courage to always be yourself,” I wonder if being, say, a tardigrade was an option instead but nobody told me!

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reblogged
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yeoldenews

Yet another selection of some of the better names I've come across in Regency era newspapers recently.

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Anonymous asked:

You always have the best dresses! Were do you get them?

Mostly from my mom. She gives me a new dress for my birthday every year! Sometimes my grandma does, too. Frankly, I think she mostly buys them from Amazon or Ross.

Some of my favorite dresses are from an online store called BloomChic, but it's only size 10 and up. (I wear a size 10-12.) I also have a lot of hand-me-downs and thrifted clothes, and I have a lot of dresses I've been wearing since college or even high school!