I never meant to start a fire I never meant to make you bleed Iāll be a better man today
Iāll be good, Iāll be good And Iāll love the world, like I should Yeah, Iāll be good, Iāll be good For all of the time That I never could
Youād better hurry up, theyāll be waiting for āthe Chosen Captainā, āThe Boy Who Scoredā, whatever they call you these days.
scarletwitch
God this place has gone to the dogs. Wait until my father hears that Dumbledoreās got this oaf teaching classes. Shut up, Malfoy.
riddle: hey old man tell me about horcruxes
slughorn: WHY CERTAINLY MY BOY
slughorn: wait youāre not gonna actually make one right
riddle: naaaaaaaah
slughorn: OK WELL HEREāS ALL THE INFO IN-DEPTH
McGonagall *catching Slytherin doing something wrong*: I hope you have a good explanation for this!
Slytherin: Actually, I have three
Slytherin: Pick your favorite
One day in the Slytherin Common Room:
Pansy: Draco I never asked, how did you come out to your family?
Draco, wrinkles nose at the memory: Well it was in 3rd year and my extended family and I had a private dinner partyā¦
*Flashback*
Rodolphus, pats Draco on the back: And is there any person that has caught our little Dragons eye?
Draco, still closeted: Well, um, there is this gir-
Everyone: *laughs*
Draco, shocked and confused: Whatās so funny!?!
Bellatrix, still laughing: Did you hear that haha, he said a girl!
Everyone: *laughs harder*
Draco, now flustered: Yeah, so what!
Narcissa, first to calm down: Oh honey, your far to gay for us to believe that.
Draco, surprised: Wha-Wait how did yo-Iām not ga-Whatās going on!?
Lucius, puts hand on Dracoās shoulder: Oh son, I gave up on the thought that you had interest in girls by the time you turned 9.
Draco, finally given up: What gave it away?
Narcissa: Maybe it was how my closet was always messed up whenever you played in our room but never your fathers.
Draco: Fair bu-
Lucius: Or maybe it was the fact that your best friend, the Parkinsonās daughter, the girl who you apperantly had a ācrushā on was clearly more interested in girls then you were.
Draco: Pansy doesnāt cou-
Rabastan: or was it how you loved quidditch so much that you purchased posters of all the male team players but never the females.
Draco: They were rolemod-
Bellatrix: Or it could be tha-
Draco: Fine! Iāve heard enough and I donāt have to listen to this you know. Iām going to bed *storms off*
Narcissa, turns to Lucius: Teenagers. *both shake head in disappointment.*
*end of flashback*
Pansy: wow.
Draco: I know.
Pansy: I wasnāt THAT obvious about being a lesbian.
Draco, pats her head in sympathy: Keep telling yourself that.
Me, many years ago: I canāt believe Harry Potter is over foreverā¦. i wish JKR would write more!
JKR: Voldemort fucked Bellatrix and they have a love child called Delphi.
Me: What -
JKR: Mmh probably he fucked his snake too.
Hermione: Harry, NO!
Harry:[not doing anything] What?
Hermione: Sorry, force of habit. Ron, No!
Slytherin: Whatcha doin?
Gryffindor: Stealing my neighborās cat
Slytherin: Scandalous
Slytherin: Can I help?
Draco: I can handle anything thrown my way.
Pansy: Anything?
Draco: Yes.
Pansy: *smirking*
Draco: Wh-
Pansy: *throws Harry in Dracoās direction*
Draco: *panics, scream, tries to catch him, instead in his panic he kisses him and run after letting him drop on the floor*
Pansy: āCould handle anythingā? Yeeeeah.
Harry: *confused*
draco-mouthboy
At the Battle of Hogwarts
Voldemort: harry potter is dead
Harry: *rolls off Hagrid* lol bitch you thought
Narcissa:
Narcissa: gasp
Narcissa: wow
Narcissa: unbelievable
Narcissa: a true Christmas miracle
Narcissa: what a shocker
Narcissa: wow
itslevioooooosanotleviosar
Finally, a battle of Hogwarts post that makes me smile
summerberryapplewinternewtsmith
Narcissa:
Slytherin: I got a package from my family.
Ravenclaw: Oh, whatās in it?
Slytherin: Seems heavy. Must be their disappointment in me.