Sometimes homework is fun

The actual video file is too obscenely large for tumblr to handle, so have a phone recording of me playing it back on Dragonframe (complete with obnoxious AC)

The thing about Tumblr that probably makes me saddest is the underlying assumption that women past a certain age (which seems to be about 25?) stop having any sort of outside interests beyond family/career/kids. Like, y’all are always so shocked that grown women have lives and can fangirl as hard as we did as teenagers.

It makes me sad not because it makes me feel old (although it does), but because these younger women are constricting their own lives–they fully expect that this will happen to them someday. Y’all deserve better. Y’all deserve to EXPECT better.

And worse than that, the idea that there’s something WRONG with a grown woman who has other interests.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

One of the biggest things I realized growing up? 

It doesn’t happen.

You expect somehow you will change when you are finally An Adult™. You’ll stop enjoying the things you enjoy now for something more “adult” or “mature.” You’ll FEEL like an adult and not like a child anymore. You’ll feel comfortable and secure and not scared and unsure and confused. You expect you will feel like you have your shit together.

But I can tell you that it doesn’t happen. You’ll still feel like the “you” you were at 15 or 17 or 19. 

You just have these…things to deal with. Like rent. And insurance. 

You have a job either because a) you like it or b) it keeps the lights and internet on. 

You’ll look up from fangirling one day and realize “Shit. I am twenty eight years old. That’s almost 30!” Or maybe it will be that you look down at the small child clasped around your legs and realize “That is my child. I have a child. A human being child.” Or maybe it will be that you have to negotiate your budget around con tickets AND a mortgage payment. 

Growing up isn’t a thing that happens. 

It’s a realization that it doesn’t happen. 

Holy shit, y’all. There are some AMAZING responses to this post. Yes, everything alwayshometomarvel says. All that.

Feeling like I wasn’t ‘adult’ enough fucked me up for years. I would cry at night and feel like a total piece of shit because I was married with a kid, and yet I still did ‘not adult’ things–I played MMOs, I cosplayed and went to conventions, I drew fan art and wrote fan fic. I kept waiting for the day that I would wake up and realize that what I really needed to be doing was the laundry, cleaning the house, making dinner every night, etc. Basically, be the ‘perfect’ wife and mother.

And somewhere between then and now, I somehow managed to tell myself…fuck it. I AM an adult. I go to work every day and pay the bills and help raise my son and take care of the house. I do legit adult things. AND I play MMOs, go to conventions, and participate in fandom. And THAT’S OKAY. I’m 32 years old now and finally at peace with that part of myself. (Having a supportive husband and kid doesn’t hurt either!)

@malaysianfeminist

All of this is such truth. Believing these things about growing up, and especially about being over 25? Really made it hard for me when I turned 30.

I was literally suicidal on my 30th birthday. I spent the whole day in tears. I felt like I had died and my life was now worthless and small and never going to be hopeful or full of promise or fun again. I felt like killing myself on my birthday because I bought into this lie that somewhere after your mid-twenties, you diminish as a woman because the only thing that made you alive and shiny was your youth.

I’m 31 now and I’m done with that shit. I’m over it. I don’t care if you think I’m too old for something. If I’m an old lady in Tumblr terms, then I’m past the legal age where I’m obligated to care what you think. 

So, I’m telling you girls out there right now who are in your teens and twenties, get rid of this idea of what older women are “supposed” to look like. Get rid of this idea that “soccer moms” don’t play video games or that all women over 25 should be married and contemplating kids. Get rid of the idea that fanfic and fandom and fun things are for “kids.”

Mostly, get rid of this notion that the only thing really valuable about you is your youth. Youth is part of life, but it’s not the most valuable or beautiful or exciting time of your life. I like my life at 30 about 1000% than I did at 15, 18, 20, even 25. 

on her deathbed, my grandmother pulled my mom close to her and said, “i don’t feel old. i don’t know how i’m supposed to feel. but inside, i still feel seventeen.” when I was a teenager, I used to think that story was sad; sad and strange somehow, like she’d been frozen in time. but now that i am a woman in my thirties, I understand. I understand her. I am a grown woman in the ways that matter. I listen to myself more, trust my experience more. but inside? I still feel the joy and rage and mess; I am still changing. we’re not frozen in time. we are just still growing.

the more we acknowledge that modern “adulthood” is largely a concept designed to sell vacuums and sedans, and not an arbitrary total overhaul of self at age 35, the more we can admit our ongoing capacity– no, our ongoing NEED for play and playfulness and exploration. those are childish things we should never have to put away.

I’m heading into the last year of my 40′s.  I own a home (ok, I own a very small apartment) and I’ve held down a job in the same industry for 25+ years, in varying forms.  I do laundry and wash dishes when they need doing, and pay my bills on time (except the times I don’t, ooops).   I am, dog help us all, the more adulting adult people are always looking for.

And I wallow in fanfic and fandom, I go to concerts and dance my ass off and eat Chinese food after midnight, I have Funko Pop! figures staring down at me from the top of my fridge, I color my hair (or not) depending on whim, not expectation, and some of my closest friends and mischief-partners are in their 30′s (and some are in their 60′s).

Claim it all.  This is your birthright.

I’ll be 60 next year. I’ll also be going to SPN cons and writing meta and buying merch and flailing about Show and Destiel.

When my kids were little, I wrote fanfic and published fanzines and went to fan-run cons because I needed something that was ~mine~, that wasn’t about being a mom or a wife–something that was about being ME. It’s easy to lose sight of that uniqueness when you have to worry about diapers and soccer practice and getting kids on the bus every morning, but y'all, it’s so important. SO IMPORTANT to hold onto YOU.

Amen to all of this. Adult(ing)™ is what you do, not what you are.

No matter your age.

Burn down the presumption that being into fandom as an adult is somehow juvenile. 

You know who doesn’t have to deal with this shit?  Male sports fans, who are apparently entitled not to let go of the things they loved as children, while us fangirls have to suck it up.  How nice for them!!

Please, stop hating your future self.  Stop thinking that fun and frivolousness and pleasure and possibility are not for her.  Stop thinking you’re trapped.  Just stop. 

30. I’ve reached no ‘adult’ milestones at all &, honestly, I’ve realized that for some people being an adult just means surviving. It’s ok to just survive… and enjoy cartoons & video games while doing so.

One of the things I feel luckiest about with fandom is that when I was a teenage fan, I spent a lot of time talking to fans in their 20s, 30s, and 40s. I never felt like fandom was something I’d grow out of, it would just be something I’d be able to devote more money and less shame to.

I’m sad that perspective is going away, because it was affirming in a way I don’t even think I understood when I experienced it.

MODERN MEDIA FANDOM WAS INVENTED BY MIDDLE-AGED WOMEN AND DON’T YOU FUCKING FORGET IT

Trust me, all being an adult means if you’re the one that has to take responsibility for your own shit. Which ALSO means your happiness. So own your happiness and the things that make you happy just as much as you own paying your bills on time.  Life is so short - don’t waste it by trying to age yourself out of the things that bring you joy. 

stop telling teenagers and preteens they're too young to have joint problems and other chronic illnesses

Ugh. Yes. Whenever I complain about my knee I get these “but you’re to young for that!!!” looks, especially back when I was in middle and high school. Not a teen anymore but still young enough to get the looks. 

so today a public health official guy came into my class to give a lecture on disaster awareness and he was talking about house fires and mentioned that the reason people most likely die during a house fire is because they refuse to leave their pet inside or they go back to get their pet. and right when he said this my friend immediately turned his head and looked at me and in that moment I had the most complete and genuine acceptance take over my body. I would 100% in front of my family and Jesus himself walk straight back into some raging inferno that was once my house to go get my fat cat. I nodded back

the best part of this post is reading all the tags from animal people who would also go back to save their pets. like no hesitation. walk backwards from heaven straight back into hell. someone even said they would go back for their fish. amazing

Today a 16 year old boy was brought into the clinic by his aunt to ‘have the talk’ because his school didn’t teach sex ED and his mother wouldn’t talk to him about sex.

She spent 40 bucks so he could get tested for the first time.

I spent an hour talking to this young boy about sex. I got to have the sex talk with him. I showed him how to properly use a condom and protect himself and his partners. We talked about STDs and pregnancy prevention. We even talked about pubic grooming and ways to avoid razor burn. This poor boy has never had someone talk to him about anything related to the changes his body is going through.

And then we spent 20 minutes talking about consent and how important it is.

Growing up I never, ever had someone talk to me about consent and its importance. I even had sex ED in school!

This shit is important ya’ll.

Planned Parenthood is important

It is the parents’ duty to have “the talk” with their kids, not a government funded organization that murders babies.

First of all fucktruck: I am not a government employee. My wages are not paid by the government.

Second: zero babies have ever been murdered in a planned parenthood.

I didn’t say a god damn word about abortion but you had to get your fucking tighty whiteys in a bunch because an organization that you know nothing about is doing good things for millions of people and you hate it.

Shut your face up about shit you don’t understand you fucking dump truck.

Abortion is murder, just because they’re in the womb doesn’t change the fact you’re killing an innocent human being.

As I said, it’s not a faceless organization’s job to provide sex ed while simultaneously killing unborn children.

Listen up kiddo:

Abortion isn’t murder. Murder is illegal. Abortion is not illegal. IE abortion is not murder.

As i said (and we’ll go with what i said as not total bullshit because it’s obvious you have absolutely no real knowledge when it comes to sex or reproduction and i think we can thank your parents for that) this young man had a single mother that didn’t feel comfortable talking to him about sex. So i did it. I provided medically accurate and up to date information unlike so many parents today.

And by the way, planned parenthood isn’t some shadowy faceless organization.

For example, this is my face. The face i made while reading your stupid ass response.

Get em, Damien

Damien is my new hero. 

I am now following Damien…

Yup.  As a supporter of Planned Parenthood all my adult life, I support this post and this blogger!

remember when Mulan risked her life and her family’s honor to save her dad and ended up saving all of China from the Huns but Anna and Elsa are considered Disney’s feminist icons

Remember when Tiana spent hours and hours working hard to save up for her own restaurant to make her dreams a reality without any man in the equation, but Anna and Elsa are the feminist icons?

Remember when Nani tried went from job to job so the social services would get off her back and let her keep her sister. Then when they did come for lilo she negotiated with them and when her sister was kidnapped; She beat up an alien with a branch demanding to be taken to her sister. But you know anna and elsa are the feminist icons?

This show really is Amazing

gosh it really is

Adult things arent NEARLY as complex as I thought they were growing up I just walked into bank of america and said im here to open a checking account and they said ok and opened me a checking account

If you have anxiety about being an adult, it may help to think of adult things as basically just doing a lot of quests.

Me: [googles “where do i get a passport”] Me: [goes to that building] Me: [asks first person I encounter] Where do I get a passport? Them: Third floor, room twelve. Me: [goes to that room] Me: [asks first person I encounter] Where do I get a passport? Them: That desk over there. Me: [goes to that desk] Me: Where do I get a passport? Them: Fill out this form. Me: [thinking] Silver key opens the garden gate, in the garden is the red key, which opens the red door, there’s a boy in the red house who tells you his dog is trapped in the old abandoned barn and can I please rescue him…

being an adult is a serious of fetch quests and waiting in lines

also you roll bluff a lot

i mean a LOT

@jewsifers

One bonus of being An Adult ™ is grossly misusing modern slang on purpose and watching the young interns cry inside

a fine example: the other day I pointed at a passing shark and, while looking one intern right in the eye, went “Man is that bae or what huh?” and the look on his face was something i will treasure for years

Oh . My god

O.O I FORGOT ABOUT THIS FOR SO LONG OMFG

Please do REBLOG/SIGNAL BOOST this post – the amount of anon messages I’ve gotten in the last 24 hours about this exact topic is uncanny. 

People need to know the truth.

i’m really relieved to hear this 

the greatest success of the republican party this election has been the demonization of Hillary Clinton, to the point where people actually believe she’s on the same level as trump.

she isn’t.

https://t.co/qPEp1O4E7E?ssr=true

Also why is no one talking about this? Oh yeah because mass media doesn’t cover it! Do you really want to risk that guy being president just out of spite for Hillary?

For every made up gross story demonizing Hillary Clinton there are like 10 REAL stories of Donald Trump being absolutely horrible.

Not saying Hillary is some saint but there’s no contest and nothing will ever convince me it is.

Just a reminder Trump is an actual rapist (his exwife said he forced her into sex)

Not all heros wear capes.

I want to buy this woman a beer.

This woman is named June Ayres and she has owned and operated Reproductive Health Services, which is currently the only clinic in Montgomery, Alabama, for about 30 years. May I suggest that you donate the price of that beer to The Linda D Foundation, which helps Alabama women afford reproductive services including birth control, emergency contraception, and abortion services? http://alabamareproductiverightsadvocates.com/thelindadfoundation/ You could also donate to the National Abortion Federation here: http://prochoice.org/about-naf/support-naf/ This gifset is from an incredible documentary called Trapped. You can find or organize a screening or stream it for free here: http://www.trappeddocumentary.com/ It’s seriously an amazing movie about some amazing people.

Warning: I DO use dude, man, bruh, and bro as completely gender neutral terms, HOWEVER if I call you one of the above and it bothers you, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE tell me.

A Note About “Witch Face”

So I’m seeing confusion about what is and isn’t offensive, so here it is:

We’re rolling up on October very quickly and I’m getting asked again (and I love it, because you remember from last year, because you care), so I’m bringing this post back again. The pointy hat has origins that are debated, and it may be a reference to old Scottish women, or to Jewish people, but my reasoning is that its so separate in time that it has lost its meaning. The green face does have racist connotations, meant to refer to “olive skinned” people, and specifically Jewish people. I give it a pass, though, because people do not (generally) know this, and they don’t associate it with us, they associate it with the Wicked Witch of the West and the Wizard of Oz. It has been stripped of its meaning. I still stand firm on the nose issue. 

DO NOT USE THE WITCH NOSE THIS HALLOWEEN, ITS ANTISEMITIC. DO NOT DO THAT THING.

Misogyny is also a factor in features that would make a witch “unattractive” by certain standards. Witches (and midwives and other female healers who had authority in their communities outside of the patriarchy) were targeted by (white) men who felt threatened by their power as women. So the association of  what they judged to be “unattractive” features with these women was a way of discrediting them and their standing in their communities.

(x)