when Charles Bukowski said "and when nobody wakes you up in the morning, and when nobody waits for you at night, and when you can do whatever you want. what do you call it, freedom or loneliness?"

Noon palang ay mas komportable na akong tahimik na magmasid lang, na dumadating pa sa puntong iniisip ng karamihan ay suplada daw; pero hindi naman talaga ganoon yun dahil sadyang mahiyain lang ako. Ako yung tipo na hindi masyadong pansinin at masaya na ako dun. Masaya na ako sa maliit na bilang ng mga tao sa paligid ko. Quality over quantity sabi nga ng iba. Kaya madalas pakiramdam ko invisible ako, walang nakakakita lalo na ng nararamdaman ko. Pero sa bawat mensaheng natatanggap, bawat kamustang hindi inaasahan, at bawat "ayos ka lang ba" mula sa mga taong madalas o bihira ko man lang nakakausap ay malaking bagay na para iparamdam sa akin na mali ang inaakala ko. Na may mga taong nakakapansin din pala sa akin, na tulad ko ay nagmamasid din at di sinasadyang makita ako. Walang nakakaalam kung gaano kalaking bagay sa akin yun. Ilang beses na akong nailagtas ng mga taong yun mula sa lungkot at sakit. At malaki ang pasasalamat ko sa mga taong yun, hindi ko man masabi isa-isa sa kanila, pero nakatatak na sa puso't isip ko ang ginawa nila. Na sa simpleng paraan ay naging mahalaga na din sila sa akin.

Puno ako ng insecurities sa sarili. Mas napapansin ko ang pagkakamali at pagkukulang ko. Mas kaya kong purihin at pansinin ang magagandang katangian ng ibang tao. At habang sinusulat ko to, iniisip ko pa din ano nga bang gusto ko tungkol sa sarili ko. Napapailing habang natatawa na lang dahil wala nga ata. Pero susubukan ko, pagbabasehan ko na din ang sinasabi ng mga nakakakilala sa akin.

Siguro kung may mga katangian man akong gusto o minahal sa sarili ko, o siguro katanggap tanggap, isa na siguro yung kakayahan kong makinig sa kwento ng iba. Yung tila ba kahit ano pa yan, sinusubukan kong ilagay ang sarili ko sa sitwasyon nila para mas maintindihan ko ang nararamdaman nila. Mahilig akong makinig sa personal na kwento ng iba at hiling kong himayin ang bawat detalye hanggang sa makapunta sa puno't dulo o kahit malapit man lang sa simula. Tuwang tuwa din ako sa mga mata ko, dahil kahit malabo sila, kapag tinitignan ko ang mga litrato kong nakangiti, tila sila ang makakapagsabi kung masaya nga ba talaga ako nung mga panahon na yun o pilit lang. Iniisip ko pa kung ano o kung meron pa pero wala pa muna sa ngayon, ang hirap pang magsabi dahil hindi ko pa din alam. Hirap man akong mahalin ang sarili ko o tignan ang magagandang meron dito, kung meron man, pero sinusubukan ko at inuunti unti ko pa sa ngayon.

crossandhappiness (via crossandhappiness)

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(via cosmicwizdom)

there’s always this feeling of not living my life to the fullest. It’s always there, at parties, with friends, wherever I am, whatever I am doing, reminding me

Life is at its finest daw kung nakilala mo na si “THE ONE” pero paano kung sa mga oras na to hindi mo pa siya nakikilala or di naman kaya'y at doubt ka parin sa kanya, masasabi mo bang you’re still living at its best?

Bilang isang lalake sa mundong ginagalawan natin, a woman could either be a blessing or temptation to the life of a man. But seriously, as a Christian man, ano nga bang checklist ko when entering relationship?

Guys, you should read. It’s not that I’m getting you to follow it, but it is my opinion to the said matter. Maybe some would disagree to it and I am open for corrections. So here we go!

It’s not enough that she is a Christian

Lagot tayo diyan. Bakit ko sinabi? Minsan kasi Christianity was used only as a label. She should walk the talk. Hindi sapat yung nagpost lang siya sa Facebook account niya ng isang Bible verse, sapat na para mahalin mo siya. Imagine someone saying, “Nako pinost niya ang favorite Bible verse ko! Crush ko na to!” Pasok sa banga na may halong kilig pa. PATAY TAYO diyan. Maling mali, you should see it by lifestyle not by what she post. Look for a woman who serves the church and brings God’s glory. The one who can proudly say the Word to people and can stand to God when no one does. I assure you, she will be a great help to your Christian life when you’re at its lowest.

IF SHE’S A DISTRACTION, RUN!

“Run! Run for your life!” Sabi sa Bible, yoke yourself with fellow Christians (2 Corinthians 6:14). Why? Dahil sa kadahilanang it can make your Christian life deteriorate if you mend to the unbelievers. You should look for a woman,who can help you in your christian life. If she’s a distraction, cut it out. If you are being distracted by now, kamusta naman ang magiging buhay mo in the future if you’re not living in a Christian life anymore.

Paano kung nagbago siya and decided to follow Jesus? The answer is EASY. Maganda kung ang rason ng pagsunod ay si Jesus talaga and not because you are a christian, kasi if the latter part is the reason, what if hindi naging kayo? Surely there’s a great chance that the woman will turn her back to God because it is you she follows and not GOD.

A WOMAN WHOSE FIRST LOVE IS JESUS AND NOT YOU!

Ouchy! Ang sakit, so pangalawa lang ba talaga ako Kuya. Is that what you mean? Nako natumbok mo. Every matured Christians will agree to me that our first love will always be JESUS. Makikicompete ka pa ba kay Lord? Siyempre matic na yan na hindi. Both people should prioritize God in their relationship, because God created you a partner for HIM to be glorified even more. Diba nakaka insecure minsan yung thought na wala kang karelasyon. God put you in that situation para kapag binigay na niya si dreamgirl, you will put Him higher, pero sana kapag binigay na niya, huwag nyo Siyang kalimutan.

Spiritually Beautiful

Every men pray for a beautiful girl or thought that the people they will fall into relationship is the prettiest woman who steps on Earth. I never heard a man who prays “Lord, bigyan mo naman ako ng panget na mapapangasawa.” Shempre, bilang lalake, we are task to treat the woman whom we should fall into as the prettiest girl of all. Why do we need to do this? To bring out the best of her. Naks, lakas makakilig. Pero beyond that statement, we are already beautifully and fearfully made by God, including her , you, us. Every part of her is what God intended for her to have. Bat ka pa maghahanap ng wala sa kanya eh siya na nga ang God’s best eh. There will be no perfect woman according to what you imagine, but there will be a woman who could give her best not for you but to the Lord to satisfy the needs of this man she had prayed for.

“Wait lang, I’m not yet ready”

Patience, yes. A woman who values the “NO” for now not because he dont like the person but a no because this God’s best is not yet ready to enter relationship. Grabe, so when will she be ready? The answer is just in your tongue. You should ask her out, but before doing that you should ask guidance from God above to the decisions you will make. Wag kang padalos dalos, bilang lalake, we are used to decide fast not thinking the whole situation. Sometimes we should ask to delay the process. Being a man, it’s easy for us to court a woman (Yeah right! You got me, not all.) Love is not a one shot big shot, it is a decision for you to decide with the help of our God, Jesus. Ayaw mo nun? A relationship that God had created for both of you, would be one of the awesooooomest thing God will do to you.

Think of it, the Bible always describes love as patient. Patient in a sense that love knows when to enter and when not to.

“Proverbs 31 girl”

Wonderwoman ba kamo? Nako, you should be happy by now for they exist in the Bible. They are called the Proverbs 31 girl. A model for every woman. I was thrilled by the though that the person I will marry soon will show me what Proverbs 31 is. Haha, she acts with modesty and graceful in everything she does.But! Isang malaking PERO! They are really hard to find, they are even worth more than diamonds. This girl you’re going to marry soon will make your life upside down that brings more than kilig to your life and colors your total being. I can’t stop imagining what life would be if I marry the girl of my life with the good things God is doing in my life. Sabi nga, kung nahanap mo na siya, wag mo ng pakawalan pa.

Since I’m not yet married, and I don’t want to live a life being single forever, (Haha!) all I could do for now is to make myself best while waiting for God’s best. Sana ikaw din brother.