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i truly cannot imagine a time where i will not be in love with you i cannot imagine not being in love with you not loving you i know it sounds crazy maybe even a little pathetic definitely pretty sad but it’s true i know that in my heart of hearts despite the fact that i have cried over you (because of you) so fucking much my heart still weeps for you it calls out your name calls out for you hoping hoping hoping you’ll come back and i know that you may never come back but be that as it may i still love you i’m sorry i have tried not to i really, really have because god knows it would be so much less painful if i didn't because loving you now feels like a knife sent straight through my chest piercing my heart with your hand holding the blade and all i can do is watch helplessly as you twist and pull and make me bleed i guess felice and boudleaux weren’t kidding love hurts and even though you have hurt me over and over again i still wake up wanting you in every way imaginable because deep down in my soul i believe that i was made for loving you even if you were not made for loving me maybe there is a universe where you and i can be you and i again but if there is a universe where i am not irrecoverably in love with you then i don’t want to know about that universe at all

i still love you (cc, 2017)