i truly cannot imagine
a time where i
will not be
in love
with you
i cannot imagine not being in love with you
not loving you
i know it sounds crazy
maybe even a little pathetic
definitely pretty sad
but it’s true
i know that in my heart of hearts
despite the fact that i have cried over you
(because of you)
so fucking much
my heart still weeps for you
it calls out your name
calls out for you
hoping
hoping
hoping you’ll come back
and i know that you may never come back
but be that as it may
i still love you
i’m sorry
i have tried not to
i really, really have
because god knows it would be so much less painful if i didn't
because loving you now
feels like a knife sent straight through my chest
piercing my heart
with your hand holding the blade
and all i can do is watch helplessly
as you twist
and pull
and make me bleed
i guess felice and boudleaux weren’t kidding
love hurts
and even though you have hurt me
over
and
over
again
i still wake up wanting you
in every way imaginable
because deep down in my soul
i believe
that i was made
for loving you
even if you
were not made
for loving me
maybe there is a universe
where you and i
can be
you and i again
but if there is a universe
where i
am not
irrecoverably
in love
with you
then i don’t want to know about that universe at all
i still love you
(cc, 2017)