MY (SECRET)ARY (18+)

hi my sweet babies! hope you’re well, i couldn’t sleep (i woke up at 2am and now it’s nearly 8), i just wanted to write so here’s a lil sum before DTF ch3!! i hope you enjoy, J <333 

Warnings: smut (fingering, eating out), swearing, angst. 

Summary: you love her, but you can’t be her secret anymore. 

Words: 4k+ 

This fic is STRICTLY 18+, as it involves adult themes, minors DNI, you are responsible for your own social media intake, which includes reading entertainment which this fic falls under, so one last warning- this fic is 18+. Thank you!

~~

You imagined yourself at a whole bunch of places on a Friday night, clubbing, bar hopping, doing an assignment, but mostly, you imagined yourself laying in bed with your soft and fluffy blanket providing you comfort accompanied by sour gummy worms and whatever take out you craved that night. What you didn’t imagine, couldn’t even begin to imagine from the sheer insanity of your situation, was your tongue sliding down Jenna Ortega’s throat.

“I missed you.” Your girlfriend moaned in between kisses, and she did, with her busy work schedule and your constant load of college assignments, seeing her was a blessing these days. It wasn’t always like this though, a year ago, she would always have time for you and when she didn’t, she would make time for you, she promised that you were always going to be her number 1, no matter what. But a year ago, she wasn’t America’s number 1 IT girl with nearly 41 million followers on Instagram and a billion more views on each of her movies and TV shows, so as a result, you hold your breath to see if she kept that promise.

“Mhmhm, prove it.” You whisper seductively into her ear, knowing it would get her all worked up.

“Your wish is my command.” There was a slight mischief in her tone, you were sure your legs would have difficulty walking tomorrow.

The smaller girl moves to your neck and paints them with hickeys, making sure not to miss a spot, whilst slowly climbing on top of you and pushing you down. They was ironic, the hickeys, hickeys were a sign of being marked, that you belonged to somebody, and whilst you did belong to her, you love her with your entire being, there was doubt ruminating in your mind if she was yours, it wasn’t a cheating thing, or maybe it is, you don’t know anymore, how could you? You barely see her; it seems like you’re dating a myth. As much as you want it to be, your relationship isn’t public, in the beginning she was so excited to claim you as hers, you both wanted to wait a bit before telling the world, but just before it could happen, her new found fame got to her, so she wanted to wait some more. You understood though, and you were so happy for her, you were, and you still are her number one supporter. There was a beauty in her past her pulchritude, the same one you fell in love with, the same one the whole world fell in love with.

“Fuck, Jen, that feels so good.” Praising out as she reaches the inside of your thighs.

“Look at you, we’ve barely started yet your heat is radiating from your pussy and your slick is seeping through your panties. She snarks and she bites the side of your underwear pulling it down and taking it off with her bare teeth, the sight of her kneeling in front your bent knees whilst you laid down, your red panties hanging from her mouth like a predator waiting to eat their prey awakened some hunger in you, you tsk and took the garment from her mouth, tossing it to the floor.

Without hesitation, she dives down with her tongue and makes moves at your folds, moving her way to your clit, she could feel it pulsate as if it had a heartbeat of its own. “Jesus, y-yes, yes, keep going.” You moan.

Jenna giggles at your messes, “ououo close, but my name is Jenna.” She lets out, trying to be smart, you roll your eyes at her comment, but you can’t help the smile that forms on your face. As she continues, making every part of your pussy feel love, your moans grew, it wouldn’t be surprising if your neighbours filled a noise complaint after this. Jenna inserts two fingers into your vagina, making you buck down with a subconscious gasp leaving your mouth which only turned Jenna on even more, she knew your weak spots and she knew how to make you cum hard and fast. With every slither her fingers made, she licked alongside your folds and as she curled her fingers up, touching your g-spot, she would attack your clit, resulting in the loudest moans she had ever heard.

“That’s my good girl.” She mumbles into you.

“Jen, I-I-I.” Not being able to form a coherent sentence, she took that ability away from you every time you two had sex.

“You’re close? You want to cum? Is that what baby is trying to say?”

“Y-yes, OH GOD, yes.”

“Cum for me, y/n, cum for me, baby.”

You buckle down your hips once more, feeling a tightness in your stomach waiting to be released, you were so close, you were going to cum in a matter of seconds, “Fuck, Jenna, don’t stop, I’m close.” You somehow found a way to speak a full sentence. And with one more hook up to your g-spot and one more suck to your clit, your orgasm crashes hard. You lock your legs around your girl’s neck as she helped you ride it out, devouring all of your juices as you released it.

Once you both were done, she collapses next to you, both of you guys panting, “wow, maybe you did miss me.” You let out in between pants, making Jenna laugh, “told you, come one lets get you cleaned up and ready for bed.” She kisses you and guides you to the bathroom.

~~

As everyone starts their day, you were just waking up, the busy sounds of sonder from the city beneath your apartment slowly wakes you up, making you groan but the giggles from your wide-awake girlfriend fully woke you up, only making you groan more.

“Good morning, princess.” Jenna kisses your forehead.

“Good morning.” You mumble as your face was planted down onto your pillow. As you steady yourself up, reciprocating a forehead kiss, you admit “I’m surprise you’re still here.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Her eyebrow scrunches.

“Would’ve thought your actor friends would have whisked you away by now.”

“Y/n…”

“I’m just teasing, Jen,” although on the inside, you knew you meant it, you didn’t want to lie to her, but you didn’t want to risk losing this state of euphoria you guys are in, not knowing when the next time would be. “Let’s go for a walk today.” You offer up.

“I don’t know.” Jenna, sounding hesitant.

“Come on, it’s a beautiful day.” You plead.

A soft smile directs its way towards you, “okay.” Your heart warms, maybe you were starting to get her back.

As you leave your apartment lobby, you can’t help but giggle to yourself as you found yourself struggling to walk a bit, making your statement right last night. Jenna decided to dress herself in all black, down to her adidas, finding it just a bit ironic as it resembled one of Wednesday’s outfits. “Wow, a real-life Wednesday Addams.” You tease, making your eyes squint as you giggle, “oh shut up.” She exclaims, sarcastically. As the two of you take in the fresh in some more, you see a group of girls a head of you, their faces lighting up, which can only mean one thing, they noticed Jenna. “Hey, just a heads up, you have a group of teenage girls who are just about to run up to you.” You were used to this, you found it cute, you were also used to the paparazzi, luckily there wasn’t any around today, making your walk more enjoyable, there were times when the media speculated who you were to her, but everyone just brushed it off as you two weren’t doing anything a couple would do. As they bolt towards the two of you, you see a familiar face past one of their heads, making it out to be a friend from school.

Oh my God, you’re Jenna Ortega! They all squeal.

The one and only. She smiles at them. 

We are all big fans, we love your shows and movies so much, we were wondering if we could have your autograph and take pictures? We know there’s a few of us, so we understand if you can’t.

No, no, I’ll be more than happy to!

Thank you so much!!

As Jenna starts, one of the girls gathers up enough courage to say hi to you, which only drew the rest of the girls’ attention to you.

Hi! I’m so sorry, we forgot to ask your name!

Her little gesture warmed your heart.

It’s no problem! I’m y/n, I’m Jenna’s fr-.

But before you could finish the sentence, Jenna cuts you off, hearing some panic in her voice.

Secretary. Y/n is my secretary.

This claim broke your heart, she had no reason to be scared that you would out her and go public with your relationship, but the fact that she cut you off and claimed you were her secretary, and not even friend, you begin to think you were losing more of her by the second.

I’m Jenna’s secretary, you guys are so cute, I love your outfits!

Thank you! You’re really pretty by the way.

Thank you! Look, I’ll leave you guys to do this, I’m just going to head down the street and say hi to a friend.

It was nice meeting you! They all say in unison.

You guys too!

In the blink of an eye, you smile at them, ignoring Jenna, who to any ordinary person, she looked fine, happy even, but if you had looked, you would have seen the slight annoyance in her facial expressions.

As you leave them be, you see your friend still in the same spot, waiting for his coffee. “Is that Iverson I see?” Walking up to him with a huge smile, “Y/N!” He embraces you and after the whole secretary fiasco, this was exactly what you needed.

“Out getting coffee?” You try to make conversation, trying to distract yourself from the stabbing ache in your heart.

“Yeah! This isn’t my favourite spot, but the coffee is good at least.”

As Jenna finishes up her last autograph and photos, she sees the interaction and can’t control that pitiful feeling of jealousy aching her heart, funny enough, you two sharing that same pain but different causes. She didn’t know who this guy was, you never mentioned him, and seeing him hug you the way he did and seeing that childish gaze he directed at you like a child at an ice cream shop, jealousy was bound to make an appearance.

“Where’s your favourite then?”

“The coffee shop next to campus, their beans are so rich and aromatic! I have to take you there some time.”

You giggle at his expressions as he gets excited over coffee, “sure, I’ve been meaning to go there.”

All of a sudden, you feel a hand on your shoulder, making you jump as it caught you off guard, you whip your head around and see that it’s Jenna, done with her fan engagement. She wanted to do more than touch your shoulder, she wanted to wrap her arms around your waist, kiss you in front of him, in front of the world, she wanted him to know you were hers.

“OH! Jenna, this is Iverson, a friend from school, Iverson, this is Jenna, well, I’m sure you know who Jenna is.”

He laughs, “haha, yes I do, nice to meet you.” He puts out his hand, which Jenna accepts.

“Yeah, likewise.”

“Look, I need to get going, but you two have a good day and y/n, let me know about the coffee, yeah?”

“Yeah, of course! I’ll see you around.” You smile at him as he walks off, he wanted to give you another hug but the way Jenna was leering him down, he analysed it wasn’t safe to do so.

“What’s this about coffee?”

“Just asked me to go get coffee with him.”

“Mhmhm.”

“Jenna.” You spit out, you know this tone of hers, she was jealous, even though she had no reason to be jealous, she was, you found it funny at times though, but this wasn’t one of those times.

“What? I think he’s cute, the way he looks at you is even cuter.” She tried to be playful, but you could hear the spite in her voice.

“What way?”

“Like he wants you.” She shrugs.

“Are you seriously jealous right now?”

“That depends, does he know you have a girlfriend.”

“Do they know you have a girlfriend? Or am I still your secretary.”

“It was an accident, y/n, drop it.”

“Drop it?” You were shocked at her words; how could you drop it? First, she introduces you as a secretary, not even a friend, and next she’s all jealous over your friend. You sigh, not wanting to fight her. “Okay, fine, but I’m going back home, you don’t have to come with.”

“What happened to, it’s a beautiful day.” 

“Not anymore.” And with such haste, you head towards the direction you came from placing your headphones and blasting your music at full volume, not looking at your girlfriend once, but if you did you would have seen her get a call.

Back at your apartment, you had enough time to wallow in your sorrows, she left you alone for 30 minutes and then you heard the doors unlock, using the extra key you gave her, you wanted to apologize, though nothing was your fault, it was easier than fighting, and you didn’t want to lose her completely over such a little thing; she was already slipping away, you couldn’t afford to lose her anymore than you already have.

“Hey.” You glance at her with an apologetic smile.

“Hi.” Was all that she could give you, fair enough, maybe you deserved it, but you notice her packing her things, “where you headed to?”

“Wednesday cast wants to meet up and go over season 2.”

“Oh, okay, can we talk before you go?”

She groans, making you regret your feelings of being apologetic, “not now, y/n, I’ll be back later, we can talk then.”

That later never came.

~~

You decided to wait for her because going to bed angry was never your thing, and going to bed angry at her was something you promised yourself you would never do, but as your eyes started drooping, you called it quits and went to bed. When you woke, you half expected her to be laying in bed next to you, snoring softly as you admired her beauty, but a simple stretch of your arms confirmed you were wrong. Instead, you woke up to Jenna posting a picture of her and Emma being all cuddly, with the caption of her admiration. Some part of you was jealous, why couldn’t she easily post you like that, and she knew how all of this made you feel, but she dismissed it all the time, reassuring she’s all yours and that at the end of the day, she comes home to you, but she didn’t come home last night. Most of you felt betrayed, especially when you saw the thousands of people hyping them up and shipping them together, along with her castmates.

You try calling her but straight to voicemail, you couldn’t help but leave her about 10 voicemails about calling you back and left 100 more messages, and to no surprise, she leaves you on read. During the day, you try to occupy yourself by finishing up some school work but by 6pm, you had enough, making the decision to head over to Jenna’s house.

As you pull up, you notice the array of cars in her driveway, all the pieces coming to you now, the cast had gone back to Jenna’s and stayed the night, and this so called hang out is still going on, you contemplated driving away, but it was now or never. As you knock on the door, Emma opens the door, taking you by surprise.

“Uh, can I help you.” Emma looks at you, confused.

“Is Jenna home?”

“Yeah- who are you?” Emma has no idea who you are, you’re not surprised, with you being a secret.

“Y/n?” Jenna speaks from the back, stepping up to you as Emma falls back, “what are you doing here?”

“I wanted to talk.”

“Now isn’t the time, y/n.”

“I see that.”

“No, no, Jen, it’s fine.” A voice from the back shouts out, it hits that the laughter had died down so they could listen to the conversation you two were having.

“Is that, is that Gwendoline Christie?”

“Sure is.” She winks at you.

“Hi, I’m so sorry for interrupting.”

“No, it’s okay, honey, this seems important, we’ll leave you guys to talk.”

“Thank you.” You flash apologetic eyes at her.

“Hey, it’s no problem, and don’t you dare feel sorry about this either.”

You took a step to the side and let everyone walk past you, who were all nice enough to smile at you and say hi before they left. Once all the cars in the driveway had left, you followed Jenna inside.

“So, what is it?”

“We need to talk.”

“About?” Her obliviousness killed you, but you couldn’t lash out on her.

“Us. About everything.”

“What’s there to talk about?”

“Let me start off with the fact that no one knows who I am, not as a person, but as your girlfriend, seriously Jenna we’ve been together for more than a year and not even your closest friends know?” You spat out.

“I just like to keep that life private; I don’t see the problem.” She retaliates.

“It’s a problem when you act single, do you know what it feels like to have your girlfriend be the centre of everyone’s minds? And for her to come home angry and just leaves you in the middle of a fight? And then when she says she’s going to be back later, she doesn’t come back, doesn’t call, or even leaves a message.”

“I-.” You cut her off.

“OH, and let’s talk about the post, yeah call me jealous, but I have every right to be, you know how I feel about Emma, she seems great and the friendship you two have is so cute, but when thousands of people speculate you two dating, do you know how it makes me feel? Your ACTUAL girlfriend.”

“Y/n, this life is hard, and toxic, I didn’t want to submit you to that.”

“I understand it is, but from the very beginning, I made it clear that I would never leave your side, but now, it seems like you’re the one leaving mine.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means, it doesn’t feel like you’re my girlfriend anymore, I barely see you, you don’t text me back, HELL, JENNA, Friday night was our first date night in months.” Putting up air quotation marks when you said date. “If you can even call it that, it seems like we only see each other for sex, when YOU want to, I don’t know who is standing in front of me, but it certainly isn’t Jenna, my Jenna wouldn’t do this, you made promises you couldn’t keep. I don’t know who you are anymore, but you’re not the girl I fell in love with”

She was speechless, she didn’t know what to say, and the words that left her mouth after was definitely the wrong choice, “it doesn’t help that you’re so needy all the time, y/n, I just want to breathe, without you standing behind me with eagle eyes.” She saw the colour drain from your face; regret couldn’t set in faster. The argument got so heated, you two barely moved, the only thing that moved was your mouths.

“Needy?” You choked, adrenaline was pumping through you but now the levels were running low, so everything was hitting all at once, resulting in tears welling up.

“Y/n, no, wait, I didn’t mean that, I’m.”

Cutting her off once more, “you know what, you’re right, you don’t need me to do that, let me not be needy, let me be nothing to you.” Maybe you shouldn’t, but she wasn’t going to learn, she wasn’t going to change if you stay.”

“What?” She chokes up.

“I want to break up, Jenna, this clearly isn’t working, when you promised me, I would always be your number one, I believed you, but believing gets hard when you see a totally different thing.”

“Wait no, y/n, please, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that, I love you, we can talk this out. Please.” She begs, and it took every atom in you to reject it.

“I’m sorry, Jenna. Talking won’t do anything, I’ve tried it.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry too.” With that, you start walking to the front door, but before you could leave, one more message leaves your mouth, “you know, sometimes, I wish you hadn’t gotten the role.”

And with that, the room once filled with laughter was now filled with heartbreak, sorrows and tears.

~~

Two months later, you wish you could tell yourself that you’re doing fine, but this was a lie, yeah, you were having fun and you are so close to graduating, but a part of you was missing, Jenna was missing. During the first month, she would blow up your phone, leaving you thousands of calls and messages, sometimes she’d be drunk when she left them, but never did she once pull up to your apartment, you wouldn’t either if you were her. It took a lot to block her, but by the second month, you knew it wasn’t good for her to be so caught up like this, it was affecting her mentally, affecting you mentally, so blocking her was a sacrifice you had to make, despite there being a chance you two never talk or see each other again. Well, she to you anyway, as even though you two were over, everywhere you went, she was there, billboards, talk shows, photoshoots. Despite it all, you were still happy for her, you were still her number 1 supporter, even if it didn’t seem like it.

After pushing it back, you finally took Iverson’s coffee shop offer, so now, here you two are at the coffee shop by the campus, chatting it up, enjoying the coffee and the small bites. You were having fun and he was sweet and very patient with you, but he was able to read you like a book, and it didn’t help that a rerun of one of Jenna’s interviews was playing on the TV, he caught you staring, a soft smile painted on your lips, but mostly a smile filled with sorrows and regret.

“Jenna is your girlfriend, isn’t she?”

You snap back to reality and look at him, “was, Jenna was my girlfriend.”

“Right, I’m sorry, I don’t mean to pry.”

“Nah, you’re not at all, it’s okay, what gave it away?”

“Well, besides the fact I caught you mesmerised by her interview playing, when I ran into you that one time and met Jenna, she kinda kept staring at me in a way, like she was possessive of you.”

“OH MY GOD, I’m so sorry she did that, she’s not like that, I swear.” Well, you aren’t too sure what she’s like anymore.

“No, no, hahah, it’s okay, I found it cute, actually it helped, because I was about to ask you out on a date.” He confesses.

“OH.”

“You still love her?”

“Was that a statement or a question, Ives?” You sigh, “I do, but it’s no use.”

“Your love is worth more than anything, y/n, we’re good friends, right?”

“Yes sir.”

“And nothing would change that?”

Looking at him all sceptical, “ah, look, Iverson, you’re great and all but I don’t think I’m ready to get back to dating just yet.”

“Huh? OHHH, NO NO.” Physically waving his hands in front of your face, “I’m just saying, if I did something that you wouldn’t technically like, we would stay friends?” He awkwardly smiles.

You, now confused as ever, stares at him, “that depends, what did you do.”

And with such speed, not missing a single beat and all in one breathe, he confesses, “okaysojennareachedouttomeandwantedtoseeyoushestilllovesyousoIkindatoldherwewouldbeheretodayandnowshe’sbythedoorwaitingformetoleavesoshecanhaveyoualone.”

By some miracle you understood everything he said, and both your jaw and heart drops, taking a quick glance behind you to see Jenna looking out the door. “YOU WHAT?! ARE YOU CRAZY?!” You shout whisper, making sure she doesn’t hear you.

“I know, I know, I’m sorry, but she was very persistent, and she may be barely 5ft but she’s scary sometimes.”

“Oh, you poor man, weak, but poor, poor man, get out of here before I change my mind, I’ll deal with you later.”

“LOVE YOU.” He dashes away, making sure he wasn’t going to get caught in the cross fire. This was Jenna’s cue to come up to you, and you could feel her presence getting closer. Once she was in your gaze, she musters up the courage to speak one syllable.

“Hi.”

“Hi, Jenna.”

“How are you?” Small talk.

“Good, you?”

“Could be better.” She confesses.

“Heh, yeah, me too.”

“Y/n, can we talk?”

“Jenna.”

“You don’t have to say anything, just please, hear me out?” She pleads.

“Okay.”

She sits down and stares into your soul, you can’t help but melt, you missed her so much, more than you have ever, and now she’s looking into your eyes, lost, as if you can be the only one to find her.

“I just want to say how sorry I am, for everything, for being a shitty girlfriend, for lashing out, for never showing you off to the world, God, I was so insane for keeping you a secret, look at you, you’re perfect. You’re everything I want and more, anyone is lucky to have a y/n in their life, romantic or platonic. I would say I was scared, scared about everything, about losing you so I started pushing you away, but no excuse could justify the way I treated you. I’m sorry, I love you.” Your heart raced up, broke, and mended all at once, so many feelings rushed through you, thoughts were so loud in your mind, you didn’t know what to say.

“Jenna… I, I don’t know what to say.”

“Just one more chance? Please, the world means nothing to me if you aren’t by my side.”

“I don’t know, Jen.” By now, people in the coffee shop started to notice that Jenna Ortega was in their vicinity, so they started taking pictures of you two whilst listening to your conversation.

“You don’t love me anymore?”

“No, it’s not that, I do love you, and always will, no matter what, but I just don’t think I could subject myself to that again.”

“I promise I won’t ever hurt you again.”

“You make a lot of empty promises, you know.”

“I promise- oh, y/n this time I mean it, not that I didn’t mean it last time, it was stupid of me to have broken it.”

“So stupid.”

“So stupid,” she relays back.

“Okay,” you let out in a breath, “okay, just one more chance, but you have to communicate with me, you can’t push me away like that.”

“I promise.”

You laugh, “you and your promises, Ortega.”

“You and your beauty, l/n. You are my number one, forever and always.”

“You did all this in public? In a coffee shop?”

“You should have never been a secret.” And with that, she leans in and kisses you, taking your bottom lip as you take her top, you were so sure everyone had their phones out now, taking pictures for social media.

“I also want to say I’m sorry, especially for what I.”

“Don’t apologise for that, it was a wake up call, I deserved it.”

~~

As you two arrive home, you were stuck in the same place as you were two months ago, with your tongue sliding down your girlfriend’s throat. You want to keep going but your phone in your pocket is buzzing up a storm, “you should probably check that.” Jenna giggles.

“What did you do?” You playfully smack her shoulder.

“What I should have done ages ago.”

You whisk out your phone and check Instagram, where most of your notifications came from, you see your follower count has gone up by thousands, “Jenna.”

“Keep looking.” She giggles, as you check the main culprit, you find out it was her, whilst you were driving, she had taken a bunch of your photos and videos together and posted them, clearly showing that you were more than a friend, that you are all hers again, and she is all yours. The comments were so supportive, you were filled with joy, so many fans and so many celebs including the entire Wednesday cast, especially Gwendoline hyping you both up. As you further investigate, you now see the photos fans took at the coffee shop, making you laugh, a lot of them were of you and her kissing. “Go back to my post and read the caption.” And so, you did, as your eyes glance down, you let out a soft laugh as you read it.

Not my secretary <3.

~~ 

a/n: thank you for your love and support <3 whew something about me and the smut 2 angst 2 fluff plotline. also this is my first one shot!! notes have been lacking recently so i hope you guys enjoyed this :)🫣