Sam

Artist: ながべ

Zach Klein

not quite right

After watching a Ghibli movie: holy sh i t I’m so inspired I’m so MOTIVATED I’m gonna clean my entire house and write 300 novels, maybe even cook a meal for my family, or start my own business, or go on an adventure, or perhaps learn an instrument, or—

Some Like it Hot (1959)

I get a lot of questions from littles asking how they can take part in the lifestyle even though they have anxiety or past trauma that caused PTSD. While I know next to nothing about trauma, trauma therapy, and how to approach heavy triggers in BDSM, I can speak from experience with panic disorder.

While I can’t speak for all littles with anxiety disorders, aside from panic attacks I get extremely insecure and paranoid. I’m constantly worried about my behavior around people: Am I too hyper that I come off as annoying? Am I too friendly that I come off as being fake? Are those people laughing at me or are they laughing about something else and I just happen to be walking past? Am I a burden to Daddy with my mental illnesses? What if people are only friends with me because they pity me? What if I get an attack while giving Daddy a blow job and throw up on Him?

As you can see I would be a girl that some men or women would call, “high maintenance”. I need lots of reassurance, attention, and support. Not everyone can put up with mental illnesses, either because they have their own or because they lack the knowledge behind it and how to help. If you’re not willing to put up with your little’s “bad side” or mental health issues, you don’t deserve them at their best. Being in a D/s dynamic is not all fun and games 24/7, there’s a lot of responsibility.

As a Daddy or Mommy, your job is to care for you little in many different ways. When your little has an anxiety disorder or a history of trauma, more patience, understanding, and care is required. People have different coping methods for dealing with their anxiety and calming down. What may work for me may not work for others. You need to understand your little’s symptoms and work with them to see how to nip the attack in the bus or calm them down after the peak.

Dealing with your little’s anxiety in general:

A common idea for helping a loved one with anxiety is to simply be supportive. Remove your little from the situation or the trigger and tell them to take deep breaths (especially if hyperventilation occurs) and count slowly with each inhale. Talk to your little in a soothing and calming voice; avoid raising your voice as it may startle them more. Speak words of encouragement and positive messages such as, “Everything’s okay. You’re going to be okay and it will pass.”

Do not tell them, “You have nothing to worry about. Don’t think about it” While this is a sweet (yet generic) statement, if the little has panic disorder, we known that we have nothing to worry about yet the attacks still come randomly. Believe me, if I could choose not to think about it, I would’ve started doing that years ago. We don’t choose to worry or have attacks. This statement is almost as bad as telling a depressed person, “You have nothing to be sad about. People have it worse than you.” Everyone deals with stress differently.

Do not touch your little unless asked. I’ve heard this from friends who also deal with anxiety, hugging is a real hit or miss for calming attacks. Most of the time only a select amount of people can get away with hugging and a back rub without creating more of a sense of panic.

Never ever shame your little for having an attack or for asking for your help. It doesn’t matter how small the issue is, just don’t do it. You’re supposed to make them feel safe, not shame them and make them feel worse for having something they have little to no control over. After I have an attack I feel mortified and want to cry, the last thing I need is for someone I love to give me a hard time and magnify those feelings.

Anxiety and the lifestyle:

Communication with limits and safe words are going to be your best friend. Whether you’re into bondage, S/M, or D/s dynamic you and your partner need to have a safe word picked out. This is even more important with anxiety because that one word can stop an entire scene and bring on the needed (after) care. You can choose an overall word or have two: use one for something that’s pushing their limit, and the other to signify that something in the scene is setting off an attack.

Take note of your little’s body language and check in with them every so often, even if they haven’t used their safe word. For some littles, there’s some shame and embarrassment in using the safe word due to the fear of disappointing their Daddy or Mommy. Remind them that there’s nothing wrong with needing to pause or stop a scene.

With bondage it’s best to start of with small and simple ties. If your little is curious about bondage/shibari but has anxiety, work your way up until there is a level of comfort established. Start off with simple arm restraints and ask them how they feel. Have equipment near by such as a cutting utensil (especially for difficult ties) to undo them if your little begins to feel negatively restrained, frightened, or even uncomfortable.

It’s very important to have safety equipment near by and your handy-dandy aftercare kit. Always be prepared.

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(The little creature you see above is Zestydoesthings’ Anxiety Monster. I take no credit for the monster’s design. Please check out his Real Monsters series by clicking his name above.

Don’t be a jerk-butt, don’t remove the credit from this post.)

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more articles in the Library For Kinksters.

I spent three weeks in a mental hospital and what I discovered there I feel like should be put into words.

we are not who you think we are.

the boy with tourettes told the funniest jokes

the girl who raked her nails up and down her skin could create the most exquisite drawings

the girl who abused drugs had the wisest soul

the boy with schizophrenia had the biggest heart

the girl who tried to kill herself told the boy with insomnia stories to help lure him to sleep

the boy who wanted to kill himself had the deepest passion for cooking

the girl with slits and scars all over her body dried my tears and told me I was beautiful

the boy with anger issues gave the warmest hugs

the girl with bulimia told everyone every day that they looked beautiful in their bodies

the boy who was a compulsive liar told us that he wanted us all to get better, and that he was for once telling the truth

the girl who almost drank herself to death stood up for anyone that felt they were feeling bullied

the boy with social anxiety made sure nobody sat alone at meals

we are not who you think we are.

me @ myself: it’s okay :))) failing is okay :))) don’t hate yourself for it :)))) stupid piece of shit :))))))))

Source 

These dudes are fucking legit.  They don’t just show up one day in court, either, they actually make friends with the kids and let them know they have a support system and that there are people in the world who care about them and will always have their back.  And less important, but also cool, is that the few times a couple of them have come into my cafe, they’ve been super friendly and polite and when I told one of the guys that I noticed his Bikers Against Child Abuse patch and wanted him to know how awesome I thought he was because of it, he got kind of shy and blushed and said, “The kids are the awesome ones, we just let them know they’re allowed to be brave.”

The source is long, but so, so good. These men and women are available in 36 states, 24 hours a day to stand guard at home, in court, at school, even if the child has a nightmare. Many of them are survivors of childhood abuse as well, and know what it’s like to feel scared and alone.

Actual tears.. hnngh

Show me more of people like this, world. I give up on humans too easily.

where do i sign up for this,i want to be in this gang

This is fucking amazing. It may be out of character for me to say this but rock on

Bikers Against Child Abuse was founded in 1995 by a Native American child psychologist whose ride name is Chief, when he came across a young boy who had been subjected to extreme abuse and was too afraid to leave his house. He called the boy to reach out to him, but the only thing that seemed to interest the child was Chief’s bike. Soon, some 20 bikers went to the boy’s neighborhood and were able to draw him out of his house for the first time in weeks.

Chief’s thesis was that a child who has been abused by an adult can benefit psychologically from the presence of even more intimidating adults that they know are on their side. “When we tell a child they don’t have to be afraid, they believe us,” Arizona biker Pipes told azcentral.com. “When we tell them we will be there for them, they believe us.” ( Article)

More about BACA, from their site

My parents are a part of this organization and they are metal af

They go on runs to protect the child if they feel even the slightest threatened no matter where. If the child needs them to go on vacation with them, they do. Bikers come from across the nation to watch over and take shifts for these kids. And the best part is once you’re adopted into this family as a BACA kid, you’re always one. Even when you’re 40 and the perp gets released from jail, they’ll come meet with you and find your best options for avoiding the person and maintaining the life you’ve built for yourself. Once a BACA child, always a BACA child. In Florida, there’s 100% rate for identifying the perp based on the child’s testimony. Why? Because BACA stands with the child and supports the child so they feel comfortable enough to point out their attacker.

What’s better than a badass biker gang being on your side???

NATIVE AMERICAN CHILD PSYCHOLOGIST WHO IS A BIKER AND NAMED HIMSELF CHIEF HELL YES I’M HERE FOR THAT AND BIKERS BEING BAD ASS TO PROTECT KIDS. HELL YEAH.

it’s back! I will always reblog BACA

Damn good people.

I know they wouldn’t consider themselves such, but these people are freaking heroes and the world is a better place because of them. 

Hey folks, it talks about this in the article but its not mentioned in this post, BACA is a 501 © (3) charity that depends in part on donations to help pay for stuff like gas for their bikes. If you want to help, consider donating. 

@copperbadge You like posting about heroes, Sam. Seems like this would be up your alley.

I love these folks! I’ve reblogged them before but it’s wonderful to see the donation information has been added.